Point Blank
by Riza Winters
Summary: Just trying to make it through his last year of high school, Ichigo gets drawn into the crime world when a blue haired stranger turns up bleeding in his father's clinic. But there is more to Grimmjow Jaggerjaques than petty crime- and Ichigo gets drawn into a history violence and secrets. "M" for sex and violence, (later chapters in particular).
1. Chapter 1

Whirring sirens were drowned by excessively loud pop lyrics blasting into teenage eardrums at dangerously high decibels, but the flash of red light did manage to catch the attention of the student trudging down the sidewalk, hood up and book bag slung over one shoulder. He stopped and pulled out his ear buds when he saw the two cruisers and four police officers, one rolling yellow tape across the mouth of an alley. A crowd had formed, blocking his path and he considered dodging around the police cars pulled up on the curb in order to get by until he caught a few words.

"-pulled a gun in broad daylight."

"I saw it! There were four of them."

"It was the gangs."

"The youngest was shot."

"They'll probably never find the body..."

Gang warfare in Karakura. It wasn't unheard of, but it was rare. Tokyo centre was where you heard of these things happening, not out here in their relatively small city.

"Ichigo."

"Oh, hey Miziuro." He turned to his smaller companion, almost a head shorter, dark hair hung a bit longer than Ichigo's wild orange mess. "What happened?"

"Someone was shot. Sounds like it was gang related."

"That's not good."

"No, it isn't."

Mizuro looked to him. "You worried about your sisters?"  
>"I can't help it. This is a little too close to home, you know?"<p>

"Yeah, I agree. Come on, I'll walk you home." It was a joke, but neither laughed. They both felt better with company, though Ichigo waved off his friend when he was still several blocks from his house. He wasn't scared, but he wasn't stupid either. He kept his hood down and ears open—four of them, at least one armed and none arrested—that meant they were still out here somewhere.

He arrived home safe, he could see the worry in his father's eyes, the news report about the incident babbled on the television, but Isshin Kurosaki never addressed it, not in front of his twin daughters.

"You're home late, Ichigo, you missed dinner," was all he said.

"Yeah, sorry, I had to work on a project with Chad."

"Well there's leftovers in the fridge. Come on girls, time for bed." Though they were in secondary school, their father often seemed to forget this fact and treated them like they were preschoolers who needed to be told to brush their teeth. But neither Karin nor Yuzu would ever correct his behaviour, their father simply loved them enough for both parents.

Ichigo watched them go up the stairs, his father returned after a bit, while he was washing his dishes.

"That alley was on your route home. Did you see anything?"

"The police were there, a crowd, but that's all."

"I don't want you to wear that thing when you walk anymore." He nodded to Ichigo's ipod on the table.

"Dad, I'm alright."

"Please, Ichigo."

"Fine."

"It's just...you never know."

"What happened to Mom was just an accident, it won't happen to me, or the girls."

"Ichigo." He watched him hard, "just do what I say."

"I will."

"Good. Now you should get to bed too, it's late."

"I still have math homework."

"Alright, well I'll see you in the morning." He stomped heavily upstairs, thoughts on the past, and Ichigo heard the familiar creak in overtaxed floorboards outside his sisters' room. It was several minutes later before he heard his dad head the rest of the way down the hall to his bedroom.

Ichigo glanced to the mural of his mother on the wall. "He's paranoid," he whispered to her with an exasperated sigh, then dug out his school books and got to work.

* * *

><p>Brown eyes shot awake when his head slipped from his hand and dropped forward sharply. Ichigo groaned with fatigue and looked up to the clock above the stove. One A.M. He shut his books. So what if he got yelled at by his teacher tomorrow, he needed sleep.<p>

But he'd barely stood before he heard the crack of glass, muted through the wall, but clearly in the building. His father's clinic was attached to their house and now that his attention was caught, he listened closely for further signs.

A thud.

Someone had broken into the clinic.

He looked from the phone to the stairs. He should call the police right now. But a question stayed him: had his father locked the door that joined his house to the clinic? If not, the intruder could come in here next.

He looked to the knife in the drying rack. He would make sure the door was locked before calling the police.

He took up his weapon and moved silently out of the kitchen and down the short steps to the clinic. He immediately cursed his father in his mind, seeing the door not only unlocked but slightly open. It took everything he had to calm his breath and move forward. There was no doubt someone was inside, he heard cupboards banging open and a running tap.

_Just shut the door and lock it._

_Just shut the door and lock it._

He repeated in his mind, but as he neared it, he caught a glimpse of the figure inside and froze, daring to watch through the narrow crack in the door.

He was leaned on a counter, letting water run over a cloth. When he pulled it out again, he let out a soft groan of pain and tried to stand up. He didn't make it all the way, but was able to lean back against the counter and peel back his coat. A sharp breath escaped him when he saw what lie underneath, but he continued despite the shock and pain and drew up his shirt as well before daubing at the wound.

"Shit." The word escaped him as he cleared blood and found the wound underneath. Ichigo watched him lower his hand to grip the counter again, then he turned and half fell over the sink as he vomited.

Now was the perfect time to shut the door and run to tell his father what was happening, but he was struck by the desperate pain-filled noises escaping the young stranger and found himself unable to move. He watched him retch and gasp in utter agony as pressure was put on the wound in his abdomen, then his grip against the counter top failed him, his knees gave and Ichigo lost sight of him when he fell, now blocked by another table.

Ichigo pushed through the door and into the clinic before he had time to consider his actions. He'd been so caught up in the moment, in the distress of the young man, that he'd forgotten the danger. But it was too late now, he'd made too much noise coming in and he'd been found out.

He still couldn't see the stranger, but he could hear him moving in reaction to his arrival. He shut the door behind him, not wanting to leave it as an invitation, but fairly confident now this man would not be able to get into his house in his state.

Very slowly, he came around the metal table his dad used to arrange all his instruments for a surgery. There was a large dark smear of blood, but the man wasn't there. He stopped, considering what he should do. He still had the knife in hand, and he had come this far, so he moved to the sink and shut the tap off.

At once he heard the strained breaths that had been masked by the running water. Moving just a bit farther he found him. He'd managed to drag himself around to the other end of the table but there he remained, leaned back against it, hands over the wound in his side and chest heaving.

"Shit," was all Ichigo managed to say when he perceived the large stain of blood that coloured his white tshirt and now continued to dampen his hands.

"Stay back," the man warned, though he had no weapon Ichigo could see and didn't even look like he could move again.

"It was you who got shot in the alley a few hours ago."

"I said stay back."

But Ichigo squatted to regard the man at eye level. Only moonlight streamed in the windows to provide them some light, but he could still make out the tint of blue in his hair, a strong jaw line and stunningly blue eyes. He was also taken aback by youthful features. He was older than Ichigo, but by no more than a few years, early twenties at most. He wouldn't make it much longer, however, if he didn't get help.

"Who are you?"

"Get away from me," he tried to sound threatening despite the tremors of pain in his voice, and his eyes fell to the long blade in Ichigo's hands.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He made to put the knife down but then thought better of it and slid it far away from them both across the floor back toward his house so if this man did turn out dangerous it wouldn't be in his reach. "You're going to bleed out."

"Just leave me alone, I'll go as soon as I patch myself up."

"You didn't seem to be doing a very good job of that before." Ichigo reached for his blood covered hands. "Let me see."

"I said screw off." But in his attempt to push Ichigo back he revealed the oozing wound to the teen.

"Oh shit." Ichigo stood. "I'm calling an ambulance." His ankle was caught before he could move.

"No!"  
>"You're dying!"<br>"I'll be fine."

"You broke in here."

"I swear I'll leave when I stitch this up."  
>"There's no way you can. I at least have to get my father, he's a doctor."<p>

"He'll call the police."

"You're a gang member. Of course he will, but at least you'll live."

"No I won't." He swallowed hard, the pain was winning out and his grip on Ichigo slackened. "Because they'll kill me."

"The police?"

"No...the others..." his hand hit the tile, it seemed all he could do to keep his eyes open. Ichigo lowered himself again and stared the man dead on.

"What's you're name?"

Blue eyes narrowed, but blood loss or desperation must have loosened his tongue because he answered.

"Grimmjow. Grimmjow Jaggerjaques."

And he fainted.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Well, I hesitated on this one for a very long time due to very adult material that will occur later on in the story. I am still uncomfortable with sex scenes, but at the same time I keep writing them because my fics are mature and so mature content naturally arises. Anyway, this is an AU, I understand not everyone is interested in that, but I rather like this story so I hope a few of you will stick with it.<em>**

**_Thanks,_**

**_Riza._**


	2. Chapter 2

An orange haze glinted off sterilized metal but was muted by the ghost of a fog that had developed as the cool October air streamed into the clinic from the open window. Ichigo returned the last instrument to its place and ran the cloth over the counter one last time to make sure he'd cleaned up every speck of blood.

"Hell." The voice made him turn. He dropped the cloth and came to his side on the metal table. Grimmjow was still swallowing back the cottony feeling in his mouth. His eyes struggled to focus but eventually found the face above him and settled there for several long seconds before he spoke again.

"You...what's going on?"

"I sewed you up." Ichigo turned to the fresh stitches just above the man's hip. "Front and back. The bullet when straight through."

"You...how?"

"You broke in here, remember? Did you notice it was attached to a house? I'm the son of the doctor who owns this clinic. But I'm not a doctor, and I don't know if there was any other damage. I thought you were going to die."

"Shit." He did his best to sit, getting first to his elbows and looking down his naked torso. Fresh bruises painted his muscular body. Ichigo had seen several dark spots on his back as well and a black eye marred the young man's otherwise handsome features. He inspected the stitches for a moment before pushing himself up all the way.

"Careful," Ichigo warned him when he swung his legs over the table.

"Damn." He stopped voluntarily when the room spun and his head became light on his shoulders. The only thing that kept him from falling off the table was the teen's hands bracing him.

"You lost way too much blood. You need to go to the hospital."

"No..." When the room calmed, Grimmjow brought his head back up to face Ichigo. "Why did you do this?"

Ichigo didn't answer right away. He'd been asking himself that same question the whole night: when he'd patched him up with his mediocre skills; when he'd started cleaning up the evidence; when he'd had plenty of time to leave and call the police but didn't. "You said you would be killed if you were caught by the police."

"So you sewed me up yourself?"

Ichigo nodded.

"Then I owe you one, kid." He slid off the table, legs barely holding up and Ichigo caught his arm when he stumbled.

"You shouldn't be moving."

"I need to, and I'm betting you don't want to get caught any more than I do." His sharp eyes had caught Ichigo's thorough clean up job. It was true, Ichigo had worried all night about what would happen if Grimmjow didn't wake and Isshin came down to discover what had transpired.

"Where are my clothes?"

Ichigo grabbed his jacket but he'd had to cut away his shirt and it was now shoved deep with other garbage. He helped him struggle into blood caked leather.

"People will notice."

"No people around yet," Grimmjow grunted as they made their way to the clinic door. Ichigo slid the lock back to let him out. "I take it you won't be talking about this."

"As long as you do me the same favour," Ichigo returned.

"Glad we have an understanding." He limped out, still looking like he might collapse any second, but he paused to look back at the teen. "And, kid."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

He stepped out onto the sidewalk and Ichigo watched him move onto a side path and disappear in the trees. Heart pounding, he shut the clinic again and hurried back up the stairs into the house and to his bedroom before anyone could notice he'd never made it there last night.

* * *

><p>That night haunted Ichigo for weeks. He watched the news obsessively the next few days, expecting to see news of a body found dead, amateur stitches the main evidence in the case. Or that the broken window in their clinic was linked back the incident in the alley on the same day.<p>

But neither happened. As far as he knew, the blue haired stranger had survived and made it back to wherever he'd come from. Or, he had been found by the gang members and no one would ever find a body.

Ichigo chose to believe the first option, but the night still never left him. He was changed. He'd done something so reckless, so stupid, and yet he had saved a life, he had done something incredible. And he couldn't breathe a word of it. As hard as he tried to study at school or work at home, he could not leave that night behind, and he could not stop thinking about Grimmjow Jaggerjaques.

Even if his closest friends knew something had changed in him, they didn't know why, and eventually, no one noticed any more. Exams came up, Ichigo spent hours a day cooped up in his room studying for the most important tests of his life: these would determine his eligibility for universities. Everyone stressed. They took evening courses in preparation. Even with the growing violence in their town, all the students made the trek through the streets at night to get to the school or maybe to a private tutor.

There was a stabbing. It was supposedly unrelated to the gangs, but everyone was still worried that intercity warfare had spread to their town.

Exams concluded. The city quieted as all its senior students heaved a collective sigh of relief and seemed intent on sleeping for a week. But not Ichigo. Sleep was less comforting now, he found himself listening to the night, as if he expected Grimmjow to return, or more activity to take place in the clinic. So when Keigo texted him at quarter to midnight asking if he wanted to play the latest video game, he agreed, rolled out of bed and crept out of the house without a sound so his father wouldn't question where he was going.

He never made it to Keigo's. Ichigo was on his way to the apartment complex where Keigo and his sister lived, but stopped short before a street corner. The building on the corner was an apartment complex with a pub at street level with wide glass windows. Ichigo had sworn he'd seen a glimpse of blue hair enter and he stood now, squinting through smoke hazed glass.

There. At the bar, hand up to order a drink, his hair the same wild mess it had been the night he'd collapsed on the clinic floor.

Ichigo went inside.

He stood just inside the door, not really sure what he was aiming to do. They'd promised to keep each other's secret, would approaching him in public put that at risk? It wasn't like anyone suspected anything, and Ichigo knew no one here, mostly because he was underage.

"What are you after, smallfry?" A burly man turned to him, undeserved menace in his face. Ichigo held his ground but was lost for words.

"It's you." A second voice cut in and the big man stepped back when Grimmjow eased him aside.

"Yeah..." Ichigo's uncertainty was written in his face. Grimmjow knew at once he'd come here innocently, not knowing what he was after, so he smiled.

"I owe you a drink."

Ichigo allowed himself to be lead to the bar and no one seemed to question his age when Grimmjow ordered up a second beer. They took them to a booth along the bricked wall and sat in more relative privacy.

"What's up, kid? Not changing your mind about our arrangement?"

"No," Ichigo said quickly. "I guess, I just saw you and I followed you in."

Grimmjow took a drink. "So you ain't after anything?"

"Like what?"

"Dunno. Money or something."

"No."

"Well you should be kid, geeze, you don't know how to play your hand at all."

"I'm not trying to play anything. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"You were worried about me? How sweet," he mocked. Ichigo blushed and clenched his jaw.

"Screw you, I could have let you-"

"Shut up, alright. I was joking." Grimmjow cut him off from saying anything incriminating. Ichigo only blushed deeper at his near screw up and took a drink of his beer. He'd had beer before, at Keigo's, but it seemed to hit him hard this time. He didn't mind, he could use the edge of confidence it brought.

"I'm alright, by the way. Felt like shit for a while, but as you can see, I'm good as new."

It had been roughly six weeks, and Grimmjow did look a far sight better than when Ichigo had met him bleeding to death on the floor.

"That's good." Ichigo took another drink, feeling the awkwardness growing.

"Listen kid, I appreciate what you did and I don't forget my debts, so here," he reached for his back pocket and pulled out a wad of cash.

"No," Ichigo refused. "That's not why I did it."

"Doesn't matter. Take it."

"I can't."

"You can."

"No I really can't. How would I explain it? I don't even have time for a job, there's no way I could explain coming into this kind of cash. It would cause me more trouble than it's worth."

Grimmjow watched him carefully but took the money back. "Fine, then I'll hold onto it for you until you need it."

"I don't want it."

"You might, some day. Come find me when you do."

He threw back the rest of his beer and Ichigo took that as his cue to do the same and leave. Grimmjow followed him to the door but did not join him in the street. Ichigo had a good guess Grimmjow lived in one of the above apartments.

He stood alone on the street corner, feeling the tingle of the beer in his head and limbs. He let out a long breath, considering his next move. He didn't feel like going home, but he also didn't want to see Keigo now.

"Hey smallfry, what you doing out here all by yourself?" He turned to find the giant of a man who had addressed him earlier sidling out of the pub. It was clear he had knocked back more than one beer since Ichigo's arrival and he leered at him now with a look Ichigo had never before been the butt of. "You're a pretty little thing, aren't you?"

Repulsed, he pulled his hands out of his pocket and took a step back from the man. He was good enough in a fight, but he really didn't want to put his less than sober skills to the test against this giant.

"Come here." The man made to grab him by the shirt collar but Ichigo moved back faster. What he didn't manage to avoid was the wild strike the man threw with his other hand, catching Ichigo in the left cheek. The force was greater than anything someone his own age could deliver and Ichigo hit the ground, tasting blood.

"Asshole." Anger burned in him and he launched himself up again but his shoulder was caught in a vice grip and the hand drew back to strike him again.

"Dick!"

The man lurched when his knee gave out as he was struck from behind. He crashed to earth but got no reprieve as Grimmjow's fist ploughed into the side of his head. The man dragged Ichigo with him as he fell. Ichigo once again picked himself up off the ground, ready to fight, but it was over now. Grimmjow struck until the blood flowed free down the man's face and he panted and gasped on the asphalt. Grimmjow stepped back but served a warning kick into the man's sizable gut.

"You do not mess with him." His voice dripped with anger and for a moment Ichigo didn't know which man frightened him most: his attacker or his rescuer. But Grimmjow straightened, still panting from the effort and drew his eyes up to Ichigo. "Shit, your bleeding."

"What?" Ichigo raised his hand to where he'd been struck. His cheek burned red hot but he hadn't noticed the drip of blood coming from his lips until he tasted it now. "Crap."

"Come here." Grimmjow didn't wait for him to respond, he grabbed Ichigo's coat sleeve and hauled him back inside.

They avoided the bar and took a side door, stomping up to the second level. There were only a few doors. Grimmjow threw his door open and pulled Ichigo inside. The noise of the bar streamed up from the floorboards as well as the whiff of smoke and alcohol. Ichigo tripped on clothes that had been discarded on the floor and noted a general state of disarray all around the apartment but Grimmjow didn't slow down until they were in a small bathroom.

Some tiles were broken, the light bulb above them was bare and there was hardly enough room for them to both stand between toilet and sink.

"Here." Grimmjow handed him a sterile wipe from the medicine cabinet and then looked him up and down. "Where else did he hit you?"

"Nowhere."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay good." He pulled him back into the living room and instructed him to sit in a chair at what Ichigo took for the kitchen table, though it was half buried under magazines and crusted dishes. Grimmjow continued into the kitchen and pulled a bag of peas from the freezer.

"Put that on it." He handed the bag to Ichigo and he did as instructed. "You'll probably still have a good bruise there in the morning."

"Damn. How am I supposed to explain that? I snuck out of the house."

This brought a twitch of a smile to the Grimmjow, as if the thought somehow amused him, but he suppressed it and did his best to sympathize with the teen.

"I don't suggest saying you were with me."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Any chance you can pass it off as happening at school?"

"No, we had exams, there was no chance for fights."

"Well then you're boned kid, unless you want to say you walked into the door."

That actually sounded like his best option but he didn't say this. Instead his eyes dropped to rapidly swelling knuckles.

"Shit, you should ice those." Grimmjow glanced down at his hands as if only now noticing, though that was impossible as they must have hurt like hell. He obviously hadn't wanted Ichigo to notice but now that the cat was out of the bag, he rose again to get another bag of frozen vegetables before sitting back down.

"Did you break them?"

"I'll be fine."

"I can reset them."

"I can take care of it."

Ichigo sighed and dropped the bag of peas. "Here."

He held out his hand and waited. Grimmjow made a noise but slid his right hand across the table. His left was bruised but not as bad as this. Ichigo quickly noted his middle finger was disjointed, not broken, but out of place.

"Here we go." He yanked back on the finger with no other warning and Grimmjow slammed his boot into the floor boards as the pain struck. He bit back the scream however and just let out a thick breath.

"Shit." But he inspected the digit. "Thanks, kid."

"I should be thanking you. Only reason their messed up is 'cause I couldn't handle my own fight."

"That's guy's a dick, he had it coming. He's always giving me the eye at the bar, fucking disgusting."

"Grimmjow."

"Yeah?"

"Are you a member of the gangs?"

"I thought that was obvious."

"It was, until I came here."

Grimmjow gave a half chuckle. "Yeah, not exactly paradise is it? If I was in a gang, I'd be better off, that's what you're thinking right?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting."

"Well?"

"Well nothing, kid. I owe you, but I ain't talking to you about this shit. Now then," he reached for his wallet again.

"I said I wasn't taking your money."

"Easy kid." He slid a bill over the table, "for the cab you're gonna to take home." He stood.

"Oh." Ichigo took it and stood as well, following Grimmjow to the door.

"In future, don't hang out on street corners in front of seedy pubs."

"Got it." The door shut at his back before he could say thanks again.

He sighed, face tightening as the swelling gained ground. "Shit."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Glad to see some interest in this one! Thanks for your reviews! <strong>_

_**Riza**_


	3. Chapter 3

"You walked into a door?"

"I was barely awake. I just needed to take a piss."

"How did your face hit first? I mean, wouldn't it be your hand?"

"Shut up, Keigo."

"Is that why you blew me off last night? You could have at least texted me."

"Just leave it alone, Keigo." Ichigo gave his friend one of those looks that effectively shut down the conversation and they entered class.

Fortunately, all the questions about his split lip and bruised cheek were answered in the morning mill-about in the courtyard before the bell sounded. Ichigo did his best to listen to the teacher as she gave a rundown of their new course work for the semester. His agenda was already full following the first period—he didn't relish finding out what other work might be headed his way the rest of the day.

He already had three assignments due by the end of the week, several more throughout the month. The weeks rattled on in a haze of work. His bruise faded and he almost forgot about the blue haired man above the pub, though he saw Grimmjow, from time to time, having a smoke just outside the pub doors. The pub was one block out of his way, but at some point, without even realizing it, Ichigo had added that street corner into his route home.

They never spoke. Grimmjow didn't exactly blank him, he would just sort of give a nod that said he did not want any further engagement than that. Ichigo got the impression it was best they have no more to do with one another. He knew that was the case for himself especially, and he was sure the criminal had no desire to be seen hanging out with a high school student.

Still, he walked by every day. And every night he still thought about him bleeding out in the clinic, or throwing him that bag of peas to ice his face.

They didn't speak again until January, when white powder coated the sidewalk and everyone bustled along in heavy winter coats. It was dark, it was late, and there weren't many people around. Ichigo had his backpack lazily over one shoulder. He was returning from basketball practice, still steaming and energized. So when he felt the pair come up on him from behind, he turned with more enthusiasm for the encounter than they expected.

"Yo, orange." He recognized the two teens from a basketball game last week. He'd scored on them multiple times.

"What?"

"We're playing your team again next week."

"Yeah, we are, aren't we?"

"Why don't you wipe that smug smile off your face? We're gonna beat Karakura High no problem."

"Oh, like you did last time?" He knew very well he shouldn't be provoking them. But he did it anyway. He was tired of people thinking they could tramp all over him.

"You know what, Lin?" One turned to the other, "I think it would best if our friend here wasn't in the game."

"Yeah, I think you're right, Gino. Maybe a couple broken fingers? Maybe even a wrist."

"Just what I was thinking."

"Go ahead and give it a try." Ichigo dropped his bag and threw up his knee just as the first lunged on him. The guy gagged at the combined force of his momentum and Ichigo's driving kneecap. Spit flew from his mouth and he dropped to hands and knees in dirty snow. Ichigo ducked the next swing from his companion and came up with a hook straight to the gut. This one also doubled over and staggered next to his friend.

"We done?" Ichigo picked up his bag but it was caught by the one named Lin. "Let go."

"Asshole," Lin spat. Ichigo gave another tug but didn't free his bag.

"He said, let go." The icy voice dripped from the shadows. Ichigo stiffened, wondering how long Grimmjow had been watching them. He eased himself off the brick wall now and regarded the pair with a look that said they were nothing more than dirt.

"Who the Hell are-"  
>Grimmjow moved into the teen, his hand going low and gripping tight on one very sensitive part of the human body.<p>

"Shit!" The student's voice shot high.

"Shit is right. Now if you wanna keep what you got, you'll back the fuck off and never show your face in these parts again."

The kid looked near fainting by the time Grimmjow released him. He staggered back into his friend who grabbed him by the shoulders and propelled him away down the street. Grimmjow laughed loud at their cowardice but when he turned back to Ichigo he was met with a glare.

"What?"

"Why the Hell did you interfere? You made me look like a pussy."

"Geeze kid, I thought I was doing you a favour."

"Fuck off." Ichigo spun and left him stunned before the pub.

Grimmjow watched him go, shoulders hunched, hands shoved in pockets. He narrowed his eyes. "Tch, asshole."

* * *

><p>Ichigo hovered in the hallway outside room number six. It was the evening of the following day. He had stopped outside the pub for a long time, hoping to catch sight of Grimmjow, but he hadn't, so he'd come up here to see if he was home.<p>

He felt bad about his outburst yesterday. He wasn't sure if it was the stress of all his work or just the adrenaline after practice but he'd lost it for pretty much no reason. Yes, he was mad Grimmjow had interfered, but he shouldn't have said anything, the other had only tried to help him out.

He knocked.

"What?" The look that came at him through the crack in the door was nothing short of stone cold.

"I uh..." Ichigo should have expected such harsh treatment but it still threw him. "About yesterday, I'm sorry."

"I don't really give a shit, kid. Later."

Ichigo winced when the door struck his toe but he kept it wedged where he had impulsively stuck it.

"I still think I could have handled it," he continued, "but I shouldn't have flipped at you."

"Get your foot out of my door."

"Grimm- Do I smell burning?"

"Shit." Grimmjow abandoned his attempt to shut Ichigo out in order to race back into the kitchen where something was now smoking in the oven. Ichigo took the opportunity to step inside, though the hail of curses made him reconsider the move.

"Dammit." Grimmjow dropped a smouldering bake pan on the top of the burners and waved the oven mitt through the air in an attempt to clear the smoke. Ichigo moved over to a window and let in fresher air before the fire alarm went off—assuming this place even had one. But the motion brought Grimmjow's attention back over to him.

"Who the Hell invited you in?"

"Sorry, I just...uhg, never mind. All I wanted to do was apologize, I don't even know why I bothered."

"Neither do I, now I've got charred chicken for dinner, friggin' fantastic."

"Sorry."

"Just get out." He dropped the mitt and came around the counter toward Ichigo, shooing him toward the open door. "Before you do more damage."

"Fine." Grimmjow followed him to the threshold. Ichigo stepped into the hall but turned back to the blue haired man. "Just...for what it's worth, thanks for stepping in, _even_ if I didn't need your help."

He never got a chance to see Grimmjow's reaction to his words. For a moment, he thought he was considering them deeply, but then he realized azure eyes were focused over his shoulder instead and suddenly a hand was dragging him back in, the door clanking shut at his back.

"Grimmjow, what-"

"In here." Grimmjow shoved him to the closet. Ichigo glimpsed the messy interior and started to protest but he was firmly stuffed inside before the door slammed shut.

"Grimmjow!" he called, but his voice was echoed by others much stronger, coming from the hall. There was a loud bang and he knew someone had struck the apartment door with a foot or something more solid.

Ichigo pressed tight to the closet door. This building was old, and the door had warped in its frame, giving him a sizeable gap through which to peer. Grimmjow must have known this because he looked straight at him through the crack and hissed in a whisper,

"Do not make a sound. And whatever you do, do not interfere."

Then he turned to the apartment door and Ichigo lost sight of him for a second.

"JAGGERJAQUES!"

The door opened and a pounding fist hit nothing but air. One person stumbled into sight. Ichigo heard a second shove Grimmjow and all three came into view. The second man kicked the door shut behind him, but Ichigo wasn't watching him. His eyes were fixed on the first man, who held not a revolver, but a full shotgun between his hands. And it was currently pointed right at the side of Grimmjow's head.

"The Hell do you two want?" Grimmjow asked as if he wasn't inches away from having his brains become part of the decor of his apartment.

"You owe us big time."

"I don't owe you shit."

"You undercut us, stole a key client, now you're gonna make up for our losses."

"Oh am I? Take a look around you, boys, does it look like I've got that kind of money?"

"Oh save it. Now get the cash or we start tearing things apart."

"I'll give you another option." Grimmjow turned, the muzzle of the gun raking through his hair until it was against his forehead. "Walk now and I'll let you go uninjured."

The gunman's eye's narrowed, and Ichigo saw the second man's hand hover at his waist- he no doubt also had a gun. "You're one hot piece of shit, you know?"

"Yeah, actually," and everything in Grimmjow seemed to tense, muscles coil, like a predator about to eat its prey, "I do."

It happened so fast Ichigo wasn't even sure he had seen it at all. Grimmjow's left came up nearly too fast to see, swatting the barrel away from his skull. Simultaneously, his right came up to dislodge the gun from its owner. In a mere second, Grimmjow had it free and spun from one man to the next, holding the shot gun by its barrel and swinging like a baseball batter, striking the second man in the side of the head with the solid wooden butt of the riffle. When he completed his 360, he was facing his original opponent.

The disarmed man made a wild lunge, Grimmjow sidestepped and threw his knee into the man's gut, using his own momentum against him. He spun him into his partner and before either could right themselves, flipped the gun around and trained it on them. The whole ordeal had taken less than ten or fifteen seconds, and Grimmjow stood calm and poised as he stared down at them.

"Now, if you're done, kindly get the Fuck out of my apartment, and we'll call it a night."

"Shit." The one who'd been struck in the side of the head was half limp, and his partner had to drag him up. Grimmjow kept the gun on them the whole time. "Motherfucker."

"Night boys." Grimmjow walked them into the hall. A moment later Ichigo heard the door shut and several locks click into place. Before giving Ichigo the okay to leave his cover, Grimmjow went to the window that Ichigo had opened earlier and watched for the pair to reach the street.

Ichigo deemed it safe and stepped out of the closet. He caught Grimmjow watching a car, and guessed he was taking note of the vehicle.

"How did you do that?"

Grimmjwo turned sharply, as if he had forgotten the teen. Then he relaxed a bit and shut the window, the air plenty cleared by now. "They were morons." He evaded, moving to the fridge where he pulled out a beer. He cracked it and Ichigo watched him down the whole can in one go. He gave a sigh, then a belch, then cracked another.

"No, I mean, you moved so fast, it was insane. It was like something out of a movie."

"Tch, you're a dork, kid."

"You can keep avoiding the truth or you could just tell me."

"Or you could just get out of my fucking apartment."

"Yeah." But Ichigo hesitated. "Or you could give me a beer."

Blue eyes watched him, appraising, then turned back to the window. "You can't go yet anyway, they might have just done a loop and come back to case the place." He got another can which he tossed to Ichigo. "Pain in my ass."

"So."

They sat on the couch that faced a twenty inch which straddled two stacks of books.

"So what?"

"Do you have special training?"

"Hmm. Yeah, I guess I do."

"Military?"

"Better."

"What?"

"None of your damn business."

"Okay fine. Tell me this then, are you in a gang?"

"Do I look like I'm in a gang?"

"Well...no but-"

"Exactly. I work for me kid, and no one else."

"But what do you do?"

"Nothing you need to know about."

"That night you were shot, was it people like them?"

"Yup. Pretty similar circumstances actually. But that's all you need to know."

He rose, having finished another beer, but instead of returning to the fridge, he picked up the rifle and went to a pair of scuffed floor boards. He stomped down on the end of them and they popped up, revealing about a foot gap between his floorboards and the ceiling rafters of the pub below. In this space, he deposited the weapon and stamped the boards back into place.

Ichigo wondered what else he might be hiding in there.

Grimmjow then moved back to the window. "Hmm, looks clear. But you never know," he reached for his wallet as he had last time and pulled out a bill. "Take a cab."

Ichigo sighed, putting his half empty beer on the table. He was interested in this man, and he still had questions, but he also didn't think overstaying his welcome would gain him any ground.

"Alright." He took the money even though he had enough himself, and headed back across the room. "Sorry about the chicken." The burnt meat was still sitting on the stove top.

"Just get out of here."

Grimmjow watched him go from the window. Ichigo hailed a cab from the street corner, and even though he never turned back, he was sure he was being watched the whole time from two stories above.

What he didn't know, was he was being watched from elsewhere as well.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks again for the reviews! <em>**

**_Riza_**


	4. Chapter 4

"To make up for the chicken." Ichigo dropped the bag of fast food on the table of the booth but it took a long time for blue eyes to drag their way up from his beer to regard him.

"What?"

"The chicken you burnt yesterday... are you okay?"

It was hardly four o'clock in the afternoon but Grimmjow looked like he was well on his way to being hammered. One hand held the sweating beer mug, the other was wrapped around his cell phone, a contact on the screen but Ichigo couldn't make out the name.

"You look like you just got bad news." Ichigo sat across from him, the other still sort of just staring at him.

"Why are you here?"

"I just said." He nodded to the bag of food. "Sorry for yesterday."

"Sorry..." the word just hung there, without meaning, Grimmjow seemed to lose focus of the conversation and shoved his half-finished beer over the table before standing.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed." Came the grunt and Grimmjow half stumbled across the bar and to the back stair. Ichigo watched him go, the bag of food still on the table.

"What the Hell was that?"

"He gets like that sometimes." Ichigo was startled by the bartender. It wasn't busy in here yet, and the elderly man picked up the beer, feeling the warmth of the glass. "He's had this for over an hour, just been sitting there, staring at nothing."

"What's wrong with him?"

The man gave a shrug. "Couldn't say, but he spends enough time down here I've noticed the pattern. Won't see hide nor hair of him for days now."

"You mean he'll just stay in his room?"

He nodded. "S'far as I can tell, anyway."

Ichigo considered this deeply but left the barmen to his chores. He left the food on the table and hesitated at the stairs, but something told him Grimmjow wouldn't appreciate him intruding on him, again, so he left it for the time being.

On his way down the street, he passed several parked cars, but noticed something glint in one across the street. For a second he thought it was a camera, but when he looked closer, he just saw someone drinking a coffee, looking at their cell phone. He shrugged it off, but couldn't quite shake the feeling that someone had their eyes on him.

* * *

><p>"Since when did you go this way?" Ichigo hadn't even thought of it when he'd turned down the block that was cornered by the pub. Keigo was next to him, they were headed for his house to do homework.<p>

"I don't know, I just do," Ichigo answered.

"Oh." But when they reached the pub and Ichigo spotted Grimmjow leaned against the wall taking a long drag on his cigarette, he couldn't help his reaction. A week now, he'd walked past and seen no sign of him. True, he didn't always see Grimmjow outside or glimpse him at the bar- but in a week he saw him at least three times. But every day since he'd dropped off the untouched fast food, he hadn't seen a sign of him, just like the bartender had said. Looking up, he had found his blinds drawn every day without fail.

So now, when he saw him, and their eyes met, there was no mistaking the look that passed between them, the slightest falter in Ichigo's step as if he intended to stop and then thought better of it.

"Did you know him?" Keigo questioned when they rounded the corner, a bit alarmed. There was nothing friendly looking about Grimmjow, his usual scowl in place, cold eyes and a stance that read: cross me and you die.

"Who?"

"That guy back there. You can't deny it, I saw the way he looked back at you."

"We've run into each other a few times is all."

"Where? What would you be doing that you would come across the likes of him?"

"Nowhere, geeze Keigo, what's with the third degree?"

"I don't know, you tell me, you've just seemed different lately and now I find out you're friends with sum scum bag gangster-"

"We're not friends, Keigo, I just recognized him from walking past this place every day. Stop making a big deal about it."

"Fine, but you have seemed different. I don't know what it is, but it's like you're always somewhere else in your mind."

"That's because I'm always thinking about tests and projects like everyone else!"

"If you say so, but I know you Ichigo," he looked at him sideways, the serious expression rare on his normally jovial features, "and something's going on. But if you don't want to talk about it, then I won't push you."

Ichigo just nodded, he couldn't say much that wouldn't confirm his friend's suspicions. But he also couldn't help the questions Keigo had stirred in him. Just why was he so interested in the pseudo gangster? Why wasn't he concentrating on his school work and his future?

Was it possible that all that normalcy he strove for, wasn't what he really wanted?

* * *

><p>"You look horrible, are you going to tell me what happened?" They were at the skate park, a very different setting for their usual conversations but Ichigo had noticed him leaning on the rail when he'd gone to meet his friends for an afternoon on the ice. He wasn't sure what Grimmjow was up to, but he seemed to be trying to blend in, and having Ichigo at his side would help him do that. Several times in their conversation he glanced back, as if looking for someone or something.<p>

"I was sick."

"The bartender told me it happens alot."

"Well the bartender should mind his own business."

"You were really strange that day."

"Yeah, cause I was sick."

"Are you sure that's all it was?" Ichigo watched his breath puff out before him in an exasperated sigh.

"Why don't you just say what you're thinking?"

"I'm thinking you look like you've lost weight since we last talked, you're about the colour of the snow and that day I saw you I could have sworn a member of your family had just died. But then the bartender says this happens to you on a regular basis so I can't help think there is something really wrong with you."

"And what's you're prognosis, _doctor_?"

"I can't really tell just from that, but it kind of seems like depression."

Grimmjow balked at this. "You what? I'm not depressed, asshole. I was sick."

He pushed off from the rail but when he started to turn he seemed to think better of it and slouched back next to Ichigo. The teen guessed he was either expecting someone or knew someone was watching him. In either case, he seemed stuck where he was so Ichigo pressed on.

"Sick how? Sick like you can't eat and don't move for days on end and you feel like nothing will ever get better again?"

Grimmjow refused to meet his eyes, but his focus wasn't on the skaters either. "Screw you, kid. You don't know anything."

"I know you could use some help, and I haven't seen you with any other friends. So maybe you should take a breather and let me help you."  
>Startled blue eyes turned to him. It was a precarious situation, Ichigo knew that one word and the loner might leave for good, never speak to him again, and all of this—whatever it was—would be over. He'd have to go back to normal life of studying and exams.<p>

"You are a strange one, kid," Grimmjow finally said, anger subsiding, but by the look in his eye, Ichigo thought Grimmjow's attention was now elsewhere. Grimmjow pushed off from the rail. "Later."

"What?" Ichigo watched him turn and caught the pair by the kiosk, their eyes clearly on Grimmjow. He froze. "Whoa, are you really being followed?" He'd suspected, but confirmation was alarming.

"Go find your friends," Grimmjow growled out of the side of his mouth.

"But-"

"You follow me, and these people will turn their attention on you too. And you do _not_ want that. So go find your friends."

He strode away over snowy grass and past the two who had been watching. Seconds after Grimmjow passed them, they set down their mugs of hot beverages at the park kiosk and followed after. Ichigo stood, staring after them, not sure what to do.

"Dammit."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow cut through a less used path in the park, listening for the pair behind him. Many of the park's buildings were closed until summer, and Grimmjow used them as his cover now, hurrying around the back of one.<p>

He was staggered by the fist to his face. He had miscalculated: running only from those behind and not considering those who might be waiting ahead of him.

"Gotcha!" His already bruised face was shoved harshly into the brick wall of the public building and his arm yanked up his back.

"Bastards." Despite his distinct disadvantage, he kicked back and caught a knee. The man behind him swore and staggered and it was enough for him to shove away and try to escape.

A second punch sent him spinning into another man. His shoulders were caught and he expected another strike but this person just held him, hauling him back to his feet and regarding him.

"Dammit, Ikkaku, Yumichika, you weren't supposed to hurt him."

Grimmjow spit the blood that had gathered in his mouth before looking up to the man holding him.

"Yo, Grimmjow," the red head smiled, "been a while."

"One year." Grimmjow looked past him to see his small companion, the short, dark haired woman he recognized from his last encounter with the group. "Rukia," he acknowledged. "Renji." He turned back to the one holding him. "What the Hell are you doing following me?"

"You should ask the same of the other people on your trail."

"What?"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

"I thought they were with you."

"Nope." Renji let him go. Grimmjow straightened his coat and stood in the middle of them, two behind, two ahead.

"Then who is it?"

"Not sure yet, could be Japanese government, could be Yakuza."

"Great intelligence work, Mr. Interpol," Grimmjow snorted. "So I've got heat on me, and you just thought you'd be kind enough to let me know?"

"No. We want your help."

"_My_ help. Do you not remember what happened the last time we met?" Everyone stiffened. Grimmjow pushed past Renji. "That's what I thought, see ya."

He half expected the hand that grabbed him from behind but not the lightning fast strike from the girl. He wasn't sure just who had done what, but he was back against the wall in less than a second. Renji had his forearm against the back of his neck, keeping him pinned.

"You sure you want to do this?" Grimmjow warned, adrenaline pounding in his ears. "As I recall, you came out pretty rough last time."

"You ain't the same animal you were back then."

Grimmjow let out a bellow, he heaved against Renji, Renji pushed back but Grimmjow used that against him. He dropped low and twisted and it was Renji's turn to face plant in the wall. Grimmjow now expected Rukia's side tackle and as she slid to trip him up, he dropped to his knees and she barely dodged his punch. Up again, he ducked Yumichika and caught him with an elbow but something hit him hard and brutal in the back and he staggered. A second strike cracked hard against his shoulder and he felt the joint pop.

"SHIT!" The pain of the dislocation stole his breath, but the kick served to his gut threatened to suffocate him. He collapsed on his back, gasping hard, black spots filling his vision and the cold of the snow seeping into this bones.

"You idiots!" He heard the high pitched scream but couldn't focus yet. "What the Hell are you doing? We're supposed to talk to him, not cripple him!" Rukia was hysteric, the rest were picking themselves up. Ikkaku put away the night stick that had downed Grimmjow. "He's not enhanced anymore, you could have killed him."

"Sorry," someone muttered. Grimmjow heard the crunch of snow right next to him.

"Grimmjow." He blinked hard, trying to focus. Her hand touched the side of his face and helped steady his gaze. He gave a cough, the tang of copper in it. "Can you sit up?"

He nodded, but it took her help to get him there. He moaned in pain, his shoulder killing him.

"You did it, Ikkaku, so you can put it back."

"Shit." The man dropped behind Grimmjow and took a grip. Their captive stiffened but at the last second Rukia clamped her hand over his mouth so his scream was muffled. He looked faint when it was back in place. When Rukia removed her hand, it was spotted with blood.

"Dammit. We're going to have to take him in now."

"We can't," Renji said above them. "You know he's being watched, that would give the game away. We're losing time as it is, someone's apt to come looking for him."

"Fine." Rukia turned back to Grimmjow. "Grimmjow, whoever is watching you they must be pretty serious. They have enough man power and resources to keep you under twenty-four hour surveillance."

"But you don't know who they are?" He panted.

"No. They never return directly to headquarters and eventually they shake us completely. But this can't be good."

"So? Why do you care about me after all this time?"

"Because the situation is getting worse, and we need a man on the inside."

"Tch. You know I'll never do it. That's what I told you a year ago."

"A year ago you almost died and my brother did." He brought his eyes up at this. Her own were hard, but never could she hide that pain. "A year ago I lost it when I should have seen the opportunity we had with you. But I didn't, and I let them take you back, and for that I am sorry, Grimmjow. We've let you be all this time, but we need you now. And with these people tailing you, you need us as well. I think we can come to an arrangement."

He watched her, breath ragged.

"Do you?" There was no doubting his malice. "You, and your little gang here, can go fuck yourselves."

"Don't." Grimmjow had caught the movement but Rukia stopped Renji from losing his temper and striking him again. "You've done enough damage."

"Well then what? We need him."

"I know." She stood. Grimmjow sat in the middle of them all, trembling from the cold that had soaked through his clothes. "If he won't cooperate then I guess-"

"Grimmjow!" They all turned to the orange haired teen who rounded the corner. No one moved, or spoke, save the teen who looked the mob over quickly, then spotted the wounded man on the ground.

"Shit, get back." He had no weapon, but he moved toward them as if he had an army at his back.

"Woa, kid, back off." Renji put a hand against his chest to stop him.

"You get back. Get away from him."

"This isn't what it looks like, kid." Ichigo turned to the young woman. She didn't exactly look like someone who would be in a gang. Actually, they all had a clean cut sort of look to them, even if the red head had a long pony tail.

"Then what is it?"

"None of your business. Just go."

He balked and looked to Grimmjow. "He's coming with me."

"No, he isn't."

"Just go, kid," Grimmjow said from the ground. "Forget about it."

"The Hell I will."

"Just-"

"NO!" Ichigo stepped over to Grimmjow and held out his hand. "Come on." He was pretty sure he understood now. These weren't gang members, these were officials of some sort, and they had no right to hurt a civilian. So he chose to test the theory and stood above Grimmjow, waiting for him to take his hand.

"Grimmjow," he insisted. The man on the ground took his hand and stood, faltering. Ichigo kept him steady. "Let's go."

"No way," Ikkaku protested.

"No, let them go." Rukia sighed. "We can't take him in and we can't stay, at least now he's got help."

"Ma'am, I-"

"Our options are limited at this time. Let them go."

"Fine." Ikkaku stepped away. The pair moved forward.

"But Grimmjow," Rukia called, "We'll be in touch."

He said nothing. Ichigo kept an arm around him and they cleared the scene.

* * *

><p>"Get off, I'm fine." Grimmjow dropped onto the park bench, on the other side of the skating rink. Ichigo stood before him, watching him struggle to keep his breathing steady as he dabbed at his bleeding nose with the paper towel Ichigo had retrieved.<p>

"Who were those people?"

"None of your business." He cursed when he pulled the tissue back to find blood still fresh. But the scrapes on his face and his slowly swelling nose weren't what made his features crease in pain and sweat build on his brow. His left arm was unmoving, he'd held it the whole walk here.

"Is it broken?"

"No. It's fine now."

"Doesn't look it."

"They popped it back for me."

"They dislocated it?" Ichigo watched his nonchalance at the violence done to him with building annoyance. "Grimmjow, you need to open up to me."

"I don't need to do shit." He stood suddenly, holding his arm but losing none of his menace. "I told you not to get involved. I told you not to follow me! But you did! You idiot, you have no idea what you could fucked up, what you could have walked into!"

"Grimmjow-"  
>"No! Shut the hell up and get out of here before you screw up any worse. I'm not someone you should be around. You're a fucking high school student, what the Hell do you think you're playing at? I don't want you around me and I don't want to see you around the pub anymore."<p>

Ichigo stood his ground, watching the emotions roll off of Grimmjow. He was angry, yes, but it was more than that. Whatever those people wanted from him, whatever they had said, unsettled him. He seemed to be waiting for Ichigo to shirk away from his screams, but it didn't happen and they ended up just staring at one another.

"Yo, Ichigo!" The call startled them both, and Ichigo cringed, hearing Keigo's voice. The other already had suspicions and now they would surely double.

"Stay away from me," Grimmjow growled low to the teen before stepping away and walking down the path. Keigo came even with Ichigo.

"Not friends, huh?" He said it in a half whisper, the others were coming up behind them and when he turned around he was all smiles, making some joke about Mizuiro's hat and they all moved down to the ice. Keigo never spoke of Grimmjow, and Ichigo was thankful for his silence, but their afternoon of fun on the ice was spoiled for him as his eyes shifted constantly over the crowds, his thoughts returned always to the man above the pub.

* * *

><p>Grimmjow stomped heavily up the steps to his apartment. He fell across his bed with the intention of never moving again, body cold and throbbing with aches all over, but the words of the four rattled in his mind and he couldn't drift off and find rest.<p>

He rose again, stripping, even in the cold of his apartment, and went into the bathroom to unearth whatever pain pills he could find.

"Shit." He swore, swallowing them dry. "When did I get so fucking weak?" He asked his reflection in the speckled mirror. Turning, he found a large dark bruise over his shoulder, raised skin shiny and swollen. His entire shoulder grated in the socket, he didn't know if that was normal or how long it would take to pass. His stomach was also badly bruised from the kick and his face was scrapped from being repeatedly shoved into rough brick.

But even as he cursed them, fighting to get his arm through a shirt sleeve, he couldn't really blame them.

It had been a very different outcome last time they'd met.

Fresh clothes on and painkillers well in his system, he went to the window, beer in hand, and pretended to look nonchalantly on the city street below. But it was anything but. He saw the black car, probably the Interpol agents. But it wasn't them he was looking for.

Cars lined the streets, he couldn't tell if anyone else down there was watching him, so he turned his gaze upward, as he took a swig of his beer. Other apartments stared back at him, their windows squarely facing one another. With his naked eye, he could see nothing out of the ordinary, but that didn't mean no one was watching him through their blinds. He stepped back from the window, unease growing in him, and pulled out his phone.

His fingers automatically brought up the contact, but he didn't dial, his brain kicked in before he could go that far. Still, he stared at the name, and wondered how long it would take to break the habit of bringing it up every time he was in trouble.

Maybe never.

"Damn." He swallowed hard, sitting on his couch and pressing his phone into his forehead before using that hand to sweep back messy hair. He dropped the phone on the table before him and lay back stiffly, forgetting his beer, and giving into the weight of the pills.

* * *

><p><strong><em>This is the fixed chapter four, originally I was missing the scene at the very beginning. Thanks Cici000 for bringing this to my attention!<em>**

**_Riza._**


	5. Chapter 5

Exhaustion painted the face that met him on the street corner. Grimmjow threw his stub on the ground the moment he saw him.

"I told you to stay away from here."

"Relax, I'm going to Reid's." Ichigo pointed to the bookstore just across from the pub. It was a lie—well it was an excuse to come this way.

"Then get going."

"I will. But it's been a week and you look like shit. I thought maybe you'd-"

"Get. The Hell. Away." Grimmjow was in his face, and Ichigo could smell the vodka that was mixed in with the cigarette smoke. It was three in the afternoon.

"You're drunk."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Are they still watching you?"

"I said fuck off!" Grimmjow shoved him hard. Ichigo tripped off the side walk and stepped backwards onto the street. He caught a beeping horn and headlights and then the shocking cold spray of slush washed up his back and knew how close he'd come to being run over.

His heart pounded. Grimmjow looked just as shocked, nearly having killed the teen. He glanced sideways, as if he knew someone was watching in that direction, then back to Ichigo who was still collecting himself.

"I told you to stay away." Was all he said in defence before pushing back inside the pub doors.

Ichigo came up shakily onto the sidewalk, waiting for his body and mind to calm after the close call. His eyes flicked up to the room above and he saw the blinds part briefly, haunted eyes behind them. As frightened as Ichigo had just been, he had the feeling that was just a taste of the fear Grimmjow had been dealing with all week long.

* * *

><p>"You nearly killed that kid today. You're losing it, Grimmjow."<p>

Silence from his end. He just waited for the voice on the phone to continue.

"Listen, how is this any worse than doing what we ask?"

"Rukia." He swallowed back his drink before continuing. "You act like you don't remember what happened a year ago. You act like what you did to me was easy."

"We saved you."

"Yeah, and then you let him take me back after you swore you'd protect me."

"I know..."

"And I saved myself, I got away."

"I know."

"And you came to me, and you were a wreck because they killed your brother to get me back. And you blamed me. And you screamed, but you promised you'd let me go. You promised."

"I know."

"So why now? It can't be coincidence. You've been watching me this whole time."

"We haven't," she countered. "But you're name's come up in more than one group we're keeping tabs on. So we had to hunt you out."

"Why? Tell me what they're after?" He stood from his couch and went to the window, bending a blind to look out on the streets below.

"We aren't sure exactly, but it's easy to guess. You escaped him. You escaped Aizen. You're alone, unprotected, and _alive._ You're the only one we or anyone knows of that could provide any information on him and what he did to you."

"So why haven't you just hauled me in, whisked me back to America or somewhere?"

"Because we need to know who else is after what Aizen created, and how close to replicating it they are. If this stuff ever hit the streets, or got sold to another country it would be chaos. We've even gotten wind North Korea has men on the ground in Tokyo trying to get in touch with him."

"I'm sure they do." Grimmjow eased himself back onto the couch, the room unsteady and he decided he'd had enough to drink. "But I don't think Aizen is in the business of sharing. Profit, isn't exactly his goals."

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, I know the man. He's not doing this for money, it's for power, strength, control."

"Is that what he promised you?"

Grimmjow grit his teeth. "I'm not getting into this shit again. The point of the matter is this: you're using me as bait to draw these people out, aren't you?"

"Yes. If you won't go undercover for us, this is our only option."

"Bitch."

"Call me what you want, Grimmjow, but at least you have us covering your back. Otherwise, you'd be in this alone."

"Yeah, 'cause you were such a big help last time." She held the silence. He shut his eyes and let out a breath of frustration. "These people watching me, where are they?"

"We don't know, they're like ghosts, but you must have noticed them by now."

"Barely. I don't know if I ever would have if you hadn't brought it up." He let out a slow breath. "So you don't know when they might make their move?"

"No. If they're Japanese government, then it will be quick and smooth and we can easily get jurisdiction over them. But if it's gangs or someone else, then it could get ugly."

"Great."

"We're watching you twenty-four-seven, but if you decide to do what we ask then we'll get you out of here right now."

"Rukia, do you remember who I was when you brought me in?"  
>"Of course I do."<p>

"Well so do I. I'm not going back to that, no matter what." There was a long pause, and even though she was just a voice in the phone, Grimmjow could see those eyes drop to the ground. He knew she didn't want to ask that of him, and that she didn't really agree with using him like this. But her hands were tied.

"I'm sorry, Grimmjow, for how everything turned out."

"Yeah. Me too." He snapped his phone shut and sighed long and listened to the ruckus of the bar below.

* * *

><p>Ichigo shivered in the winter air outside the pub. It was rolling around to four weeks since the last time Grimmjow had stayed cooped up in his room for days. Ichigo wasn't sure if these bouts were triggered by something or if they actually came about once a month but he had watched Grimmjow's condition deteriorate over the past four weeks.<p>

Not that they spoke. As far as Ichigo knew, the man hated him now, but he refused to go back to his old walking route, and he still passed the pub every day. Sometimes Grimmjow would be staring so intently down the street at a vehicle he didn't even seem to notice Ichigo. Sometimes he looked to be staggeringly drunk in the early afternoon. He spotted him in town, too, mixed into large crowds, pretending to be interested in what was in store windows, but if Ichigo looked close enough at the reflection, blue eyes were always looking back over his shoulder.

He was waiting for something to happen. And it was wearing on him.

He seemed to always clutch his phone too, as if it might bring him some peace, safety, answers.

It finally happened on February third. Once again, Ichigo and his friends came upon the scene on their way home from school. It was by chance, really, that they had cut down a different road to reach Keigo's first, they didn't even go by the pub, but they heard the sirens and the night cracked with gunshots. Ichigo despaired, because something in him just knew who was at the centre of it.

There was a body, this time. By the time Ichigo, Keigo and Mizuiro got there, an ambulance had arrived to load it onto a gurney. Ichigo was starting to push forward in the crowd, a desperate quality overtaking his breathing, but Keigo put a firm hand on his shoulder and dragged him back. The look on his face said he knew what Ichigo feared but he forced him to remain calm and wait. There was nothing for them to see anyway, the body was covered and the police were forcing the crowd to disperse.

"I can't believe it, I wonder if it was the same people?" Mizuiro commented as the moved down the street.

"I have to go." Ichigo took a step but Keigo stopped him.

"Ichigo, don't."

"I'm sorry."

"Why, what is it?" The smallest of the group looked between them but his intelligent eyes caught on quickly and he took in a sharp breath of shock. "No, you can't know something about this, Ichigo."

But his question couldn't penetrate the stare down between Keigo and Ichigo.

"I'm sorry," Ichigo just repeated and shook from his grip. He ran. He ran back the streets and up a block until he was at the pub. His heart was thundering, he could hardly catch his breath, but he ran up the stairs to the apartment.

"Grimmjow!" He beat against the door, losing all calm. "Open the door! I can help you!"  
>Nothing. He tried the handle but from the two times he'd been in there he knew there were four dead bolts keeping him out. "Dammit."<p>

Then it occurred to him. Where had Grimmjow gone the last time he'd been injured? If he wasn't that body they'd carried out, he could still be stumbling around wounded somewhere. He might go back to the clinic.

Ichigo arrived home in record time. He managed to get into the house and down to the clinic without seeing his family. He turned on all the lights but found not a hair out of place, no bloody fingerprint to indicate Grimmjow had been here.

His heart hit the floor.

He slumped into the kitchen, realizing the man beneath the tarp likely was Grimmjow. He sat in the cold truth of it for a long time before moving into the living room where his father was watching the news.

"Ichigo, I didn't hear you come in, I've been calling you."

"Oh." He hadn't even noticed his phone ring.

"They say he was a member of a gang." Ichigo glimpsed the images on the tv, the scene he'd just left behind—a gurney, police, blood on a brick wall...

"What brings such violence to Karakura?" The news anchor asked. "We don't know, but maybe some answers will be found from the body of the forty two year old male—"  
>"Forty-two." Ichigo exclaimed without thinking.<p>

"Yeah."

"I just...I picture gang members to be younger." Ichigo covered lamely. His father gave him an odd look but he headed for the stairs. "Well I have homework to do, night dad."

"...Night."

He thundered up the stairs, ran to his room and locked the door. He waited two hours to hear his father go to bed, as if he half expected his son to slip out into the dead of night once the coast was clear.

Ichigo waited to hear his father go into his room and the lights to dim before sliding his window open and dropping out into the night. He didn't even think about what he was doing as he ran down lamp-lit streets. It was dangerous and stupid, but in ten minutes he was before the pub and heading up the stairs a second time

This time, he knew Grimmjow was inside. On the handle was the distinct sign of blood.

"Grimmjow!" He made to bang on the door but it swung inward under the blow. He stood cautiously in the doorway, taking this as a bad sign. "Grimmjow..."

He at once noticed the floorboard was out of place: the same place where Grimmjow had hidden the shotgun. He took each step carefully, not sure what he was going to find. On the floor were thick spots of blood, and Ichigo followed them straight to the bathroom.

The door was shut.

"Grimmjow?"

Nothing.

"Grimmjow?" he tried again but his nerves were getting the best of him and he just had to know. The knob turned when he tried. He opened the door.

There he was. It was as bad as anything Ichigo had imagined. Grimmjow was soaked to the bone, as if he'd tried to wash the blood off while still fully clothed. But his feet were bare, his shirt lay in a sopping heap next to him, white stained red. He was left with soaking jeans clinging to his shaking body. Ichigo noted rough stitches in his stomach, a quart of vodka, mostly gone now, and a bottle he feared were pain pills spilled across the tile.

Just beyond the shower the shotgun was on the floor, as if forgotten or dropped. His cell phone too, lay next to it.

Grimmjow's head was bowed, one hand over the wound in his side, the other across his knees. His bare torso revealed deep bruising, cuts, a clear hand print in raised flesh at his throat.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo knelt on the dry tile just beyond the shower. The curtain had been torn down. Grimmjow had likely fallen as he was now. The tap still ran in a slow drizzle, the water freezing cold and Ichigo turned it off. "Hey, look at me."

His hair was plastered to his face, hanging long with the weight of water. It only added to the utter pain in pale features—not just from the wounds on his body. His face was beat up, lip cut open, blood trailing from his eye brow and both eyes blackened. He seemed to take a long time to figure out who was staring back at him.

"What happened?" Ichigo asked him.

"I killed him." Ichigo swallowed hard at the slurred words.

"He attacked you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it does! Grimmjow how bad are you hurt?" He saw the discarded needle and thread on the shower bottom, Grimmjow had managed to close up the wound but there was no telling how deep it ran.

"I'm fine." But his head lolled to one side, unfocussed. "He got the worst of it..."

"Grimmjow stay with me."

"...who are you?" Ichigo froze in alarm. Something was seriously wrong with him if he didn't know. But Grimmjow spoke again. "I don't even know your name."

"Oh." It was true. It had never occurred to him before but Grimmjow had only ever referred to him as 'kid', so he wouldn't know his name. "Ichigo."

"Ichigo..."

"Yeah."

"You should go."

"Why? Are others coming?"

"I don't know."

"Grimmjow, what happened?" He returned to his original question but feared he was losing him. His eyes returned to the bottle of pills and vodka. "Grimmjow how much did you take?"

He shook the bottle, but that would tell him nothing, he didn't know how many had been in it to start out with. "Grimmjow?" He felt his pulse. It was weak, erratic, just like his breathing. He slipped down the wall, his fingers growing lax.

"Grimmjow!"

"GRIMMJOW!" The cry echoed out behind him and Ichigo heard several people fill the room beyond.

"There!"

Ichigo tensed when he saw the four from the park but they moved quicker than him. "Out of the way."

The red haired one hauled him bodily from the room but made no further move to harm him, he just kept a hold of him while the other two men grabbed Grimmjow and got him out onto the floor. The bald one held his fingers to his throat.

"Fuck, nothing."

"What?" Ichigo exclaimed, "He was just talking to me!"

"Backup" Rukia dropped next to Grimmjow's body, laying her head to his chest. "Did you see how much he took?" she asked.

"No...oh Hell, did he OD?"

She didn't answered, just lined up her palms and pressed down. They all watched, tensed as she pumped his chest and gave breaths. It seemed an eternity before he convulsed, immediately vomiting and she got him to his side so he could breathe.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo watched him roll back from the mess. The dark haired man moved to clean it up while the woman went back to the door to lock it.

"Let him go, Renji." She instructed, and Ichigo was freed. He dropped to his knees next to Grimmjow.

"Who are you?" He asked them once he saw Grimmjow was still breathing. His eyes were shut again.

"We're agents with Interpol."

Ichigo stiffened. "What?"

"We didn't want to involve you but it looks like you've involved yourself, Ichigo Kurosaki."

She knelt at Grimmjow's other side. "Grimmjow." She tapped his bruised cheek. He came too, slowly, eyes fogged. "Grimmjow, it's Rukia."

He just nodded, weakened from his near death experience. She took his hand maybe as a comfort, but mostly to keep his focus on her. "Was that on purpose just now? Did you mean to kill yourself?"

"I dunno..."

"Because you killed that man?"

"..."

"Grimmjow?"

"I thought you had my back," he grunted.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"You killed him in self defence."

"I still killed him."

"So you tried to kill yourself?"

"No...I..." he swallowed, a hot tear escaped one eye, Ichigo watched on in stunned silence. "I can't do it again, Rukia."

"What?"

"I can't go back to him...to that. I got clean. It nearly killed me."

"I know."

"When I'm on it...I'm dead inside. It made me hollow..."

"I know."

"If I did what you wanted, and went back, he'd use Hogyoku on me again."

"I know."

"So you know I'll never go back."

"Yes. It's alright Grimmjow. I'll take you into custody. We'll protect you."

"No. I don't think you can."

"We will. You'll be off the streets, out of danger."

"No... they'll come for me."

"Not if we have you where they can't find you."

She nodded to two of the men. "Madrame, Renji, get him up. Yumichika, get the car."

She rose, and went to the closet, grabbing a bag and stuffing it with some of his clothes. "We'll get you changed and then we'll be on our way."

They had Grimmjow up between them now.

"We'll change him after, Rukia, we gotta go," Renji informed her. "Hey kid, you grab his wallet, will ya?" He nodded to the coffee table and Ichigo grabbed it. Then he remembered his phone and got that too.

"Let's go then." Rukia took them out. They locked up the apartment behind them. Grimmjow was pretty much limp between them but his head sagged to one side and he watched Ichigo. He never spoke. They loaded him into the car, Ichigo next to him.

"Here." Someone passed them a blanket. Ichigo wrapped it around Grimmjow's shoulders.

"We'll follow you." Renji said to Rukia in the passenger seat. He and Ikkaku headed for another car.

"Where are we going?" Ichigo asked her when they pulled out.

"Our base of operations. Kurosaki, you should not have gotten involved," she reprimanded. "However, now that you are, we will take measures to protect you."

He nodded and she turned back to the front.

"Grimmjow?" He asked when he saw his head lolling again, but blue eyes forced themselves open.

"Kid...you should have stayed away."

"I know, but I thought you were hurt."

He shut his eyes. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know, I just do."

"I'm not someone you should want to be around."

"Too late."

He opened his eyes again at this, a bit surprised, or confused by the answer given. "Ichigo."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to be sick again."

It was hardly a warning. He leaned forward and heaved on his side of the car. Rukia swore and Ichigo moved his feet back to make sure he didn't get caught in the splash back but when Grimmjow went limp, he caught his shoulders and pulled him back against him.

"SHIT!" Rukia swore seeing the mess. "Great. Is he unconscious?"

"Yeah." Ichigo held him as the car jostled. "Is he really suicidal?"

"Yes," she answered bluntly. "I stopped him from killing himself one year ago."

"What? Why? He doesn't seem like-"

"They don't always, but he has his reasons." She turned to face him at this. "What I mean to say, is he wasn't always like this."

"He was addicted to something. He called it the Hogyoku tonight. It messed with him, didn't it?"

"It's classified." But her eyes confirmed it. So he had gone clean, but in the process his system had gotten out of balance. It certainly explained the depression that seemed to strike him out of nowhere. No matter how happy he ever managed to get, if those chemicals in his brain got unbalanced, he could sink in the deepest depths of depression.

They drove on, Ichigo still had the wallet, he pulled it open, curious. The first thing he noticed was the driver's licence.

"Is this real?" he asked Rukia. "I mean, the birth date."

She took it. "Yeah, why?"

"He's only nineteen?"

"Yes. He seems older, doesn't he?"

"Yeah." Ichigo was shocked. Here he'd thought Grimmjow was mid twenties, not so much in his appearance but his attitude, where he lived, what he did, how he talked. He sounded like someone who'd been out in the world a long time, not just a couple of years. "Who is he? Why is everyone after him?"

"I can't tell you that."

"It has to do with what he was addicted to?"

She just looked at him. He knew the answer. He looked next to the phone but put it in Grimmjow's pocket instead. It wasn't his place to go snooping, he'd done enough already.

"Rukia, how far—"

Ichigo never finished his question. He saw the flash of headlights, heard Yumichika give a shout, then all he knew was hot white light and pain.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading and revie<strong>__**wing! More of the mystery of Grimmjow unfolds next chapter...after some good old blood and violence, of course!**_

_**Riza**_


	6. Chapter 6

Metal twisted and turned. Gasoline dripped and pooled. Tires spun and gears whirred. The world came back in bits and pieces, and Ichigo tried to make out the jumble of limbs and wreckage around him.

The first thing he saw were dead eyes. Neck cut through to the spinal cord, mouth agape and eyes wide open, the man they'd called Yumichika was all but decapitated. His seat forced back in the blow, he was more in the back seat than in the front. The car was on its side, Ichigo lay against the window and passenger door. He couldn't see past Rukia's seat to where she was. He didn't know if she was dead or alive. He tried to move but pain lanced up his arm, he saw an alarming amount of blood. But everything was still working. He shifted on broken glass and looked for a way out.

It was only then that he realized Grimmjow was gone.

"H-help," he called, everything shaking, including his voice. He tried to crawl out of the car but Yumichika and his seat were blocking his way, blood dripping steadily down on him.

He threw up.

"Kid."

Ichigo turned sideways at the voice. He flinched when broken glass sprayed his way, but quickly realized someone was clearing out what was left of the rear window so he could crawl through. "Here."

He took the hand and crawled through, stumbling out onto snow and grass. They were off the road by several hundred feet: the two cars had forced each other far from the pavement. But Ichigo wasn't looking at that, he was looking at the man now steadying him.

"Grimmjow?" Moments ago he'd been unconscious in his arms. Now he stood barefoot in the February night, pistol in one hand, shaken teen in the other.

"Shh. Stay close and stay down." He lowered them, keeping one hand wrapped in Ichigo's coat to guide him back from the car and got them ducked behind tall grass. Ichigo almost asked what they were doing before he saw men run down the bank to the cars.

"Any survivors?"

"The girl." They dragged Rukia from the car. She was limp in their arms. "The other one's dead."

"What about Abarai and the bald one? They go down?"

"Haven't heard yet. What do we do with her?"

"Leave her there, she can get torched with the rest of it."

Ichigo tensed but Grimmjow kept a firm grip on his hand. They watched them lean Rukia back against the car that was drenched in spilled fuel.

"Alright, let's light this baby."

"Shit." Ichigo glanced sideways but Grimmjow was already moving. He lunged from the grass and onto one man while he fired a round at the same time. The one with the lighter fell dead. Grimmjow and the other hit the ground.

Ichigo stared at the dead form for several seconds before his body kicked into gear and he hurried to Grimmjow's aid. The two had fallen against the side of the car. The enemy had Grimmjow by the throat, scraping his bare back against the broken window.

"Hey!" Ichigo called, and looked for anything that might help. He ducked a punch and came up with a piece of the bumper. He didn't think, he just reacted, and the next thing the man was on the ground, coughing blood. Ichigo had hit him square in the jaw and he was barely conscious.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo caught him as he fell off the car, his back serrated.

"Shit," he moaned but shook out of Ichig's hold. "Get her," he instructed. Ichigo picked up Rukia. She so small in stature he could manage her weight despite his injured arm.

"Now what?"

"We run."

There was nothing more to it than that. Their options limited, Grimmjow directed them back to the highway. If they got lost out in the woods, he'd most likely freeze to death. Ichigo wanted to offer him a layer of clothing but he now had Rukia in his arms and they didn't slow down. Girmmjow had his gun in hand and kept them just on the side of the road.

"What about the others?"

"Probably dead," Grimmjow grunted.

They ran some distance before Grimmjow spotted something and took them back into the grass. He used the butt of his gun to smash the lock and let them into the small highway patrol office, in use only in the busiest times of year. A thermostat was on the wall, he cranked it and Ichigo pulled off his jacket once he had Rukia on the ground. But Grimmjow couldn't put it on and Ichigo saw why: among the cuts were three large shards of glass embedded deep in his back.

"Shit," Ichigo breathed, seeing the damage. "Sit down." He pulled out the sole chair in the claustrophobic room.

Grimmjow dropped willingly into the chair. This had to be done, the sooner the better.

"SHIT!" he bellowed with the first shard. By the last he was more focused on just breathing and staying conscious. Ichigo found a first air kit and did his best to seal bandages over the wounds. He saw blood on his bare feet as well but Grimmjow didn't consider this worth their time, he instead turned to Ichigo whose arm continued to bleed. They switched spots and Grimmjow doused his arm with alcohol, causing him to cry out and revealed the forearm length cut. He wrapped it up, but the bandage quickly stained red.

"Crap."

"What about her?" Ichigo diverted, looking to Rukia.

"I don't know. She was out when I woke up. So were you." He looked to his forehead. "You must have a concussion."

"I'm alright," Ichigo lied. "She's the one still asleep."

"Fine." Grimmjow swept the blood from her forehead with a cloth then looked her over for more serious wounds but found none. "Looks like she'll be alright." It was just a guess.

"What do we do?"

"Call 911."

"What?" Ichigo balked. In every situation, Grimmjow had refused this option. But his willingness was quickly explained. "I'll run, you stay here with her, until help arrives."

"What? No!"

"It's the only way."

"No!" Ichigo rose and caught his arm. "You're hurt too. You need to stay with us."

"I'll be fine."

"You tried to kill yourself tonight. If you go out that door, I know you're not coming back alive."

"I didn't...I didn't mean it, tonight." Grimmjow yanked his arm back but he calmed some. "I wasn't trying to, I was just in pain, I over did it."

"You sure?"

"What's it matter to you anyway? You shouldn't even be here, you're just a kid."

"And so are you!"

"What?"

"I saw your driver's license, you're only nineteen, you're what, two years older than me?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. Grimmjow please, stay with us."

"I can't."

"What if they come, and you're not here? What happens to Rukia and I then?"  
>He knew he was laying it on thick, but it seemed to work, because Grimmjow faltered and his anger subsided.<p>

"Fine." He sat on the floor. "For now anyway."

Relief flooded Ichigo. He said down as well. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, I still might get you killed."

* * *

><p>Ichigo must have drifted because when he woke it was dark and he only saw an electronic glow from one corner. He moved to Grimmjow's side, and looked at the screen of his phone.<p>

"Who is it?"

"No one." He shut it.

"You stare at your phone alot."

"Says who?"

"I've just noticed."

"Screw you."

"What's this all about Grimmjow? What is the Hogyoku?"

Even in the dark, Ichigo caught his appraising eyes. He seemed to decide it was alright to tell him.

"A drug—well, more than that."

"Meaning?"

"It changes your—enhances you, they say. Makes you stronger, faster, a _supersoldier_, I think that was the term."

"You were a soldier?"

"No. The Japanese government developed it for the military, but it went sideways, got discontinued. There were three lead scientists on it. One defected when the program was shut down. His name was Sosuke Aizen."

"Who is he?"

"The man who gave Hogyoku to me."

Ichigo absorbed this. "So he took his research, and used it on civilians?"

"To put it simply, yes."

"How?"

"How what? He has money, he has power, he was the first to start taking it. He corrected the issues, he took it himself, became untouchable by the government unless they were willing to pour alot of resources into shutting him down. He networked, became important to alot of people. He made himself literally and figuratively indestructible."

"So where do you come in?"

"He gave it to me too."

"You're a supersoldier?"

"No. Not anymore." He turned away to look at Rukia, still asleep. "A year ago Interpol decided they wanted to get their hands on the newest development in Hogyoku. They wanted to take down Aizen but keep all his research. They targeted me, I think because I was the youngest, and most recently started on the drug. So I was the easiest to catch and rehabilitate."

"That's how you know Rukia."

"Yeah. This team and her brother took me in. It was bloody, I wounded them all, but I had been injured before they came, so they got me in the end. They put me through withdrawal—the worst Hell of my life, but I survived, and it was like I woke up out of a dream. When I was on the drug, I was powerful, but I was hollow, I had no emotions. I didn't know this until I was off it again. They saved me and they promised me protection."

"So what happened?"

"Aizen came to take me back. Rukia lost her brother because of it."

"And then?"

"I was supposed to go back on the drug, but I knew it would kill me—the real me—so I escaped. I thought he would come after me, but he didn't."

Ichigo nodded. "Grimmjow, who are you then? Why did he choose you?"

"Genetics." He tried to sound nonchalant but it didn't work.

"What do you mean?"

"He wanted people with a certain genetic code."

"What code?"

He was met with a long sigh, then, "His code. Sosuke Aizen is my father."

* * *

><p><em><strong>More secrets revealed next time!<strong>_

_**Thanks for the reviews,**_

_**Riza**_


	7. Chapter 7

Grimmjow blacked out for a while after their conversation. Ichigo had encouraged him to drop off when his head started drooping, though the thought of being the only one awake and responsible for them scared him.

Still, Grimmjow had nearly died before they'd all been in the car crash, so he must have needed some recovery time. Ichigo watched him now, next to Rukia on the floor, and wondered just what they should do. Grimmjow was convinced that as long as he was with them, calling 911 would only get them killed. Whoever was after him, wouldn't hesitated to attack even with the cops involved. As it stood right now, they were safe enough, no one knew where they were.

Ichigo began to feel sleep threatening as well but then Rukia made a startled noise and Grimmjow came awake as well.

"Rukia!" Both men hovered over her. "Hey, it's okay," Ichigo soothed.

"Wake up." Grimmjow gave her a shake. Her eyes parted. "That's it. Tell me you're still all there."

"Grimmjow?" She sat with their help. "Kurosaki. What did you do to me?"

"Nothing," Ichigo defended.

"We were attacked," Grimmjow explained. "Car crash, pretty bad, don't know who might be looking for us."

"Where are we?"

"Highway patrol station. Not two kilometres from the site."

"Not far enough."

"Far enough when we had to carry you," Grimmjow countered. She looked him over, seeing bandages.

"So Renji and the others are on the perimeter?"

"Never saw them. Yumichika's dead."

She grabbed his arm. "What?"

"Sorry."

"No..."

"Come on." He got her standing, Ichigo followed them up. "Can you walk?"

She clutched her head.

"I guess."

"Good. Because we should move."

She looked him up and down. "You're still here."

"Obviously."

"Why didn't you leave us?"

"I know, I'm putting you in danger, I-"

"No. I mean, I didn't expect you to stick around and help."

"Oh." He glanced at Ichigo. "He made me."

It wasn't entirely true, Grimmjow had intended to flee in order to protect them, but there was no point correcting him.

"Thank you," she said, regardless of his reasoning. "And to answer your question, yes, I can walk. Can you?"

The crusted blood on his feet hadn't gone missed by her quick eyes. No doubt he had torn them up escaping the wreckage. "I'll be fine," he assure her. "Kid?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Ichigo said, despite his shaking limbs, exhaustion and thirst. "Let's go."

They did. It was cold going for the boys: Ichigo had given his coat to Grimmjow, leaving him bare armed and Grimmjow still barefoot. They pushed on into the forest that bordered the highway: they guessed it was their safest route until they were far enough from the scene Rukia could call for backup.

Their breath puffed before them in the cold; white clouds in the moonlight. Everything looked like it was moving, the cold moon cast deceptive shadows on the trees around them. They kept up as fast a pace as they could manage, all of them sore and hurt from the crash, Grimmjow's body exhausted from the overdose. He was the first to stagger to a stop from the combined pain in his chest and in his feet.

"You've overdone it," Rukia warned, though she looked no better. Grimmjow was on his knees gagging and clutching a tree.

"Bullshit," he spat out. "Barely been ten km."

"You're extremely dehydrated." He'd had nothing but alcohol since being stabbed, bleeding, barfing and then in a car crash. "Your body can't take much more without water. And," she leaned back and lifted her coat, tearing strips from her shirt beneath. "You're going to lose your toes at this rate."

They took some time for her to bind up his feet as best she could. His chances of coming out with all ten toes was still not very good but it was a start. As for water, they were in a bind. It was below freezing, any source of water was frozen and they had no way to melt it. The scarcest bit of snow lay here and there, but not enough to easily gather.

They didn't have much choice but to make for town and hope for backup.

"This way." Rukia took the lead. "We'll hit the road in a kilometre, the next town in four. We'll bunk up somewhere and get help."

It was a struggle for all of them to make it through that last push. And when they arrived, bodies steaming, bandaged and coated in sweat, bruises and spots of blood in a motel, the manager looked like he had half a mind to phone the police. Rukia talked him down, got them a room and started to make arrangements for a pickup. Ichigo doused Grimmjow in water, making him drink as much as he could stand and drawing a steaming bath he forced him to put his battered feet in.

It was an ugly sight, when the dirt cleared and life returned to numbed digits. Grimmjow sat on the edge of the bath, shirtless again as Ichigo checked his wounds and jeans rolled up to his knees. Rukia inspected the wound on her forehead and Ichigo preferred not to glimpse the mess of himself in the mirror.

"Oh Hell!" Ichigo exclaimed when he saw the inflammation around the wound on Grimmjow's stomach. This caught Rukia's attention and she too cursed.

Red lines spread out from the rough stitches, the whole area inflamed and though they were all sweating from the sudden change from cold to warm, Grimmjow could easily be suffering a severe fever.

"I'm okay." He tried to pass it off, but could hardly stand when they tried to get him up. It was partly from his feet—the pain that had been numbed earlier was now fully brought to life and he winced at every step but there was no doubting the stomach wound was draining him. They got him flat out on the bed and Rukia leaned over the marred flesh.

"We don't have any supplies, we'll have to med-evac when they get here."

"How long?" Ichigo asked.

"Close to an hour, I'd guess. We're spread thin, monitoring all those interested in Hogyku." She didn't seem to care about leaking official information to Ichigo right now. "Grimmjow, how badly were you stabbed?"

"I was stabbed, it was bad," he said shortly.

"With what?"

"A knife. Six inches, if that's what you're asking. And I doubt he sterilized it first," he grunted, shifting uncomfortably. The painkillers that had almost killed him earlier, were probably the only reason he'd been able to move up to this point and now they were wearing off.

"Stay with him," Rukia instructed Ichigo. "I'll keep watch."

"For Interpol or Yakuza?"

"Both."

"Great." He sat on the bed and made it shift under Grimmjwo who winced. "Sorry."

He got a grunt but then blue eyes shifted to his arm. "What about you?"

"I'm alright."

"You have a head wound and a Frankenstein arm, I doubt you're alright."

Ichigo shrugged. He wasn't great, but he honestly didn't feel as bad as he should after all that had happened. "Adrenaline maybe."

"Maybe. But I think I used all of mine up." He shut his eyes.

"Hey, don't go to sleep." They heard Rukia from the window.

"Why not?"

"Concussion, infection, overdose—you tell me why you shouldn't fall unconscious until someone with a medical degree takes a look at you," she replied, never turning from her position.

Grimmjow let out an exasperated noise but Ichigo agreed with her and prodded him back awake.

"She's right," he answered the annoyed blue eyes. "Stay awake."

"I don't think I can..." he slurred, eyes shutting again.

"Grimmjow. Grimmjow! Rukia!"

"Check his pulse."

Ichigo did. "It's not great but it's there."

"Then there isn't much more we can do. How's the rest of him?" Ichigo did a run down. He was definitely feverish, every inch of flesh on fire, and his feet were still bleeding. Ichigo didn't even know where to start with them but he gave it a try with what little supplies they had.

"He told me, about the Hogyoku drug, the Japanese government, the supersoldier program. And he told me about Aizen being his father."

He saw Rukia glance at him in the window's reflection but then her eyes refocused on the night beyond.

"When I was unconscious?"

"Yes."

"Did he also tell you how we met?"

"I got the picture."

"I messed up," she said softly. "And now I've messed up again. My entire team-"

"We don't know what happened to the others."

"There's little hope."

"It's not your fault, Rukia."

"I didn't want to use him, but it was my orders. When he popped up on our grid, I knew I had to take the case. It's unfinished business, but I'm afraid this business is going to finish me." She sighed. "I can't believe I'm explaining all this to a high school student."

Ichigo almost forgot he was still a student, after everything. He'd lost himself to the whole ordeal, and his sole focus in the last few hours had been survival.

Strangely, it felt more natural than any class.

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Ichigo asked Rukia.

"They must have come around back." She tried to sound convincing but she approached the door with Grimmjow's stolen gun in hand. Ichigo watched her creep up to the frame, another knock sounding behind the wood.

She got to the peephole by the third, reaching it on tiptoes.

The explosion rang through Ichigo's very soul, not because it was deafening, but because he instantly understood when Rukia arched back from the busted frame, blood specking her front. When the door flew in with a second shot. When several men appeared in its absence, kicking her limp form to the side with unforgiving harshness.

"No..." Ichigo swung at the first, determined to go down fighting. He actually got a strike before he was slammed into the wall, punched square in the face and dropped on the ground. Shots erupted in the hall, other patrons screamed. These people weren't concerned with collateral damage or making their presence known.

"Take him." Someone ordered, nodding to the limp form on the bed.

"Grimmjow!" Ichigo called, receiving a boot in the gut for the action.

"What about him?" His captor asked.

"Kill him."

"GRIMMJOW!"

The man above Ichigo collapsed. He heard a startled noises, solid strikes, and the click of a shotgun being pumped.

"Back the fuck off!" When Ichigo looked up, Grimmjow was on the bed, armed with one of the men's weapons, and one man on the floor barely breathing. This left five others, their guns trained on the heaving, sweating, bleeding man.

"How the hell did he do that?"

"Just bring him down."

"Can't. He's already in rough shape and we need every drop."

"Shit."

"Get up, kid," Grimmjow instructed. Ichigo did. "Stay behind me."

"You ain't getting out of here."

"By the sounds of it, you can't shoot me, but I can shoot you." Grimmjow threatened.

"You don't have the ner-" The man fell back from the shotgun spray, it was hard to tell if it was fatal or not but Grimmjow wasn't playing games, wasn't taking chances, he meant to get out of this alive and that would mean killing these bastards. The gun needed reloading but he swung it around as a club and caught another man in the skull. He had the upper ground, so to speak, but someone used their brains and grabbed the bed covers, attempting to trip Grimmjow. He started to fall but caught the ceiling fan. Its motor whined at the counter weight but it held and his foot connected with one of the guys' faces before he dropped among them.

The pain in his side got the better of him and his knees failed to lock when he dropped, however, from this position he struck a man's knee cap and forced it the wrong way. The guy hollered and fell, a shot going wild and Ichigo ducked to avoid further. Grimmjow came up and used his head to strike a man who staggered back into a wall near Ichigo. Grimmjow rammed into him and reached for the teen.

"Now kid!" They had their window, small as it was, and their hands met before a man on the ground regained his senses enough to strike Grimmjow right in the stomach, on that infected wound.

He dropped with an agonized scream. And just like that, it was over. Whatever elite training Grimmjow may have had, whatever skills and instincts, he was only human now, and he would not be getting up after a blow like that.

He looked near fainting when he was grabbed and rolled onto his back. Ichigo was half strangled by the hold around his neck and he was forced to his knees next to them. A gun was raised to his head. Someone grabbed Grimmjow's chin and forced him to look at the teen.

"Do anything, and we blow his brains all over the wall. Understand?"

Grimmjow gave a weak nod.

"Ain't we taking him back?" Another man spoke.

"No. He's caused too much trouble already. We do this here and now."

"Do what?" Ichigo suffered a punch to the gut for daring to speak but his question was answered anyway as a man straddled Grimmjow's hips and a cooler was set down next to him. He opened it to reveal rows of vials all hooked into a central line, the end of which formed into a needle which he now took and put to Grimmjow's neck while others restrained him.

"Boy, your blood is worth more than anything on the market these days." He slid the needle in and instantly red blood filled the tube. Grimmjow couldn't escape the hold of the men, pinning his arms and his head. "You're the only person who's had Hogyoku and not on lockdown. Can't believe no one's come for you before."

"I'm not on it...anymore," he breathed, already sounding like he was on death's door.

"Doesn't matter, once it's in you, it never leaves completely, or so I've heard. Hand this over to the right people, and they can pick out traces of it, enough to reverse engineer our own doses."

"mmm..." Ichigo watched Grimmjow shut his eyes, he was losing way too much blood on top of everything else.

"That's it, just go to sleep kid, it'll be over soon."

But blue eyes blinked awake again, as if in defiance, and he strained against their hold in a last effort.

"Shhh, son, just let it go."

"...no..."

"Why not? What have you really got to live for?"

"...anything...everything..."

"Well I'm afraid it's too late, kid." The man on his waist shifted and rose. They let him go and he lay limp. "A person can't live once they lose a certain amount of blood, I'm afraid you're just about there."

"No..." Ichigo saw the tubes full of blood next to him, but his eyes were focused on Grimmjow. "NO!"  
>Grimmjow looked at him, hands moving slowly, but they went for his pocket, where his phone was, the screen he'd stared at so many times, for comfort or torture, Ichigo never knew.<p>

"It'll do you no good now." the man took it from him when he realized what he was trying to do. He flipped it open. "No one on here can save you now."

He hit the contacts list. Ichigo was behind him, he could see the screen.

There was only one name.

"Actually..." Grimmjow breathed, "he can."

Both Ichigo and the man's eyes widened at the single name and then the whole place erupted in gunfire.

There was no warning, just chaos as a group of armed men broke into the room.

Ichigo fell forward. The man who'd been holding him was dead at his back, a bullet in his brain, but he himself was unharmed. He dared to lift his head, and watched the new comers step over the bodies. Before him, the leader was still sputtering, Grimmjow's phone in hand.

"A lesson," a tall, square shouldered man with swept back brown hair towered over the dying gang member. "Do not try to take what's mine. My research," He cocked the old style revolver, "Or my son."

Ichigo jolted at the shot. A spray of blood and thicker chunks of grey matter flew back on him and he remained frozen in horror at the sensation.

"He's barely breathing." Someone had unhooked the needle from Grimmjow's neck and was trying to stem the bleeding.

"It's alright." Aizen knelt next to his wayward son and gently pulled him up by the shoulders. His arms were limp at his sides but as if by this man's will his eyes remained open. "Grimmjow, I've come to rescue you."

"...father."

"Yes. We've come to take you home."

Blue eyes shut. A tear seeped out.

"Shh. I've got you now." Aizen comforted, lifting his son from the floor, but everything in Ichigo knew that Grimmjow saw not salvation, but damnation in that embrace.

* * *

><p><strong><em>As always, thanks for the reviews!<em>**

**_Riza_**


	8. Chapter 8

Brown eyes parted to a white ceiling, the soft whir of a fan to one side. The patient shifted to see the rest of the surroundings but winced in pain.

"Rukia, don't move."  
>She didn't listen when she heard the gruff voice, instead it made her fight past the pain to turn sideways.<p>

"Renji." Her voice was just a rasp. "You're alive."

"Yeah. Ikkaku too, we didn't have it half as bad as you guys...I don't know if you were awake to see but Yumichika didn't make it."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. We knew what we were in for." He put a hand on her shoulder, "Besides, it's a miracle you pulled through. Your chest was full of shot and splinters. You're lucking nothing went past your ribs."

"Yeah...lucky," she wheezed. "But how? What happened?"

"Yakuza got you. But they were all dead upon our arrival."

"How is that possible?"

"Aizen."

"What...?"

"Ichigo Kurosaki saw the whole thing. He said Grimmjow fought as best he could, but was taken down. They tried to uh...drain his blood, something about reverse engineering the Hogyoku drug...I guess it makes sense. But then Aizen and some of his men showed up, wiped the place and took Grimmjow."

She shut her eyes. "No...Those poor boys." But she opened them again, "Wait, how do you know this? If they killed Ichigo-"

"They didn't. He said they shot the man restraining him and all the others but just let him go."

"Impossible. I understand they thought I was dead, but if Ichigo was awake to witness all of this there's no way they would leave him alive."

"I know, it disturbs me too. But he is, I can go get him if you want, he's just down the hall."

"Not right now." She was in pain. "I need to talk to HQ."

"You need to rest."

"We can't wait on this. We're losing the trail."

"What trail? Rukia, Grimmjow was only an asset because he was within reach, and he wasn't doped up on stone-cold-killer drugs anymore. But he's gone now. He's out of our reach and I'm sure by now he's already that killing machine that nearly took us all down a year ago. It's over, Rukia, I'm sorry. Grimmjow's on his own now."

He put a hand on her arm when she shut her eyes, but never noticed the teen listening from just outside the door.

* * *

><p>Fire on his skin. Ice in his bones. Tremors. Nightmares. Hallucinations. Hands on him. A soothing voice.<p>

Grimmjow didn't break free of sickness for a long time. He had only flashes of memories, of the white lights and metal surfaces of a medical ward, then the pale walls and suffocating sheets of a bed. Pain beyond anything he'd ever known in his stomach. He thought he might have had surgery, he knew he'd been given powerful medications, but it was still all a blur when he woke with a clear enough mind in a small room, the window darkened by night and reinforced by iron bars.

He sighed and looked to his left. A chain cemented to the wall led under the sheets, he'd already felt the weight of the shackle on his left wrist.

He'd been in this situation before, one year ago. He'd managed to escape then, he knew they would never let it happen a second time. And shifting slightly, he knew he was in no condition to even consider an attempt.

The door opened on his right. He knew who it would be even before he saw his face.

"Son, you're awake." Grimmjow just followed him as he crossed the room and took a seat on the side of his bed. "Do you know where you are?"

"The detention centre." He was startled by the hoarseness of his voice. Aizen stood again, and got a glass of water. When Grimmjow tried to sit, he failed. He made a frustrated noise.

"It's alright." Aizen pulled him up and helped him drink. "Your wounds were severe, it will take some time to get your strength back."

"How long has it been?"

"Six days. You were unconscious for three days, we had to operate on your stomach wound. It's much better but even with our strongest medications the infection wreaked havoc on you. If it weren't for Hogyoku, you would have died."

Grimmjow looked up sharply at this. "What? You've already given it to me?"

"Enough to get you through this, but not a full dose. I'm afraid that would shock your system too much, we will have to gradually get you back on."

Grimmjow dropped his eyes.

"You still think you are better without it?" Aizen read his thoughts. "Even after that year away from us."

"Yes."

"Really? Tell me, what was so great about the world outside these walls that makes you resist me? Was it living in poverty? Was it that month you spent literally living on the streets, eating other people's scraps? Was it the petty crimes you committed to get by? Or the scum you traded secrets with for cash? Was it living above that shit hole listening to drunkards every night?"

This brought blue eyes back up to him. "You were watching me, that whole time?"

"Yes, Grimmjow. You had to know I wouldn't let you go so easily. I gave you your chance to see the world for what it is: violent and cruel and lonely. Those men would have killed you, if I hadn't intervened. You must know this."

"...I do."

"You wanted me to come, didn't you? Whenever you felt overwhelmed, or scared, you wanted to call me, to come home. Well now you don't have to be frightened anymore, I'm here, you're home."

"But I...I don't want to go back on it."

"It will make you strong again."

"It makes me empty inside."

"And do you really like how you are now? The anger, the deep depression? No, it's for the best. Now rest up."

He rose, Grimmjow watched him go. He felt his throat tighten with overwhelming emotion, because even on his darkest day, he would rather feel human than hollow.

* * *

><p>"Ichigo. It's nice to meet you." Ichigo shook hands with the blonde man before him. He was wearing a suit, but the tie was absent and his buttons half undone. Ichigo got the impression this man didn't care for formality, though Renji had introduced him as the leader of the Hogyoku operation.<p>

"My name is Kisuke Urahara. Please, have a seat." They were in a private room. Ichigo sat at the table across from him. "I'm Interpol's lead investigat-"

"I know," Ichigo interrupted. "I'm sorry, but I've been in custody for days. I haven't been able to contact my family, they probably think I'm dead."

"They don't."

"Then what?"

"They were informed you were arrested."

"I'm under arrest?"

"No, you're in protective custody. But we can hardly advertise this to anyone outside of the case. You were taken by Yakuza. You saw the faces of Aizen and his men. Now, you are fortunate in that Yakuza probably has no idea you were involved since their members were all found dead at the scene. Aizen, however, does know your face and no doubt your name. For one reason or another, he let you live, but I don't feel that's a good enough reason to send you on your way just yet. Who knows if he'll change his mind? If and when it is determined you are safe, you can return to your normal life."

"Oh yeah, great, and everyone will think I'm a criminal!"

"Your record will be clean, I assure you."

"That's not what I meant."

"Ichigo. I know it's alot to take in, but I have to debrief you."

Ichigo slouched back in his chair. "Fine."

"We would like to find out what you know about Grimmjow—his dealings, his condition, and his affiliates."

"Are you going to try to get him back?"

Ichigo already knew the answer from what he'd overheard, and expected a lie, but Urahara faced him honestly.

"No. Rukia was our lead agent on the front lines, and with her wounds, and the loss of a team member, this operation has already cost too much. We will return to surveillance of the organization."

Ichigo already knew this too—Renji and Ikkaku had been absent for days—there was little doubt where they had gone.

"I'll tell you what you want," Ichigo agreed. "But will you answer my questions, off the record or whatever? I mean, Grimmjow is Aizen's son, right? And Aizen stole this Hogyoku thing?"

"No, he did not steal it." The man seemed willing to share top secret information. "He engineered it, with two others. The three were recruited by the Japanese military right out of university. It was their joint effort that produced Hogyoku, but in trials, it proved volatile. The men who took it became supersoldiers in their strength and intelligence, but they were uncontrollable, wild, blood thirsty."

"So it was shut down?"

"It was. But one of the three left."

"Aizen."

"Yes. At the time, I did not know he had taken research with him, nor did I predict he would spend the next twenty five years developing it, and his own army."

"So you were one of the three?"

"Yes."

"And the other?"

"He left before the first soldier was injected. He is of no concern anymore."

"So when you say Aizen's army, you mean...his children?"

"I do. Grimmjow being the youngest of the six."

"Why did he do it?"

"It doesn't matter." Apparently his forthcoming mood was coming to an end. "What matters is what we can learn from Grimmjow's escape. He is the only one of the six to leave Aizen. The only one to come off of Hogyoku, which frankly we did not think was possible."

"You didn't think he could withstand the withdrawal?"

"No, it is intensely powerful, and as you probably noticed, he did not come out unscathed."

"The depression."

"Yes. But believe it or not, that was a much less severe side effect than we expected. So now that you know a little more about the subject, please tell me what you witnessed in your encounters with Grimmjow Jaggerjaques."

Ichigo nodded. He sat back and began to describe the man he'd come to know, and the man he knew he'd probably never see again.

* * *

><p>"He's been like this for three days. He's dangerously dehydrated and slowly starving himself to death." A rose haired scientis said to Aizen as they stood behind the window in the door, looking in on the form on the bed. Grimmjow was laying on his side, facing the wall, his back to them.<p>

"This is the depression you reported?"

"Yes. Halibel and Starrk both told of it from their surveillance."

"It's from Hogyoku?"

"Most likely. When he's off the antibiotics, I will run blood work. But I am sure we will find his serotonin levels unbalanced. For now, we will have to wait out the episode. I'll start him on an IV."

"Good. Thank you, Szayel."

"Yes, father."

He left to get what he required. Aizen opened the door and moved to the patient.

"Is this what you really want to suffer?" He spoke above him, Grimmjow never moved. "To know despair, sorrow, so deep you can't move?" He leaned low, put a hand on his son's arm, whispered in his ear. "I will liberate you Grimmjow, from your Hell, I promise."

He moved back to the door, Szayel just returning. "As soon as you can, I want a full exam. He's the only one to come off of it—he can provide valuable research."

"And then?"

"And then, Szayel, we give him Hogyoku again, and you will have your brother back."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Not a lot of action but a few answers! Thanks for the reviews!<strong>_

_**Riza.**_


	9. Chapter 9

"You look better today." Ichigo sat next to Rukia's bed. She was dressed in a t-shirt, lighter bandages on her arms.

"I feel it. And you? How are you coping, Ichigo?"

He shrugged. "I know I brought this on myself."

"You did," she agreed. "But you're still just a kid. We should have intervened when we saw you getting too close."

"But that would have blown your cover."

She nodded. "Will I ever do anything right?"

He put a hand on her arm. He still didn't know her very well, but with her team gone, and him with nothing else to do, he'd spent much of his free time in her company as she recovered. He felt they'd built and understanding if not scratched the surface of a friendship. "You tried to help him, in the end."

"And Yumichika paid that price." She let out a long breath. "I'm sorry, all I do is wallow in self-pity. It's unprofessional."

"It's human," he countered, but his eyes dropped, thinking to what Grimmjow had described about being on the drug. "Rukia, can you tell me about when you first met Grimmjow?"

She considered. "I supposed, you've already been made aware of sensitive material." She shifted to get more comfortable on the bed. "Like I said before, we had targeted him because he'd been on Hogyoku the shortest amount of time, and therefore, the least strong. We needed someone on the inside, but since Aizen had forged his army of his own children, our only option was to turn one of them. When I first read his file, I didn't think we could ever change him enough to win him over. I was against it, actually. But our commander was unrelenting in his pursuit."

"Kisuke?"

"No. Byakuya. Byakuya Kuchki."

"Oh." Ichigo had heard enough to know her brother was dead.

"He set it all up. Grimmjow was two months away from his eighteenth birthday. He should have been in school, like you, but he's never been. He was raised in Aizen's compound—well mostly. He left the mansion with two others, Tier Halibel and Cyote Starrk, his older sister and brother. They were making a deal of some sort, I think Grimmjow was just there to learn what to do. Japanese police made the bust, but it was all part of our plans. We used the confusion to separate the three, then we cornered Grimmjow." She rubbed her arm, as if remembering an old injury. "He broke Yumichika's leg, Renji's collar bone and Ikkaku suffered a severe concussion. I don't remember much, he threw me into a wall- I couldn't believe how powerful he was, how fast, how honed his movements were for someone so young. My brother incapacitated him eventually, but it took our most powerful tranquilizers and he still suffered a broken nose."

"Wow."

"Yes. It was terrifying, but it was also an insight as to just what a threat Aizen and his children pose to us, even the world. But worse, it was proof that Hogyoku had been refined, perfected, and obedient supersoldiers created."  
>"You didn't want to save Grimmjow, you wanted to get the formula."<p>

"Of course we did. It could change the world. In the right hands, we could have superheros, in the wrong hands, we could have genocides."

"No. No one should mess with life this way."

"That's what some people thought, even one of the developers himself."

"The one who left the project twenty five years ago?"

"Yes."

"But not Urahara."

"He tried to fix it, for years. And then when he got wind that Aizen had, and the threat he posed, he felt responsible for letting his brain child get in the hands of such a person. He made it his personal goal to get it back. But really, it's beyond that now."

"So what happened, after you got Grimmjow?"

"We put him through detox. It was one of the worst things I'd ever witnessed. We did everything we could to help him, but it was nothing short of torture. And when it was out of his system, he was like a zombie. We thought he was in shock, but it was depression."

"You said you saved his life?"

"We had him under observation, he didn't speak, barely moved. And when he did improve, he was crippled by panic attacks, anxiety. But he did get better, little by little. And that's when we backed off, stopped watching him so closely. And then I found him bleeding out in bathroom after he slit his wrist with broken pieces of the mirror."

"Oh hell."

"He said if this was what is was to be alive, he didn't want to live. But he got better, obviously, and things levelled out enough that he could function, like he has the last year. But he refused to go back undercover like we asked."

"So what, you turned him lose?"

"No. We wanted information. He gave us some, though at that point I don't think he knew what he wanted. Aizen was still his father, and even if he wasn't high anymore, he wasn't exactly ready to turn on his family. So we were patient, we gave him time. But that gave them time. And they got him back."

"They took him from here?"

"No, we were moving him, to get him farther away from it all, to a better facility with more doctors who could help him. But Aizen had been waiting for exactly that."

"He attacked in transport?"

"Yes. I honestly don't know how any of us came out of it. There was so much gunfire, it all happened so fast. But they must have been more interested in getting him back than killing us. Only my brother came out of the crash strong enough to resist. Grimmjow didn't want to go, we knew that at least. He tried to run, they grabbed him, Byakuya tried to help. He was outnumbered, and they were on Hogyoku. He stood no chance."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

There was silence for several long seconds then Ichigo asked a question that still burned him, even more so after hearing this story.

"Rukia, I don't get it. If they went to such trouble to get him back, how did he ever escape? And why did it take them a year to come for him again?"

Her eyes darkened and he knew she was thinking the same as him. "I don't know Ichigo, but the only thing that I can think, is that Aizen intended for him to escape. He wanted him to. And for whatever reason, now he wants him back."

* * *

><p>"It's as I suspected. He has chemical depression, probably always will until we put him back on Hogyoku." Szayel was in his office, explaining everything to his father.<p>

"Is that a guarantee?"

"Unfortunately no, I can't say for certain what the effects of going back on it will be." He lowered the sheet and looked Aizen straight on. "As you know, no one of the second generation ever stopped Hogyoku once they started, until Grimmjow."

"Can you predict why he survived withdrawal?"

"Yes. He was too young, he'd only been on it for three months. Any longer and his body would have been too dependant, but as it was, he just made the cut off. I can't say for sure how this will affect his dependency the second time around."

"Alright. You've done good work, son. Now, I would like to get your brother back with the rest of you. I would like to start Grimmjow on the doses as soon as possible."

"He's strong enough. We can start today."

"Excellent."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow knew, when the door opened, who it would be. He'd been expecting them long before now.<p>

"So you are alive," Yammy sneered, stepping in the room first, his thick body towered over the others. Behind him came the rest of Grimmjow's siblings, save Szayel: Starrk, the eldest, Halibel, the second born, Yammy himself was next and the one closest to Grimmjow's age, Ulquiorra, older than him by less than a year. Though they shared a father, they all had extremely different appearances due to their mothers' genetics.

"Barely by the looks of it," Halibel commented, crossing her arms under her sizeable chest.

"He's lost weight," Ulquiorra said. "He looks weak."

"It's the depression I was telling you about," Starrk said, "he goes for days without eating."

"Depression, tch, poor baby got sad, did he?" Yammy jeered.

Grimmjow sat where he was chained, back against the wall, legs drawn up, and listening to his siblings discuss him as if he weren't even in the room. Their heartless words, their cold eyes on him- he felt the greatest sorrow, at knowing what his family had become- and knowing what he was soon to return to. He could hardly remember, now, those days in their youth, when they'd actually had emotions. Now, among them again, the only one left with independent thought and feeling, he felt like a human on an alien planet. He felt alone. He felt dread.

"So, come on then," someone was finally acknowledging him instead of just talking about him, "tell us what it was like on your own." He looked to Yammy.

"You want to know?" He doubted his genuine curiosity.

"Yeah, you know, slumming it with civilians, being weak and shit."

"It was freedom," he answered honestly. "It was real."

"What the Hell does that mean?" Yammy asked.

"It means I wasn't some brain-dead, indoctrinated asshole anymore."

"WHAD'YOU CALL ME?!"

"Yammy!" Starrk Intervened. He'd been on Hogyoku the longest, and was easily the strongest of them, but it was easy to forget at times from his calm demeanour. Now he interfered, stopping Yammy from striking their chained brother.

"It's true though," Grimmjow dared continue. "You guys can't know, until you stop taking Hogyoku."

"What the Hell did those Interpol bastards do to you?" Halibel challenged. "You're the brain-washed one."

"Like I said, you can't understand while you're still high."

"We're not high and you know it." Ulquiorra's calm voice drew his attention sideways. The smallest of them, he was no less deadly. "Hogyoku alters the very structure of your cells. We are strengthened. We are enhanced."

"You're hollow. You're all dead inside."

"Dead inside? Is that how you felt when you tried to kill yourself." Those dark eyes got to him and his chain pulled taught when he lunged off the bed at Ulquiorra. He stood at the edge of his bed, arm forced back behind him.

"You little bastard!"

"It's true though," Ulquiorra continued. "You slit your wrist but that little bitch saved you. Then you swallowed all those pills. So tell us again, what's so great about the world outside it made you want to die?"

Grimmjow stood seething, telling himself they could never understand.

"He unbalanced his brain," Halibel spoke. "That's what Szayel told me. Says he can't even control it."

"Fucking weak." Yammy spat. Grimmjow watched him for a moment, considering all aspects of his situation. Starrk was back by the door, no one stood between him and Yammy now. He made his decision and took a breath.

"Like I said, Yammy, I'm not the weak one. You're the drug-dependent fatass who can't say no to daddy."

He hit the bed with force enough he heard the frame shudder under him. It was only one strike, but the punch to his face threatened to take him under. He tasted blood, he couldn't see, he just felt the hand on his neck drag him up and out too far from the bed.

"GHA!" He screamed at the force on his wrist. There was a terrible pop, he felt that same sensation of shattered glass in the joint as he had when Ikkaku had dislocated his shoulder, but that pain was lost to him when he was thrown back into the wall.

"ENOUGH!" Thunder boomed in his ear drums. He swallowed convulsively, the strikes enough to kill him- and he had known this. He'd wanted this. Because he knew when their father came back what he intended to do. He just had to hope he couldn't administer the drug when he was injured.

"Yammy, leave now. That goes for all of you, out!"

"Yes sir." They all left Grimmjow was flat out on the bed, face against the wall where he'd fallen. He felt hand on him, stiff with anger, but the blows had been too much, he never saw the look on his father's face before he was out again.

* * *

><p>"Tell me what happened." Aizen stood before his firstborn. Starrk explained the conversation, but that was not what Aizen was after. "In your opinion, Coyote, did Grimmjow provoke Yammy on purpose? Did he want to reinjure himself?"<p>

"In my opinion...yes."

Molars ground tight together. "He hates me so much he would risk his life to defy me." His words were for himself, not Starrk. "Go."

"Yes father."

Aizen stood a long time in his study. It was a few hours after the incident, Szayel had already been to patch Grimmjow up. As a regular human against someone as physically enhanced at Yammy he'd been severely injured. But it wasn't injuries that had kept Aizen from injecting him to this point—it was the tests he'd wanted performed and the antibiotics that would interfere.

But he had those samples now. So he pushed out the door, stormed down the hall and retrieved what he needed from the medical ward before throwing open Grimmjow's door.

It was clear what he intended.

"No." Grimmjow sat, despite his injuries, and pressed himself back against the wall, as if he could actually escape this. "Don't."

"Yes. I'm tired of this, Grimmjow. I am going to make you mine again." He grabbed his unchained wrist and forced his arm out.

"I don't want it!"

"I don't care." He lined the needle up with his vein.

"Please...father." Grimmjow wasn't one to beg, but he had no other option.

"You'll thank me when you remember yourself. And you had better apologize."

The needle went in.

"NO!"

Thundering blood.

A primal scream.

A hollow heart.

A feral grin.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for the reviews. Next time, meet the new Grimmjow...action upcoming! <strong>_

_**Ciao,**_

_**Riza**_


	10. Chapter 10

"You're free to go."

"What?" Ichigo looked up from his book in the kitchen. Their base of operations was no more than a renovated house—a very nice and large house—but still not very big for an international organization. Still, Ichigo guessed that it probably served as good cover.

"I said you're free to go," Kisuke repeated. "You've been here for almost three weeks, you've given us all the information you know—and Aizen will know this. There is no point in him harming you now. So you aren't in danger."

"Wow. Okay that's great."

"Good. Rukia will still be keeping eyes on you, for the first little while, just to be sure."

"Alright."

"Other than that, I trust you understand this case is highly sensitive. If I thought you were one to blab, I wouldn't let you go. I'm trusting you, Ichigo."

"I won't say anything. What about my cover story? Do I really have to say I was arrested?"

"No. That information was only to your family. I have sent an official to explain in as little detail as possible to your father that you have been in our custody. We've already taken the liberty of sending your school a letter from the hospital detailing an acute infection that had you bed bound for weeks. So make sure to look sick and tired when you go back to school."

Ichigo nodded, glad to be getting off so easy after getting involved in an international investigation.

"Well, this is it, Ichigo." Urahara had walked him to the door. "Enjoy normal life."

"Thanks, I'll do my best."

Ichigo got in the car waiting for him and let out a long sigh. He had spent three weeks thinking about Grimmjow, worrying what might be happening to him—but now the thought of his family, his friends, and the simple stresses of exams and project deadlines made him long for his old life.

Yes, he was ready for normal.

Unfortunately, normal wasn't what awaited him.

* * *

><p>"Guess who's back, bitches." The door to the training room banged open. Five warriors paused in their training routines to look up at the newcomer.<p>

"He let you out." Halibel was the first to comment. She was looking at his dishevelled t-shirt and sweat pants and bed-wild hair. Grimmjow looked more like a patient from a mental institution than reborn supersoldier.

"I didn't escape if that's what you're thinking," he answered. "I just got out and thought I'd let you assholes know."

"I missed your articulate speeches, Grimmjow," Starrk sighed.

"Indeed." Ulquiorra rolled his eyes.

"Fuck you all," he retorted. "I'm ready to roll, so who wants a go?"

"You've been in rehab for two weeks, you can't expect to be ready to face one of us," Halibel warned him.

"Wanna bet, sis? Sure, the old man was a little pissed at me and it was rough ride getting back in the game, but here I am."

"It was more than a rough ride." Szayel dropped his sparring stick. He may have spent half his life learning his medical skills from their father, but he'd spent his other half honing his body as a warrior like the rest of the clan. Now he came up to Grimmjow with appraising eyes. "I had to restart your heart three times for the first injection alone. Twice for the second."

"I said I'm fine."

"You had a seizure two days ago."

"I said," Grimmjow lowered his voice, speaking directly to Szayel now, "I'm fine."

"And yesterday you blacked out for no rea-"

Szayel hit the ground from the lightening-fast punch. He clutched a nose that spewed blood and Grimmjow shook out his hand, knuckles cracking with satisfaction.

"I said, I'm fine." He looked to the others. "Now who wants a go?"

"Me." Yammy didn't wait a second longer before lunging at him. Their actions were so quick it would have been difficult to follow the battle for a regular person, but as all eyes in the room where enhanced one. The rest of the family watched Grimmjow duck a punch and rolled back, coming up in time to block another strike and deliver his own.

He and Yammy moved blow for blow, Grimmjow moving lightly in his bare feet—now fully healed from his frigid night time escape weeks earlier. He had a height and weight disadvantage, especially now after all his body had gone through and he was slimmer than he had been when they'd brought him in.

Eventually, this advantage won out. Yammy got him around the throat and slammed him back into the wall, raising him high above the ground. At his distance, Grimmjow couldn't strike much even with his feet. But instead of aiming a kick for his face, or something else, he wrapped his legs around one of the restraining arms and twisted.

Yammy hollered when his elbow dislocated and Grimmjow dropped lightly to the ground.

"That was for the shoulder," he growled.

He rose, Yammy gasping in pain behind him. He looked about to lung off the ground after him but the doors opened again and they all stopped, seeing Aizen.

"Grimmjow." The voice was stern, and yet, in his face they could all tell he had wanted a test of Grimmjow's strength, no matter what reprimand was given. "I told you to go straight to your room."

"Sorry, father." He walked away from his fallen brother. "I just wanted to let them know I was better."

"Next time, do as I ask. Go get cleaned up."

"Yes father."

He left the training room. Aizen surveyed his other children with a smile. "That is enough training, for today."

Down the Hall, he found Grimmjow in his old room, looking through the closest for fresh clothes.

"Does it feel strange, to be back?"

"Feels like I never left," he grunted, hauling out a shirt but flinging it on the bed. He needed a shower first, but he father was watching him closely and he paused. "You're angry."

"No. I am glad. You seem to be doing well."

"I need to get back in shape," he countered. "They're all so far ahead of me now."

"No, Grimmjow, I need you on a mission."

This gave him pause. "A mission?" Before he'd left he had not yet gone on one alone.

"You are uniquely qualified for the position."

"I am? How?"

"You are the only one with the experience I need."

"Experience...you mean out there?"

"Yes. In fact, I want you to walk right back into your old life."

"I don't understand."

"You will. Think of it as a game, Grimmjow, a challenge. You're going to go back, pretend you're the snivelling wreck you were when I brought you home. Tell Rukia Kuchki everything she wants to know, but most of all, tell her you finally agree to her terms. And tell her you want to meet her boss."

"Her brother's dead, she's in charge now."

"Not of her unit, of the entire investigation. I want you to meet him. And when you do set eyes on Kisuke Urahara, I want you to kill him."

* * *

><p>"Where were you really?" Ichigo started and looked up from his desk in the empty classroom. He'd spent every noon in here since his return, trying to catch up on missed work. But now Keigo stood above him, the first quiet word they'd had since his return.<p>

"What do you mean?"

"Oh give it a break, Ichigo. You disappear the same night you run off after seeing that body? You and the blue haired freak are both gone. That's right, I checked, I went to that pub, they said he hadn't been there since that night. As if it's coincidence the two of you go missing on the same night."

"It is. And I wasn't missing, I was in the hospital."

"Then how come no one told us until right before you show up? Why wouldn't your dad let us or the school know?"

"Keigo, this is ridiculous."

"The scary thing, is it's not. Just what are you involved in Ichigo? You know there was another shooting that night, a big one, at a motel six in the next town over..." Ichigo dropped his eyes back to his work, the horror he'd witnessed that night not easily erased, but he'd betrayed himself even in this one move.

"No..." Keigo sat at another desk. "Ichigo...what happened to you? Who _are _you?"

"I'm me, Keigo. Things just...got out of hand."

"Yakuza members were there. But blood from other unidentified people."

"Just stop."

"A guy was decapitated in a car accident not far away."

"Keigo-"

"And you were there, weren't you? Weren't you Ichigo?!"

"JUST LEAVE IT ALONE!" He slammed his books down.

"Ichigo.."

"I can't take this." He packed up his bag.

"Where are you going?"

He didn't answer. He didn't know. He just stormed from the room, down the front steps and was half way home before he realized he'd just blown off his afternoon classes. When he found himself turning down the street with the pub, he slowed. He still had enough time to get back. But everything in him knew he wasn't going to turn around now. He watched the pub front, feeling a pang for the empty space where so many times he'd seen Grimmjow leaning on the wall smoking. But he would never see him there again.

He still couldn't help glance inside, wishing to see Grimmjow at the bar. He caught his own reflection, saw the strain in his features, how emotional he'd become.

Pathetic. He was mourning a man who hadn't even known his name until the last day they'd seen one another. They hadn't even been friends, so why should he be so upset?

He walked on, the noon sun warm even in the dead of winter. He rounded the street to the clinic, his dad was doing something in at the hospital today, his sisters were at school, he could brood alone in the house.

But he stopped short of his destination. Head bowed as he trudge along, he almost missed it, almost didn't notice the fleck of crimson in greying snow at the side of the walk. He stopped, following it to another, then another, leading into the narrow gap between two buildings, not even big enough to be considered an alley. His eyes followed the drops into the shadows, until they met a shoe. Then a leg. Then a hand clamped around a stomach, and a bowed head of blue hair.

"Gr-grimmjow?"

A slight stir but nothing more. He bolted into the space, dropping in the snow that had built up to knee height in here. "Oh my word, it's you. Grimmjow." He shook him by the shoulder, and eventually he dragged his head up. "Shit." Dark bruises covered pale skin, lips were stained red and he struggled to focus on the teen.

"...kid?"

He was out of it.

"Come on, let's get you out of here." It took most of Ichigo's strength to haul him up. Arms under him, he got him to his feet and they managed to stagger the last half of the block to the clinic.

"Here you go." Ichigo rolled him onto a low bed. He didn't move much once he was down. "I need to see." He started manoeuvering Grimmjow out of his coat, then his shirt. "Where are you hurt?"

"...everywhere."

It was true. When he'd finished unbuttoning, he discovered horrible bruises covering his torso and his back. The blood had drained from a long gouge down from the back of his ribs to his hip.

"Shit, Grimmjow, what happened?" He eased him onto his battered stomach to he could stitch the wound. Grimmjow sucked in a pain filled breath and clutched the pillow Ichigo had slid under him tighter.

"I don't want to talk about it..."

"But Grimmjow, if they're coming after you-"

"They aren't, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"I just do, okay?"

"Okay. But I have to contact Rukia."

"What? No!"

"Grimmjow, she can protect you."

"Obviously she can't." Ichigo fell silent. "Please, Ichigo, I'm asking you not to call her. Can you just help me?"  
>The pleading in his voice was too much, there was no way he could refuse, not after so long of wishing for the chance to do things different, to save Grimmjow.<p>

"Of course. Lie still."

He didn't know how to numb the site, so the best he could offer Grimmjow were a pair of pain pills and a pillow to clutch as he lay half naked on the table and Ichigo ran a needle and thread through the gash on his back.

"There." He let out a breath. "Done." He taped bandages over the stitches for good measure and helped Grimmjow redress in his torn and bloodied shirt and coat.

"What now?" The teen asked him when he managed to sit upright and drink the juice Ichigo gave him to help rehydrate.

"Now I go rest up at my place."

"Really? You're not in hiding?" Grimmjow shook his head.

"No."

"Grimmjow...how? How is any of this possible?"

He lowered the glass, his head along with it, but no answer came.

"Grimm-"

"I'm going." He slid off the table, knees barely locking. "Thanks for patching me up...again."

"Wait, Grimmjow, I'm sorry. Here, let me help."

They cabbed. It was clear just from their walk across the clinic Grimmjow couldn't make it there on foot. Ichigo kept an arm around him the whole distance from taxi to his front door—the stairs had been the worst, eliciting much grunting and groaning in pain.

"The bed." Grimmjow nodded to the bed in the corner. The apartment had been cleaned a bit since that day: he knew Rukia and the others must have combed it for clues, and apparently the barkeeper hadn't bothered putting it up for rent yet.

Another grunt came from his patient when he lowered him to the bed. He rolled to one side and just lay there.

"You should eat."

"mm."

"Grimmjow, are you feeling depressed?"

"I dunno...I'm just tired."

"Is there anything else hurt? Someone beat you pretty bad."

"Nothin's broken.." A slurred quality was taking over his speech.

"Okay, get some sleep." He didn't need any prompting. Ichigo watched his eyes close, his breath even out, and slumber consume him.

* * *

><p>"<em>Keep Ichigo close. He's a good cover and can give you information on Interpol and Urahara until you're ready to make contact with Rukia Kuchki."<em>

_ "How?" Grimmjow asked his father as he explained his mission. "I mean, I don't give two shits about him, so how do I act like everything's the way it was?"_

_ "He's drawn to you, for whatever reason. He wants to take care of you, so let him."_

_ "But how?"_

_ "We give him something to take care of." he reached in his coat and withdrew a knife. "Sorry son."_

Blue eyes parted on a clean room. Grimmjow shifted until he saw the teen, asleep on the couch.

"Fuck." He stretched. Yes the beating he'd taken from his father in order to maintain his cover hurt. He ached all over. But he wasn't the weakling he'd been before. He could endure a hundred times this pain and still get up and fight. But that wasn't what he was going to do. Aizen had spent hours grilling into him how to behave, how to remember what he'd been like before and mimic that.

It was the most difficult thing he'd ever done. He was no actor, no liar. He told it as it was, and that was that. But this was what his father required of him now, so he bit the bullet and gave it a shot.

Who knew it would work so well?

"Grimmjow?"

Shit, the kid was awake. He plastered a pain-filled look on his face. No, not pain, depression, right? He was supposed to make the kid afraid he'd go suicidal again so he'd stick around. He let out a groan and gripped the sheets.

"What is it?"

"Hmm?" He looked up when the teen came to his side. "Nothing."

"Grimmjow..."

"Ichigo, I can't do this now."

"Do what? I just asked how you were."

He scrubbed his face with his hands. "Just go."

"You can't be serious. I just saved your life again and you're still not out of the woods." Grimmjow dropped his hand, careful to leave his wrist exposed, show off that thin white line from his former suicide attempt while in Interpol's custody.

Worked like a charm.

"How do you feel...besides the injuries."

"...fine."

"You're lying." No answer. "Grimmjow, you should get up, try to eat. Here, I'll find you some food."

He refused everything Ichigo offered him, even though his body now burned energy at a higher rate and he was starving. His thin features and narrow waist helped portray his weakness, his helplessness. He hated being either, even if it was fake.

"You have to eat something."

"I just want to sleep," he finally said. Ichigo seemed to hesitate on this, attempting to figure out if it was good or bad. He must have decided good because he shut the blinds for him and let him close his eyes.

It was torture for them both: Ichigo wanting to call for help, not knowing what was going on, and terrified the latest throes of depression would spurn Grimmjow into taking drastic actions again.

And for Grimmjow, it was Hell laying still all day when he burned with energy, his heart pounded with unused adrenaline in his chest.

His wounds healed quickly, especially since he wasn't moving around much. When he couldn't take it anymore, he told Ichigo he was a bit better and he should go to school. It took some proving, he ate, and showered and went downstairs for a smoke. Ichigo decided he was back to his normal level of broodiness and left.

"Finally." He stamped out the cigarette, not sure when he had ever picked up such a disgusting habit, and marched back upstairs.

"Father." He stood at the window with phone in hand. "Kurosaki has bought it, so you think Interpol will too?"

"Not yet, Grimmjow. If you go to them too soon, they'll see your injuries and want to examine you. Remember, one blood test will give the game away. You have to make sure they don't even think of that when you go to them."

"Wait, how? I mean, wouldn't they check just to be safe anyway?"

"Not if they're too busy trying to save one of their own. Rukia will catch on to your return soon, if she hasn't already, but she feels guilty for all her failures concerning you. It is unlikely she will force you back against your will."

"Tch, like she could."

"Grimmjow, don't forget, you're pretending to be human, so yes, she could."

"Sorry."

"Just don't forget. Keep a handle on that temper of yours. I'll arrange for the incident when you've healed more. Then you can be the one that saves her. Urahara will be too busy trying to rescue another of his fallen soldiers he won't question you. Then, you can take him out."

"Got it."

"You're doing well son. I am proud." The electronic click was followed by the dial tone. He folded his phone and put it back in his pocket.

He smiled.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for the reviews!<strong> _


	11. Chapter 11

"I didn't expect to see you back again." Grimmjow looked up at the bartender when he sat down.

He'd spent the morning jogging off his extra energy—though well concealed under a hoody in case Rukia noticed him. He wasn't quite ready for her to get involved. Then he returned to shower and change, still a bit sore but not nearly as wounded as he had to pretend to be. He'd examined himself in the mirror, pausing at the thin line on his right arm.

_"We don't use the syringes for our doses anymore," Szayel said, voice muffled by his broken nose, courtesy of his patient._

_ "You don't?" Grimmjow watched his brother reach for a scalpel. He raised it to his bared arm. "Whoa, what the Hell?" He pulled back._

_ "It's alright, Grimmjow." They both turned to see their father enter the medical ward. "He's telling the truth. Giving Hogyoku to you through daily doses was imprecise, the timing wasn't consistent enough, and there was always the danger of being caught without it."_

_ "Like what happened to me when those Interpol guys grabbed me."_

_ "Exactly. After that incident, I developed an improved delivery system." He picked something off a tray, it was no bigger than a coin. "A slow release method for highly concentrated Hogyoku. This will maintain a steady flow in your system, without injections. It lasts for six months."_

_ "Wow."_

_ "So if you don't mind." Szayel took his arm again, not bothering to numb the region, he cut in. It took little time for him to put the device in place. Grimmjow maintained a straight face the whole time._

_ "There." He sewed it up with fine thread, it would barely scar. "No more injections."_

_ "Awesome." Grimmjow hopped off the table. "So I'm good to go on my mission then?"_

_ "Yes, son, you are."_

Grimmjow returned from the memory, adjusting his shirt sleeve so it covered the spot. He would prefer not to have the scar noticed, just in case, and then he'd gone to the bar.

He looked up now, to the bartender and his landlord.

"Sorry, something came up. Thanks for not renting out from under me."

"I used your damage deposit for the next month's rent. Just pay that back and we're good."

"Thanks." He was given a beer on the house, a kind smile offered by the elderly man. Grimmjow remembered feeling a sort of comfort in the man who seemed to take an interest in him, keep an eye on him from time to time. But now those feelings were dead, and any kindness he returned was a falsity.

He was on his fifth beer by the time Ichigo arrived. He hadn't meant to be found down here, but he could play this too, he just slouched lower in his booth when he saw the teen and pretended to be drowning his pain in alcohol.

"Grimmjow what are you doing? You're barely recovered."

"I was thirsty," he grunted.

Ichigo let out a sigh. "Come here." He took his arm and drew him out of the booth. They slowly made their way back upstairs, but Grimmjow just went to the freezer and pulled out a bottle of vodka.

"Really?" Ichigo made to swipe it from him but Grimmjow took a step back and took a swig.

"Really," he said with no humour. This was less about show, and more about giving him some fortification for dealing with this brat. He got another long chug out of the bottle before he was forced to give it up.

"Shit, you nearly drank a pint already."

He felt it, but even the effects of alcohol were dulled by Hogyoku. "So?"

"So, Grimmjow, are you going to tell me what's got you binge drinking"

"No."

"Why not? Seriously, after everything, why not tell me what happened?"

"You'll tell Rukia."

"No, I won't, I swear."

He glared at him, pretending come to a hard decision. "Fine."

"Good." They moved to the kitchen table and sat.

"So they took me back," he started the story he'd rehearsed with Aizen. "I saw them, my family, for the first time in over a year."

"And what was it like?"

"Horrible. Remember what I told you about the drug?"

"It makes you empty inside."

"Yeah, hollow. They're all hollow."

"And what did they do to you?"

"Well, first, they saved my life."

"You were nearly dead when they took you."

Grimmjow nodded. "I barely remember anything after arriving at the motel. I just remember his face leaning over me, and no matter how much I hated him, I knew he would save me."

"How did he?"

"He used it on me. Hogyoku." Ichigo stiffened. "Don't worry, obviously I'm not on it now."

"How though? If he got you back, how did you get away again?"

"I was off it for a year, it's had side effects, one you already know about." He meant the depression. "But another one...it's my heart. It was damaged when I went off it cold turkey, when Interpol took me."

"What?"

"Remember what you promised. You can never tell Rukia about this. She feels guilty enough already, if she knew that she'd probably spiral into a depression."

"Yeah, okay."

"So they gave me a small dose to save my life, but anything more would kill me, that's what they said anyway. They ran a bunch of tests, and Aizen told me I would never be able to take it again. He was so angry, but all I felt was relief. Except then I wasn't sure what he would do to me. I was useless to him."

"But you're his son."

Grimmjow nodded. "I guess that means something to him, even if he's a cold bastard. He spared me."

"After he beat the shit out of you?"

Grimmjow shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "He was pissed he'd lost his soldier. He lost his temper."

"Did he lose his temper with you alot?"

"Oh shut up, don't try to psycho-analyse me or some shit, kid. So I had a bit of a messed up childhood, don't think that has anything to do with this whole depression crap."

He rose, the outburst had been a little too real. Ichigo watched him return to the kitchen for another swig of the vodka. He set it down hard on the counter.

"I'm sorry."

"Screw you, Ichigo. I don't need your pity."

"I'm not trying to pity you, Grimmjow, I'm trying to understand what's going on, what happened to you." He rose too and followed him into the kitchen.

"What happened is he beat me half to death and then kicked me to the curb because I'm useless and damaged."

Ichigo leaned against the counter next to him, his hand wrapping around the bottle. They had a quiet stare down, but Grimmjow relented, letting it go.

"You know it's not true."

"What good am I, Ichigo? I don't have any purpose, any reason to want to...well to want anything."

"Don't say that. If you've been in that place for your whole life, then you're just starting to see the world and figure it out." He waited, but something changed in Grimmjow's features. "What is it?"

"I...I didn't live there my whole life."

"What? He's your father, isn't he?"

"Yeah but...I think I was five when found me."

"Found you?"

"At my mother's..." His eyes were far away, maybe it was the alcohol, but a memory swam before him, and this was all real, this was all him, Hogyoku or not. He gripped the counter edge, straining his memory. "I had almost forgotten her."

"So...you lived with her the first years of your life?"

"...yeah."

"What happened?"

He stared into the black night outside the window, but his eyes trailed down to the bottle in Ichigo's hands. He saw flashes of bright light, saw a slender figure on the floor, unmoving, clear liquid ran from a bottle in her hands, across white tile, pooling at his feet. Ichigo was gone, the apartment was gone, all he saw was her open eyes, staring at him, yet lifeless, scattered pills lay all around her head and the stench of vodka filled the air.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo was gripping him. He'd gone a few paces without even realizing, as if he was five years old again and just finding her body.

He was shaking.

"Hey, it's okay." Ichigo stepped into him, held him like some weak pathetic thing. But the vision wouldn't leave him, a memory that had been pushed deep down—or forced down, by another, and now it had escaped.

Now he remembered just how Sosuke Aizen had come to claim him as his son.

* * *

><p>No matter how much Hogyoku was in his veins, his stomach could only take so much and Grimmjow retched again into the toilet bowl. He swore, flushed, and cleaned himself up. Ichigo was waiting for him, but he said nothing to the teen and went straight to the bed where he lay down face first, moonlight bathing his bare back as he had to remove his shirt due to the vomit covering it.<p>

"You feel better?"

"Not really," he said into his pillow. He wasn't lying anymore. He was horribly confused. The memory wouldn't leave him and yet he couldn't figure out how he ever could have forgotten the beginning of his life. How had he never noticed before? Had Aizen really conditioned his mind that much?

Even drugs that took the humanity from him weren't enough to dull the feeling of betrayal, the ache in his chest that told him he had forgotten probably the most important night of his life: the night he'd found his mother dead from an overdose on pills and boos. And then Aizen had come, he'd taken him away from the pain and sadness and given him a new family.

He was Aizen's son. He knew this. They all were, of different mothers, but they were his sons for certain, because that was the only reason he had entrusted them with the power of Hogyoku.

That was the reason, right?

"Grimmjow?"

"Go away," he growled, not wanting his thoughts interrupted. Playing this fucking game was messing with him, he told himself. Pretending to be weak was making him weak.

"Grimm-"

"GET OUT!" He lurched off the bed and looked back at Ichigo, eyes on fire. He was bit surprised to see the teen unfazed. He supposed he'd had some blow ups at him before, still there was something about the look in brown eyes that told him Ichigo Kurosaki was not easily intimidated. He calmed a bit, while Ichigo watched him. "What's your friggin' problem?" Grimmjow finally muttered, slumping back onto the sheets.

"I don't know. What's your problem? You're twice as volatile as before."

"Maybe because of all the shit that happened to me, idiot."

"Yeah, I know. It's just...what happened back there in the kitchen? You just froze, like you were a million miles away."

"Nothing, I just remembered something. And no, I don't want you to hold my fucking hand while I talk about it, okay? I just want to sleep. Can you go?"

"If you're sure you'll be alright."

"I'm sure."

"Okay, then I'm going." Grimmjow listened to him leave, every muscle in him tense, but he never moved from where he lay on the bed.

* * *

><p>Whirring sirens down distant streets. The slow drone of the few cars on the road. An ice wind blew up from the frozen river, his enhanced body didn't even shiver as it tore at his unbuttoned collar.<p>

His sigh puffed before him and hung long in the moonlight. It must have been three or four in the morning, the moon was close to the horizon, it was really quite beautiful.

But he couldn't appreciate it. He'd just needed out of that stuffy apartment full of the scent of beer long soaked into old wood. He needed to calm his thundering heart, and ease the slow spread of tension and pain that had grown in his chest.

Yes, he remembered his mother. But it wasn't just that playing in his mind now. It was the thing in arm, the pain in his chest...

_"You've had a seizure, Grimmjow."_

_ He blinked awake. "What?" his voice was weak. "Why?" he asked his father._

_ "Your system is readjusting. It is strenuous on you."_

_ "I don't remember this happening before."_

_ "It's different this time."_

_ "Oh." He let it go but a few days later, he passed out cold after a sharp pain in the left side of his chest. This time, it was Szayel who explained, and he was much more forthcoming._

_ "Your heart is failing."_

_ "What?!"_

_ "Don't worry, it happened to all of us."_

_ "You're going to have to explain that better."_

_ His brother sighed, but continued. "You hadn't been on Hogyoku very long before you were taken, it's the only reason you survived withdrawal. You see, the strain on your body eventually causes your heart to fail. However, Hogyoku sustains you and compensates until you recover. Your heart will be stronger than ever after—but it could never continue beating without the drug. Do you understand? Once this happens to you, you will be just as strong as the rest of us."_

_ "But if I ever stopped taking it, I would die."_

_ "Precisely. But I assume you have no intention of stopping."_

_ "Of course not."_

_ "Good. Besides, the new method of administration will ensure this can never happen."_

_ "So when will it happen, when will my heart give out?"_

_ "A month or two, it's hard to tell, since you are a unique case as you stopped and started again. But soon, Grimmjow."_

Grimmjow watched the moon kiss the horizon. He had anywhere from one week to one month left before there was no going back. But he didn't want to go back, did he? He had finally gotten back his strength, woken up, and escaped that pathetic life. Even if he remembered his suicidal mother, what difference should that make?

He clutched his chest tighter. Shit. He'd felt this before. Szayel had warned him he would most likely continue to suffer chest pains and other side effects until the process was complete. If he felt an attack coming, he was supposed to call, but his phone slipped in trembling fingers, he felt the cold air thin around him and the frozen sidewalk came up hard to meet him.

* * *

><p>"How did you break your nose sleeping?"<p>

Grimmjow just held the ice to his face where he sat at the kitchen table. It was seven thirty am, Ichigo had stopped in on his way to school to find Grimmjow fully dressed at his kitchen table, cloth held over swollen nose. Now that he looked him over, however, wet boots, clothes damp, hair wet, he realized there was more to this story. "You were out last night."

"I just went for a walk," he moaned into his hand, barely awake. He'd woken face down on the ground, unbearable pain in his chest, throbbing nose, and chilled to the bone.

"And broke your nose?"

"I fell on the ice, geeze kid, leave me alone. Go to school."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "Something's up with you."

"Yeah. I got a shit life and shit luck to go with it."

"No. You're hiding something from me."

But he left for school anyway. Grimmjow went to the window and watched him go.

"You better not catch on and screw things up for me you little bastard."

He whipped the ice across the room, not caring where it landed and melted, and dropped onto the bed.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading and reviewing! Some of you have some really good predictions! Perhaps I'm getting too predictable, lol, oh well! Until next time!<em>**

_**Riza**_


	12. Chapter 12

"Talk to me Ichigo."

She sat across from him in meal hall, twenty something years old, but dressed in a school uniform, she could easily have been a student. In fact, she had used this rouse several times now to make contact with him.

"Rukia, can you just leave it alone?"

"You've been spending time at the pub again. He's back isn't he?"

He said nothing, but she knew.

"How?"

"Rukia I can't say. He made me swear."

"Bullshit, Ichigo!"

"Keep your voice down!" he scolded. Keigo looked sideways at them. He knew enough not to question Ichigo's business in public, but he'd probably overreact once they were in private.

"How is this possible?"

"Like I said, he made me swear not to say."

"We have to take him in."

"No, don't! Rukia please, he told me he's safe as long as you keep your distance." It was the best he could come up with to keep her away. Her eyes narrowed, but her emotional involvement in this case made her give in.

"Fine. For now. But I'm going to keep eyes on him."

"Just don't let him know you're on to him. He's in a bad place right now, it would only add to his stress."

"Bad how? You think he might try something again?"

"I'm not sure. He just seems different. More hostile or something."

"Well be careful. You shouldn't even be involved."

"But I am. And maybe I can help him."

She didn't like anything about this situation, but she let it drop. They discussed nothing more to do with the case and when the bell rang for the next period she slipped out the main doors.

Ichigo didn't stop thinking about Grimmjow all day. He knew part of the story was missing, that Grimmjow was keeping something from him, but what? What had Aizen done to him in that time he'd been gone?

He had taken a key to the apartment last night, and let himself in. There was no one in sight, but the bathroom door was shut.

Dread filled Ichigo in a rush of deja vu. He remembered finding Grimmjow nearly overdosed on pills the same night he'd been taken by Aizen.

"Grimmjow!" He hammered on the door in a panic, but he immediately got a shout back.

"Screw off, I'm in the can."

"Oh. Sorry."

Grimmjow was pissed when he came out and shouldered past Ichigo to the kitchen where he dug out a thing of hotdogs to cook.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Thought I was trying to off myself, I know. You can get the Hell out if you think I'm that pathetic."

"I don't."

"Oh screw you." He threw the hotdogs in the sink and spun, grabbing his coat from where it had been flung across the back of the couch.

"Where are you going?"

"To get some real food."

He walked out the door without even looking to see what Ichigo planned on doing. The teen hurriedly followed him out and down the stairs. He was already on the street by the time he pushed through the doors.

"Dammit, Grimmjow's what's going on with you?"  
>He got no answer. Grimmjow trudged on, hands in pockets. He cut into an alley and Ichigo finally caught him by the arm.<p>

"Grimmjow-"

"Fuck off!" Ichigo hit brick with stunning force. He saw black for a moment before he rebounded and felt snow crush under him. Copper tanged in his mouth, cold air hissed painfully over a chipped tooth. Grimmjow watched him sit up slowly.

"What the Hell?" Ichigo exclaimed both in shock at Grimmjow's reaction and the force of the blow.

"Just get off my case." Grimmjow turned, intending to leave him where he'd fallen, but his path became blocked when the end of the alley filled with men. Ichigo got up behind him.

"Who-"

"Yakuza," Grimmjow answered, eyeing an identifying tattoo. "You boys can't be serious. Don't you know what happened last time you tangled with me?"

"We know." The voice came from behind them and Ichigo was startled to find themselves boxed in. It was dusk, but in here it was dark and they were just far enough from the street most people wouldn't notice them. "But we've been biding our time until your father slacked off his surveillance. Guess today was our lucky day."

"Tch." Grimmjow stood relatively relaxed. "I fucking dare you."

It was chaos. And yet there was a fluidity to Grimmjow's movements, a speed and precision that awed Ichigo as he stood in the middle of the battle. Men came at them, but Grimmjow destroyed them.

Ichigo was reminded of the night in the motel—even though Grimmjow was no stronger than them, his intense training under Aizen was clear. Ichigo guessed this was what he was witnessing once more, as the men fell under his calculated blows. He dodged and manoeuvered, he even used the alley walls to dance around the enemy, and the snow to slide beneath them.

From Grimmjow's perspective, things were not going as well. He was holding back, he couldn't give the game away and let Ichigo know he was on the drug again. He had to force himself to take a few hits, he had to ease up on his strikes so it took twice as many to down each opponent. He had to pretend someone's kick to his back actually caused him pain. And he had to remember that the Grimmjow Ichigo knew would still try to protect him. So when he spotted a Yakuza pull his gun on the kid, he slammed into him, shoving him out of the line of fire and whipped around fast enough to catch the man's wrist before he could fire. The gun was in pieces in the ground in a second, the man followed it right after.

"No guns!" Someone warned, but there were only three left standing. Grimmjow met them with a feral grin.

And that was when he felt an explosion of incredible pain in his chest. The world slowed. The walls tilted on either side of him. He fell into rough brick, catching the confusion on the enemy's face. Up became down, gravity defied itself and dynamite erupted in his rib cage. He heard the kid scream is name, felt his body convulse where it had fallen, slumped back against the brick.

"What the Hell is wrong with him?"

But Ichigo knew. Grimmjow may not have told him the exact truth, but he had mentioned damage to his heart. And this was certainly evidence of that as he sat, air straining to get in and panic in his eyes.

"Get him."

"You won't touch him." Ichigo stepped over Grimmjow's body and put himself between them.

"Back off kid, before we kill you."

"No."

Blue eyes went dark for a time. White snow blended with ivory tiles, water with vodka. He saw her eyes, he saw that look of pain and fear—no, of utter horror and despair. He saw her soft features, he remembered a smile that told him everything would be okay. But it was replaced by another, a man, and his smile always hid something dark, told the beginning of a secret but never all.

Then there was crimson and orange and he returned to the present, felt the spray of snow, and looked up to see the boy defending him.

He was bleeding. He was hurt. And yet he stood his ground. His will was unrelenting. His strength impressive. His endurance remarkable. His determination, unstoppable. Weapons came out, Ichigo stood little chance now, even though he'd take out one man with a strong strike. His face was cut, he stood half bent from blows to his core, but even when the knives came out, he held his ground.

Grimmjow was sure he was about to witness the kid's demise, but he watched in shock when he smoothly side stepped the first attack, caught the man's wrist and snapped it in one deft move. The man screamed in pain and fell back for the second to attack. Ichigo now had a weapon of his own and they engaged. There were more sprays of snow, grunts and cries, Grimmjow was losing focus again, but he dropped his hand from where it had been clenched against hid chest and felt the cold gun he'd dismantled earlier.

Ichigo smacked into the wall and barely dodged what would have been a lethal strike. His palm was torn open and bleeding, and he hadn't escaped a strike at his ribs which tore his clothes and stained them red. His fear was held at bay by adrenaline, and so was the pain, for the time being.

"Just fucking kill him!" The man with the broken wrist insisted, searching for another weapon. They manoeuvered so that Ichigo was between them. The teen cursed himself for allowing them to force him into a vulnerable position.

"Let him go."

The voice from the ground caught their attention, but even more effective, was the reassembled gun directed at them.

"I have no problem bringing attention to our little situation here. How about you boys?"

Their eyes narrowed.

"Let him by," Grimmjow demanded.

One man nodded. Ichigo was allowed to move to Grimmjow.

"Leave." The gun never left them as they worked their way back out of the alley, past the panting and unconscious forms of their allies.

"Guns," Grimmjow grunted, grabbing one from another's belt. Ichigo, shaking from his injuries and beating heart, still managed to follow suit, and gathered those he could find but the men around them were getting back up, it was time to go so he took hold of Grimmjow's arm and helped him stand.

It was a tie as to who was really supporting who as they made their way from the alley. Ichigo was sure he started out holding them up, but by the time they had stumbled along the sidewalk and reached the foot of the stairs to Grimmjow's apartment, it was without a doubt the supersoldier's arm that kept them going. The door opened with a bang and Grimmjow dropped to his knees, but Ichigo kept going, face hitting wood hard and he had a last glimpse his own arm stained red before everything turned to black.

"Shit." Grimmjow had a hand against his chest but watched the beaten, bleeding boy who'd risked his life to save him. "Why didn't he just run?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hi all. I was asked to share this message. It has to do with SOPA-like legislation that could shut down sites like . I would hate to see fanfiction shut down. ~Riza.<strong>_

"The United States Government is trying to put policies in place that will effectively shut down FanFiction, deviantArt, and any other website associated with fan-made art work and literature. There is a petition up that will stop this, but there is only 11,501 signatures out of 100,000, and the deadline is April 13. The only reason I can think of for this is that these policies aren't getting as much publicity as the infamous SOPA policy, and I'm trying to change that.

What I'm asking is for all of you to spread the word as far and wide as you can. The best way I have found to do this is an emergency update on popular stories, but even just putting it on your profile will help. Facebook, Twitter, PM-ing all of your friends, a journal entry on deviantArt, anything you can think of to make this general knowledge.

I've already appealed to my readers and watchers, and I've managed to make a small dent, but we can only do so much with so few of us.

Here is the link to the petition:

/ petitions. whitehouse. gov/ petition/ stop- sopa- policies- trans- pacific- partnership- notice- and- staydown- efforts- and- other- policies/ dXMRvNh8

I know some of you don't live in America and probably can't sign this, but I'm willing to bet that you have quite a few readers that do and can, so please spread the word.

I can't do this on my own."

Elder Dragon


	13. Chapter 13

"Yeah, it felt like my heart was going to explode."

"Did you lose consciousness?"

"Few seconds maybe."

"You're getting closer, it's going to happen more."

"And then what? My fucking heart fails?"

"Yes. But the Hogyoku will get it pumping again."

"Is that a guarantee?"

"There are always risks. But it's not like you want to live without it now, do you Grimmjow?"

"Of course not, Szayel, I just want to know what I'm in for."

"Well, of course it would be safer if all this was done back home, but we don't have any choice. Father wants you to make contact now, while Ichigo's injuries will distract them."

"Did you sic those guys on us so this would happen?"

Silence. Grimmjow gritted his teeth, but he knew every word of this conversation would get back to his father, if he wasn't already listening in on another line.

"It's all for the mission, Grimmjow," his brother assured him finally.

"Fine. I'll call Rukia."

"Prepare yourself. Once you make the call, everything is in motion." Aizen wanted Urahara distracted, to let his guard down around Grimmjow, so Grimmjow knew he planned on making this messy. "After it's over and you've gone in, don't let them do tests on you. They shouldn't, as they will likely be worried about Ichigo and the others. Father says to keep him close."

"Why? He's just a kid, I don't get it."

"He's helpful. You'll especially want him around when your heart gives out. And he seems willing to do anything to help you, so use him, just make sure he doesn't end up caught in the cross fire or you'll have no one out there on your side."

"Got it." He shut his phone and leaned back on the couch. On the bed, Ichigo continued to sleep where Grimmjow had put him. He had bandaged up the wound on his arm. It was the reason he'd collapsed, too much blood loss. Grimmjow himself was in a fair bit of pain, not from any injuries, but from the burn and tightness in his chest. His breath felt short and came quick. He just wanted to get past this part as soon as possible.

"Ichigo," he tested, rising from the couch. "Hey kid." He came to the bed and sat next to where the teen lay, features more relaxed in sleep than Grimmjow had ever seen in his waking visage. "Ichigo." He shook his bare shoulder. Nothing. "Damn, I forgot how weak a normal human is."

And yet the words echoed back to him and he instantly question their truth. Ichigo had stood his ground against terrible odds. That was far from weak. But without the strength to back up your conviction, that didn't make you strong either, did it? It just made you stupid.

He turned from the boy's face and pulled his phone from his pocket. She was now the second number in his contact list.

"Rukia."

"Grimmjow!" She was obviously surprised.

"I could use some help." He forced a strained voice.

"We're on our way."

He shut the phone and rose from the bed. It was in motion now. All the guns were under the floorboards—he knew enough that he would never get to Urahara armed. He didn't know just what Aizen had in store for them, but it was bound to be rough. But that was alright. He could kill Urahara and anyone who walked through his door with his bare hands just as easily.

Then he did his best to plaster a pathetic, helpless look on his face, pulled out a bottle of vodka and waited for Rukia to arrive.

* * *

><p>"Oh Grimmjow..." She moved to the bed where he sat with his head bowed, and bottle between his hands, near empty. Behind him, Ichigo was pale and still save the flutter of his chest.<p>

"They nearly killed him, 'cause of me," he mumbled when she sat next to him, her small hand on his back.

"Who was it?"

"Yakuza I think. It's all gone to shit, Rukia," he said into his hand. "I thought I could do it. I thought I could make it on my own but-"

"Shh. It's okay now. We're going to take you in, give you protection."

He looked up at her, glanced Renji checking Ichigo over and Ikkaku at the door. "I should have called you from day one. Now Ichigo's hurt."

"You had reason enough not to trust us. Thank you, by the way, for all that you did to save me last time."

He just nodded and bowed his head again. She moved her hand to the back of his head and stroked his blue locks once or twice in a gesture of comfort or reassurance. Then she stood. "Is Ichigo okay to be moved?" she asked.

"Got him." Renji slid his arms under him.

"Okay. Grimmjow." She held out her hand. He took it and stood next to her. "We're going back to base. Ikkaku, get the car."

But he slammed the door shut instead and there was no doubting what was wrong when he pulled out his gun.

"Get down!"

Gunfire sprayed through the door. Renji fell on top of Ichigo, shielding him from the attack. Grimmjow did likewise, covering Rukia's small form with his body while she twisted to get into a position to shoot.

She nailed the first one in the head, just as the broken door caved open. Ikkaku got another from where he stood beside the door but there were too many and the room was suddenly flooded.

"Fuck," Grimmjow swore in earnest. He was supposed to save these Interpol jerks to make them trust him but this was going to be a bit of a challenge.

"Stay down!" Rukia had wormed her way from beneath him and rose in the middle of the fray. She was a warrior at heart, despite moments of calm wisdom and gentle touches. In the midst of battle, her eyes were as cold as his own on Hogyoku, saw clear and fast what was happening around her. She danced among them, dual wielding her pistols. She was graceful, elegant, and beautiful.

Until two bullets pierced her left forearm, her gun skidding over the floor back toward Grimmjow.

Now was his moment.

"NO!" He heard Ikkaku cry, even though someone had him around the throat, a gun pointed to his head. But he saw too many guns on her, no chance for her to survive.

Three men dropped instantly. Clean shots to the head, they dropped and their number was now five. Grimmjow was out of ammo but he had reached her.

"He's the one we want!" Someone yelled. Poor bastards, Grimmjow thought when they repositioned their weapons to crippled rather than kill. Aizen had set them up just so Grimmjow could knock them down.

And he did.

He had scooped Rukia into his arms and rolled with her behind the couch. Stuffing floated up into the air where it had been loosed by bullets. This would only buy them a second or two, but he used it to check Renji and Ichigo. They were still behind the bed, Renji's steady fire keeping the others at bay, and now their attention was on Grimmjow. Easy.

He surprised them when he launched himself over the couch at them. Like in the alley, he was holding back, but he'd been raised a warrior, there was no way for them to beat him with or without Hogyoku.

He went for their knees, crippling them first, then their throats and wrists. He took three with relative ease, a few strikes landing against his ribs made him sputter, but Ikkauk managed to get a shot off and he was one man down. Rukia got up as well, she shot one in the shoulder, they turned on her and Grimmjow slammed into them, the bullet shattering a window. They fell sideways, another man landed on them in a desperate attempt to get Grimmjow. It was messy and uncontrolled and he swore when the next burst of gun fire caused burning pain to erupt in his shoulder.

Shit. He wasn't supposed to get wounded.

"Fucker!" He slammed the man back into the wood and knocked him out. The one behind him had gotten an elbow under his neck and yanked him back and exposed him for a strike from his companion.

The pain in his chest was unreal. He'd kicked him right in the ribs, on his left side. It felt like his heart was going to erupt right now, the room spun, they'd stuck him several more times in the stomach, he tasted copper before he snapped back to reality again.

Rukia dropped him with a shot. The one restraining Grimmjow swore and let him go. Rukia fired after him but he was out the broken door before he could be struck. Ikkaku was kneeling, hand against his bleeding arm. Rukia stood shakily. Grimmjow sputtered and rolled onto his shot arm in the only way he could conceal the wound. He didn't want anyone near his blood, so he endured the chill of pain that shot through him at the movement.

"Grimmjow?" Rukia dropped hard to her knees, she was near fainting.

"I'm fine," he lied. "I just need a minute. What about Ichigo?" The diversion worked. She staggered over to check him and this gave Grimmjow the minute he needed to pulled his coat from the wrecked couch and yank it on over the bullet wound. He was on his feet when she returned, Renji behind her supporting Ichigo who had come to in all the noise.

"Rukia, it's clear." Ikkaku had checked the hall.

"Okay, let's..." she swayed, Grimmjow leaned down to catch her.

"Let's go," he finished for her, sweeping her legs up as well and carrying her out. Her head bounced against his wounded shoulder.

"Sorry," she whispered into his collar as she gave into the pain and blood loss. "Looks like you had to rescue me again."

He stared down at her as she went limp. Everything had worked out perfectly. She was hurt. Urahara and the others would be distracted. His father would be proud.

A sharp pain went through his chest.

It wasn't from his failing heart.

* * *

><p><em><strong>This was short but the next chapter is super long and I can't wait for it so it may come soon if I get the chance to finish editing it! Thanks again for the reviews!<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	14. Chapter 14

_The pills. The vodka. The bathroom tiles. His tears, his cries, her vacant eyes._

Grimmjow's head snapped up sharply. He'd almost passed out. It was a half hour drive to the base and his arm was bleeding heavily under his coat. Fortunately he had enough of Rukia's blood on him to hide the fact it was actually seeping out the arm of his leather jacket. Ichigo was next to him, a blanket over his half naked form and Renji and Ikkaku in the front.

"You okay?"

He glanced at the teen. "Yeah. Just...been a long day."

"Yeah, it has."

"How about you?"

Ichigo nodded. "It's been a long day. Is she alright?"

"She's still breathing." Grimmjow had a towel held around her arm. He was pretty sure she would be fine. "Sorry kid, about everything. I should have let you bring her in sooner."

"I know why you didn't want to. I'm just glad we're safe now."

"Mmm." The car came to a stop. Ichigo knew this place well from his last stay but Grimmjow recognized it for much different reasons. It had been more than a year, but as they stepped inside and down the halls to the medical room, he felt a wave of nausea—powerful memories of pain and sickness washed over him.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo was at his side but it was Renji who turned and took Rukia from him, seeing the look on his face. "I guess you are remembering the last time you were here."

Startled to be so affected by the memory, Grimmjow just nodded. Renji looked him up and down, seeing all the blood. "Damn, are you hit?"

"No, it's hers," he lied. "Can I shower?"

"Yeah. Remember where it is?"

"Mhm." Grimmjow hurried from the room into a bathroom he remembered trying to kill himself in. Nowhere in this place seemed safe, his whole body shook and he told himself it was blood loss.

It was a lie.

He showered off the thick sheen of blood. The bullet had gone through the meat of his shoulder, he'd be alright as long as he got it patched up, but his options were limited without revealing his injury. The best he could do was to take some cloths and tie them on with the cord of a bathrobe. It was bulky but he hid it under his coat after he sopped up all the blood on the interior.

"You look like shit," Renji greeted him when he returned to the medical room. Ichigo was being tended to but Rukia was having an operation on her arm.

"Thanks," Grimmjow retorted.

"You should get checked out."

"I'm fine."

"You were hurt before we even got there."

"Nah, I was alright, it was Ichigo who got his ass kicked."

"Still-"

"Renji." Cold eyes turned on him. "I don't have the fondest memories of this place. I'm telling you, I'm fucking fine."

"Right." The red head took them from the room. "Then we have bedrooms upstairs and food in-"

"Why don't we cut to the chase? You want to debrief me."

Renji nodded. "It can wait."

"It can't and you know it."

"If you're up to it."

"I am."

"Then this way."

Grimmjow was feeling the tightness in his chest again. He wanted this over and done with as soon as possible. He wanted out of this place and away from these people. And the only way to accomplish that, was to kill Kisuke Urahara.

In fifteen minutes, he had his opportunity.

Renji had left him in a private room. There was a long table and several chairs with a projector in the ceiling; it was their debriefing room.

Grimmjow had paced for a few minutes before dropping heavily into a chair and holding his head between his hands, wishing he could get his heart rate to slow down.

_Banging on the bathroom door. He stared up at the knob above him._

_ "__Mom?"_

_Her muffled scream. Another bang. His heart thundered. The light around the door glowed like a beacon in the black of night._

_A thud. The bottom of the door returned to black, something blocked the light._

_"__MOM!" He reached for the handle. Turned the knob._

_The pills. The vodka. The bathroom tiles. His tears, his cries, her vacant eyes._

_And Sosuke Aizen standing over her, dropping the last pills from the palm of his hand._

Grimmjow shot to his feet when the door opened. Too many memories invaded his head, the man before him was just a haze for several long seconds until he could remember why he was here.

"Are you alright, Grimmjow?"

Kisuke Urahara took him by the shoulders. He stared back at him. They were alone, the door shut, and now his prey was in reach.

"Grimmjow," he said again. "Why don't you have a seat?"

"No." He shook his head and straightened, running a hand over his chest, his fingers sweaty, trembling. He clenched his fist to hide his unsteadiness. "You're the leader?"

"Yes."

Grimmjow readied himself. He would get a hold of Urahara's face, cover his mouth and grip his chin in one motion, twist around him, and jerk his spinal cord too far to the left. It would be over in seconds.

"I must start by apologizing for my involvement in your creation."

Grimmjow froze, eyeing the man he meant to kill.

"What does that mean?"

"I mean the Hogyoku was my brain child."

He moved to take a seat. Grimmjow remained where he was. He'd come here to kill the leader of Interpol's investigation of his family—not someone who'd worked on the supersoldier program.

"It's true. It's why I head this investigation. I was the one to give birth to the drug that turned men into killing machines."

Grimmjow's muscles bunched. To Hell with this, what difference did it make if he had been involved? He was still going to die.

"But there was an ultimate flaw." Again, Grimmjow stopped himself.

"What flaw?"

"They were wild, uncontrolled, soulless animals. But you know that, don't you?"

Grimmjow set his jaw. "Don't remind me." He masked offence with despair.

"And their hearts exploded in their chests."

"What?"

"They all died. The first generation."

"The _first_ generation?"

"Mmm. All but three, I should say. You father, myself and one other." Grimmjow watched him, eyes sweeping for traces of the drug in him.

"Don't worry, I no longer take it. I am human once more."

"I don't understand. You invented it with my father? And you both took it?"

"Yes. In small doses, over a long period of time. It proved the only way to make it work."

"How?"

"Because it changes you, to your very core Grimmjow. It changed our very DNA. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to test our theory, because I never had children."

"My father took the drug, so that we would be compatible?" Grimmjow put the pieces together. Aizen had always said he only trusted his children to give the drugs to, but maybe he had no other choice.

"Precisely. You were born with it already in you makeup. You were already stronger for it, but with added doses after you turned seventeen—when your body was just about finished going through its changes—you became the supersoldier we wanted to create twenty five years earlier.

"Twenty-five..." Grimmjow turned this over in his mind. "Stark is twenty five."

"The first of the children."

"No..." Grimmjow shook his head. "You're trying to tell me my father created us, just so he could continue his experiment?"

"Why else would you all have different mothers? It was the only way to produce enough, fast enough."

"You're lying." His words came out hot and uncontrolled. Urahara rose, watching his eyes carefully.

"Grimmjow, you escaped him twice now. I thought you understood by now, he is a terrible man. You are just his creation, his project, his soldier."

He took another step, Grimmjow stepped back involuntarily.

"Grimmjow." He met the blond man's eyes. "You must believe me. You must know. It's the only reason you haven't tried to kill me yet."

Silence reigned between them. Startled blue eyes watched him, saw only now that Urahara's hand was hovering at his side above his gun.

"Fuck you." His foot went for his knee. Urahara dodged and got out his gun but Grimmjow struck his wrist and it snapped free. He spun with it, and aimed for Urahara's face.

He fired.

Nothing happened.

"I guess a part of me knew it was best not to bring a loaded gun into a room with you."

Urahara side stepped a strike and elbowed him in the back of the neck. Grimmjow staggered into the table and another strike had him bent over it gasping. Urahara wrenched his arm up his back and leaned into him to restrain him.

"Did Aizen really think I wouldn't recognize the look in your eyes? That you're hiding a bullet wound when anyone else would have keeled over by now? But tell me this, Grimmjow, why were you so upset when I walked in here?"

"Gha!" Grimmjow made a move that threatened to dislocate his shoulder once more but he bore through the pain and unbalanced Urahara. He rolled up onto the table and kicked Urahara square in the face, blood erupting from his nose, and a tooth flying free. He used the opportunity to lunge on him bodily, forcing him onto the ground.

"Something happened, when you stopped and started the doses, didn't it?" Urahara continued through the blood in his mouth and Grimmjow's hands found his throat. "You aren't quite so soulless, so empty, this time around."

"SHUT UP!"

His shoulder wound had open up, Urahara used the injury to dislodge his hold and Grimmjow rolled off him, clutching his arm. He gave himself some distance. It shouldn't be so hard to kill him, even if he had traces of Hogyoku in him.

"I'm going to kill you," he hissed.

"Maybe you don't really want to. Maybe it's why you haven't already."

"RAHH!" Grimmjow kicked a chair right into Kisuke. It forced him backwards and Kisuke hit the wall from his punch. His fist came down again and again until it was caught and Urahara punched back straight into his shoulder.

"GHA!"

Kisuke struck two more times, blood dripped out Grimmjow's sleeve. Urahara tried to strike again but Grimmmjow head butted him. They both staggered back, panting and bleeding.

"Trust me, I want to kill you."

"No, I think you want answers more."

"Fuck you and your lies." He stomped on the chair between them and ripped the leg from it, holding it like a stake before him. "You die now."

He raised it and stepped into range.

"You remembered how your mother died, didn't you?"

Jagged wood stopped inches above Urahara's chest. Blue eyes met hazel ones. The air between them burned with their hot breath.

"What did you say?"

"You walked in when you weren't supposed to."

"Stop it."

"You saw him murder her, force those pills down her throat."

"I-"

"Sosuke Aizen murdered your mother, the woman who loved you and took care of you for the first six years of your life. Then he took you away, forced you to re-write the memory, forced you to believe she killed herself and he came to claim his long lost son. And then he spent the next thirteen years making you into a monster."

He raised a hand slowly, the situation so precarious, but his fingers found Grimmjow's neck, felt the erratic pulse. "And now he's about to make it permanent. He's making you give up even your heart, and there will be no going back."

He lifted his hand, took hold of the stake. "Let me help you, Grimmjow, while there's still time."

The stake trembled between their hands. In fact, Grimmjow's entire frame shook where he stood, poised to kill but not moving. He shouldn't care about any of it. It didn't matter, Aizen had given him power and strength. He didn't want to live without that anymore. He didn't want to return to the pathetic thing he'd been moping above a den of drunkards. With this strength, he shouldn't have to worry about emotions, he was above that. He shouldn't care about anything.

But he did.

Unfortunately, Urahara never got to see what choice Grimmjow would make. With the world's worst timing, Renji opened the door, startling them both, and drew his gun the moment he saw the what Grimmjow was doing.

"Drop it!" he shouted.

"Renji don't!" Kisuke warned.

Grimmjow snapped from his moment of doubt and whirled on the red head. Renji fired but he shot wide for fear of hitting his superior. Kisuke caught Grimmjow's arm but received a foot to the gut for it and doubled over. Then, in a swift motion, he was flipped onto the table. He lay momentarily stunned and thought Grimmjow was about to finish what he'd started but the young man leapt over him to land on Renji who lost his weapon and fell backwards into the door.

Grimmjow still had the chair leg and he brought the flat of it down hard on Renji's knee. It popped, Renji screamed. Grimmjow stood.

"Stop." He'd turned back to his original target but Kisuke was sitting with Renji's gun in hand. This one was loaded. "Grimmjow please calm down. We can help you, it's not too late."

"I'll die if I stop Hogyoku now."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But the one thing you know for sure is you won't have any choice very soon. You will become a pawn in Aizen's game. The man who murdered your mother."

"You have nothing to offer me. Even if you could stop my heart from giving out, you can't protect me from him. Now more than ever, I know he won't let me go. It took him nineteen years to make me, he won't throw that away."

"So you've resigned yourself to your fate."

Grimmjow lifted the stake back up. "No. I'm a survivor."

"You can be more than that now. I see it clearly, the Hogyoku isn't as effective. It didn't make you as mindless as before."

"Shut up."

"Some part of you is still alive, Grimmjow. If you really are a survivor, that's the part of you you should fight to save."

"I said shut up!"

Kisuke fired, the stake shattered in Grimmjow's hand and at the same moment Renji punched the back of his knee, sending him to the ground. There, Grimmjow returned the favour, striking Renji in the side of the head with an elbow but the door flung open and Grimmjow was square in the way. He took the full force of hinged wood to the face and fell back into the table.

He was struggling up when the new comer pushed in and grabbed him by the back of the neck, forcing him to remain face first on the table. Blood streamed down his nose, he was panting, and his bullet wound from earlier had drained him.

"Agent Zaraki." Urahara moved to his side, gun ever on Grimmjow.

"I was told you might need some backup. Just got here when I heard the shot. Good timing, I guess."

"Yeah. He's enhanced."

"Doesn't matter. I got him."

"Get the fuck off of me!" Grimmjow tried to kick back but the giant of a man had him firmly and got a tight grip in his hair to make sure he stayed down.

"I'll get a sedative," Urahara said. "Just hold him."

"Got it."

Kisuke paused only to check Renji was still breathing where he lay crumpled and then hurried to the medical ward.

"So you're Jaggerjaques, huh?" Zaraki stared down at him. "You're the one ol' Kuchki got himself killed over."

"You will be too if you don't let go right now."

"Is that so?"

"Yup." Grimmjow did two things at once: he twisted his head despite the hold on his hair and he brought one leg up to manoeuvre around Zaraki's and throw his balance. He didn't escape but he managed to flip himself onto his back.

In the next moment, they both tried to do the same thing. Grimmjow sat up, and Zaraki came down-each aiming to head butt the other. It was a draw as to who won, but since it was solid oak beneath Grimmjow, he got the double impact of the head butt to the front and the blow to the back. Zaraki had staggered back into the wall and Grimmjow was splayed out half limp on the table when Kisuke returned.

He didn't waste anytime moving between Grimmjow's knees and leaning over him, needle poised. He ripped the buttons of his shirt trying to bare a shoulder. Blue eyes trailed up to him.

"Don't..."

"We're going to help you, Grimmjow."

"It'll kill me if I stop..."

"Maybe not."

The needle went under.

Grimmjow sprung.

"Shit!" Urahara collapsed next to Zaraki. Grimmjow had gotten the needle out of his arm and plunged it into Kisuke's chest before either man could react. The scientist was motionless on the floor, but Zaraki kept his focus on Grimmjow who was trying to right himself on the table.

Zaraki caught him by the wrists and slammed him back.

"What?" Grimmjow panted, the agent leaning over him where he was sprawled. "You gonna kiss me?"

Whatever doubt had been in the teen earlier was washed away by a fresh swell of adrenaline—maybe even that device in his arm had pumped a little extra of the drug in his system. Now he stared up with a feral mocking grin, just as the door opened again and Ichigo and Ikkaku stepped in, drawn from the medical ward by the commotion.

"What are you doing?" Ichigo cried when he saw the position Zaraki had Grimmjow in. "Let him go!"

"Stay back," the agent warned and Ikkaku understood, hauling Ichigo behind him.

"Kenpachi...he's on Hogyoku, isn't he?" the bald man asked, seeing the destruction all around them. "Oh shit." He saw an inert Urahara, not even sure he was still breathing, and Renji was just coming to beside them.

"How did this happen?" Ichigo bent to help Renji sit but stopped when he saw his knee turned in painfully.

"I'm betting he's been on it this whole time," Renji said through gritted teeth.

"What? No..."

"Stop talking and someone put this guy out!" Kenpachi ordered.

It was too late. Grimmjow reared up, not escaping the vices around his wrists but lunging toward Kenpachi's face. It looked like he was trying to head butt him again but instead he opened his mouth and went for his neck.

"SHIT!" Kenpachi was forced to let go of Grimmjow's wrists in order to stem the tide of blood from his neck. Before him on the table, Grimmjow did a backwards summersault and stood in all his blood drenched glory—a mad man if any of them had ever seen one.

And he ran. His feet pounded over the table and he vaulted off of Kenpachi's shoulder. Ikkaku had his gun but he went down with a foot to the chest, smoking Ichigo on his way. Ichigo staggered but did not fall. An iron fist caught him by the shoulder and dragged him to the stairs.

"Grimmjow..."

The soldier didn't speak. He forced Ichigo down the stairs after him and to the main doors.

"Stop!"

Rukia stood still in her robe from the medical ward, one arm in a cast, but the other extended with her gun pointed straight at him. "Grimmjow, stop this now."

"Out of my way, bitch."

"Don't make me shoot you."

He eyed her shaking form, blood loss taking all the colour from her.

"Grimmjow please." Ichigo tried again to no avail.

"Let us help you," Rukia half whispered.

"Tried that once." Grimmjow let go of Ichigo and took a step towards her. "Didn't work out so good." He took another step and the gun pressed tight to his chest. "I said, get out of my way."

"I can't."

"Then I'll make you."

"Don't!" But Grimmjow had her disarmed and in the air in a second. She choked on his hold around her neck. "Put her down!" Ichigo cried.

Grimmjow complied. She staggered back into the wall, and the gun came up to Ichigo's head.

"Move."

He did. They went out the front doors, Rukia still choking behind them. The entire Interpol force had been brought down by a single man and he now shoved Ichigo into the car they'd arrived here in.

They drove. Grimmjow never looked sideways at the kidnapped teen. Ichigo had no idea what he was supposed to do or why Grimmjow had taken him with him when he could have made a clean get away without the added baggage.

Eventually they slowed. Ichigo didn't know where they were, he didn't really think Grimmjow did either but his left arm had gone limp in his lap, his head was drooping and he had no choice but to pull into the motel when he saw it. He looked at himself, blood smeared his face and clothes, then to Ichigo who'd been cleaned up in the medical ward.

"Get us a room."

"What are we doing?"

His fist tightened on the gun. "Just do it. And I'm watching you so don't try anything."

The both got out. Grimmjow followed him right up to the office door but didn't go in. He shoved a wad of cash in Ichigo's hand and let him enter.

Ichigo didn't try anything. His mind was racing a mile a minute trying to figure out how this had happened, how Grimmjow had turned into this monster and when, and why. And he frankly didn't know what he could try to do to escape. So he just got a room key and met Grimmjow outside. They didn't park by their door. Grimmjow took a bag from the back- supplies the Interpol agents kept with them- and then he drove the car to the edge of the lake the motel bordered. He put it in neutral and ordered Ichigo to help him shove it in. It sank in minutes, the lake surface bubbled a few times before settling again.

"Come on." Grimmjow shoved him inside the room and locked it tight, fitting a chair under the handle for good measure. Ichigo stood while Grimmjow went through the room taking stock of their resources. He stopped at the mini fridge and ripped it open. Ichigo watched him snap the cover off a pint of vodka and down it in one go. Then he finally dropped his gaze back to Ichigo.

"Go to the bathroom."

"What?"

"Go take a fucking piss."

Ichigo went. Grimmjow riffled through the bag and when Ichigo came back out he realized why he had been ordered to empty his bladder. Grimmjow was holding a roll of duct tape.

"Sit down."

"Grimmjow-"

He was shoved onto the bed. There really wasn't much he could do to stop his legs being bound together. He waited for the same treatment to his hands but Grimmjow stopped there and allowed Ichigo to roll onto his back and sit up.

"How's that hand?" Grimmjow had pulled a needle and thread from the bag but his eyes were on Ichigo's bandaged hand that had been sliced open in the alley.

"Not great but I can sew you up."

"Good."

He shrugged out of blood caked clothes. He was an absolute mess, his face was terribly cut and bruised from the door and fights. His torso was riddled with bruises and blood stained his entire left side. When he sat, he did so heavily. Even his enhanced body was struggling with this much abuse.

They were silent as Ichigo stitched him back together. It seemed like old hat now, except this man was not the same one he'd rescued in the clinic that night. He was seething with rage and his eyes held a coldness Ichigo didn't recognize.

He finished. It took alot for Grimmjow to get standing again, but he took the needle from Ichigo and shoved him face first on the bed again.

"I won't run." Ichigo tried when his hands were forced behind his back.

"Stop talking." His wrists were taped together. Grimmjow let him go and stood.

"How long have you been on Hogyoku again?"

"I said stop talking." He was throwing everything back in the bag.

"Since you came back? I'm right aren't I? But why? What was the point in pretending? What did you father-"

"SHUT UP!" Grimmjow hauled him up by his collar. Arms and legs bound, Ichigo was completely defenceless, and yet, he lost none of his nerve.

"What happened Grimmjow? What did they do to you?"

He expected a punch to the face, maybe even a head butt, but Grimmjow just dropped him back on the bed and stumbled a few paces into the dresser supporting an old bunny ears tv. His chest heaved, he held a hand over it as if some pain filled him.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Something happened, back in the alley. What's wrong?"

Grimmjow's eyes were on the floor, he swallowed as if it might consume the pain. "My heart," he answered, softly, as if forgetting Ichigo was the enemy. "It's giving out."

"What?"

"Hogyoku...it's too much of a strain."

"You're dying?"

He shook his head. "I'll survive, because of the drug. It'll keep beating."

Ichigo understood. "But then you can never stop."

"Yeah."

"Grimmjow...you don't want that, do you?"

Blue eyes shot back up to him. "I'm not weak. I don't care."

"But then...why did you run here, and not back to your father?" He saw the light of anger overtake the pain and tensed when Grimmjow shoved back off the dresser. Still, he pushed for answers. "Something happened back there, didn't it? Something to make you doubt Aizen."

"Shut it."

"Did Kisuke tell you something? He did, didn't he? And now you have no one, not Interpol or you fath-"

Grimmjow struck him with a full fisted punch to the face. He didn't stop there. Ichigo coughed harshly into the musty bedspread when the same fist found his gut, once, twice, three times until he was gagging. Every muscle strained in him when his head was dragged back by his hair at a terrible angle and Grimmjow leaned in close, his word dripping with rage.

"When I tell you to stop talk, stop talking." He dropped him back to the bed spread. "And don't ever talk about Sosuke Aizen again."

The bathroom door slammed shut. Ichigo heard the shower turn on. He lay where he'd been left, blood oozing from is nose, stomach throbbing.

* * *

><p><em><strong>All I can say is "fewf." That was a lot of action. If you could give me feedback on the fight scene in particular, that would be greatly appreciated. I find it hard to write such a scene without overusing "he" but then when I add their names back in I feel like I'm using their names too much so I guess I was just wondering how it read to you and if too many "he" this and "he" that made things ambiguous or confusing. I would say this is one of the biggest challenges to action scenes and I am always trying to improve as a writer. Thanks for your help,<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	15. Chapter 15

It was closing in on noon when Grimmjow stirred. Ichigo had drifted in and out all night, nose throbbing, hands uncomfortable at his back. But Grimmjow hadn't moved since dropping onto the other bed after his shower.

When morning light gave Ichigo a better view of Grimmjow's battered bare torso and pale flesh, Ichigo began to worry his captor wouldn't wake. This, however, did give him an opportunity to look for means of escape. The phone was in a heap on the floor where Grimmjow had ripped it from its socket. He did get to his feet and hop to the door but though the handle was in reach of his bound hands, the dead bolt was not. He could scream, but there hadn't been any other cars near their room last night so he would probably only succeed in waking Grimmjow.

When Grimmjow's phone rang, he hurriedly threw himself back on the bed before the other came to life. Grimmjow jolted to, eyes scanning the room and resting on Ichigo before he drew his phone from his pocket. He stared at him hard, like he knew he'd been up, but opened the phone.

He shut it again immediately and threw it into the wall. The back fell off, Grimmjow considered it for a moment before grabbing the gun from the back of his pants and kneeling over the phone. He smashed it to pieces with the butt of the gun. Ichigo remained on his back, watching him rise and stuff the gun back in his pants.

"What are you going to do?" Ichigo dared. Grimmjow didn't even look at him. He went to the mini fridge and pulled out a thing of juice, gulping it down in seconds. When he was done he pulled out another and turned to Ichigo. He hauled him up by the front of his shirt and held the bottle up to his mouth. Ichigo drank thirstily and with the knowledge he might not get another chance for a while.

"What now?" he asked again when Grimmjow tossed the empty bottle away and pulled a dark long-sleeve shirt from the Interpol bag. He also stuffed some cash into his pockets. "Are we going somewhere?" But Grimmjow pulled the roll of duct tape out again and Ichigo stiffened.

"I am. You're staying here."

First though, he took out a knife and slit the duct tape on Ichigo's wrists and legs.

"Bathroom," he ordered.

Ichigo didn't hesitate, though his mind worked overtime trying to think a way out of this. He had no opportunity, however, as Grimmjow stood in the bathroom doorway the whole time. He allowed Ichigo to clean off his face as it was crusted with blood from his nose but then he hauled him back out. He shoved him into a chair and wound the duct tape around him, securing each arm to the chair's arm and each leg to a chair leg. The teen was much more secure this way.

The last thing he did before leaving was to hit the power button on the t.v. The door slammed shut before bad day time t.v. came to live on the pixilated screen. Ichigo stared at the door.

"Shit."

* * *

><p>Ichigo had come to terms with the fact he was going to have pee himself just when the door opened again. Grimmjow shut the door with a little less urgency now, bags in hand. He never said a word as he changed into new clothes he'd bought and shook out a few pills into his palm and threw them back dry. He stood for a moment, as if coming to a conclusion, then turned to Ichigo.<p>

"I have to pee," he said before the other could speak, worried he was actually going to burst.

Grimmjow took the knife out and freed him. This time, he didn't follow him to the bathroom. When Ichigo came back, Grimmjow had the bag packed up and slung on his shoulder. Ichigo just now noticed the car keys.

"Are we leaving?"

"I need time."

"What?"

"Tell Rukia and those Interpol assholes I need time. And tell them, if I see them tailing me, if they come within a mile of me, I'll fucking kill them, day or night, wherever we are, I'll tear them to shreds without hesitation."

"You're letting me go?"

"I owe you for the shoulder and the alley." He pulled the door open. "I'll drop you at you house."

Grimmjow took him by the arm and propelled him from the room. Ichigo was still stunned when he shoved him in the passenger seat of a beat up civic Grimmjow had stolen.

"You're going back to Karakura?" he asked incredulously.

"There's some shit I need at my apartment."

"Then what?"

"Like I said," he backed up and they left the motel in the rear view mirror. "I need time."

"What did you find out about..." Ichigo remembered the beating he'd taken for bringing up Aizen last night and stopped himself. "What did Urahara say to you?"

"It's not what he said. It's what I remember." Grimmjow gripped the steering wheel tighter when he pulled onto the highway. He turned to look Ichigo straight on despite the busy traffic on all around them.

"Once I drop you off, I don't ever want to see you again, you understand? I played you cause I needed to ease my way in with Interpol and you were my ticket. I don't give a shit about you. And I don't want you to try to help me or follow me. I'm not the weakling I was the night I met you."

"He wasn't weak," Ichigo countered. "He was human."

"Well _he's_ gone now. And we're not friends. But if you ever did consider us as such, then give me an hour or two, before you rat me out to Rukia."

"I won't call her, if that's what you want."

"Of course you will, I fucking kidnapped you."

"You needed me to patch you up. You didn't do it to hurt me."

"Why are you making excuses for me? See this is what I mean! This is why you need to stay the Hell away from me, everyone does! Everyone thinks I can be saved, that I _need_ to be saved! Well I don't. I don't need anyone, I can-"

"GRIMMJOW!" They swerved into the guard rail to avoid another car, sparks flying against Grimmjow's window and Ichigo was sure they would crash but he managed to get them back on the road in one piece.

"Fuck," Grimmjow swore while Ichigo waited for his heart rate to return to normal. Neither spoke after this and soon Karakura came into view. He took him right to the clinic, as he had promised. But Ichigo didn't get out, even when Grimmjow gave him a death glare.

"You're scared."

Grimmjow's knuckles turned white over the wheel. "What did you say?"

"You found something out, I don't know what, but you can't go back to your father now. But you know he'll come after you, like he did before. And Interpol will no doubt increase their efforts to bring you in. And on top of it all, you're waiting for your heart to give out. And you're scared, and you think you shouldn't be able to feel fear because of the drug but you can so that only makes you more scared."

Grimmjow threw his door open and got out of the car. Ichigo realized what he was going when he stormed around to his side and threw the door open.

"You don't want to need help from me or anyone, but you do!" he continued even when he was dragged from the car. "Grimmjow, if you leave now, you're on your own. If you stay, I'll do whatever I can to help you."

He hung where he was held, hands clenched in the front of his shirt.

"_You_ help me? Kid, you might be good a sewing up a bullet wound but you're just a fucking high school kid who's life is so pathetic you got a crush on a loser who lived above a bar and dropped everything every time I needed a fucking band aid. Well sorry, but I don't want you in my life, and there is nothing some pissant teen can do to stop Yakuza, Interpol and Sosuke Aizen from hunting me down and tearing me to shreds." He let him go and slammed the car door shut again. "Remember to pass my message along to Rukia. And if I ever see you again, I'll put a bullet between your eyes."

He dropped into the front seat and revved the engine. Ichigo watched him drive away.

* * *

><p>The figure in the alley leapt easily a distance that would be out of any normal human's reach. There would be little doubting Grimmjow's enhancements if anyone had seen him volley onto the fire escape and pull himself up even with a bullet wound in his shoulder. He stepped through a window that had already been shattered in the fire fight and surveyed the damage of his home.<p>

His first stop was the mini fridge.

"Crap." The power seemed to be cut off, all his liquor was warm, but it didn't stop him cracking the lid and drinking back the vodka straight as he made his way through the mess.

He dropped the Interpol bag and began stuffing in things he might need. Some of the guns and ammo that had been under the floor boards. Extra clothes. Medical kit. Ids. He didn't have a passport, he had never planned on leaving Japan before tonight. Now he considered what cash and connections he had left to determine if he could get one made in the next few hours.

He finished the bottle without realizing until his bladder informed him it needed emptying. He stood in the cold bathroom, the mirror had ghosted over with frost due to the shattered windows. It silvered his reflection and made it less clear but not so much that he didn't pause at the look on his face.

He looked sad.

Since when had anything but a scowl adorned his face while he was on Hogyoku? Since when did he care about a shit apartment and a crap life? Why not run away from it all? Aizen would kill him for his failure, Interpol would kill him when they removed his automatic doses of Hogyoku, and if they didn't get to him, Yakuza would kill him trying to get his blood. He had nothing in this town but death waiting for him, so why in the Hell did he have a cold pit in his stomach, a tightness in his chest? How the Fuck did sentiment ever edge its way in past drugs meant to make him into an unstoppable killing machine?

"FUCK!" He'd shattered the mirror before he knew what he was doing. His knuckles dripped blood. The medicine cabinet's door fell from its hinges. He was left staring at rows of pain medication he'd hoarded up when he was alone—when he had been depressed.

If he was feeling this much, did that mean the depression could still hit him too? Was that what was happening?

He took a bottle from the shelf and weighed it in his hands. His eyes caught on the scar along his wrist. He'd sunk so low. He'd felt there was nothing left but death. But the longer he stood there, the weight of those pills, the burn of that scar became all he felt.

Yes, it was happening again, Hogyoku or not, whatever had gotten unbalanced the first time he'd gone off the drug, it was still unbalanced. He popped the lid.

"Son."

The voice made him pause. He dropped the bottle in the sink and stepped out into the main room.

"My God, you're alive."

It was the bartender, his landlord. The elderly man ducked under the yellow police tape and into the apartment.

"I thought I heard footsteps, but the police left an hour ago. I didn't dare hope it could be you."

He came right up to him, joy unmasked in his wrinkled face. Grimmjow just stood there as he ran a hand down his battered face, then into his hair while he just stood, assuring himself the young man was really there.

"I need a drink," Grimmjow spoke almost like a robot. He felt everything in him slowing down, like something in his very core had stopped turning. He was caught in a realm of unknown, where the supersoldier who killed without thinking met the nineteen year old who'd nearly killed himself twice for the sins he'd committed under his father.

He was imploding.

"I had to close the bar." The old man took his arm. "But it's still plenty stocked." They moved downstairs. Grimmjow half fell onto a stool before the bar. The batender put the bottle on the counter— there was no point measuring it out now. Grimmjow filled a glass.

"What happened, son?" the barman asked when Grimmjow took a first swig.

"I don't know..." He wasn't entirely lying. Up and down didn't even make sense anymore. He just took another drink.

"We heard it down here, the whole bar. We flattened on the ground like it would make a difference. But there was no damage down here. I just had to close her up during the investigation."

"It's over now, isn't it?" Grimmjow spoke with his head bowed. "My apartment, this life."

"Well, it will take some cleaning up, but I'm sure we can straighten something out."

This did get the teen too look up at him. "What? After all that, you'd still rent to me?"

"Well, I'm sure the police will have their questions, but assuming all that gets straightened out, then yes."

"Why? I cost you damages. I've cost you days of business, I—"

"You need help, son. I'm not going to turn you away when you need it most."

Grimmjow just stared at him. How many people had said that over the past twenty four hours? How much did he hate it every time they said it? But this man knew nothing of all that, knew nothing about Aizen and the government's failed experiments. He didn't know about his mother's murder, or his heart failure, or anything. He just saw a boy in need of help.

And Grimmjow wanted it.

"I don't know what to do." His voice broke, to his alarm. His hand shook on the bar, he felt hot all over, but cold inside. He felt darkness too deep to wade through swarm around him. But the old man took his hand and held his face.

"It's okay."

Grimmjow watched him back, his world shattering. Everything he shouldn't be able to feel rushed in at him at once.

And then the front door blew open in a cold wind and Sosuke Aizen stepped through.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks for reviewing. Last chapter was also my favourite, glad you liked!<em>**

**_Riza_**


	16. Chapter 16

Aizen stood in the door to the closed bar, his cold stare resting on the barman and his son.

"Leave us," he ordered. The barman's hand tightened over Grimmjow's but the young man rose as well.

"Do as he says."

"Son, I—"

"No one calls him son but me." The menace in Aizen was clear.

"It's alright. He's my father. Go," Grimmjow urged. The barmen consented, and left the building. Stark and Szayel were at their father's back, but only Aizen advanced. Grimmjow knocked over a stool as he backed up. For every step Aizen took, Grimmjow took one back, until his back hit the wall and he had nowhere else to go.

"Why do you recoil from me?"  
>"I failed. You'll kill me." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was what came out of his mouth.<p>

"Son." Grimmjow flinched at the cold hand against his face, so different from the sincere touch of the barman. "I would never do such a thing."

"I tried. I stabbed him with a needle but I think he was still alive."

"He is."

Grimmjow shut his eyes, waiting for pain.

"Son, please calm down. I did not come here to punish you."

"I don't believe you."

"What?"

"I don't. Why else would you be here?"

"Because you need help." Those words again. He felt himself shaking.

"I took care of my injuries."

"The outside ones, yes. But it's happening again, isn't it? The depression?"

"No, I—I don't know."

"Come here." Aizen drew him from his defensive stance against the wall and took him to a chair. "Szayel."

The pink haired brother moved instantly to Grimmjow's side.

"Here." He produced a bottle of pills and took out two. "Take these, now."

He didn't give him much choice, throwing his hand over Grimmjow's mouth before he could consider the situation. But he swallowed them and looked back to his bother.

"Will it help?"

"It will take up to half an hour," Szayel informed him.

"In the meantime, Grimmjow, I need some honesty from you." Aizen gave Szayel a dismissive wave and took Grimmjow's hand, drawing his gaze back to him. Alcohol and pills were mixing together and making it difficult for him to focus. "What did Urahara say to you?"

"He said he was a scientist like you."

"What else?"  
>"That you worked on the supersoldier program together."<p>

"And?"

"And that was all he got to say before I tried to kill him." He may have been out of it, but some part of Grimmjow knew enough to withhold the details. Aizen smiled.

"Good. Now then, why didn't you call when you escaped?"

"My phone was smashed up, I didn't want to use a private line."

"Good, it might have been traced. Here." Aizen reached into his coat pocket. "Take this one." He had new phone in hand.

"But it's over now, isn't it? Won't I be coming home?"

"No yet son. Interpol is not done with you. Urahara never leaves their protection, the only way to get to him is from the inside. You can still do it."

"How?"

"Just wait. They won't make their move while they're still wounded. But in a few days they are likely to approach you, try to appeal to you."

"You think so?"

"I think you have compromised Rukia Kuchki. She wants to save you, to redeem herself. It works perfectly to our advantage. But do not go willingly, no one would buy it."

"You want me to let them capture me?"

"Yes."

"It'll take more men than they have to do that."

"Not if you're already compromised." Grimmjow stiffened. Even a super soldier got tired of pain.

"What? Break my leg?"  
>"Let us worry about that."<p>

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Nothing, just wait for them to make their move. Go somewhere they can reach out to you."

"Okay." He leaned back. "Those pills kicked in."

"Good. Keep the bottle, take one every time you feel symptoms. We'll figure out something more permanent when you come home."

"Okay."

"Grimmjow, are you sure there is nothing else bothering you?"

He met his father's gaze. This wasn't the time to breach the subject. He needed some distance, both time and space, to consider everything before making a move.

"Just one thing," he knew an outright lie wouldn't work. "Kenpachi Zaraki. Who is he? He damn well caught me back at Interpol's HQ."

"Ah, Zaraki, yes be careful of him. He is not enhanced in the same way as you, but he is the strongest of their agents, though not the smartest. Do not underestimate any of them."

"Okay."

"Good. Now then, we'll have this mess cleared up and you can go back to your apartment."

"Really?"

Aizen nodded, the door opened and Stark ushered the barman in again. Aizen rose, pulling out several bills and passing them to the man.

"For the business you've missed. I will take care of the damages myself."

"What about the police?" the man asked incredulously.

"The case has been dropped, as per my persuasion." He turned back to Grimmjow. "I'll be in touch."

He swept from the room, the others after him. The barman stood in the middle of his property, money in hand and turned to the young man in the chair. A million questions must have been running through his mind but that wasn't what concerned him as he dropped the bills on the counter.

"You look exhausted. Let's get you a place to rest."

* * *

><p>"Urahara thinks that because he started and stopped the doses, it hasn't worked as effectively on him the second time."<p>

"So he isn't as strong?"

"Nor as emotionally removed as he was before." Rukia forked some salad into her mouth in the dining hall, her favorite location to debrief Ichigo. "You were with him for a day after, what was he like?"

"You mean besides taping me to a chair?"

"Yeah, besides that."

"He was scary. But not crazy like he was back at the base. Still...I feel like there's still something there. He drove me home, after all."

"A misplaced sense of debt, perhaps."

"Maybe. But letting me go would have been good enough to him, wouldn't it?"

"I don't know. I just know he could have killed me at the base but he didn't."

"He said he'd kill any of us if he saw us again."

"Yeah, well I don't really want to fight him." She shifted her arm that was in a sling around her neck. "But I'm betting if we met him in a public place he wouldn't act so rash."

"Maybe."

"He's back at his apartment you know." At this, Ichigo stopped eating.

"What?"

"Aizen got the investigation dropped, I think. He must think Grimmjow can still get at Urahara."

"So what then?"

"We'll still take him in. We'll just make sure to sedate him first."

"I don't know...Rukia can we really force him to stop taking Hogyoku when it might kill him?"

"Legally? I don't know. But with Interpol's jurisdiction I-"

"No _morally_, Rukia. I mean do we have any right to force that on him?"

"Hogyoku was forced on him in the first place. He escaped that once, he didn't want to go back. I made a promise to help him, so yeah, I think we have the _real_ Grimmjow's consent, no matter what the current version of him says."

"...yeah."

"Ichigo, you must realize he's brainwashed the way he is now."

But Ichigo didn't agree right away.

"Ichigo."

"It's just, like you said, he is different. I think part of him still is awake. What if it's that part that's afraid to do this, afraid to die?"  
>Her other hand reached over the table and found his. "He'll thank us, when we succeed."<p>

"But we're running out of time. His heart could give any day."

"I know. And when we do this, it can't be at the base. We have to take him to a proper facility."

"Okay, so say all of this does work. Then what? If you save his life are you just going to turn around and force him undercover for you?"

"No. We just want to find out what he knows. He'll be willing to share once he's himself again."

"Maybe."

"I'm sorry Ichigo, but this is reality. This is the best we can offer and I'm telling you it's a pretty good deal."

"Fine. Then let me come with you."

"What?"

"I want to go with you when you meet him. Like I said, he let me go, I feel like...he doesn't really want to hurt me. Maybe it will help you."

She considered him for a long moment. "Alright. But I do all the talking."

"Fine."

"Then meet me here Saturday morning. We'll take it from there."

"Okay. It's a deal."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow rolled off a low cot but had to stop and wait for the world around him to settle. The noise from the bar was louder than he remembered and he squinted in the low light trying to remember coming back to his room.<p>

But this wasn't his room. He stood, not recognizing the furniture or the layout of this place.

"You're awake." He turned at the open door. The barman leaned in, towel working a beer mug and he glimpsed the bar beyond. He realized he was in the room behind the bar.

"What time is it?"

"It's seven o'clock."

"In the morning?"

"No, the evening, you slept all night and all day."

"Shit."

"You must have needed it." He set the mug down. "How about something to eat?" He took him out to the bar. Grimmjow sat on a stool between two larger men but never glanced sideways. The din of the bar grated on his headache, he stared at the plate of food set before him and felt his stomach churn.

"I can't," he muttered, pushing it back. "Is my apartment open?"

"Repairs are done. You can go up."

"mm." He shoved away from the noise and lights and stumbled up the steps. He wasn't sure if it was the liquor, the pills or just all that he had endured the last few days, but the pain in his skull was so bad that he was seeing flashing lights. He barely noticed the cleaning job that had been done, the shattered glass gone, the windows replaced. He just fell face first onto his bed and willed the world to turn silent.

No such luck. Screw the world. Screw the noise from downstairs. His own mind wouldn't give him a fucking break.

Y_ou're scared, and you think you shouldn't be able to feel fear because of the drug but you can so that only makes you more scared._

The teen's obnoxious words rattled in his head.

"That asshole. Thinks he can actually help me," he muttered into his pillow, wishing he hadn't just slept for a day so that he could escape to painless oblivion now. He scrubbed his face and pulled out the pills Szayel had given him. They were unlabelled, he had no idea what they were, but it wasn't that pain he needed to drown out now. He rose, lightening sparking behind his eyes and went to the cabinet.

"SHIT!" They'd cleaned him out of all his pain pills when they fixed the place up. He went straight to his bag and riffled through that, nothing. "Dammit," he swore again. Then he paused over the bag, remembering his thoughts from yesterday.

Run away. If ever he was going to do it, now would be the time. He didn't want to play Aizen's game anymore. He wasn't afraid of getting hurt, but he couldn't shake those memories of his mother. As much as he didn't want to feel, he did, and what he felt was powerful: betrayal, rage. He wanted to turn all that on Aizen himself. But that would be suicide, and today was not one of those days, today was a day when he wanted to survive.

No Aizen. No Interpol. Just freedom. That's what he wanted. But he didn't have a clue how he was going to get it without a passport or a plan.

He clenched his fists. There was nothing he could do wallowing in here. He stocked up on cash, and stuffed his pills in his coat, intending to get a solution to his problems tonight.

* * *

><p>"Grimmjow's spinning out, isn't he?" Szayel looked up from the notes strewn over his desk to see his eldest brother.<p>

"Yes he is."

"So father's sending him on a suicide mission?"

"You feel bad about it?"

"No. Just makes me reconsider our worth to him."

"Don't, Stark." His brother set down his paper. He may not be the physically strongest, but his enhancements had strengthened his mind in every respect. Szayel had a deep understanding of their father from his close work with him that may even rival Stark's. So when he chose to divulge on the matter, Stark listened.

"He isn't suiciding Grimmjow."

"Then what?"

"As you witnessed, Grimmjow did not fully recover from his abrupt stoppage of Hogyoku last year. Even with more in his system, he will never be as strong as he once was. In addition, Grimmjow was always so full of rage, driven by it, even. But this past year he's become someone else." "Meaning?"

"Meaning he simply isn't as angry as he used to be. He's more human and consequently, weaker."

"He's damaged goods."

"He is, but that doesn't mean he still can't serve our father. He is the only one of us who could get so close to Urahara."

"You don't have to get close to kill someone." Stark knew many ways of assassination, he was experienced, despite his youth.

"I agree. But I think there are other things as play here. Our father needs Grimmjow close to those people for another reason, I just haven't figured it out yet."

"I know what you mean." Stark could also tell he wasn't being given the whole picture. "But if Grimmjow goes back to them, they'll take him off Hogyoku for good."

"Yes, they will."

"So that's it for Grimmjow then?"

"We'll get him back, so long as they don't kill him, if that's what you're worried about."

"Who said I cared?" Szayel just gave him a look. "Screw you."

"In other news, the Americans have arrived," Szayel continued. "Kenpachi Zaraki himself."

"Really? Interpol sure is investing alot of time into this."

"Lots of organizations are, they've just been the most problematic for us. Still, this is good. We haven't got any intel on their members other than Zaraki. Nor have any of us seen inside their Tokyo facility. It's in the American Embassy, you know."

"I know. I also know once they get Grimmjow in an interrogation room, they won't give a shit about laws or international conventions. What if he gives away information?"

"Even if they make him a regular human again, Grimmjow is one of us. He'd never spill and you know it."

"Yeah." Stark swept a hand through is hair, imagining what awaited his youngest brother. "Shit. When dear old dad tosses you away, he _really_ tosses you away."

"It's not about that." Szayel reassured. "We'll get Grimmjow back out so he can give us the details of their base and Urahara's work. It will all work out."

"I fuckin' hope so. So why'd you call me down here. What am I supposed to do in all of this?"

"Like you said, _you_ don't need to get close to hurt someone, and we need Grimmjow in no condition to fight back when Interpol tries to take him in. It's the only way to plausibly get him back inside."

Szayel rose and went to a cabinet on the other side of the room. He pulled out a long bag and set it on the table, unzipping it to reveal the sniper riffle awaiting assembly.

"I hope you have no qualms about shooting your own brother."

* * *

><p>It had cost him almost everything for the rush job, but Grimmjow returned in the early hours of Saturday morning with much more of a plan than when he'd left. He locked the door tight behind him. At noon, he would have his exit. A passport was being forged, someone would be waiting for him in the park to make the drop. Then there was no looking back. He would get on a plane and never come back. Maybe America, he knew English well enough, or Canada, they seemed pretty open. It didn't matter really, as long as he got off this island, out of this country and away from it all.<p>

He removed his gun from his pants, then the others from the bag. No weapons, nothing to risk his chances of getting on a plane. He found the very last of his cash and stuffed it in. It would be hard to start from nothing, wherever he ended up, but he would worry about that later. The first thing he'd have to worry about was surviving the removal of his Hogyou dispenser. He didn't have any choice, if he ran he'd be getting no mores doses. It was no longer about being strong or weak—it was about surviving without complete dependence on Aizen.

He looked at the clock as he lay back on his bed. Just a few more hours, and he would be free.

* * *

><p>"He was out all night, slept for most of the morning." Renji reported in the back of the van where they met. Ichigo was huddled between Ikkaku and Rukia. It was just the four of them but Zaraki had a crew waiting in case there was trouble.<p>

"What was he doing?" Rukia asked.

"I don't know. I followed him where I could but it just looked like he was hitting up every sleezy joint in town. Drugs?"

"He's already on those."

"Other drugs?"

"Maybe."

"Anyway, I did manage to glean that he was meeting someone in the park at noon. We'll catch him."

"We better."

They had less than an hour, but there was nothing more to do than wait.

* * *

><p><em>Pond Skating closed due to thin ice.<em>

Grimmjow stared at the signs bordering the pond that was normally busy with young people skating. He had never gone skating. He wondered what the appeal was.

"Jaggerjaques."

He turned at the voice. He knew only the man by his face from last night but he had an envelope, Grimmjow had one of his own, they quickly traded.

"Good luck." The man offered and left. Grimmjow slit the white paper to check he got what he paid for.

His own image stared back at him. He'd had to pay extra for them to clean him up. It would be pretty suspicious if the security guard looked at his picture and saw all the same cuts and bruises he had now. But it looked good, at least to him, he didn't really know what a passport was supposed to look like, it had never even come into his realm of thought.

Many things hadn't. He'd learned this the hard way over the last sixteen months of living in a world that hadn't been his since he was six years old. Aizen had trained him as a warrior, not as a socialized human. Even now he encountered situations or things he had no clue how to handle because he'd simply never been exposed to them before. It was Aizen's greatest flaw in his children, and prevented him from sending them on long missions where their ineptitude in life's simple tasks would give them away.

A flaw, or a plan to keep them chained to him.

No matter. He hadn't gone to school, but he could read and write and point to a country on the map. He had enough to get him a life, he could figure it out from then on.

He stopped on the bridge and held out his phone. He couldn't take it with him, might as well toss it. But he saw the ice and returned it to his pocket. Throwing it into traffic would be better.

"Grimmjow."

He stiffened. He was on the middle of the bridge, right in the flow of pedestrian traffic. He slid the passport in his jacket pocket and turned to face her.

"Rukia." They were all there, Renji, Ikkaku and the kid. He looked next to Ichigo. "I see you failed to pass on my message."

"He told me what you said, but I didn't believe him," Rukia spoke firmly.

"I don't have time for you idiots."

"Why? Where are you going? What are you up to, Grimmjow?"

"None of your damn business." He turned, she caught his arm but he shoved her back. Renji caught her, Ikkaku shoved a hand into his pocket, no mistaking the threat of a weapon.

Grimmjow's expression turned dangerous. "Fuck all of you!" The outburst caused several people to hurry away from them. "You ain't gonna shoot me in public, asshole!" This effectively cleared the bridge. Rukia knew Grimmjow was trying to make a scene to get them to back off. It was working.

"Ikkaku," she reprimanded. "No, of course we aren't. But I thought maybe after a few days you'd come around."

"Come around?" His anger was unrestrained. "Come around to your stupidity? Your sentimentality? Get a grip, bitch, you lost, let it go."

He spun. Renji made to grab him. Ichigo got shoved to one side. It all happened fast—faster than the sniper trained on Grimmjow had anticipated and it wasn't him the bullet found.

"RENJI!" The hollow slice of bullet through air froze them all, but propelled Renji straight into Ichigo. A thin sheet of ice coated the walk and the rail, and there was nothing to grip when the teen lost his balance, and felt himself topple over the ledge.

Renji hit the bridge floor, blood gushing from his shoulder and a second later Ichigo hit and broke ice.

And Grimmjow ran.

He ran from the shooter, the Interpol agents and everything that threatened to prevent him from reaching his goal. He ran toward his freedom and independence—toward his new life.

But at the crest of a hill, at the edge of the park where he had a glimpse of traffic, a sea of cars and people into which he could disappear, he heard her scream.

"ICHIGO!"

Rukia was torn between crises. Ikakku was looking for a shooter, civilians were running, Renji was bleeding profusely and Ichigo had plunged into sub-zero black waters and had not resurfaced.

"Ikkaku, get Renji out. Zaraki will be on his way." Rukia stood, pulling off her jacket.

"No, Rukia you can't go in the water. You won't be able to see anything. The shock of the cold will take your breath before you can do anything."

"He's just a kid. I won't let Ichigo die on my watch."

"There's nothing we can do." Her subordinate argued.

"Hold this." They both turned. Grimmjow shoved the bundle of his coat and t-shirt into Rukia's hands and stood half naked in the frigid winter air.

"Grimmjow..."

He said nothing, just gripped the rail and launched himself over the bar and into the waters.

High above, on a building across from the park, the sniper swore. "Shit." Starrk pulled back from his sniper rifle and leaned into his mic. "You think that will slow him down?"

Szayel, on watch from another location crackled back. "Yes. Pack up and get out of here. I'll fill you in when we get home."

"Roger."

No one noticed the sniper leave. Most people were in a panic grabbing up children and trying to get out. Only a few spectators who hadn't heard the conflict or the shot remained circled around the pond, watching the one black gap where both men had gone through. A white powder covered the ice, masking the depths beyond.

There was little hope.

* * *

><p>Ichigo was surrounded by darkness.<p>

Too much had happened at once. The shot, the shocked look on Renji, falling. His head had hit ice hard, he'd blacked out for a second or two at least, but not enough that he'd inhaled water. The problem was, he had swum back up, but his hands met ice. It had taken the force of his body falling through to break it, now there was no way for him punch through this barrier.

Panic overwhelmed him, he searched in the cold black for a source of light, an indication of the hole but he saw nothing. He was going to die in seconds.

Then he saw it. White bubbles in a sea of dark. But more than that, two points of blazing blue fire.

Grimmjow.

They broke the surface together. Ichigo gasped in air that threatened to freeze inside his lungs. Everything stung and burned it was so cold, his heart thundered but they weren't out of danger yet. Grimmjow kept one arm around and tried to haul them out of the ice with the other but each time it crumbled under their weight. They dunked back under as their support gave but the supersoldier pulled them out each time, until his hand met thicker ice closer to the edge of shore and he was able to drag them onto the frosty surface.

The cries of everyone else were lost to them. Every inch of Ichigo was freezing cold, his clothes already beginning to stiffen and stick to the ice, but he couldn't stop gasping in the air he didn't think he'd ever breathe again. He moved only to look sideways at the man who'd pulled him from death's clutches.

"You saved me." He could still see those blue eyes that had somehow pierced the dark veil of water between them. Grimmjow was propped on his elbows as he too panted, attempting to keep his bare torso from the ice. He was shaking just as violently as Ichigo but drew his eyes up to regard him. Blue locks were tinting silver, steam rose from his muscled back. If they weren't in danger of dying, Ichigo would have blushed at the stunning sight.

"Yeah." Was all Grimmjow said before attempting to move, dragging himself forward until there was enough ground beneath them he could safely stand.

He didn't make it very far. Ichigo had tried to follow after but he was only on his knees when Grimmjow stopped dead. A pained noise escaped him and his hand went to his chest.

"Grimmjow!" He dropped to his knees, eyes dulled by unbelievable pain, slow breaths puffed out before him.

"Grimmjow!" It was Rukia now, working her way down the bank to them, but seeing their state she stopped to scream back over her shoulder. "Get the medical team NOW!"

"Grimmjow." Ichigo repeated, watching him fall the rest of the way. He collapsed, jeans crusted in frost, bare back on the ice, hand over his chest and a look crossed between the deepest panic and the deepest pain etched in his features. "Hang on!"  
>But silver tinted lashes trembled and shut.<p>

"GRIMMJOW!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ah, so much dialogue in this chapter! I didn't realize it until I was editing. Oh well, made it longer so there was some good old action and drama in the end! Next time, things do go so well for Grimmjow upon his arrival at the American Embassy. Can Ichigo return the favour and save him?<strong>_

_**Thanks so much for your reviews!**_

_**Riza.**_

_**PS**_

_**Cool suggestion from "A fan," I will file that idea away.**_


	17. Chapter 17

"Ichigo, how are you?"

_Exhausted_ was the only word to describe the tiny agent when she walked in, greeting the teen.

"I'm warmer," Ichigo said, still wrapped in blankets, an I.V. in one arm and heart monitors on his chest. He'd passed out for a bit, but he was doing well, considering. "How about Renji?"

"Fifity-fifty," she admitted. He'd been in surgery since their arrival. Ichigo only had the faintest memory of the helicopter ride that evacuated them to central Tokyo and, to his surprise, the American Embassy. Rukia had briefly explained it was outfitted for the purpose of being a permanent base of operations for Interpol as well. One more government secret the teen had to swear to take to his grave.

"And Grimmjow?"

"They're keeping him closely monitored. His heart is strong though, he may have suffered an attack but it wasn't the one to end it."

"So there's still a chance he could come off of Hogyoku?"

"Our window is getting smaller, but yes. They're figuring out now how to regulate the doses given by the device they found in his arm. Unfortunately, we can't take it out without cutting him off cold turkey."

"So it's going to take time—time we don't have."

"Sorry, Ichigo, I wish I had better news."

"It's not your fault."

"I'm just glad you came out alright. I didn't think...well I didn't know what to do."

"So he really just dove in after me?"  
>"He ran. I thought he was gone, then I was calling your name and next thing he was right there, throwing himself in after you."<p>

Ichigo absorbed this. He wanted to ask why, but there was only one person who could answer that question and he was still on a ventilator.

"Can I see him?"

"Sure. As soon as the doctor gives you the all clear. I'll go get him."

"Thanks."

Ichigo sank back on his bed, a nervous breath escaping him at the thought of seeing Grimmjow after what had happened. He'd rescued him—even when he was not supposed to be able to feel. What did it all mean?

He had no idea that at the moment, it was Grimmjow himself who needed rescuing.

* * *

><p>"He's only nineteen," Kenpachi commented, flipping through the patient's chart.<p>

"So what? He's a genetically engineered super-soldier," his companion responded.

"Who's just a kid." Kenpachi lowered the file he'd been holding up to the one light bulb in the dank cell. Only mold and damp dirt adorned these walls, no windows, shelves or beds. One heavy door was locked at their backs, and in the centre of the chamber was the only furniture: a chair, a young man chained to it, and a table of tools next to him.

"Since when were you so sentimental, Zaraki?"

"I'm not," he tossed the chart. "But is he going make it? He's breathing funny and we haven't even started." He stared at Grimmjow's slumped form in the chair.

"He's still unconscious. He was on a breathing tube when we snatched him."

"We didn't snatch him, he's our prisoner."

"Yeah, well tell that to the Japanese agents when you see them."

The large agent glared at his counterpart. "Just wake him up, Mayuri."

"Fine."

The thin faced man selected a vile and filled a needle. Once injected, it only took seconds for their prisoner to come sputtering awake. Grimmjow choked on a cough, looked like he was going to puke, but managed to get his head up and take a look around. Blue eyes swept over everything as his arms and legs tested the chains that restrained him. If there was fear or panic in him, he hid it instantly.

The moment he saw Kepachi, he let the anger well up and take over. This was the personality who would survive the situation—not the part of him that wanted to run away and start afresh—or the part of him that had given up that chance and dove in icy waters after a drowning high school student.

He looked down on his exposed body, only a pair of shorts covering him.

"You are a kinky bastard, aren't you?" he returned his gaze to Kenpachi.

"Shut up. It's not me you have to worry about." Zaraki turned his attention to his narrow faced comrade. "Agent Kurotsuchi here knows the best ways to make a person talk."

"Oh yeah? Rukia set this up did she? Didn't think the bitch had it in her."

"She doesn't. You're in American custody now. I'm sure she'll be upset when she finds out but since half her team is down she's a little distracted."

"In other words." Mayuri was busy getting something arranged at a table, "don't expect her to come and rescue you. She's outranked, and out of her country. She's as restrained as you are...well, almost."

"And here I thought you were going to take me off Hogyoku and make me into a real boy again."

"Would you prefer that?"

"I would prefer not to be chained to chair with your two freaks leering at me."

"Hmm. Insult us all you want, but it just shows your real fear. Delaying the inevitable. Trying to convince yourself you aren't scared."

_Scared_. What would Ichigo say now, if he could see this?

"We couldn't be sure your heart wouldn't give out." Kenpachi explained. "We can't wait for the answers we need. We'll see about easing you off if you survive this."

"Don't pretend you're gonna kill me. American or not, you ain't that stupid." His head snapped back at the blow. He spit blood and sneered up at Kenpachi. "Hit a nerve did I? But you can't hurt me too bad. Urahara will want to take a look at me, lots of other Interpol assholes too, I bet. They don't want me in pieces."

"Oh, there's lots of ways to cause pain, without leaving too many marks. "Kurotsuchi turned, a large syringe in hand and an even larger grin. "You go ahead and soften him up, Kenpachi. But when he won't talk, then it's my turn."

* * *

><p>"Rukia, where is he?" The pair stood over an empty bed where Grimmjow was supposed to be.<p>

"I had guards on him, he was restrained, I-"

"He's in American hands now." A cold voice floated to them. They turned to see an icy smile that chilled Ichigo as much as the frozen pond had. He instantly noticed Rukia's reaction as well. Her eyes widened and her whole body tensed.

"Ichimaru."

"Please, Rukia, call me Gin, we've known each other a long time."

"Who is this guy?" Ichigo asked.

"A senior agent, American born." The man answered himself. "Renowned for his many talents and successes."

"Notably in extraction of information." Rukia supplied. "I thought you were never going to leave Guantanamo."

The man shrugged. "Nah, that's not really my scene. Mayuri however.."

"He's not here too, is he?"

A smile.

"Hell, Ichimaru, where is Grimmjow? Don't tell me he has him."

"In our little slice of paradise." She shut her eyes.

"Rukia, what?" Ichigo asked.

"None of your business, civi." Gin stood straight. "Rukia you've gotten too close, we've taken over and if you interfere you'll lose your position and your team, maybe even your job, understand me?"

"I can't let you do this."

His eyes were just slits but somehow they narrowed further. "As it stands right now, you can have him back when we're done, try to fix his broken heart. But if you intervene, we'll keep him for good, understand."

"Ichimaru-"

"_Understand_?!|"

"Y-yes. Understood."

He left. The moment he was gone Ichigo seized Rukia by her shoulders.

"What are they talking about? What have they done to Grimmjow?"

Her eyes cast sideways. "They're getting information out of him."

He let her go, the breath stolen from him. "No...torture?"

"Yes."

"Stop it."

"You heard what they just said."

"Then what?"

"He's still enhanced, it will help him cope."

"COPE? They're fucking torturing him!" he saw the spark of tears in her eyes, calmed himself and thought things through. "Fine. Don't do anything. You're right."

She looked up to him. "Wait, what are you going to do?"

"I'm a civilian. I'm going to stop them. What can they do to me?"

She watched him carefully. "I can't let you do this."

"Yes you can. But in the meantime, you can call Urahara over here and put a stop to this."

"He's already on his way, but I'll call. Ichigo-"

"Just make that call."

He pushed out the door. There was no way he was going to let this happen.

* * *

><p>"Did you know, it's only been an hour?" Kurotsuchi whispered to a bowed head. Grimmjow couldn't hold back the pained noises as Kurotsuchi let more liquid drip from a cloth onto the open cut down his thigh. Grimmjow didn't know what was in the concoction, but when it touched his blood, his open wounds, it burned and stung a hundred times more than salt or alcohol.<p>

"I bet it seems more like a day."

He dropped the whole cloth along the wound. Grimmjow screamed.

"Very good. Might you like to share some intel with us now?"

"He's withholding on principle," Kenpachi said from where he leaned against the wall. After he'd dealt his beating he'd backed off and watched, his enthusiasm for the whole process rapidly waning. "He doesn't even like the bastard anymore, that's what Urahara said. But he doesn't want to give in to us."

"Do you suggest letting him go, then?"

"I'm just saying this is pointless. Let Kuchki do her thing."

"He'll likely die. We need this information now."

Kurotsuchi lifted the cloth and yanked back Grimmjow's head. "He does have a point though, doesn't he? Your pride won't let you talk, will it?"

He got no answer in the form of words, but blue eyes were unmistakeable.

"Interesting." He flicked his wrist and drew a blade from his table. "Then maybe we should just remove the pride."

Grimmjow stiffened when it slid along his lower abdomen. Apparently, this was also a little too much for Kenpachi because he pushed off the wall and moved back over to them.

"Hey, that' enough."

"You aren't squeamish, are you Zaraki?"

"He's just a kid."

"So what?" But his hand was gripped and pulled back.

"So he's hardly had a chance to use it, I can't let you cut it off."

"You're soft."

"You're disgusting."

"Your point?"

"Do something else."

They glared at one another. "Fine. I'll use some elctro shock."

"He's got a fucking bad heart, you can't do that either!"  
>"Then be my guest."<p>

"FINE!" He shoved Kurotsuchi back and took a hold of Grimmjow's head so their eyes would remain locked, his other hand took hold of Grimmjow's hand where it was chained to the chair. He took a grip on his pinky.

"Let's do this the old fashioned way. I ask you a question, you don't talk, I break. We get ten tries until we have to come up with a new game, alright?"

Grimmjow never answered. His jaw was set firmly.

"Tell me about Aizen's operation."

He waited a few second before the snap. Grimmjow jolted but didn't scream.

"Tell me about Aizen's operation."

The next finger snapped.

"Tell me about Aizen's operation."

The middle finger.

"It's pointless," Kurotsuchi warned.

"I thought you gave him something to make him feel pain like normal, cancelled out that enhanced shit."

"I did. He's just well trained."

"Fuck." He turned back to Grimmjow. "Do you really not want to have a finger left, kid?"

"Fuck you." Grimmjow spat in his face.

Kenpachi lost his temper and drove the boy's head sideways with another punch. He spat another clump of blood onto the wet cement around him.

"Dammit," Kenpachi swore, "just spill and we can be done with this bullshit."

"Looks like you're cracking before me." Grimmjow managed to muster some menace despite his circumstances. "So why not take a break."

"You want me to leave you alone with him?"

"That's what you're about to do right? This whole good cop bad cop thing isn't lost on me you know. You play all concerned that I'm young, that he'll mess me up too bad, and you make me think you'll protect me. Then you leave and I feel twice as vulnerable to everything this bastard does."

"Listen, kid, if you knew me, than you'd know I am not into that psych out shit."

"Then you're just a pathetic excuse for an agent."

His head snapped again. Kurotsuchi stayed a third strike.

"You're being played Zaraki, he wants you to knock him out." Kenpachi saw the teen sagging a little more. He was right. "Go take a break. I promise not to kill him while you're gone."

"Fine."

He stepped away, taking a heavy breath while Kurotsuchi took over.

He hadn't even crossed the room before he heard the first scream. Yeah, Kurotsuchi was good. But when he got to the door he heard voices on the other side, shouts.

"What the Hell?" He threw open the heavy metal in time to see Ichigo deck the guard. He shook out his fist but stopped at the sight of Kenpachi.

Another scream behind them made them both turn and next thing the teen had elbowed past him.

Hell, who was he kidding, he'd let him get by.

"STOP!" Ichigo grabbed Kurotsuchi's hand before he could push the next needle in. Horrified, Ichigo saw two already deep in the tissue at the base of Grimmjow's neck like some messed up form of acupuncture. "Oh Hell, what are you doing?"

He was shoved back and Kenpachi caught him. "LET GO!"

"Easy kid," the large American warned. "Kurotsuchi we better take a break."

"No, you can."

"Come on, we need to sort this out."

"The only sorting we need to do is getting that boy out of here. Go."

"You bastards!" Ichigo growled, still fighting to get out of Kenpachi's grip. "Look at him!" He was staring at the blood, the tools, the chains, the chair, the look of agony on Grimmjow's face.

"No permanent damage." Kurotsuchi mused.

"He saved my life today!" Ichigo felt Kenpachi's grip shift. "He dove into that water when no one else would and brought me back!" He wrenched free and fell to his knees before Grimmjow.

"Let him go," he demanded. His hands closed over the chains restraining Grimmjow but he was unable to undo them without a key. "Please."

Grimmjow didn't speak, but his eyes were fixed on Ichigo, as if he was telling himself not to dare hope this teen could actually rescue him.

"Get him out of here," Kurotsuchi demanded. Kenpachi still hesitated at his back. "Now!"

"No. We've lost control of the situation, we need to deal with Kurosaki first."

There was a silent stare down. Then tools dropped.

"Fine." Ichigo was grabbed again, he was being hauled out.

"Wait, you can't just leave him here. Grimmjow!" But he couldn't get away this time.

The door clanked shut. Grimmjow was alone under the glow of the one light bulb.

He smiled.

"Kurosaki, looks like I owe you again."

He slipped his left hand from the chains, easily done now that the digits were out of place. The problem was, he couldn't use that hand to undo his other. There were locks and he needed a key.

Or a needle.

He reached around and pulled on of the terrible acupuncture-like needles from his neck. It came at a scream and his whole arm went numb for several seconds.

"Fuck." Sweat dripped into his eyes, he was shaking and it made it hard to feel out the inside of the lock. Once his right was free, however, it was easier going. He undid his feet easily.

"Alright, now let's kick some-" He fell face first when he made to stand. His body had gone through too much, it wasn't ready to support him. "Come on," he urged himself, as if determination could get him past the utter exhaustion and pain in his body.

A few hours ago he'd held his passport in hand, dreaming of America or some far away land. He never imagined that would be the basement of the American Embassy in his own personal torture chamber.

"Fuck." He got to his knees and waited, the last needle ground in his neck, he reached back and took it out. Shivers and numbness passed in a minute, he stood, barely, falling back toward his chair. He leaned on it for support, but his eyes fell to the instruments.

He smiled and grabbed a long knife from the tray.

"Alright boys, I'm ready for you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>With Grimmjow on the lose next chapter, its hard to tell who's in more danger: him, or everyone else in his path.<strong>_

_**Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! To Romao: Please check out my story "Beginnings." I decided to write a first chapter of your idea. This is a collection of story-starters-no promises, but please take a look and see what you think!**_

_**Riza**_


	18. Chapter 18

"Rukia please do something!" Ichigo had literally been dragged kicking and screaming from the basement and now Kenpachi let him go in the conference room where Rukia had been on the phone.

"Urahara is on his way," she addressed them all. "He's ordered you to stop."

"Well I didn't hear it from him," Kurotsuchi said. "He can tell me himself when he gets here."

"You Bastard!" But Rukia's head snapped to the side. Mayuri out ranked her and he had just reminded her of the fact with a back hand. She raised a hand to her reddened cheek, eyes ablaze. "Enough!" Kenpachi intervened. "Mayuri, we wait here for Urahara."

"You go ahead." He made for the door. "You've been spending too much time with these Japanese, emotionally compromised agents. _I_ have a job to do."

"Mayuri!" The door slammed.

"Please stop him." Ichigo begged the large American still in the room.

Kenpachi sighed. "I'll be back." He pushed out the open door, leaving Ichigo and Rukia alone.

Ichigo moved to her side, she was still straightening from the strike.

"Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine. Come on, I don't trust him."

"I wouldn't follow if I were you." That snake-like voice stopped them again.

"Out of our way, Gin."

He leaned in their doorway. "Just give it a minute."

"Give what a minute? What are you-"

Red lights flashed in the hallways, a warning announcement came on and black security guards flooded from a room down the hall. Gin stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.

"The prisoner has escaped. Protect the civilian, if you can handle that."

"You-"

"I will see about re-capturing Grimmjow Jaggerjaques."

He slipped out the door again without another word. Ichigo and Rukia shared a look before disobeying and running out into the chaos.

* * *

><p>"My you boys didn't do well." Gin stooped to haul Kenpachi back to his feet.<p>

"Little bastard injected me with somethin'..." Kenpachi swayed against his fellow agent.

"You'll live." Mayuri was at the tray, determining what had been in the syringe. When he turned, the amount of blood running down his neck alarmed both his America partners.

"You won't if you don't get help," Gin warned.

"I know. I'm going."  
>"You too, Kenpachi. Where did he go?"<p>

"Beats me."

"Okay. Just get yourselves to medical now." Gin watched them leave but didn't follow. Instead he walked over to the door and held the handle. "This won't be any fun for me if I don't at least get to chase you."

He pulled it back from the wall, revealing the bloody figure who'd been concealed there. Grimmjow held the knife close, defensively, but Gin just watched him.

"Go on then."

"What's you game, bastard?" Grimmjow bit out.

"Does it matter? Run."  
>He stepped back. Grimmjow eyed him long and hard, but he slowly eased from the door and then bolted.<p>

"There. Now this is interesting."

* * *

><p>Rukia and Ichigo stepped over the fallen agents. They were all still breathing, but unconscious. One man was leaning up against a wall. They moved to him.<p>

"He was so fast," the agent panted.

"It's okay," Rukia soothed, "just tell me what happened."

"He's wounded. He took us down but not without damage. I hit him with all I had in the back." His hand was around a night stick. "Seemed to slow him down significantly. He caught one in the leg too."

"Where did he go?"

He nodded down the hall. They rose and followed the corridor but stopped short, seeing the line of men, guns drawn and pointing to one room.

"Shit, is he in there?" Ichigo asked.

"Let us through."

"No." An agent pressed a hand to his chest, stopping him. Past him, he saw Gin Ichimaru, arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face—he actually looked kind of disappointed.

"Let us pass," Rukia insisted.

"I can't. I have orders."

"Whose?"

"Urahara's. He's already in there with him."

* * *

><p>"Grimmjow." Kisuke remained at the door that had shut behind him. "This should never have happened."<p>

He got no answer from the blood covered teen whose back was pressed firmly against the wall of the storage room, two shelves stacked to overflowing with papers gave him cover on each side and both his hands were locked around the gun he had trained on Kisuke.

"Now that I'm here, I have control of the situation. You're in my custody, my care."

He eased himself from the door, taking a few steps into the room.

"Stop."

He did.

"Grimmjow, we have a small window of opportunity to get you off of Hogyoku, we can't waste time."

"You think I want off?"

"Yes," he reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small folded paper. "I do." He let the passport fall open. Grimmjow's eyes fell to it—to the one thing he'd thought could save him from all of this.

"I wanted out of here, not off the drug."

"They're one in the same and you know it. You were going to do it by yourself. You would have died."

"Maybe, but it would have been on my own terms, no one else's."

"I admire that, but I can give you better chances."

"And then? You send me right back to the bastard to be your undercover bitch."

"No, I don't. I ask you some questions, you answer, and then I set you up in witness protection for the rest of your life."

"I don't believe you."

"You have no reason to. But you haven't shot me yet, so I think maybe you want to believe me." He took another step, his foot crunched on something on the floor and Grimmjow went rigid.

"STAY BACK!"

"Alright." He stopped again.

"You know I came here to kill you, right?"

"Yes."

"Then why the Hell did you come in here?"

"Because I saw it in you last time we met. I know you won't do it."

"I will if you take one more step."

"And then those men out there flood this room, take you down. And I'm not here to protect you from the Americans."

"FUCK YOU! Like you weren't in on that whole show back there. Stop with your fucking mind games. You're all Interpol, you're all working together!"

"I wish everyone could see it that way. But despite being an international organization, I'm afraid we have very national lines drawn between us."

"There is nothing you can say to make me believe you."

"I don't think that's true. You're done running, Grimmjow. You had it all planned out, didn't you? You were going through the ceiling, use the crawl space to get to another room, make for a back door. But you couldn't. You're too hurt. Even now it's taking everything you have to stay standing, keep that gun raised. You want an exit. I'm giving you one. You want to believe me, so believe me."

"But I can't."

"I know. Because your father has messed with you for so long you don't know how to trust."

"Don't try to psycho analyse me, bastard."

"It's not analysis, it's observation, Grimmjow."

"Screw you."

"Just stop, Grimmjow. Stop fighting." He took two steps.

"BACK OFF!"

"And if I do, then what? You're still standing in a room surrounded by armed guards."

"Just get out."

His hands shook. Kisuke saw the many marks on his mostly naked body, blood dripped from the back of one leg where a bullet had cut through his glute. His bare feet were slipping in blood where he stood and one knee wasn't locking. Kisuke sighed and began pulling his jacket off.

"What are you doing?" Grimmjow watched him, eyes losing focus, gun dipping lower.

"What happened to you is my fault. I should have been here upon your arrival."

"Stay back." But he couldn't get the gun steady and he was slipping down the wall.

"You're in crisis and you need help but we just keep hurting you." Urahara was a few feet away, Grimmjow dropped the gun and tried to grip the shelf to stay up.

"Don't touch me..."

"You don't know who you are: supersoldier, son, or fugitive."

"Don't." Kiskue was before him, he panted, straining to keep himself up.

"But you dove in that water to save Ichigo Kurosaki. You made a choice in that moment to save his life rather than your own."

"Stop…"

"Well let me try to make it up to you Grimmjow. Let me save you now."

Grimmjow collapsed. Kisuke caught him, pulling his coat over naked shoulder.

"Will you let us try to help you, Grimmjow? Will you agree to go off of Hogyoku?"

He felt the ragged breath in his shoulder, a thick swallow, but heard the one word.

"Yes."

* * *

><p>"It will be a day or so, before we can safely do the procedure. Grimmjow needs to recover and we need to finalize our calculations," Kisuke explained to those assembled. The Americans had not been invited, but Ichigo, Rukia and Ikkaku sat among the doctors and medical staff who would be involved in the operation.<p>

"Can I see him?" Ichigo asked when the meeting was over.

"Yes," Kisuke consented. "His wounds have been treated, he's in a private room. I'll take you."

He left him at the door. The room was private but cameras watched them and a guard stood at the entrance.

"In case I try to off myself before the big show." Grimmjow spoke with an arrogance that did not match the pain in his eyes or the way he held his abused body where he sat on his bed. He'd been shot but it was a graze—a dangerous graze near an artery—but not as bad as it could have been. The strike to his back, however, had injured and swollen enough he couldn't walk without help so he remained on his bed as Ichigo approached him.

"Were you considering it?"

"No, idiot. But they think I am."

"Oh."

"What? Why the Hell do you look worse than I feel?"

"Because of what they did to you. And...because it happened because of me."

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at this. "How d'you figure that?"

"Because you came back to save me. That's why they caught you."

"You're one dumb kid. You can't possibly blame yourself for those American assholes. Besides, are you forgetting I did the same to you?"

"What? You can't compare duct taping me to a chair and forcing me to watch bad tv to...to this." He waved a hand over all that red marks, bandages and bruises that weren't covered by Grimmjow's t-shirt.

"Whatever. But if you do feel guilty, then do me a favour."

"What?"

"Get me a fucking bottle of vodka."

Ichigo smiled. "I don't think that's exactly pre-surgery approved."

"Like I care." He had been sitting but he eased himself back now, trying to hide the pain it cause just to move this much. Ichigo came the rest of the way over to the bed and sat next to where he lay.

"Are you scared?"

"About the operation?"

"Yeah."

"No."

Ichigo sighed. "Why do you always lie?"

"Fuck you. You just want me to go back to the way I was so you can pretend to be my friend again."

Ichigo considered this. "No," he said eventually.

Grimmjow rolled his head to the side to face him straight on. "Now who's lying?"

"I'm not. You were afraid of going hollow, last time. But you didn't, I mean, not entirely. Yeah, I'm not a fan of what an asshole you are when you're on Hogyoku, but you're still you, to some extent. I want you to go off it, because that's what you wanted before. But it was this version of you that saved me under the ice. So you aren't all bad."

"Tch."

"I'm just saying, I don't want you back to the way you were for me. I want that for you. Because I know, even if you'll never admit it, it's what you want."

"Do you now?"

"I do."

They watched one another for a moment before Grimmjow let out a long breath and pulled his eyes away, looking straight at the ceiling.

"I remembered something. Urahara helped fill in some gaps."

"What?"

"I didn't always live with Aizen. I was with my mother. I always remembered that she killed herself—overdosed on painkillers. But it was a lie. Aizen did it to her, he forced her to take them so it looked like a suicide when I was six years old. I walked in. I wasn't supposed to. I don't know how, but he made me forget that."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I. I devoted my life to the man that killed the only person in this world who ever really cared about me."

"So that's why you're willing to go off the Hogyoku."

"I don't know. I don't want to. I never want to be weak again. But without Aizen, I'm screwed. It makes me dependent on him. And that's the last thing I want."

"I understand."

"Good, because I'm probably going to die."

"And you wanted me to know in case you do?"

Blue eyes shifted. "What no? I don't know," he said back defensively. "I was just talking, geeze."

"Sorry."

"Stop being sorry."

"Okay." Grimmjow shut his eyes. "Grimmjow, do want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"You were tortured. I saw your face in that room. You're not okay."

"I haven't been okay for a long time. But unless you can magically heal broken fingers or a bullet wound, then there's nothing you can do."

"I can listen."

"You're incredibly sappy, you know that kid?"

"Sorry."

"What did I just say?"

"Oh, right." Grimmjow looked close to sleep but snapped his eyes open just before he could go under. "What is it?" Ichigo asked.

"Nothing."

"No really."

"Nothing."

Ichigo watched him. "You don't want to go to sleep, because you don't trust them."

There was no hiding the truth. Grimmjow set his jaw.

"I'll stay with you."

"What?"

"I'll stay here, while you sleep. I won't let them hurt you."

"I don't need you to protect me, kid."

"I owe you for the pond," Ichigo shrugged. Grimmjow eyed him, then rolled his head away and shut his eyes.

"Fine, whatever."

Ichigo watched him give in to sleep. It wasn't much, but it was the only thing he could do to help Grimmjow now.

* * *

><p>A blanket went flying, Grimmjow sat bolt upright in the bed and Ichigo realized maybe it hadn't been the best idea in the world to lay down next to a supersoldier on the verge of mental collapse just after he'd been tortured.<p>

"Grimmjow!" He tried to calm him but the other was still half in the dream and rolled, flipping himself on top of him and pinning him by his wrists to the matress.

"Wake up!"

Any second security would rush in and Ichigo did not want that.

"...kid?" Grimmjow panted, looking at Ichigo, then around the room. "Right..." he remembered Ichigo's promise to stay with him and let him go, rolling back to the other side of the bed.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just great." He had his back to him, sitting at the edge of the bed and running a hand through his hair.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Never found that vodka, did you?"

"No."

"Then no."

Ichigo sighed.

"When is surgery?" Grimmjow asked.

"In two hours."

He nodded. "I want to shower."

"You need help?"

"You'd love that, huh?" Ichigo blushed but Grimmjow remained where he was sitting. Ichigo knew he probably did need help, but couldn't bring himself to admit it. There was a silent standoff of over a minute, then, "just give me a fucking hand up."

Ichigo did. Grimmjow staggered, but once on his feet he seemed able to say there and managed to get to the bathroom by himself.

Ichigo didn't leave, he hovered in the room, expecting to hear him collapse or maybe call for help but the door opened ten minutes later and Grimmjow was still on his feet. Hot water seemed to bring everything to life again, however, and he winced with every step.

"Shit." Ichigo was looking at his bare torso, and when he turned saw the dark bruise at the base of his spine giving him so much trouble. "Dammit Grimmjow." He took his arm seeing him falter and helped him back to the bed.

He hissed in pain and looked up to Ichigo. "I need something."

"Right." Pain pills, Grimmjow was as good as addicted to them, so he probably needed them twice as bad now. A guard returned with two pills and a glass of water. Grimmjow clearly had plans for downing half a bottle but he took what he was offered and lay down again.

"Wake me up when it's time."

"Okay." Ichigo waited until he was sure he was under before pulling the blankets over him.

* * *

><p>"So this is it, huh?" Grimmjow was back to his cocky self with pain pills in his system and facing probable death, the asshole in him ramped up. "The room I'm going to die in."<p>

"Don't say that." Rukia was just as nervous. If Grimmjow did die, Ichigo didn't think she'd ever forgive herself.

"Maybe you shouldn't stay for the show, sister." He was on the edge of an exam table, someone taking blood samples from his arm. He was shirtless, wearing scrub pants, ready to have his arm cut open and the device dialled back.

"I want to be here."

"You are a masochist, you know."

"Shut it," she shot back. "I can't say I'm going to miss you."

"Oh, so you've decided I'm going to die then?"

"No, this part of you. I much prefer who you were before."

"Ah, so you want to hold my hand while I sink into depression too huh?" He glanced between Ichigo and Rukia. "I know you like me that way," he said to her. She balked and blushed at once, but Grimmjow slid off the table when the nurse let him go and turned to Ichigo. "But you, kid. I've been wondering this whole time."

"I-"

"If I'm gonna to die," Grimmjow interrupted, "I might as well know the truth." He grabbed Ichigo by the front of his shirt and hauled him forward.

Ichigo didn't have a chance to protest before their mouths sealed together. Grimmjow held him tight by the back of his hair, his kiss as rough as everything else he did, but all consuming, and he held the teen against him so tight it hurt.

When Ichigo's hands lifted to hold him back, Grimmjow let him go with a smile.

"Alright, that answers that question." He smirked, wiping a hand over his mouth. Ichigo was still standing there stunned.

"W-what?"

But he just turned to Rukia. "You want one too?" Her face turned beet-red. He laughed out loud and turned back to the nurse. "Alright, I'm good and satisfied, let's do this."

He lay back on the exam table with a terrible grin.

"What the Hell just happened?" Ichigo finally stammered to Rukia.

"He's insane, Ichigo," she reasoned. "He's erratic and irrational."

"He kissed me."

"He's mocking you."

"He's about to undergo a surgery that he thinks will kill him and the last thing he did was kiss me."

She looked to him, dead serious now. "Worry about that, _if _he survives."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for the reviews! Find out how surgery turns out next time.<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	19. Chapter 19

***Oops! Here's the real chapter. So sorry about that!**

Tired eyes parted to a white ceiling. The smell of sterilizers and beep of machines left little doubt as to where he was.

"Hey good lookin'..." he croaked when he saw Rukia standing over him.

"You jerk, I thought you were going to die." She brushed red locks from his face. "How are you feeling, Renji?"

"Been better." He felt drowsy from drugs and the toll his body had taken. "How long was I out?"

"Not long considering you slipped into a coma."

"What?"

"Relax, two days, you got off easy."

"I guess. What's the damage?"

"Shattered ribs, bone fragments nearly cut your heart, but they fixed you up, you'll be fine in a few weeks."

"Weeks? Ugh."

"Hey, that bullet barely missed your heart, be grateful."

"Yeah, I supposed I am. So, two days, what did I miss?"

"Grimmjow had the surgery to dial his doses back."

"Really? I thought he ran when I went down."

"He came back."

"He did?"

"It's a long story, I'll tell you when you can stay awake." His eyes were already drooping but he held on a little longer.

"How did it turn out?"

She frowned.

"Shit, he didn't-"

"No. But it's hard on him. They've got him closely monitored, he's spinning out."

"Mentally?"

"Yeah. They restrained him, but you remember what he was like last time."

"I remember finding you covered in his blood when he slit his wrist."

"Exactly. It's the same this time, even though we're easing him off."

"He's strong."

"He's barely older than Ichigo and he's going through Hell."

"You're barely older than Ichigo and you've already been through Hell."

"I'm twenty four."

"My point exactly. You got recruited young, you've borne alot of burdens in that time." He took her hand. "Whatever happens, Rukia, you've done right by Grimmjow. Just know that."

"Thanks, Renji. Now get some rest, and that's an order."

"Yes ma'am." He grinned into his pillow and his hand on hers went slack.

* * *

><p>"Fascinating." Gin watched through one sided glass at the patient writhing in his restraints. "In less than ten minutes he's gone from so depressed he can't move to so enraged I wouldn't be surprised if he broke those restraints."<p>

"I don't really consider that fascinating." Kenpachi leaned next to him. "Must be a hell of trip that Hogyoku shit."

"It is."

Kenpachi raised his eyebrows at his companion.

"Not all the soldiers who were first tested died you know," Gin elaborated.

"Huh, Urahara know about this?"

"Nah, I was in a second test group in another lab. They were using a derivation of his concoction, less powerful, hence why my ticker's still ticking."

"But you stopped."

"Oh yeah, only a few doses. Better than those steroids you pump back."

"I don't take steroids and you know it."

"Of course." Gin turned away from the scene beyond the glass. "It is funny though."

"What?"

"How one little science experiment has changed so many lives. How many people are out there who don't even know what they're a part of."

"What the Hell does that mean? What people?"

But Gin pushed off the wall and headed for the door. "I guess we'll find out."

The door shut. Kenpachi stared after him.

* * *

><p>"You have to undo it, Urahara."<p>

"Grimmjow, try to calm down." Urahara tried to sooth the young man strapped to the bed before him.

"I can't take it. Dial it back up!"  
>"Your heart could still give out, we need to bring you down faster than I would like. I'm sorry, Grimmjow, you'll just have to bear through this."<p>

Pleading eyes narrowed and anger overtook desperate features. "Ah Fuck you, you bastard. You're lovin' every minute of this aren't you?"

"Like I said," Kisuke remained ever calm. He was winding bandaged around Grimmjow's wrists as best he could without releasing him. He'd already chaffed them despite the padding on the straps. "I'm sorry we have to rush through the process but it's the only way."

"Screw you!" He reared forward but Urahara ducked back from the attempted head butt. He finished his task and stood.

"I really am sorry." He swept a hand through mussed blue locks, hoping to connect with him but Grimmjow shirked away from the touch and turned away. The senior agent left, but was met with frightened brown eyes. Ichigo stood just outside the door with Rukia at his side.

"Ichigo, now isn't a good time."

"I was watching." He nodded to the glass. "Is he always like that?"

"No. He has his highs and lows. I would suggest waiting until a low to see him."

"He's going to get depressed again, isn't he?"  
>"Extremely. But you've seen that before, it would be better for you both I think, if that's when you visited."<p>

"Alright."

"It might help, you know, seeing a friendly face."

"Okay." Ichigo left but Rukia lingered at the window.

"It won't really do any good, I remember what he was like, nothing could help."

"No. But Ichigo doesn't need to know that. You should rest too, the doctors are watching him twenty-four hours, there's nothing to be worried about."

"I can't help it."

"Alright. Then let me know if there are any drastic changes."  
>"Yes sir."<p>

* * *

><p>The low came in a day. Urahara said it would take two weeks to get him off the drug completely. They had managed to reprogram the device in his arm so they didn't have to operate each time they wanted to measure him back. It was just progressively easing him off. But it was still happening fast, and sending his body into turmoil. So after more than twenty four hours of nearly non-stop screaming and fighting and swearing, his energy was spent, he collapsed on the bed and was still. But then he didn't rouse again. He just lay there and stared at nothing. That was when Ichigo went to see him.<p>

He was aware, his blue eyes scanned Ichigo's face. But he didn't speak. His head was to his side, his body turned as much as the restraints would allow. Ichigo sat in the chair next to him.

"Grimmjow?"

Nothing.

"I'm so sorry this is happening to you." He didn't know what else to say, but chapped lips parted and Grimmjow did speak.

"I can't take it." It was just a breath.

"You can get through it."  
>But he shook his head. "I just want it to be over."<p>

"Don't say that."

He just shut his eyes. That was all he said. Ichigo sat with him until dawn but the day saw no improvement.

From then on his highs and lows were less violent in transition. His mania and anger would stretch on for hours, then be replaced by those soulless, lifeless eyes with no hope. The biggest problem was that neither part of him wanted to eat. He spat back out anything spooned in while he was angry, and he simply didn't move when they tried to feed him when he was depressed. They had to feed him intravenously just to keep him alive.

But he did survive. His heart withstood the process, though the strain had done some damage, they would have to monitor him to make a true assessment. Without Hogyoku, the mania faded, but darker days were ahead, and Rukia stood like a hawk most of her time in his room, especially when they unstrapped him. She watched as shaking limbs were unbound and insisted the orderlies stay with him even when he showered. Because she knew as bad as the rollercoaster of emotions had been, this part was worse.

After they had cleaned him up, checked him over, they moved him to a room specifically designed for suicide watch. He was never allowed to be alone. Ichigo just tried to ignore the bulky man on watch in the corner. Though he'd been there through the whole ordeal, he was still shocked at how Grimmjow's clothes hung from him, how thinned his features had become from the strain. Cathodes stuck out from under shirt, a heart monitor stood next to the bed. They were keeping close track to make sure he would recover.

But one look into those eyes said they had a long way to go

"Grimmjow." Ichigo stepped into the room, the door shutting firmly behind him. Grimmjow had been sitting on the side of the bed, holding his head between his hands. He brought his eyes up slowly.

"Ichigo."

"They let you wear your own clothes."

He just nodded.

"That's good isn't it?"

"I guess."

"Look, Grimmjow, I don't really know what to say."

"Neither do I." Ichigo sat next to him on the bed. Grimmjow had his head in his hands again. "Are you pain?"

He just shook his head.

"You feel sick?"

He nodded.

"Which kind of sick?"

"In my head sick."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No."

"I'll just sit with your for a bit then?"

A shrug. He stayed where he was. Grimmjow sat like that for a long time. Eventually he lay down and hugged a pillow like Ichigo had seen him do in the apartment. Grimmjow never asked for food, never wanted it. He would go through moments that were worse, experience chest pains or sit against the wall as if that might make a difference. He was in pain he couldn't escape and he didn't know what to do with himself.

"How long did it last before?" Ichigo asked Rukia after watching Grimmjow unmoving on the bed for over an hour.

"It slowly got better over a few weeks, but this part didn't last more than five or six days."  
>"And when he tried to kill himself?"<p>

"It was different. It was the only time I saw him cry. He had been doing well, that's why we weren't watching him so closely. He had a break down out of no where and he just cut himself. I don't think he really considered it for very long. He was just completely out of it."

"So even after this we'll have to watch him close."

"We'll take care of him, Ichigo, don't worry."

"Will he ever have a normal life?"

"I don't know."

Ichigo sighed.

"You should do your homework, you don't want to be too far behind when you go back."

"Right." Rukia had arranged another cover story for Ichigo but he was supposed to keep up with his work in the meantime. School just seemed like a distant memory to him, after all of this.

Ichigo witnessed a break down three days later. There wasn't much warning, Grimmjow just jerked out of sleep already in a panic. It was hard to tell just what was going through his head but it was distinctly different from the acute lethargy that characterized him most of the time. This was rapid shallow breaths, heart rate monitors going crazy, eyes wide and wild and hands knotted in his hair.

Ichigo looked to the orderly for help when Grimmjow began hyperventilating.

"The doctor's on her way," he said, moving to them. "Grimmjow, try to slow your breathing."

He just shook his head but said nothing.

"Is it an anxiety attack?" Ichigo asked the orderly.

"Yes."

"Oh, Grimmjow." Ichigo put a hand on his shoulder. He was shocked when it prompted Grimmjow to grip him back. He was panicking, not able to get his breathe, pain tightening his chest, stray tears leaked from his eyes.

"I c-can't breathe," he managed.

"The doctor is coming," the orderly repeated.

"Just hold on," Ichigo urged. But it just got worse, a few tears became an onslaught of confusion and pain. Grimmjow just kept sinking further from the bed and by the time the doctor got there Ichigo had him in a full embrace, on their knees, Grimmjow's head into his chest as he heaved for air.

Even when they gave him a fast acting medication to calm him down Ichigo held him. Something had just let go inside of him, and though his breathing slowed, the tears stopped, he sank against Ichigo, giving way to the exhaustion of it all.

"I don't want to be this person," he whispered.

"You'll get past it. You did before."

"I can't imagine ever feeling better."

"You will."

"It's just gone."

"What is?"

"Everything. There's nothing but pain anymore."

Ichigo swallowed hard, the doctor was standing behind him, not wanting to intervene if Ichigo could give him some comfort.

"You're safe here. Lots of people want to help you. You'll get past this."

Grimmjow didn't answer, but it didn't take long for him to go limp in Ichigo's arms.

The most telling moment may have been after a long day of silence. Not moving an inch from his bed, Ichigo put a hand on Grimmjow's to tell him he was there, and he held back. It was his only lifeline in the darkness. Twice more he broke like the other day. Each time Ichigo was there to catch him when he fell apart. But it lessened. Grimmjow grew steadily more active. Eventually, he ate willingly. He wasn't great, but he was better.

But this was the stage Rukia feared, when people began to back off, and Grimmjow had the opportunity to be alone.

Ichigo feared it, of course, but he didn't see it happening, well, not at first. They were in a no man's land of time and space in the embassy, it was a good thing for Grimmjow. But eventually, he started to go over what he'd done while on Hogyoku. He'd killed, more men than he'd ever killed. He'd hurt people, many of them at the embassy with him. It haunted him. Ichigo tried, over and over, to tell him it wasn't his fault, but there was no convincing him.

"I was on the drug, but I was still me," he said at the upstairs window, a gallery for visitors decked out in all American apparel. They stood staring at the city beyond, but Grimmjow's eyes far away. "It enhances you, so, I have to be that way to begin with."

"You aren't."

"Of course I am." Grimmjow balked a little. "I may be a sobbing wreck right now but you do remember who I am right? The man who broke into your clinic with a bullet wound in his gut. That wasn't Hogyoku, that was all me."

"So you were a bit of a sleeze and have a bad temper, you can't blame yourself for that."

"I bet those people I killed can."

"It was all in self defense, Grimmjow."

"Not Urahara."

"You didn't kill him."

"Still."

"Okay, then if you are that guy I rescued back then, since when did you develop a guilt complex?"

"Since I became a murderer."

Ichigo sighed. "I don't know what to say anymore, Grimmjow. None of us blame you. I just wish you could stop blaming yourself."

"You sound like the doc." He sighed. Every day he had a session with the psychologist. Now, he leaned his forehead against the large pane of glass, not minding the sign on the wall that said not to touch the glass. He was looking at his feet, ignoring everything beyond. "I want to leave."

"The Embassy?"

"Japan." Ichigo had found out about the passport and Grimmjow's intentions. "I want to start over." His sharp eyes caught the reflection behind him and he turned before Ichigo even noticed Urahara's arrival. "But you won't let me, will you?"

"Not until you give me the information I need." But Kisuke's tones were gentle. He put a hand on the young's man's shoulder. "And you get better. But then, we'll start looking for a place that will suit you, alright?"

Grimmjow nodded. "Then I want to get started. I'll tell you whatever you need, I just want to leave this place as fast as possible."

"Alright, come with me."

Ichigo watched them go, finding no relief in Urahara's offer. Very soon, Grimmjow would disappear, and he would never see him again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Next time Grimmjow and Ichigo still have a difficult time ahead at the embassy trying to keep Grimmjow stable.<strong>_

_**Thanks for your support!**_

_**Riza**_


	20. Chapter 20

Grimmjow told them everything. He had no reason not to anymore. He saw more clearly the memory of his mother's death. He wasn't strong enough to take his revenge for her himself, so this would have to be enough. With the information he gave them, hopefully they could bring down Aizen's sick schemes for good.

He told them of the training, since he was just a child. He told them of his treatment, his confusion. When he started on Hogyoku, how it had changed him and he had watch all his family change before him. He told of each of his siblings, their ages, strengths. But then he stopped and looked up to Urahara.

"What will you do to them? It's not their fault, you know."

"They can never come off of Hogyoku now."

"So what? Are you going to lock them up?"

"I really can't say, Grimmjow, we will have to determine if there is a way to help them once we've got them." But there was an underlying weight to his words. Bringing in Grimmjow had been extremely dangerous and he was the weakest among them. Grimmjow stood.

"Grimmjow?"

"The doctors did all kinds of tests on me. Can they use that to help them?"

"Possibly, but like I said, I can't say now, I just don't know. Why don't we break for now? I will consider what you've told me and work out what else I need from you. Thank you."

Grimmjow left as soon as he was excused. Urahara knew he was in turmoil but there was nothing to do but keep an eye on him. Grimmjow managed to hold it together until he got back to his room and put his fist through the bathroom mirror.

"Jaggerjaques!" the guard on duty whose job was to watch Grimmjow while 'alone' in his room bear hugged him from behind, dragging him back from the shards. "Calm down."

"Oh fuck off." Grimmjow wrestled out of his hold and spun. "I'm not going to friggin' off myself!" He swung wild but he struck hard and the guard dropped, unconscious by the time he hit the floor. Grimmjow stood there in shock, not having really meant to hurt the guy. He had to remember that though he wasn't enhanced anymore, he had still been trained into a powerful soldier.

"Shit." he gripped his head and stared down at the unconscious man. Just one more in the pile of people he'd hurt. His fist tightened in his hair. His siblings would never be saved. Aizen might be taken down, but what difference did any of it make now? He would still have nothing left when this was all over.

He kicked the bed, the mattress sliding to the floor. The lamp crashed with it. He sent the trash can flying into the wall.

His blood thundered through his veins, he breathing erratic. He knew the signs by now, he knew he was teetering on the edge and fell back against the doorway to the bathroom. Mirror shards littered the tile, just like a year earlier when Rukia found him bleeding out after a break down. Now she'd probably come in here again, jump to conclusions, lock him down, he'd lose all the independence he'd gained back.

A knock at the door pulled his head up.

"Grimmjow." It was Ichigo. Grimmjow dropped to the floor. Another knock, a little more forceful. "Grimmjow can you open up for a sec?"

His head sank into his hands. He didn't even notice the blood slicking his palm, now in his hair, on his face.

"Alright, well, I'll come back later."

"Ichigo." The name came out before he stop himself.

"Grimmjow?" the door cracked open.

"I messed up." The door pushed open the rest of the way.

"Oh Hell!" Ichigo ran when he saw the blood, the shards, and the guard. "No, no, no." He pulled Grimmjow's hands away from his face, inspecting his wrists. He still held his hands tight but a breath escaped him and he looked the rest of him over.

"You didn't—"

"No."

"Grimmjow what's going on?" He saw the devastation, the guard was slowly coming too.

"I didn't mean to."

"Backup." the word made them both turn: the guard was barely awake but he had made the call into his lapel.

"No wait, he's okay," Ichigo argued.

"Fuck." He turned back to Grimmjow, hands knotted in his hair. "I can't stand this!"

"Whoa, Grimmjow, it's alright, we'll sort it out."

"I'm so fucking tired of losing control, of being controlled!" Blood squeezed between his fingers, three already bound up from the breaks in torture.

"Shit." The door banged open. "Where the Hell is he?" But Zaraki found them at once. Ichigo saw his shoulders drop, he relaxed when he realized Grimmjow wasn't trying to run, but Grimmjow saw none of this. He stood instantly, going on the defensive.

"Easy, kid," Zaraki warned.

"Fuck you! Don't come near me!"

Zaraki waited, assessing the situation. Ichigo was next to Grimmjow, not sure what to do.

"I'm not here to hurt you, kid. You just need to calm down," the agent tried.

Grimmjow stared at him, back against the wall. He was trying. Something in him was still aware that the wrong move would only make things worse for himself. Maybe that side won out, or maybe it had nothing to do with reason, but he slowly sank back to the floor.

"I'll call the doctor." Kenpachi didn't take his eyes off of him, but stepped into the hall to make the call. Ichigo knelt with Grimmjow, searching his eyes for some clue of what was going on in his mind, but Grimmjow dropped he head against his knees and shut himself off, from Ichigo, the world, and the pain.

* * *

><p>"Have you moved at all, Grimmjow?" Rukia walked around the bed, the man in it lay atop the sheets mostly on his stomach, head turned to one side and half on the pillow wrapped in his arms.<p>

"Go away, Rukia," he muttered, but she still sat in the chair before him.

"Well, at least you're talking," she sighed. "What was the damage to your hand?" She eyed the bandage wrapped around his entire hand. She knew very well he'd broken his index finger and had stitches all across his knuckles but she was attempting to get him to talk. It didn't seem to work.

"Grimmjow?"

"Just leave me alone."

"You sound like a four year old."

"I don't care."

She sighed and leaned forward, elbows on her knees so they were eye level. "You've just been laying here for two days, Grimmjow. So you had a bit of a blow up, we dealt with it, it's alright. We'll move forward."

"I don't want to move forward. I don't want to move at all."

"I thought you wanted to leave the country, start over. It's a good plan, I'm going to help you. But not if you don't get out of bed."

"I don't want to do it. I don't want to start over. I don't want anything."

"You just want to lay here forever?"

"Yes."

"You really do sound like a child." He didn't answer. "I thought they gave you something to make you feel better."

"This is better."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The doctor had explained that since his body was still readjusting to life without Hogyoku, it was impossible to get a correct dose for his medications. Constantly giving him more or less was just as hard on him, hence his current state.

"Can you go now?" he muttered.

"I thought I would sit with you for a bit."

"I doesn't help."

"Well, what about Ichigo then?"

"I don't want to see anyone."

She sighed. "Fine." She stood but put a hand in his hair. "I know there's nothing I can really say to make you feel better, but one day it will be alright. We're going to get through this stage and then you can start living again. I'll do everything to make sure you have a good life."

She lifted her hand but he never said anything, so she moved back to the door. It opened before she could leave.

"Ichigo, he's not in a very good mood."

"I'll just say hi then." He stepped past her and she left. He moved to the bed.

"Don't, Ichigo," Grimmjow said before he could even sit. "I just want to be alone."

"And what? Lay here and sink deeper into depression?"

"You can't help me."

"I can be here for you."

"It won't help."

"Neither will you being alone." He moved back to the other side of the bed. "I'm patient. I can wait."

"Wait for what?"

Ichigo sat and leaned back against the head board. "For anything. For you to get better, or for you to realize you're better off with friends than trying to do this alone."

Only silence met the statement, but he settled in, he wasn't going to leave Grimmjow now.

* * *

><p>It was that night that Grimmjow moved. Unfortunately, it wasn't far. Ichigo had drifted where he sat, but felt the bed shift, Grimmjow was sitting.<p>

"You alright?"

"I think so," came his voice and Ichigo felt a surge of hope until Grimmjow stood, swayed, and promptly passed out.

He was rushed to the medical ward, but came awake blinking in only a few minutes. The doctors were busy checking vitals but it was quickly concluded he had simply stood up too fast. He'd been prostrate for so long that the blood rushed to his head when he rose.

"We're going to keep you for observation." They explained to him later. Rukia stood next to Ichigo, having been called down. "Unfortunately this could also be sign of complications with your heart.

"Really?"

"Don't worry about it right now." They left him to go back to sleep as it was two or three in the morning. Despite having a mess of cathodes and a beeping machine hooked up to him, Grimmjow looked better. Some of the vacancy was gone from his face. But he was tired and went to sleep. Rukia sat next to him. Ichigo did too.

* * *

><p>In the morning, Urahara came to check Grimmjow over himself. He ran blood tests that took all day. Grimmjow was released but with a portable EKG that would keep constant track of his heart for Urahara to examine later. By the next day, they had results. Urahara sat all three of them down and went over his conclusions.<p>

"The good news is that things seem to be evening out. I believe we can start you on regular medication that will keep you stable."

"So no more depression?"

"Ideally, yes."

"Will I have to take it forever?"

"We'll see, but most likely, yes."

"Okay, so what's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that your heart did suffer from the strain of Hogyoku. Without going into detail, it has been weakened. However, it is not irreversible. Just like someone who's had a heart attack, you can recover."

"How?"

"Time, and taking care of yourself. Ease yourself back into extraneous tasks. Don't be smoking or throwing back pills."

"Sobriety and no violence, eh?" Grimmjow half laughed. "I don't know if I can handle it."

"Well, you'll have to," Urahara said seriously. "You're completely off Hogyoku now, but after everything, I want to give you some time before we operate and remove the device. Grimmjow, I know you never would, but I have to tell you, if you were ever to go back on Hogyoku, that would be it, the strain would stop your heart and I doubt even the drug could keep it beating, but if it did, you know what that means. You'd be on it for life."

"Yeah, I know. Just don't let Aizen ever take me again and we won't have anything to worry about."

There was the slightest bitter edge to his voice, but though Rukia's shoulders slumped a little, Grimmjow was more like his old self than he had been since he was taken.

"Alright, well that is all I have to report, though Grimmjow, we still have much to discuss."

"Yeah I know. Let's do it now."

"Thank you."

Ichigo and Rukia excused themselves. The sessions continued, but there were no more incidents because of them. Urahara had been right, Grimmjow had evened out and now he was back to being the bad tempered youth Ichigo had encountered months ago. The downside, that quickly became apparent, was that as Grimmjow became himself again, he was more desperate to get out of this place. He wanted freedom and independence, the two things he'd always fought for. His temper became shorter every day. It didn't help that he had to relive his lifelong indoctrination by Aizen for hours each day. He would pace around Ichigo when he did his homework, horribly distracting for the teen who would offer to stop and do something with him if he wanted but there frankly wasn't much to do. Grimmjow lacked interests beyond drinking, smoking and pain pills. His life had always been about survival, and when he'd left Aizen, it had still been all about getting by: scrounging for cash and constantly watching over his shoulder. Now, in a protected facility with everything provided for him, he didn't know what to do with himself.

Ichigo caught Grimmjow in the main visitor's lobby staring at a vending machine with cigarettes in it.

"You can't!"

"I know." He shoved his fists in his pocket. "I just need something." Grimmjow was an addict in many respects but Ichigo guessed this was less about a fix and more that all his chosen outlets were a way for him to relax.

"Maybe we can go for a walk."

"Yeah, okay."

They got clearance to walk the perimeter of the embassy, which was already surrounded in armed guards. For a while they were silent, but once the cold air seeped into Grimmjow, and he burned enough excess energy to be closer to calm, he initiated conversation.

"What are you doing here, kid?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean is Interpol keeping you here?"

"They let me stay."  
>This seemed to be the answer Grimmjow did not want to hear.<p>

"What?" Ichigo asked at the sigh.

"You can't keep doing this. You've got a life. You can't be throwing it all away because of me."

"It's my choice."

"No really, kid." He stopped and grabbed Ichigo's shoulder. "I've got nothing to offer you. I'm never going back to Karakura. I'm stuck here until they give me the all clear then I'm gone, forever. So there's no point in you wasting your time here."

"I didn't think I was wasting it. I thought I was helping you."

"Hey, I'm grateful for what you did, okay? But this is enough. You should be at school, doing whatever you do when you're seventeen."

"So I go back to being bored out of my mind and dealing with stupid teen drama."

"It's better than being shot at every five minutes and having to deal with my insanity."

"No it's not."

"Don't." An angry edge crept into his voice. "You got a chance I never had. So don't treat it like an annoyance. It's everything, Ichigo. It's your chance to make your own life, your own future." More emotion had come out than he'd intended. "You know what, screw you," he said, cutting over the lawn and back into the embassy.

Ichigo just sighed, no longer offended by Grimmjow's moodiness. But he stopped short when he saw Grimmjow halt on the main steps. A second later, Kenpachi stepped out.

Grimmjow's hatred for the Americans had gone unmasked. Though Ichigo could tell there was a tiny hint of guilt in Kenpachi, Grimmjow looked ready to knock him out every time he saw him.

Ichigo couldn't blame him.

"I was just leaving," Kenpachi said, stepping out of Grimmjow's way. The young man just watched him go with steely eyes.

"Hey, let's go inside," Ichigo prompted when he'd caught up to him but Grimmjow jerked away from his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not gonna have a friggin' melt down." He stomped inside and Ichigo let him go. Grimmjow went upstairs, to the large window, attempting to calm himself down, hyper aware of his thundering heart. He watched Zaraki get in a black car and security open the gates to let him out.

"You'll never get past them." He started, spinning at the hiss of a voice, the American accent thick.

"I wasn't going to run."

"That's not what I meant. They'll never let you leave this place. Or if they do, it will just be for another prison." Gin watched him with smiling eyes. Grimmjow still hadn't figured this guy out and he wasn't about to take his bait.

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later, kid. But right now I'm trying to tell you where you stand. You're a child soldier, Grimmjow, you've been brainwashed since birth."

"I'm dealing with it."

"That's not the point. Do you really think anyone believes that you can escape that? That after thirteen years your loyalty to Aizen will just die."

"What?"

"You may not be enhanced anymore, but you're still a match for our strongest agents. You're still a honed warrior who could probably kill most people in this building without even blinking."

"I'm not like that anymore."

"No, you're just getting by on heavy duty medication that keeps you stable. A missed pill and maybe you lose it again? And how many people would you take down with you? You will never be safe to re-enter society. Interpol isn't going to let you endanger civilians. So they'll make excuses to keep you here, they'll institutionalize you just like Aizen did. It's their only option."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Ken and I felt a little guilty about the whole torture thing, so I figured I'd make amends."

"Bullshit."

But the silver haired man just shrugged. "Say what you like, but I've got another question for you to consider."

"I don't want to hear it." Grimmjow turned and headed back to the stairs.

"I think you might," Gin called after. "It's about Ichigo."

Grimmjow paused on the first step. He turned back.

"What about him?"

"Why do you really think Interpol has let a high school kid get so close to their investigation?"

He turned completely and moved back over to Gin. "Tell me."

"It's the same reason your father always ordered you to keep Ichigo close, to not let him get hurt."

Grimmjow grabbed the front of Gin's shirt. "Just say it!"

"Surely you can figure it out, Grimmjow. Remember was Urahara told you about the Hogyoku experiments. There were _three_ of them that worked on the project."

Bandaged fingers went slack. He let Gin go. The other smiled as he saw realization dawning on his face.

Gin leaned in, his voice just a whisper. "_Doctor_ Isshin Kurosaki studied at the same institution as Urahara and Aizen. Maybe you should ask Ichigo what he knows about his father's college days."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for your continuing support. Sorry for uploading the same chapter last time! This is going to be a romance of sorts...don't really want to give much away at this point though but I also didn't want to ignore your questions. Hopefully you can hold out to see what happens.<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	21. Chapter 21

"What is he doing?" Ikkaku leaned over Rukia's shoulder as she fast forwarded through security footage of the embassy. They watched on black and white film as Grimmjow moved along hallways and tested the door knobs of several private offices.

"I don't know," she answered. "But this was yesterday, right after his walk with Ichigo."

"Did you ask the kid what happened?"

"Not much, Grimmjow was his usual cheery self."

"Then what's he trying to do?" They watched him pull something from his pocket and slide it into the lock on one door. It took him seconds to open it. "Shit, what room is that?"

"Urahara's office."

"I'm guessing there are no cameras in there."

"No, but Urahara didn't think anything was missing."

"So what do we do now?"

"Urahara said to keep a lid on it, we'll just keep an eye on him."

"But what's he after?"

Rukia leaned back in her chair and turned it to face Ikkaku. "My guess, is he's looking out for himself. He's been through Hell, and he's not going to trust us one hundred percent."

"Makes sense."

"Well, I hope that's all it is, because otherwise, there are some pretty serious alternatives we have to consider."

"That he's snooping around for Aizen."

She shut her eyes and let out a long breath. "Let's hope that is not the case."

He nodded. "I'll keep my eyes on him."

"Good."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow stared at the teen sitting across from him. His meal had gone untouched, instead his plastic finger splint tapped on the cafeteria table incessantly.<p>

"Grimmjow, can you stop." His hand stilled; Ichigo looked at his plate. "Why aren't you eating?"

"Not hungry."

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Seriously, Grimmjow, are you still pissed about yesterday?" They hadn't really talked much since their walk but Grimmjow had remained glued to him all morning. Ichigo couldn't figure out what was going on with him.

"No."

"Then what?"

"If I asked you to leave right now, would you?"

"What, you mean the table?"

"Tokyo."

"You are still pissed."

"I'm not."

"Then why do you want me to leave?"

"I want you to ask if you can."

"Of course I can, they're doing me a favour by letting me stay."

But blue eyes narrowed. "Just ask."

"Why?"

"Because it will make me feel better."

"I don't see how."

"Ichigo."

"Okay fine, I'll ask." He turned back to his meal but Grimmjow was still eyeing him, "What, you want me to do it right now?"

"Yes."

"Ugh." Ichigo dropped his fork and stood. "Fine." Grimmjow didn't move to follow. "Are you coming?"

"No. Don't tell them it was my idea. Just say you're worried about school or something and you want to go home. Then come tell me what they say."

"Fine," he sighed and left. Grimmjow watched him go. As soon as he was out of sight, he left the table as well and headed in the opposite direction. He cut down several corridors, picking up his pace each corner he turned until he came to a washroom and stepped inside, holding the door so it was barely open.

He waited. Quick footsteps were heard in the hallway. A few seconds later he glimpsed a bald head; Ikkaku hurried by. Grimmjow watched him go, waiting until he was further down the hall before slipping back out.

So they were on to him.

Shit.

* * *

><p>Ichigo found Grimmjow by the window on the second floor. He met the teen's eyes and read what happened immediately.<p>

"They said no."

Ichigo nodded slowly. "They said I might be in danger because of my association with you."

"Bullshit."

"There was that sniper in the park."

"I explained that to Urahara. Aizen said he would 'assist' me in getting captured. The bullet Renji took was meant for me. You're not in danger, at least, not in that sense."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing."

"Grimmjow, don't lie to me."

"Do me a favour."

"What?"

"When Ikkaku walks by, slow him down for me."

"What?"

"Thanks, kid." Grimmjow hurried back down the stairs. Ichigo stood, confused, watching after him.

"Hey, Ichigo." He was startled by the agent who came from just down the hall. Ikkaky glanced down the stairs where Grimmjow had just gone.

"What are you doing?" Ichigo asked startled, wondering what Grimmjow was up to and how he had known Ikkaku would walk by.

"Sorry, I've got a meeting."

"Wait." The other slowed by didn't stop. Ichigo struggled to come up with something to say to stall him. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Sorry Ichigo, I really have to go." Ikkaky half ran down the stairs and Ichigo leaned over the rail to watch him spin on the spot in the main lobby. A low curse dropped from him as he looked down the four corridors with no clue as to which way Grimmjow went. Ichigo stepped back. He didn't know what Grimmjow was doing, but he'd just bought him the time he needed.

* * *

><p>The whir of a rotating camera droned in the hallway. Grimmjow counted the electronic drone until it clicked and reversed in the opposite directions.<p>

Now.

_Six seconds_. He moved just behind the turning lens and got to the office door, thrust the pins in the lock and jerked it open just as the gears clicked and began to turn back. He was in and had the door shut before any monitor could capture him.

The office was a mess. It was suited the personality of the hulking American agent Grimmjow had watched drive away the day before. He fingered through papers but what he really wanted was the laptop on the desk so he moved to that. The chair squelched under him, he turned it on and began riffling through the drawers for a hint to a password. He didn't figure Zaraki for a sentimental man, but when he fished out a photo of a pink haired child he paused. _Yachiru_.

Bingo. American Idiot.

It took no time for him to sift through the files. Grimmjow may not have a standard education, but he had been trained to collect information. He found his own file easily enough, scanned through quickly but there was little left to surprise him. Gin was right, his status was set at "indefinite custody." His psych report suggested long-term care in a high security facility—not a prison, but an institution off the grid—far from the normal human life he sought.

He swallowed this and moved on. He found Isshin Kurosaki, read about his involvement with Urahara and Aizen, and his refusal to continue the work as soon as it was picked up by the government. Then he found Ichigo. This file he read word for word.

"Motherfuckers."

He slammed his fist onto the desk when he read the conclusion of the report. But his anger died when he heard the rattle of keys. He stood when the door swung open. Kenpachi must have heard him because the gun was already out.

"Dammit, kid, what are you doing in here?!" Grimmjow stood where he was, cornered. He had thought Kenpachi gone for a few days, he had no backup plan. "Answer me!"

"No."

"Come over here."

"No."

"Kid, whatever you are doing, it's over. Get over here or I'm coming over there to get you." The office was small, only the desk stood between them, but Grimmjow lowered himself, ready to run.

"There's no way you're getting past me," Kenpachi warned. "Think this through."

"I have." Grimmjow bolted. A slew of loose papers flew into the agent's face as Grimmjow leapt onto and off of the desk. He was over Zaraki's shoulder before the agent knew what had happened.

"Bastard, come back here!" But before chasing after him, Kenpachi spun the computer around on the desk and saw the face of the orange haired teen still on the monitor. "Shit." By the time he'd made it to the hall, he already saw a guard staggering to get back to his feet. "Dammit kid, you brought this on yourself."

* * *

><p>"Lock down?" Ichigo asked, when a guard hauled him into the nearest room and locked the door behind him. "Does that mean we're under attack?"<p>

"Just stay down." He was shoved into the far corner and they both crouched there.

"He's moving down the east wing." A voice cracked on the man's radio.

"Who is it?" Ichigo asked, fear growing in him as he started to guess who it might be.

"Just stay here."

"Wait, are we in the east corridor?"

"Stop talking." The officer inched toward the door, drawing his gun. Ichigo didn't know what he saw but the man reached and reached to his lapel and whispered into the radio. "I see him. I'm making my move."

"No—" It was too late. The man cracked the door, but the instant the knob turned it flew back in from a forceful kick and hit him in the face. Ichigo stood up in alarm. The man was unconscious. The door pushed the rest of the way in.

"Ichigo."

"Fuck, Grimmjow, what are you doing? Please tell me you're not on Hogyoku again."

"I'm not."

"Then you're having a break down." Grimmjow shook his head and bent over the figure, taking his gun and his radio.

"I'm afraid I'm completely sane, Ichigo." He stood again.

"Then what are you doing?"

"I'm leaving. And I'm taking you with me."

Ichigo watched him hold out his hand.

"I don't understand."

"There's too much to explain, kid, just trust me."

They watched each other for a long moment, chaotic lights flashing in the hall beyond and the buzz of alarms were lost in the silence that burned between them.

"Okay." Ichigo took his hand and they were moving. Grimmjow hauled him down corridors, changing directions whenever they heard footsteps or voices. Using the man's radio he tracked the movements of security.

Ichigo tried to figure out what was going on, what had set Grimmjow off, but all was wiped from his mind when he realized where they were headed.

"No way." Grimmjow had pulled him against the wall just before the plate glass window that overlooked the parking lot below.

"We can make it." Grimmjow checked his clip. "I'll shoot the glass first."

"We're two stories up. We'll break our legs!"

"Maybe."

"Hell, Grimmjow! What kind of plan is that?"

"It's a desperate one. But we just need to get to a car."

"What about the gates?"

"We ram them."

"What's so bad we have to run?"

Blue eyes met him. "Turns out I'm not the only one who's father worked on Hogyoku."

"Wh-what."

"You have it too, Ichigo. You have the genetic compatibility for Hogyoku. Interpol never told us, and they won't let you go. Draw your own conclusions."

"...no…"

"Believe it, now let's go!" His hand tightened over Ichigo, he pulled them from their cover, gun raised to shoot out he glass.

They didn't make it.

The shot sounded just behind them. Neither had seen Kenpachi crouched on the stairs, as if he guessed Grimmjow's exit strategy. Grimmjow dropped with a scream and Ichigo fell with him.

"Fuck, you shot him!" But he wasn't seeing blood. Grimmjow was gagging on pain and trying to breathe.

"Rubber bullet." Zaraki dropped the weapon. "He'll live." The impact looked to have hit him square in the back of his rib cage. It had taken his breath and maybe broken some bones. Still, Grimmjow dragged himself back to hands and knees.

"Stay down, kid," Zaraki warned.

"Fuck you," Grimmjow whispered, still half stunned. Ichigo was between them, the gun just out of reach.

"Don't." Kenpachi kicked it away. "You don't understand what's going on."

"Then explain it."

"Don't bother." Grimmjow used Ichigo to help himself sit back on his knees. "They're all liars."

"Who isn't in this world?" Zaraki pulled out a pair of cuffs. "Now we can talk about this when we've all had a chance to calm down."

He made to grab Grimmjow but the ex-child soldier manoeuvered away using Ichigo to shove himself up to his feet. He was still struggling to breathe, however, and Kenpachi caught him with one long arm and his hands were cuffed at his back before he could do anything.

"Don't hurt him," Ichigo pleaded.

Grimmjow was wincing but Zaraki released him and let Ichigo take a supportive grip around him.

"Relax. Like I said, we all just need to talk."

Ichigo read Kenpachi's face, seeing sincerity, but a venomous voice floated up from the stairs at their backs.

"Fuck Zaraki. You've messed up my plans."

Kenpachi turned in start, just now noticing his sharp-faced counterpart. "Ichimaru, what are you talking about?"

"Dammit." Grimmjow swore, dark revelation settling on him as he saw the snake grin on the pale man's face. "You set me up."

"And how easy it was." The American smiled. "I just gave you a little push, and you created the chaos I required."

Kenpachi had his gun on him in a second. "What the Fuck is going on?"

Grimmjow stepped forward. "Shoot him. Please."

"What's going on?" Zaraki demanded again.

Grimmjow turned to Ichimaru. "You work for my father, don't you?"

Gin smiled.

Zaraki fired.

"Get down!" Kenpachi warned the teens but Ichimaru backed off, running down the stairs. "Shit where'd he go?"

But both boys had their eyes fixed on the agent, red dots all over his back. Grimmjow turned, tracing the line back through the plate glass window.

"ZARAKI!"

Glass shattered into a million crystal shards. So many bullets tore through the glass that a silver powder floated in the air around them. Ichigo's face was pressed hard in the carpet, the onslaught of gun fire muted by the body on top of him. When it let up, he was yanked up and shoved down the corridor. He staggered back to his feet and turned in time to see Kenpachi dragging Grimmjow with him.

"RUN!"

They did. Gun fire erupted in other hallways, the attack was spreading.

"Dammit!" Zaraki threw a door open and shoved the boys inside, locking it behind them. It was a lounge, he scanned for a place to hide them.

"There." It was the best they could do: a supply closet with cans of coffee and napkins stacked on the shelves. It was a tight squeeze for all three but there was a chance they could go unnoticed in here.

"What's going on?" Ichigo asked. The light bulb showed the blood all down Grimmjow's face where he's been cut by glass or skimmed by a bullet. Ichigo felt blood on his palms but Kenpachi's breath was ragged, and both teens stared at the gush of crimson coming from his chest.

"Shit," Grimmjow swore.

"I'll be fine. Give me a napkin, Ichigo." The teen obliged, handing him the whole package and Kenpachi began applying them to the wound.

"Is it Aizen?" Ichigo asked, so much had just happened he was still piecing it together.

"It's my fault." Grimmjow took a breath. "I should have known what Gin was doing."

"You had alot on your plate kid," Kenpachi consoled.

"It was stupid." Grimmjow argued back. "He approached me, said all that shit about you guys never releasing me, lead me to those files on Ichigo."

"So it was lies?" Ichigo asked hopefully.

"No." Grimmjow shook his head. "No I saw the files, they were real. Your dad was one of the three developers of Hogyoku. He must have tested it on himself just like Aizen. So you and your family are just as compatible for the drug as I am."

"It can't be, my dad would never do that."

"He doesn't remember," Zaraki supplied. "Interpol _helped_ him forget the day he turned down their offer to work on the project. Poor bastard."

"No..."

"Yes," the agent continued. "Unfortunately Aizen found out about his children. That's why he let Grimmjow stay in Karakura."

"Manipulating bastard," Grimmjow swore.

"More than you know, kid. I'm sure he manufactured everything that happened to you since the day he let you escape, just so he could keep an eye on Ichigo."

"Until he was ready to take him."

"I guess. Or maybe he was just waiting to use you to get inside our headquarters. Either way, this is going down right now, and he is after the both of you."

Ichigo shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did Rukia lie?"

"The plan was, if we could wrap this shit with Aizen up you could go back to your normal life without even knowing. Urahara wanted it that way, your dad was his friend after all."

"This is insane."

"It is," Zaraki agreed.

"Where are the keys to these cuffs?" Grimmjow seemed to be wrestling with himself and a moment later he brought his hands beneath his feet and back up in front of him but they were still very much secured to one another.

"Probably out there in that glass," Kenpachi responded.

"Shit."

"Take my gun." He passed it to Grimmjow. "You probably have better aim than me at this point."

"Thanks." Grimmjow gripped it tight with cuffed writs and one hand still bandaged.

"Sorry about that, by the way." Fading eyes fell to the plastic braces around Grimmjow's fingers. "Shouldn't have let it go that far..."

"Shut up and save your strength. Ichigo, put pressure on his wound and stay silent." Grimmjow rose.

"No! Grimmjow you can't go out there."

"I have to or we're just sitting ducks."

"Then I'll go with you."

"And Kenpachi dies."

"Fuck you!" Grimmjow had intentionally held him hostage with the dying agent.

"Yeah well, fuck you an' all Ichigo, but I going to go try to save our asses."

He opened the door and slammed it shut again before Ichigo could retort. He pushed hard into the wound on Zaraki's chest and prayed some miracle would save them.

* * *

><p>Grimmjow followed the destruction down the corridor to the medical ward. When he came in, he saw Renji's bed empty, shelves raided, tables overturned. Someone had been here looking for research.<p>

"Stop." He froze when he heard the door shut behind him, but then a pain filled gasp and the clatter of a gun hitting tile told him he was safe to move.

"Shit." He ran to Renji when he saw him fall. He was still recovering from a very serious wound.

"Grimmjow? Where are the others?"

"I have no idea. What about Urahara?"

"He left this morning for a meeting. He's not here. Is it Aizen? Is that who you think they're after?"

"Maybe, but Kisuke would just be a bonus. He's here for me and Ichigo."

"Shit."

"Stay here." Grimmjow passed him back his gun and helped him prop himself in the corner behind the door. "Oh, and Gin Ichimaru works for Aizen."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. Good luck."

"Same to you."

Grimmjow moved on. He saw bodies, feared he would see Rukia among them but he never did.

He wasn't sure what he would face when he caught up to the attackers. Would it be his siblings? Just one or two of them could do this, maybe Stark and Halibel? Or would their father be waiting for him at the end of the path.

It was neither. Ichimaru stepped out before him at the end of the hall. Grimmjow didn't hesitate before opening fire but was also forced under cover by return shots.

"Thought this version of you was squeamish about killing," Gin taunted.

Grimmjow didn't answer. He had four shots left, they had to count.

"Did you expect your brothers?"

Still he didn't rise to the bait.

"You don't know who I am, do you?"

"A bastard." He rolled out and took a shot. He missed.

"Nice try. No, I'm a gen one, been on a steady dose of Hogyoku for twenty five years."

"You'd be dead."

"Nah, we kept it low, a slow build in the system. I think by now, I might be as strong as your siblings."

Shit. If that was true, he was screwed.

"How do you think you'd do now, Grimmjow, without the drug and with that bad ticker of yours?"

"So father wants me dead?"

"I didn't say that. He'll still have his uses for you."

Then that meant he needed him alive. Grimmjow stood and opened fire. Gin had been behind a corner but he moved faster than Grimmjow and ended it with a single shot.

"Argh!" Grimmjow collapsed when the bullet went through his leg.

"That doesn't mean I can't shoot you, idiot."

He kicked the gun out of Grimmjow's hand and hauled him up. Despite the pain, Grimmjow wasn't done. He lurched forward and caught the other in a headbutt, then threw his cuffed hands around Gin's neck to strangle him. They fell again in a tangle of fighting limbs. Grimmjow twisted to get leverage but a fist slammed into the wound through his thigh and he lost his grip.

"Don't feel too bad." Gin got a hand on his neck and dragged him up again. "You did better than I thought. Now then, remember this room?" They were on the basement level and Grimmjow struggled harder when he saw the heavy iron door.

"Good memories, no?" Gin shoved through the door and threw him in the chair where Kenpachi and Mayuri had tortured him. "Unfortunately, I don't have time to play." He pulled a few straps into place securing Grimmjow to the spot, his hands already taken care of.

"Now stay there while I go fetch your boyfriend."

The door clanked shut, Grimmjow jerked against the restrains.

"ICHIGO!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for the reviews! Congrats to all who called my "plot twist." I hope the predictability doesn't bother you. And yes, another cliffhanger, I do love them, ;) Until next time!<strong>_

**_Riza_**.


	22. Chapter 22

"_He's bleeding out!"_

_ "__Let him."_

_ "__Aizen wants him."_

_ "__GRIMMJOW!"_

_ "__Someone get a fucking hold of that kid!"_

_ "__Okay, I got him, let's get the Hell out of America."_

"Ichigo!" Grimmjow sat bolt upright, his own voice lingering in the air and his heart thundered behind bruised ribs. His breathing slowed, he felt the weight on one wrist and saw the familiar room_, _bars on windows: the detention centre.

"Fuck." He remembered sitting in that damn chair, waiting for Gin to come back with Ichigo in hand, trying to break free but rapidly weakening from the blood loss. He must have passed out. But how long? A few hours, days? He checked his wound with his free hand. Stitched and bandaged—he'd been lucky to get away without a broken femur, but a wave of nausea and light headedness warned him he had suffered significant blood loss.

He tested the chain, he didn't really know why, it was the same one that had trapped him here last time. The difference was, last time it had just been his own skin he had to save. Now, Ichigo was somewhere, and no doubt Aizen had plans on injecting him too.

"Screw it." Grimmjow pulled the sheets back and looked at the shackle. This was going to be unpleasant. "SHIT!" His thumb broke, it was still a tight squeeze and he felt a snap in his wrist that made him curse again, but he succeeded, blood flooding the sheets from where he'd half skinned his wrist and hand. But he didn't wait. He stood, nearly fell for the pain in his leg, but straightened and made it to the door.

Of course it was locked. He gave a scream, the guard fell for it. He was not enhanced, Grimmjow put him down with an elbow to the back of his head. He shut the door and hurried down the hall, checking other rooms in hopes of finding Ichigo.

He came to the medical room, and overheard the voices.

"What are you going to do to me?"

It was Ichigo. He sounded scared.

"Just some tests, today." That was Szayel.

"For what?"

"Compatibility, though I'm already sure you will be a perfect candidate."

"You plan to use Hogyoku on me?"

"Of course."

"Why? What's the point when there are all the others?"

"Science." This voice made Grimmjow freeze. Aizen was in there too. Shit. He might have been able to do something to Szayel but now he had no chance. "I want to see how you compare, to the others who were raised for this. What difference will it make? Can Hogyoku turn even a regular human into warrior, a supersoldier?"

"That's really all it is, why you're doing this?"

"Of course not. You will be the first from a different father. What difference will it make that you have Isshin's genes? Any? And should you be successful, you would be the perfect operative: knowledgeable of the outside word, an identity you've established over seventeen years, and—"

"Enough. Just stop."

"What's wrong, Ichigo? Do you not wish to be strong?"

"Not like this."

"Did Grimmjow scare you off the idea? What did he say?"

"He said it made him hollow inside."

"Yes, well, Grimmjow always was an emotional child. He did better to rid himself of such a burden. Didn't you, Grimmjow?"

He let out a slow breath, he should have known his father would perceive him.

"Did I? I don't remember that." He stepped into view. Ichigo was strapped to a bed, Szayel and Aizen on the far side of it, so Grimmjow could see all their faces.

"Son, you should have waited for the key."

"Yeah, I guess." He ignored the trail of blood that fell from his hand and he made his way into the room. There wasn't much point keeping his distance now. "So what's the plan, _father_? What are you going to do to me?"

"Well first, I'm going to have Szayel take a look at that hand." He nodded and Szayel moved to him but Grimmjow flinched away.

"Don't touch me."

"Grimmjow, don't be so childish," his brother admonished.

"Screw you."

"Grimmjow!" Aizen's voice had an effect on Grimmjow that was alarming to see. Ichigo watched his false arrogance wash away at once, he stiffened like a bolt of lightning had gone through him. "Take a seat."

He met his father's gaze, shaken but not surrendering.

"No."

"Szayel."

His brother had him by the back of the hair in less than a second. He pulled him off balanced and threw him to the ground. Aizen drew a chair from a nearby table and Szayel hauled Grimmjow up again before forcing him onto the metal seat. Grimmjow hissed in his breath when his broken hand was seized and placed roughly on the table.

"That's better." Aizen smiled but Grimmjow grit his teeth and gripped the chair as Szayel began treating his wounds without pain killers.

"You did well son, though it is regrettable that you were taken off Hogyoku for a second time."

"FUCK!" Grimmjow bowed his head when his thumb was set, Aizen continued as if he had said nothing.

"You have proved very useful, _reliable."_

"Predictable, you mean? You've manipulated everything I've done since I left here, right?"

"Of course."

"Why? Why go after Ichigo in such a round about way? Why wait until he's in Interpol's protection before trying to get him?"

"Interpol has been a thorn in my side for years. When things started coming together between you and Ichigo, and Rukia got involved, I saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak."

"You are sick."

"No, it's you who's sick, Grimmjow, and I do apologize for that. I am afraid your situation is more complex, now that your heart is so fragile."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I won't look at putting you back on Hogyoku until the proper tests are run. But that may take some time, as my attention will be on someone else." His cold eyes returned to Ichigo.

"Shit." Grimmjow swore. Ichigo had remained silent during the father-son exchange but now all eyes were on him. "What are you going to do to him?"

"You were listening earlier, weren't you?"  
>Brown eyes fixed on Grimmjow. They watched each other. "Shit, kid, I'm sorry."<p>

"Oh, but Grimmjow he's going to be so much better than he is now, you'll see."

"When? When will you do it?" Grimmjow half whispered.

"Tomorrow."

Szayel had finished with his hand, bound it up, Grimmjow stood. "Father, please don't do this."

"Oh good, you've remembered your manners."

"Please..."

"You've never begged, Grimmjow," Aizen moved to hold his son's face between his hands. "Are your feelings that strong for him? Or have you simply become that weak?"

"I just know it's wrong."

"But it's not." He let him go. "I will not explain myself to you, child. Tomorrow, Ichigo becomes one of us."

"And what about me?"

"You may return to your quarters."

Grimmjow was surprised by this. "Not the detention centre?"

Aizen nodded. "I've told the others to remember your condition. Take Ichigo with you. It might be good for him to familiarize himself with the mansion before the procedure." He released the straps on Ichigo's wrists. "Until tomorrow."

Ichigo seemed frightened to move in case Aizen would suddenly change his mind but Girmmjow knew not to hesitate when such an offer was made and hurriedly took the teen's arm and pulled him from the bed and room.

"Is this really going to happen?" Ichigo asked when they were some distance from the room.

"Not if I can help it."

"How?"

"...I don't know. Let's just get to the room before we run into anyone." He propelled him through several corridors until they reached one with a hall twice as wide and a common area at one end. Ichigo glimpsed someone in a chair with a book but Grimmjow didn't stop. He got them inside one of the rooms along the hall and shut the door tight behind them.

"What's wrong?"

"What do you think? We're the bottom of the totem pole, Ichigo, we do not want to get caught out there with a bunch of enhanced soldiers."

"They're your family, aren't they?"

Grimmjow whirled on him, seizing him buy the shoulders. "Kid! Do you not remember what I was like when I was enhanced? You think I gave a shit about family? If Aizen had ordered me to stab my brother in the back, I would have."

"Hell Grimmjow!"  
>"You have to know what we're dealing with!" He let him go. "Stop being so stupid and help me figure out a plan!"<p>

"Well the way you're talking, it sounds like you already know."

"What do you mean?"

"That there's no way out."

Grimmjow calmed at this, watched the teen. "I'll think of something."

"You don't have to lie to me, Grimmjow. I can handle the truth."  
>"The truth...the truth is that you're going to become a monster tomorrow and I can't stop it. I can't save you."<p>

"It's not your fault."

"Sure. I just let every son of a bitch in the universe screw me over and fuck with me so bad I didn't know when I was being used." He clutched his head, sat back hard on his bed. "Shit," he swallowed hard, "if anyone should be spinning out it's you."

Ichigo sat next to him. "We've been here for over a day. You've missed your meds."

"Fuck." Grimmjow dropped his face into his knees but a hand came to rest on his back. He stiffened. "Don't."

"What?"

"Don't fucking comfort me when it's your life at stake here! Don't be so—so—"

"What?"

"I don't know! I just can't stand it!"

He stood, faltered on his bad leg and fell back beside Ichigo. A shaky breath escaped him and he looked up to the teen. He lost all anger when he saw the spark of tears in brown eyes.

"I'm scared, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow shut his eyes. "Why did you ever help me? Why did you ever take an interest in someone like me?"

"Because I wanted to help you. And then when I got to know you...I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Grimmjow opened his eyes again when Ichigo's hand found his. He forced out a laugh and looked away from the teen. "Geeze kid, you make it sound like you have a crush on me."

"...I think I do."

Grimmjow's false smile faded, he turned back to Ichigo. "I didn't know you swung that way."

"I didn't think I did until..."

"Wow, I got the power to turn people." Grimmjow managed to regain his grin. "Fuck I'm good."

"So you're not going to tell me anything? You're not going to say how you feel?"

"What I feel? I feel everything Ichigo, way more than I should. Cause Hogyoku left me unbalanced, and I don't know which way is up most the time. All I can do is wade through my shitty life, and the Hell I want to drag some innocent kid like you down in it with me."

"That's not an answer."

"I don't have one kid, I'm sorry."

"But you kissed me."

"_He_ kissed you, when I was enhanced and hollow and I was spinning out."

"Well now I'm spinning out," Ichigo's other hand came up to hold Grimmjow's face before his. "So it's my turn." He leaned in. Grimmjow pulled back at once.

"Ichigo, I can't do this." but he watched the pain and fear just below the surface of brown eyes, knew this was something the teen wanted before he faced Hell in the morning, so Grimmjow relented, and gave a nod. They came together, much softer than the last time, but longer, and real. When Grimmjow felt the wet roll down Ichigo's cheek, he held him back, ran a hand through his messy orange hair, and when the kiss ended they were just holding one another.

"I wish I could save you, kid," Grimmjow spoke over his shoulder.

"I wish we could have met in a different time and a different place," Ichigo said back. "And you could see me as more than just a high school kid."

"Hey, you're way more than that, you're a great medic." He joked, though his voice sad.

"And you're the best bullshitter I ever met."

"I'll take that as a compliment." He eased up his hold on the teen. "You think you can sleep?"

"No. But he looked at Grimmjow's face. "You're going to pass out, aren't you?"

"No."

Ichigo sighed. "You're whiter than the sheets, Grimmjow." He was still incredibly low on blood. "Lay down."

Grimmjow did, but kept to one side of the bed, the invitation unspoken, Ichigo lay next to him, a small space between their bodies, but they lay facing one another.

"It's alright," Ichigo said. "Go to sleep."

"It's not alright though..." he could see Ichigo still fighting the tears. "Come here." He stretched out a hand, Ichigo shifted into the half embrace, head resting on Grimmjow's shoulder. "Now then, it's alright with me if you cry, but just don't get a fucking boner."

Ichigo actually laughed as Grimmjow closed his other arm over him. Tears did come, though few and calm. The gesture was the kindest thing Grimmjow could do in the circumstances, before he passed out completely.

Neither moved for the whole night.

* * *

><p><em>A terrorist attack on the US Embassy in Tokyo has left eight dead and twenty nine wounded, all national and international staff members. The nature of the attack is yet to be revealed at this time.<em>

Grimmjow blinked awake and sat up behind Ichigo who was watching the tv. Sunlight from the high windows told him it was morning.

"Any names?" He croaked out, voice still thick with sleep. Ichigo turned to face him.

"No. I know it's horrible that anyone died but..."

"But you still don't want to see Rukia's face on that screen, I get it."

"Or the others."

"Yeah. What did happen, Ichigo? Did Kenpachi bite it?"

"I'm not sure. He was passed out, they just left him when they grabbed me."

"Oh."

The tension in the air was unmistakeable.

"Are you going to come with me when they take me?"

"If they let me."

"Do you think I might not go the same as the others? Maybe I'll still remember what's important."

"I wish I knew. Maybe…" but there wasn't much confidence in his voice. "Ichigo, whatever happens, it's not your fault. The drug messes with you, it won't be you, if you do something..."

"You think I'll hurt people?"

"I don't know kid, I was just saying."

"Oh."

"Listen—" but the door opened and they both stood. It was Aizen himself.

"It's time, Ichigo." Grimmjow tried to follow but Aizen held a hand to his chest. "Just Ichigo."

"Father—"

"No arguments." The door slammed shut in his face. He immediately pulled it open again but Stark was there, no doubt their father had expected resistance.

"Don't try it." His brother warned. Grimmjow glared at him but shut the door again.

There was nothing to do but wait.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks for your reviews! <em>**

**_Riza_**


	23. Chapter 23

Grimmjow waited for three days in his room. Somewhere in there Stark brought him some food. He ate enough to get by but his stomach was in knots the whole time. He didn't have his medication either, and the gnawing fear of losing himself to depression in the middle of all this weighed on him.

But more than fear, pain or sadness, he felt angry. He felt his rage for Aizen deepen. He saw his mother's face in one moment, then Ichigo's the next. He paced a track in the carpet, envisioning the ways he might topple the patriarch, might undermine him, beat him, escape him.

But his first hurtle would be mere survival. He couldn't be weak, not now, not ever again, while he was the last one in this Hellhole with a clear mind, and a dirty conscience.

So he left his room on the third day, and he donned a smirk and menacing glower, and with fists shoved in pockets, threw himself into an easy chair in the lounge and waited.

Yammy was the first he encountered. He stopped when he saw him, and then he smiled.

"Got brave enough to leave your room, did you?"

"Not as brave as you, Yammy. It would take more courage than I have to ever leave my room with as ugly a mug as yours."

Yammy bit hard and fast. Grimmjow was out of the chair and in the air before he could really register the movements. He choked where he hung in a meaty fist, his frantic kicks doing nothing to hamper his brother.

"Yammy!" Stark warned from where he emerged down the hall. "Father said not to hurt him."

He was let go but Yammy had to get in at least one blow and Grimmjow fell completely flat from the punch to his gut. He came up sputtering, however, despite the terrible pain.

"Nice to see you too." A red tinge coloured his teeth when he smiled and stood. Yammy made an angry noise and left. "So you're on babysitting duty, are you Stark?"

"Actually, I'm not." His brother eased off the wall where he'd been leaning and came up to him. "I'm not going to rescue you every time you need it, Grimmjow, I just happened to be walking by. Father is busy, his attention is not on you."

"I consider that a good thing."

"Don't. Because it means he might not even notice if Yammy beat you into a coma. So watch what you say, and remember how weak you are."

"Yeah okay." He turned with Stark as he walked past him, "But I have a question, brother."

"What?"

"What do you remember about your mother?"

Intelligent eyes narrowed, and rare sentiment crossed Stark's features. He was certainly the calmest of the group, but at this one question, Grimmjow saw anger in him—perhaps the one emotion left to victims of Hogyoku.

"So," Grimmjow continued, "You do know something about how our father collected us."

Stark returned to him, laying a hand against his chest. "Be mindful of what you say."

"Hit a nerve did I?"

He fell to the floor with the shove, it wasn't particularly hard but he stiffened when Stark's foot came down on his messed up hand. The threat was clear, his wrist was already sprained, it would easily snap under such force.

"It's not emotion you struck, but a secret best forgotten. Yes, I am aware of how we were taken. I was there when all of you first came, remember?"

"I do remember. What I don't know is how Aizen made me forget about my mother and how she really died."

Grimmjow hissed at the sudden pressure on his broken fingers but it was still more a threat than anything.

"Drop this, Grimmjow, or it really might be the death of you." He lifted his foot and left.

Grimmjow sat, watching him go. So Stark knew, but based on that conversation, the others didn't. Would reviving that memory make them see Aizen for who he was, or would it just end up getting him killed like Stark suggested?

"I see you're where you belong."

Grimmjow's head shot up.

"Fuck you, Ulquiorra." He stood but winced at the pain in his stomach from Yammy's hit.

"And as weak as expected."

"And you're still as short as last time." It was bit lame, even Grimmjow could admit that, but it got no rise from his brother. Ulquiorra wouldn't disobey their father over stupid banter.

"You shouldn't leave your room, Grimmjow. You're too..._fragile"_

__"Like I said, Fuck you." He left the common room and Ulquiorra behind. That was probably enough socializing for one day, but he was determined to gain ground before Ichigo came back. He had no idea how the teen would be, but he wanted to make sure he had everyone sussed out before that.

And he also wanted some supplies. Assuming there was no quick way out of this situation, he would need some fortification.

He went to the store room and loaded up. Generally, they didn't drink—Grimmjow hadn't actually tasted alcohol until he started living on his own. That was when he'd picked up all his bad habits. But Aizen kept boxes upon boxes of liquor in the basement for his many business meetings and social gatherings of black market genetic wheelers and dealers. Grimmjow got what he could carry back to his room. He then went through everything in his closet, his drawers, his bathroom, to do a mental inventory of his resources. He even neatened things so they would be more readily available, and hid the bottles of vodka under the bed.

He spent the next four days surveying his siblings, looking for signs there was something left of who that had been when they were young. None of them had been very nice—raised as warriors, always competing and training with one another—it wasn't like they had ever had a particularly loving relationship. However, back then, there was still something that bound them, that made Yammy carry Grimmjow to their father when Stark accidentally broke his leg; that had caused Halibel to feel the need to help him up every time she felled him in a fight. Some innate connection had kept them together—blood ties.

Now he was starting to think no one would lift a finger to stop Yammy smashing his teeth in if he decided. Grimmjow was already sporting several dark bruises and a cracked rib by the end of the week, just for being around the giant. But he endured, because the more time he forced himself to spend with them, the less they noticed him, cared that he was there. And the less they told him to shut up when he asked a question or two, though not about their mothers, that would have to wait until he was in deeper.

And then he met the new Ichigo.

They were in the training room, Halibel versus Ulquiorra, it was a pretty entertaining fight. Grimmjow sat behind the others, still the outsider, but all of them turned when the back doors opened and their father came through with his newest creation.

"Sit down, Grimmjow." He hadn't even realized he'd stood. Slowly, he complied and Aizen turned back to the others. "Stark, I want you to test Ichigo's abilities."

Their eldest rose, the rest cleared to the side. Grimmjow fell in line next to Halibel, her breath even despite her exertions in the fight. He glanced at her face to see her reactions, but her eyes were dead ahead, and he saw the same focus in the rest.

They were assessing the threat—to themselves and to their rank in the pecking order.

And then he made himself look to the teen, read that same coldness in his eyes, see a face set and muscles flex with a strength they'd never had before.

And in every action, every strike, and every movement, Grimmjow knew. He knew before he ever heard him speak—Ichigo had gone hollow.

Stark was the victor, but barely. Ichigo's incredible strength was undeniable, but he had never been properly trained to fight. He was good, Grimmjow had glimpsed a bit of skill in the outside world, but Stark was an expert. When it was over, Ichigo stood calm and composed next to Aizen.

"You will all be helping me train Ichigo," he informed them.

"How much did you give him?" Grimmjow asked. "It has to be more than you gave any of us."

"You are right."

"But how? His heart could give."

"Of course it will, in time, but we already knew that. No, Ichigo possessed an even higher tolerance than I could have hoped. That is all."

The dismissal was clear but when the others exited, Grimmjow remained.

"Do you have another question?" Aizen asked.

"I want to talk to Ichigo."

"That's up to him, when he's free, but we have a few things to do."

"Fine." He turned to Ichigo, trying to ignore his ice-cold gaze that gave no hint he was interested in seeking Grimmjow. "You know where I'll be."

He left. He went straight to his room. He took out a bottle of vodka. Then he stood there for a long time, holding the warm glass bottle, seeing that soulless face.

He put the bottle back under the bed. Ichigo needed him sober.

Unfortunately, even sobriety couldn't help him when the other came.

* * *

><p>It was late when Ichigo arrived. Grimmjow had been in the shower for a long time, hoping hot water could sooth some of his stress away. He was just doing up his pants when he came out of the bathroom and made to grab his shirt from the bed when he realized he was not alone.<p>

"Ichigo."

He was on the bed, sitting with perfect posture, just watching him.

"Grimmjow." His name sounded foreign when pronounced with such coldness. Ichigo rose and stepped closer to him.

"Is there anything left of you in there?" His voice came out a whisper, he felt the danger of being in this room with Ichigo, and it was suffocating him.

"I woke up, Grimmjow." Words he himself had spoken haunted him. He took a step back involuntarily but Ichigo caught his arm. "Where are you going? I thought you wanted to see me?"

"See, sure, have you beat the shit out of me, no thanks."

"Yeah, I can see your siblings have been a little rough on you. But why do you think I'd do the same thing?"

"Because you're not yourself."

"Oh, but I am, Grimmjow. I'm me more than I ever have been." His other hand came up to grip the back of Grimmjow's hair, tight enough to make his eyes water. "Before Hogyoku, I was exactly what you said I was: a pathetic kid who was so frustrated with everyday life he actually fell for someone like you."

"Ichigo—"

"I knew what I wanted, but I was too weak to take it. Now I'm strong enough to have anything I want."

The hand on his shoulder dropped to his waist and he was pulled flush against him, a hungry mouth delved into his own, forceful, overwhelming. Hands ran up his bare torso, he recoiled, fought the hold, but Ichigo grabbed both arms and held them to his sides, impossibly strong. Grimmjow couldn't do anything to get away.

Except bite down when he caught Ichigo's tongue between his teeth.

Both spit blood and this time when Grimmjow tried to shove away he was given some help. Ichigo threw him face first into the wall and caught him from behind when he bounced back.

"Bad idea." Ichigo got a choke hold around Grimmjow's throat, pressed him tight against him. His other hand roamed over his chest, his abdomen.

"Stop it, Ichigo!" Grimmjow strained out.

"I told you, I'm going to take what I want." His hand went for Grimmjow's fly. He was in a bad position, but close to the wall, and with bare feet, he had one escape. He threw his weight back against Ichigo and got both feet against the wall. He ran up the wall enough he could roll over Ichigo's shoulder and slip from his hold. He landed behind Ichigo and quickly gave himself distance, bounding over the bed and to the closet. He didn't really have a plan, but Ichigo didn't advance immediately.

"You might be strong, but I'm trained, Ichigo."

"Strength versus experience?" the teen mused. "I think you are underestimating me and overestimating yourself."

"Fuck you."

"I wish you had, back then. I wanted it, I wanted you. But it's different now, isn't it Grimmjow? Now it's you who's gonna to get fucked."

Ichigo moved. Grimmjow did too. He had a desk that had gone unused his entire life in these walls, but now he used it to repeat his move from Kenpachi's office and get over Ichigo's head and past him.

Prepared for the other's speed, he turned, rather than attempting to run, and threw a fist. He didn't worry that underneath the Hogyoku was Ichigo, because he simply knew there was really nothing he could do to hurt the teen now. But a couple of hits were nothing compared to the one he got back. Sparks burst behind one eye, his leg hit the foot board of his bed and then pain exploded in his jaw and he was downed by the absolute force behind those blows. He felt the rumpled sheets beneath him, the room seemed to tilt this way and that and he tried to get up again but a weight settled on his lower back, a hand found his hair and breath ghosted over his neck.

"That was even more pathetic than I expected."

"Ichigo, don't do this." His voice was actually slurring. He couldn't believe he was going pass out from two hits.

"Are you begging, Grimmjow?"

His hands knotted in the sheets. "Would it make a difference?"

"No."

"Yeah, not much does when you're on Hogyoku."

He threw an elbow back, Ichigo caught it and used it to flip him onto his back. He pinned Grimmjow's wrists but Grimmjow came up with a head butt that definitely hurt him more than it did Ichigo.

"Are you done?" Ichigo asked his panting victim, the room even more off kilter now. Grimmjow just concentrated on breathing, even when he felt the other lean in, teeth clamp down on his shoulder. He didn't think about the exploring hand, or the fire in his skin, or the tang of blood when Ichigo returned to his mouth and forced a rough kiss on him. He concentrated on the other's shift in weight, on the distance between him and the door, on how he was going to get out of this situation.

A hand went for his pants. He moved. It was all about balance, and as soon as Ichigo shifted his weight back slightly, Grimmjow struck up hard with his knees, vaulting the teen forward and then pushed him sideways with both hands.

Grimmjow rolled off the other side of the bed and staggered, trying to make the room stay focused. Ichigo was already up, but this time, Grimmjow wasn't going to try fighting, he just ran.

He got the door open, saw the light of the hallway and took a step.

The door slammed. Grimmjow's arm was in the way.

Shock stilled him for an instant, then the door creaked open again and he saw the damage, his brain caught up to the sensation but the scream didn't come until he was shoved into the wall. He didn't even look at Ichigo who pinned him by the throat. His eyes were fixed on the limb dripping blood, a deep cut right above the break.

"Sh-shit." He shut his eyes, felt his knees shake. "You wrecked my fucking arm."

Ichigo was looking at it too, but there wasn't the slightest hint of remorse in him. He just leaned in closer and whispered, "Don't go passing out on me, Grimmjow."

Blue eyes shot open. He kneed, kicked, did whatever he had left in him. But his arm was shattered, and pain was stealing his breath, his sight. He fell against the desk and struggled up. Ichigo sent him back down, his face hit hard and he was already blinded from blood on one side. When he got up next he couldn't even find Ichigo because everything was such a blur, and then the last hit came, he fell against Ichigo, slid to his knees. A hand knotted in his hair, holding him there. He dragged his eyes up, focused enough to see Ichigo's smile.

"Kurosaki."

The door was still open. Ulquiorra stood in the hallway, face passive. He didn't even spare Grimmjow a glance, but he looked to Ichigo.

"Aizen wants to see you."

"Aizen can wait."

Grimmjow held his breath, watching his brother take a step into the room.

"Father never waits. You need your next dose."

"Fine." Ichigo let go of Grimmjow, who fell forward, weight going on his arm and he screamed against the carpet.

He saw little now, but heard Ulquiorra at the doorway. "And we were told not to hurt him."

Ichigo's response was lost to him, he sagged against the carpet in the devastation of his room and lost consciousness.

* * *

><p><em><strong>And now we head into dark, dark territory. I might rework some of this story to make it milder, but we're definitely into the M rated portion of this story. I'm always squeamish about such content but I'll give it a go. Thanks so much for the reviews thus far, they've been very encouraging. Until next time!<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	24. Chapter 24

Szayel followed the trail of blood over the medical room tile, past an overturned cart and up to the shattered glass of the drug cabinet.

"Please tell me you haven't taken any of those yet."

Grimmjow jolted, almost falling where he stood with a mess of bottles on the counter. He had a bottle of pills in one hand, his other hung limp to one side, dripping blood and rapidly swelling. The pink haired scientist frowned at all the damage he saw when Grimmjow turned.

"Did Yammy...no. It was Ichigo, wasn't it?"

Grimmjow didn't speak, he was shaking violently.

"Put those down," Szayel instructed. "With your heart still weakened, they would kill you." He took the bottle from shaking fingers and sifted through to find the correct ones in the mess Grimmjow had made. "There." He handed him a bottle of pain pills. "Next time just ask, don't make a mess of my work station."

"I wasn't looking for these," Grimmjow finally spoke, voice trembling as much as his battered body. His brother looked him straight on, reading his eyes.

"Oh." He left the counter for a different cabinet. "In my work with Ichigo, I neglected to treat your anxiety. Here." He gave him a second bottle and Grimmjow instantly popped the cap and swallowed two. "Be careful with those."

Grimmjow just nodded and shoved both bottles into his pants pocket. He intended to leave, but without warning, Szaeyl took hold of his broken arm and Grimmjow nearly regurgitated his pills as he gagged on pain.

"This is a bad fracture." His brother ignored his hisses and winces and took him to a table to begin fixing him up.

They sat in silence. Grimmjow slowly felt the effects of the pills, but his shaking didn't stop. His body had endured too much. He passed out when his arm was reset. When he woke, it was in a cast, and Szayel was leaned close to him, stitching up his eye brow.

"There." He withdrew.

"Thanks," Grimmjow said, forgetting for a second his brother did none of this out of sentimentality, it was simply his job. But he let himself forget, it was too much right now, he felt too alone, too...afraid. "Szayel, is Ichigo going to remain as violent as he is now? Or do you think he'll cool off after a bit?"

"You didn't, not until your doses got messed up."

"Great." He thought on this for a moment, then, "Ulquiorra told Ichigo it was time for his next dose. Why doesn't he have the device in his arm to give them automatically?"

"Why do you think?"

Grimmjow didn't want to think, his head hurt way too much for that, but he did, and the answer was suddenly obvious. "Because Aizen wants to control him. He thinks if he gave him the automatic doses, he'd take off."

"Precisely. Ichigo has no reason to be loyal. He is not Aizen's son. He is not one of us."

_One of us._ Grimmjow watched his brother carefully. Yes, Szayel saw Ichigo as an outsider. And he didn't want him here. Maybe the scientist in him did, but the rest of him saw Ichigo as a threat to his position in Aizen's army. Maybe all his siblings felt this way. Maybe Grimmjow could use this to his advantage.

"And what does Father plan to do with me, Szayel?"

"You should ask him that, brother, it's not my place to say."

"What would happen if he tried to put me back on Hogyoku?"

"I would have to do more comprehensive tests, but based on what Interpol had determined of your condition, I'd say you would have about a ten to twenty percent chance of survival and a ninety-nine percent chance that your heart would instantly fail and you'd be reliant on Hogyoku like the rest of us."

"Great." He got off the bed, still unsteady and head throbbing harshly. The local anesthetic on his arm at least kept it from paining him too greatly.

"Be very careful of that," Szayel warned him. "The fracture was severe, it will take time to heal. It should not be moved much." He pulled a cloth off the table and looped it over Grimmjow's neck to make a sling. "For the first week at least."

"Thanks."

He left the medical room, careful as he tread down the halls. He did not want to encounter Ichigo again. He dreaded walking through the common room, but it was only Halibel and she said nothing when she saw him go by. Once in his room, he checked it, more than a little worried Ichigo might be lurking in wait.

He wasn't. Girmmjow locked the door, then leveraged the chair under it for good measure. He stood in the mess of his room: blood was on the door frame, the wall, the desk and carpet from his arm. He saw the largest stain where he had half passed out after Ichigo left.

He went to the bathroom and ran water in the sink to splash on his battered face. The bruising was terrible. He stared at himself: the left side was completely discoloured, flesh shiny and raised as well as red and purple. That eyes was bloodshot, a blood vessel had burst and left a discoloured patch on his orb. His gaze trailed further, he could practically see the finger prints on his neck.

He felt dirty.

He felt dizzy.

He felt helpless.

He hated it all.

His breath quickened, he swallowed hard and tried to calm but his heart pounded against his ribs. He left the bathroom, went to the bed and dropped to knees so he could reach the bottles. He washed back a mix of pain pills and anti-anxiety meds with a slosh of vodka. He didn't get up from the spot. Instead, he sat there, leaning back against the mattress and taking another swig.

Fuck sobriety.

* * *

><p>"Haven't seen you in days, princess. Your boyfriend do that to you?"<p>

Grimmjow cringed at Yammy's voice behind him in the kitchen. The mansion had many facilities and one was a large kitchen always stocked, like a mini cafeteria. Grimmjow had not been out of his room in three days, but now he was out of rations and had to venture out. He had hoped not to run into anyone, but he had no luck these days.

"Father's been keeping Ichigo busy, but he has to take a break sometime. What you gonna do then?"

Grimmjow set down his plate and turned back to his brother. This morning's dose of vodka helped him plaster the false grin on his face. "Why? You offering to give a brother a hand?"

"As if."

"Well, I don't know, I thought you'd use every opportunity you could to undermine Ichigo."

Yammy narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"He's strong, right? Stronger than you even. He's going to drop you down a peg. Father's going to appreciate him more than you. You won't be the big muscle anymore. Thing is, though, Ichigo doesn't get how things work around here. He ain't following Aizen's every rule like the rest of us, and that's pissing father off."

"So what's your point?"

"Well father told you all not to hurt me. Ichigo obviously did not comply. Aizen won't like that. But he won't know about it, unless someone rats him out—someone makes Ichigo remember his place."

"Don't try to trick me, you just want protection."

"Of course I do. But that doesn't mean you can't get something out of it. Ichigo's an outsider, he hasn't worked for anything he's gained here—you really going to let him take your place, take everything you've spent your whole life working for?"

He saw it, he saw the wheels turning, his words penetrating Yammy's thick skull, so he picked up his plate and moved toward he door.

"Just something to think about," he said on his way out.

Maybe his luck wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

><p>Grimmjow returned to working on his siblings, though it was hard, he was constantly on the lookout for Ichigo. He saw him twice, in the training room, but it was during Aizen's training sessions and he had to go for tests after each session. But eventually, like Yammy said, he got time off. And he came for Grimmjow a second time.<p>

He'd let his guard down, was on his way for food and was about to walk past the training room when the double doors swung open, nearly smacking him. Ichigo leered at him from the threshold, holding the door open.

"Coming in?"

Grimmjow bolted. He got about three feet before arms wrapped around his waist, he was lifted bodily from behind and tossed into the gym like he weighed no more than a basketball. He rolled over the floor, trying to protect his broken arm. He came up standing and backed up when he realized Ichigo had already closed the distance.

"What's the point?" Ichigo taunted, though letting Grimmjow moved back toward a rack of wooden swords. He glanced sideways at them, considering whether or not it would do any good.

"You can try, if you want, but you know how this ends up."

Grimmjow took one from the rack. It was at least one more thing between him and crazed teen before him.

"I won't let it happen."

"You'll fight, but you'll lose, and we both know it, so like I said, what is the fucking point?"

"The point is it will ruin you kid. Someday, somehow, you're getting off Hogyoku. And when you do, you'll remember all the shit you did. I can't stop half of what you'll do, but this—this is will destroy you and I know it."

"How touching. You really want to protect me that bad? So that's it? There's no other reason you're holding that wooden stick like it actually could protect you."

"You know."

"What? Don't tell me you're still pretending you didn't fall for me." He moved. Grimmjow swung, it was as useless as Ichigo said and the weapon was turned against him, Ichigo twisted him around and used the wooden shaft to brace Grimmjow backwards against him.

"Dammit, you know I don't want this." Grimmjow hissed.

"Not even a little bit? Then tell me what exactly your feelings for me are? You'd die to save me, we both know that."

"Cause you're just a friggin' kid who got mixed up in this shit."

"And so are you! Stop pretending to be the hard-ass we both know you ain't."

"I never pretended, Ichigo. It was you who imagined me into something more than I am."

"Just answer the question. What do you really feel for me?"

"What difference does it make? No matter what I say, you ain't going to stop."

"True enough."

With that, Ichigo dragged him back out of the training room. Grimmjow fought his hold the whole way. When they got to his room Grimmjow got his teeth on Ichigo's hand and bit. The other didn't scream, or even flinch but he let him go.

"Mistake." The wood sword struck his calf and he fell first into the wall then to the ground.

"Dammit."

"Just stop struggling."

"Never." He launched up, got it in the gut this time. This doubled him, sent him to the ground without a hint of air in his lungs. Ichigo opened the door.

"Don't make me drag you in."

"Fuck you." Grimmjow spit blood but got up, using the wall. The wooden sword came up to his chest.

"Don't you get tired of it? Being so weak and pathetic? Do you want me to keep hurting you?" The sword point slid along his shirt, tracing a path down his stomach. He leaned in, breath in Grimmjow's ear, "Are you nervous?"

"Ichigo..."

"What?"

"You might be enhanced, but you still shouldn't get so close."

Grimmjow brought his cast up hard into the very organ Ichigo planned to assault Grimmjow with. Enhanced or not, it still hurt him, and he lost his hold on Grimmjow who ran down the hall.

"BASTARD!" The bellow made his blood run cold. He knew there would be no holding back now, Ichigo would go all out on him and he might not survive.

The wood sword crashed into his leg again. He knew he wasn't running after that. He fell and skidded over carpet with a cry. He got to his feet, though all weight on one leg and was met with a fist. He fell hard, but he hit something else before the floor.

"The Hell is going on?" Yammy had him by the front of the shirt. Dazed from the blow and leg injured, only the hand kept him up, and Grimmjow had no voice to answer. He blinked with unfocussed eyes and past Yammy he saw the couch and chairs and realized they were in the common room at the end of the hall.

"None of your damn business." Ichigo moved forward but there was movement: Halibel rose, Grimmjow hadn't even noticed she was there. Next to her was Stark, their chess game interrupted by the scene.

"We were told not to hurt him," she said before Ichigo got a hand on Grimmjow.

"Yeah," Yammy agreed, though he tossed Grimmjow aside. He fell into the couch gasping. At his back, his three siblings closed ranks.

"Fuck that," Ichigo said.

"No, Kurosaki," Stark replied. "You must obey Aizen."

"He's not my fucking father."

"We know," Stark continued. "But he is ours, _all_ of ours. You should be aware of that."

"What, you're ganging up on me? You think you are enough to take me?"

"I think Aizen will want to know about your disobedience. Everything, all the time."

"You're afraid of losing you top spot, old man?"

"Yes, I am, we all are. And give us the leverage, we'll use it against you."

"Like he gives a fuck what I do to his failed experiment."

"It's not about protecting Grimmjow, it's about testing you, and if you can't see that, you're stupider than I thought. He wants obedience, Ichigo. Guess what happens if he doesn't get it?"

"He stops those daily doses," Halibel answered for him. "And you go back to being the weak little teenage kid we dragged in here."

They remained in their stare down for several long seconds.

"Fine. I'll let it go, for now." Ichigo straightened his shirt that had gotten dishevelled in the fight. "But don't think this gets you off the hook, Grimmjow."

He left. Grimmjow watched his siblings carefully, no words to describe his relief at their intervention. He had planted the seeds in Yammy, but the others were smart enough to figure it out on their own. Now they turned to consult one another, never acknowledging Grimmjow was right next to them.

"Maybe we should let him," Yammy said. "If that would get father to cut him loose."

"I'm not sure it would," Stark considered. "That would be a gamble."

"A gamble for who?" Yammy argued. "It's only Grimmjow he's after."

Now they looked to Grimmjow, still on his knees against the couch. "Would you do that?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. "Would you let him do it to get what you want?"

"I could ask you the same question, Grimmjow." Starrk knelt, so they were eye level. "You want Ichigo off of Hogyoku, right? So what's it worth to you? Would you give him what he wants, in order to get him off the drug?"

The question stunned Grimmjow. He stared back at his brother, without an answer.

"Interesting." Stark pulled Grimmjow up so he could sit back on the couch. He was still shaken by the question, and his lack of answer, but he returned his eyes to his brother.

"Well, what about my question? If I ask you to stop him, will you?"

"You understand, Grimmjow, what it's like to be on Hogyoku, correct?"

"So that's your answer? You're so fucking heartless you'd let him fuck your own brother on the off chance it will get you what you want?"

"No, Girmmjow, that's not my answer." He rose. "I asked you the question because I honestly don't know the answer. Once it's out of your system, what are you left with? Do you actually remember how you felt when you were on the drug?"

"Yes, I do."

"So then answer the question, if our situations were reversed."

Grimmjow thought on it, remembered the boiling rage always beneath the surface, remembered hurting his siblings without remorse. But when it came to a situation involving outsiders, they always closed ranks. They were, more than enemies, a team.

"No. I wouldn't. Because Ichigo is an outsider."

"Precisely. And we do not let outsiders touch our own."

"But he's not really one of us anymore," Yammy argued.

"He's Aizen's son. And so are we, Yammy. As long as Aizen says he's one of us, he is."

"Fine," the other grunted.

"Go back to your room," Stark instructed.

"What happens now?"

"Exactly what I said. We watch him, we undermine him."

"Which means we watch you, and wait for him to make his next mistake," Halibel concluded.

Grimmjow pushed himself up, able to stand on his leg now, though it throbbed. They were going to protect him—save him.

He should feel relieved, but instead all he could think about was Stark's question.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sorry about the long delay in updating. I have been grappling with how to respond to the comment about hating America. I had a big long thing written out, but what's the point? I don't hate America, I know it, and I hope my readers do too. The line "American idiot" was supposed to be Grimmjow's internal dialogue and in this fic, Grimmjow is a pissed-off, super-soldier addict. He definitely doesn't give a shit about being politically correct.<em>**

**_ I apologize for letting this delay me for so long. It rather upset me and it just took me a while to decide how to approach the topic. Thanks for your patience. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate all critiques on my writing, criticism helps me grow—as do positive comments ;) Just please refrain from making assumptions and judgements about me as a person._**

**_ Thank you all so much,_**

_** Riza A. Winters.**_

**_PS. On the issue of potential sex, I don't write much in the way of explicit scenes and I hope you will stick with the story even if it's not the direction you expected. I hope as things progress readers will be able to follow the thoughts and motivations of the characters and understand how things play out. Ichigo was Grimmjow's hero/saviour in so many ways up to this point, even if Ichigo saw things the other way around. Though Grimmjow may seem like a victim at the moment, I hope readers will also see his role as Ichigo's hero. Thanks again. Until next time._**


	25. Chapter 25

**One year ago.**

_Grimmjow savoured the onslaught of lukewarm water. He ignored the fact the shower hadn't been cleaned in months. There was something gritty under his feet, but the rest of him was cleaner than it had been in ages. Too many nights on the street. His clothes were equally a mess and when he towelled off and returned to the bedroom, he decided not to try to pick them out from underneath the woman sprawled over them and rumpled sheets. Instead he quietly made his way to the closet and pulled out clothes that must have belonged to her boyfriend or husband. They smelled clean enough so he took some and then made his way through the bedside drawers._

_He recovered the drugs he'd sold her the night before. It had been a pretty good pay day the first time around, now he could double it. He took the cash he found wadded up in the pages of a book. Then he dared to reach back for his own pants and collect his meager belongings, including his freshly made i.d. that would allow him to start a life out here in the "real world." _

_He tried not to look at the spotted flesh of the woman's back. She must have been more than twice his age and years of drug use had aged her terribly. Ugh. He swallowed back the memories of the night and retreated from the bedroom of the grungy apartment._

_ "__Fuck," he swore, and poured himself a drink left over from the bottle they'd consumed last night. He did not want to spend one more night like this. But he also didn't want to spend another night propped against a dumpster in some alley._

_He was a fucking supersoldier. This was undignified._

_Just as he was finishing his drink, the door opened. A man in his mid to late forties stopped short, seeing Grimmjow at his counter, drinking his boos, and wearing his clothes._

_ "__Yo," Grimmjow greeted with a smile. He couldn't help himself, he was an asshole._

_The man couldn't manage to form any coherent words as he lunged at Grimmjow. It was joke. Grimmjow caught the man's wrist, twisted his arm back and brought him to his knees in seconds. The man froze up in pain and was immobilized with the promise of a broken arm if he struggled._

_ "__You bastard," he hissed out._

_Grimmjow didn't bother insulting the man further with words or physical harm. He released him but gave him a shove so he fell forward while Grimmjow left through the front door._

_The man didn't chase after him. He hit the street just as an orange blaze began to paint the backdrop of the city. Grimmjow counted his cash as he walked. Paying for his I.D. had wiped him out entirely, but now he finally had enough._

_He made his way through streets, checking for signs in windows until he came to one, right on the corner of two streets. In the low morning light he could see a bar on the first floor. And right above it a small sign in the window read: for rent._

_He grinned. It was going to be his—for the first time since his escape from Aizen and Interpol, he was going to have a place that was his own. He was going to be free._

_But as he hiked his stolen clothes closer he remembered the night with the junkie woman and immediately lost his grin. The price of freedom had been high._

_But he had to do what he had to do, and there was no taking that back now. There was only moving forward._

* * *

><p><strong>Present<strong>.

Grimmjow stood before the bathroom mirror of his bedroom. The door was locked tight. The one to his bedroom was also locked, but he was sure that wasn't going to stop the man banging on it from the other side. Ichigo was going to get in. And this time, Grimmjow was alone.

Stark and the others had done what they'd promised. For over a week they'd kept Grimmjow close. Though they wanted him to slip up by going after Grimmjow, he didn't get a chance with them always in the way.

Ichigo was becoming more and more volatile—dangerous in and outside of the training room. Aizen's frustration with him was clear. He could not control him the way he did his own children.

That was probably why Aizen had let this happen. He'd called the others to a meeting. He'd left Grimmjow unprotected. It was his final test for Ichigo, to see if he'd disobey a direct order.

He most certainly would. The question was, would that betrayal mean Aizen would stop dosing the teen?

Grimmjow heard the door give in in the room beyond. He jolted when the bathroom door shook under the impact of a fist.

Grimmjow picked up the bottle on the counter and shook out a few pills. His arm was finally out of the sling, though still in a cast. Now he used that hand to lift the pills to his mouth—pills Szayel had warned him not to abuse.

Fuck it.

He rinsed them down with vodka. He sputtered but held it in, letting the mixture work its way down, until burning turned to a faint heat that radiated throughout his body, took the edge of fear from him. He swayed and knocked the pills over, scattering the rest over the counter. It was so much like that night he'd found his mother.

But he was not trying to kill himself. He was going to save himself, one more time, and he was going to save the kid while he was at it.

The door cracked. Ichigo must have gotten hold of something because now the strikes to the door did more damage. Wood splintered. The hinges groaned. He had seconds left.

He raised his eyes once more, to stare down that pale, exhausted visage in the cold silver glass of the mirror.

How many rotten, degrading things had he done since escaping Aizen? It had been about survival. He'd done those things to save himself. But now, there was someone else he wanted to save, more than anything. Someone who had made even the worst part of himself turn back and dive into those icy waters.

He turned away from his reflection and opened the door.

"Ichigo." Grimmjow stood in the threshold. Ichigo had come to an abrupt stop, not having expected Grimmjow to open the door of his own free will. He had a piece of wood from the other broken door in his hand but now he dropped it.

"What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously. His eyes wandered over Grimmjow, then darted to the sink at his back. "What the Hell did you just do?" Ichigo grabbed him by the shoulders, looking into his eyes and seeing how dilated his pupils were. "You tried to off yourself?"

Grimmjow swallowed hard, the world slowing. "No."

"You just took a fistful, didn't you?"

"I'm fine."

"I didn't ask if you were fine! I want to know how much you took!"

But Grimmjow's hands came up and caught Ichigo's face. He brought their lips together.

Ichigo pulled away at once, eyes narrowing and checking Grimmjow up and down for signs of a weapon. "What is this?"

"This is what you wanted right? Well I'm giving it to you, Kurosaki."

Ichigo still eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because you're right. I do have feelings for you. This _is _what I've always wanted. I just didn't know it."

Suspicion lingered in brown eyes, but this was what he wanted, so after only a moment, he took a step closer, pressing Grimmjow back against the sink. His hands slipped up to hold Grimmjow's face, watching him close. He leaned in over his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"Just don't go changing your mind."  
>Grimmjow stared dead ahead at the tiled wall as he drew Ichigo flush against him. He felt that same slender body of the boy who'd somehow decided he was worth saving—even loving. He let out a breath and nodded into his shoulder. "I won't, Ichigo. I promise."<p>

* * *

><p>A gentle waft of smoke filtered past the shattered door frame, from the broken bathroom door into the rest of the room. Sheets were heaped in a tangled mess on the bed. A bottle of alcohol had rolled loose from the stash underneath. Along the carpet were spots of blood. The main door hung half open, the door knob broken.<p>

Aizen stepped through the mess, following the scent of cigarette smoke to its source. The shower curtain had apparently been left open, so the white tile walls and floor were moist and dripping. And on the floor he sat, back to the wall, propped against the built-in tub, cigarette burning low between two fingers. The pills were scattered on the floor, the sink. The drink was clutched in his other hand.

"Grimmjow, you shouldn't be smoking with your heart condition."

The cigarette pinched tight between pale fingers. He was shirtless, a few bruises marked his body. The eyes that dragged themselves up to Aizen were filled with a dark fury that he had inherited from the man before him.

"You know what else I shouldn't be doing with my heart condition?"

Aizen sighed and squatted lower, to face his son straight on.

"It was necessary."

"Well he failed your test. He betrayed you. So now you take him off Hogyoku, right?"

"No."

Blue eyes narrowed. "_What_?"

"So that's why you did it?" Aizen watched him carefully. "You thought it would make me take him off the doses. You thought you could save him if you let him sleep with you?"

"I didn't do anything, your freak out there didn't give me much of a choice."

"I think you'd look a lot worse if it hadn't been your choice. You gave in to save him. Who knew I could breed a son so...noble."

"Fuck you, Aizen! Anything good in me did not come from you!"

"Oh?" He glanced around at the mess of pills and booze. "Yes, I see you have picked up your mother's bad habits."

"ARHG!" He made a lunge but pain won out and he cringed back against the wall.

"She killed herself like this, you know."

"No, you did it to her! You forced her to take those pills."

Aizen frowned. "You've remembered. You shouldn't be able to."

"Well I did."

"Perhaps when coming off Hoguyoku..." he mused.

"Maybe, but the point is you murdered my mother, abducted me, and I bet you did the same to the rest of them."

"That's none of your business, but I'm surprised this is the first you've addressed the issue, Grimmjow." He watched him. "You meant to bide your time, wait until you could kill me, correct?"

"I had hoped Interpol would do it for me."

"I wouldn't expect them to give you any help now, they are still recovering from their losses."

Grimmjow gritted his teeth. Aizen continued, "You had promise Grimmjow, but I don't think another dose of Hogyoku will erase all your hatred for me, and I certainly don't need two disloyal soldiers in my ranks."

"Then let us go. You don't need me or Ichigo anymore."

"On the contrary, I need you both. Ichigo and I had a discussion this morning. He has agreed to play by my rules."

Grimmjow narrowed his eyes. "What, why?"

"For you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I couldn't force obedience on him but I could buy it. You were a test, Grimmjow, but not in the way you thought. I gave Ichigo what he wanted: full access to you. So now, as long as he can keep you, he'll do what I ask."

Grimmjow dropped his cigarette. It smoldered on wet tile and went out. He waited for the joke to be revealed, but it wasn't, Aizen just kept watching him.

"You.." but no words came. He swallowed hard. Aizen put a hand over his cast.

"I regret that I let Interpol take you. But since that day you have given me so much, son. Now, this is your purpose. You get to live, get to stay with your family-"

"So long as I play whore to a teenage boy."

"If you want to look at it like that."

"I hate you."

"I'm sure you do." He rose. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry son."

"But you aren't."

Aizen paused. "No, but sometimes children don't want to hear the truth from their parents. I'll send someone to repair your room."

He left. Grimmjow watched him go. He swallowed back the rest of the vodka, lit another cigarette and drew it up to his lips. But after the first drag his head sank into his hand, his throat swelled tight and he couldn't hold back what came.

* * *

><p>"He played us all."<p>

"No doubt he has been watching us. Did he really expect us to just accept Ichigo?"

"Of course he did, if he orders it."

"But he changed the rules! He's never changed the rules for us! He makes us change to them.

Grimmjow picked out the many voices around him, but it took some time for the room to become clear, for his squinting eyes to see past the raging headache and lingering drunkenness in him. He knew this room. It was Halibel's. Everything was white, it was her taste, or at least it had been before she'd gone hollow as well. He shifted enough to figure out he was stretched on her sofa, a blanket was over his bare shoulders.

"Halibel?" He tried to sit, but didn't make it and just fell back with a groan. He covered his eyes, headache winning out.

"The men came to repair your room. You were unconscious in the bathroom," she explained.

"Aizen..."

"Did he come to see you?" He tried again to sit. This time, she helped him get there. Now he could see that all the family had been gathered.

"Yeah. I'm guessing you already got the same message."

"Yes."

He sighed, leaning his head into his hands. "So what now?"

"We do as father says," Ulquiorra answered.

"So you're all just fine with this?" He drew his head back up, surveyed his siblings. "Is there nothing left inside you?"

"It's not about that, Grimmjow." Stark moved forward, sat in the chair opposite him to look him straight on. "Aizen has given the go ahead. Do you really think there is anything we can do to intervene?"

"I don't know, Stark."

"Ichigo is an outsider. We'll keep our eyes on him, but for now, we have to accept our father's rules."

"Why?!" Grimmjow suddenly screamed. "If you're so dead inside why the Hell do you care about what he wants!? What in the Fuck is left to make you loyal?!"

"Power, Grimmjow," Halibel answered. "The power and strength he's always given us. He raised us as children, trained us, throwing that away is not logical, it would make us weaker."

"No." Grimmjow shook his head. "You're weak like this! Do you know how he got you all in the first place, huh? Do any of you remember your mothers? What he did to them?"

He saw Stark stiffen, Halibel's eyes flared wide, but then the door banged open and they all turned to see Ichigo in the doorway, a devil's grin plastered on his face.

"I take you all know the change in rules."

He sauntered in. Stark rose, in fact, everyone seemed to close in a bit, but despite the threat, Ichigo pushed among them to the couch.

"You're coming with me."

Grimmjow looked up at him, but said nothing.

"Come on, get up."

Grimmjow took a look around at the faces of his siblings. They were set. They were stone. So he became stone too.

He staggered when he stood. His brain was a mush of pills and liquor and his body was not moving so easily after all he'd been through. Ichigo caught his arm and steadied him.

They left the room without another word.

"They just finished in your room." Ichigo steered them that way. When Grimmjow's legs gave entirely, Ichigo lifted him up and carried him the rest of the way in, setting him on the bare bed, a folded pile of sheets waiting to be replaced. Grimmjow sat propped against the headboard, trying not to vomit. Ichigo steadied the side of his face.

"It's a little early to get lit, Grimmjow."

"No it's not."

"You aren't regretting your decision, are you?"

"No."

Ichigo smiled as if he knew better. "You're playing your own game, aren't you, with Aizen and the others?"

Grimmjow turned away, he wasn't about to give up anything to Ichigo. But his chin was caught and his face forced back around.

"I wasn't threatening you, Grimmjow. I was trying to tell you something. I've got my own end game too. I think you and I can help each other."

"How?"

"You want out of here. Well so do I. But he's got me by the balls because of the daily doses. I don't want to be Aizen's bitch any more than you do but I have to play ball until I figure out another way."

"So what do you need from me?"

"You have hours of free time all day while I'm stuck training with your dear old dad or getting tests done. So, if you agree to help me, I'm sure things will move along alot faster. Get me a sustained source of Hogyoku, and we get out. What do you say?"

Escape from this Hell? Fuck yes. But take Ichigo out there, into the real world where he could do anything to anyone and ruin his own life while he was at it? That was a different question entirely. The thing was, he had no chance of getting Ichigo off the drug in here. Out there, he just might be able to. In any case, he would be alot closer to saving him than he was now.

"Grimmjow?"

He shut his eyes, and let his head fall back against the headboard.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo pressed.

"Yes. I'll help you."

Ichigo smiled. "Good." He stood. "Now I've got training, I'll see you later."

Grimmjow watched him cross the room. The door shut.

He leaned over the edge of the bed and fished out another bottle.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thank you, thank you, thank you for the kind, level-headed, well thought out reviews! You give me confidence and I REALLY appreciate the support I've been shown. I hope you all know how much I appreciate the time and thought you put into your words. <em>**

**_Thanks again,_**

_**Riza**_.


	26. Chapter 26

**Three weeks later. **

"I still can't move you to a soft cast yet," Szayel concluded. "How's your finger movement?"

His patient had his head turned to the side. The scientist got the impression not a word had gone in.

"Grimmjow?" He slowly turned to face his brother. Szayel could see his eyes were unfocussed. "Are you high?"

"What? No," Grimmjow denied and slid off the table. He stumbled and caught the edge, swallowing hard.

"Hell, Grimmjow. Get back on the exam table. I want to run some blood tests, an EKG."

"No."

"Aizen needs you alive, and at this rate you're going to kill yourself."

"Fuck you." But he fell against a cart of tools as he tried to leave. Szayel caught him around the shoulders and glared at him. "You're drunk too. Do you ever sober up these days?"

"Fuck off prick." He was hauled back onto the table. Szayel began undoing his shirt.

"Ichigo still throwing you around?" he questioned when he saw fresh bruises on his abdomen. "I'm surprised he hasn't tired of you and done you in yet."

"Shut up!" Grimmjow heaved off the table again, barely managing to stand. On top of the drunkenness, his utter exhaustion didn't help him stay steady.

"Tell me, Grimmjow, when's the last time you were sober?"

"Hm? How many weeks since Aizen turned Kurosaki into a motherfucking robot?"

"Nearly a month. So you're saying for nearly four weeks you've been on a steady diet of alcohol and pills? Not to mention the cigarettes you reek of. I'm admitting you Grimmjow, until you sober up."

"Yeah, as if." He tried to leave but Szayel caught him.

"Like I said, it's my job to keep you alive and at this rate, with that heart of yours, you won't last long. You're weak as shit, Grimmjow."

"AH!" Rage gripped him, Grimmjow swung, missed, hit the ground and promptly threw up.

Szayel watched him collapse completely. "I'll get a bed ready."

* * *

><p>"What the Hell, I thought he was just in here for a check-up on his ticker," Ichigo yelled over Grimmjow's bed. The latter was unconscious.<p>

"He came in here drunk and stoned and frankly I don't think he's slept in days," Szayel relpied calmly, "He passed out. I took the opportunity to run some tests."

"And?"

"And he needs to sober up and stay that way. And if you want to keep him alive, you need to stop beating him up."

"I'm not."

"Then I really pity him for what you do to him at night." A hand clenched around his throat and Szaeyl was lifted part way off his feet. "Hey, it's not my fault you can't control the power Aizen gave you."

He was dropped, staggering a bit but maintaining his composure.

Ichigo shook out his hands and also tried to appear calm, though his eyes remained narrowed in anger. "I don't lose control."

"You do, and I'm not sure why Grimmjow has decided to give up and take your shit."

"We have an understanding."

"I assume that understanding is that you keep breaking in here to stock him up on as much pain pills and anti-anxiety meds as he wants and in return he does whatever you ask him to."

Ichigo didn't answer but Szayel knew he'd hit the mark.

"He should know better, and being the son of a doctor, you should too. Those meds were supposed to keep him stable. He's abused them, they won't work right now."

"He'll be fine."

"I doubt it. But I'll let you know when he's ready to go back to his room."

"Don't bother, I'll get him in the morning."

"He's won't be ready—" Ichigo grabbed the front of Szayel's shirt.

"I said, I'll get him in the morning."

He let him go and gave Grimmjow another glance before storming out of the room.

* * *

><p>"Yo Grimmjow, snap out of it." Fingers clicked before glassy eyes. Grimmjow was waking up, but slowly.<p>

"Ichigo?" He rolled onto his side, feeling a dry pressure in his stomach. "I think I'm gonna throw up."

"Shit." The garbage can was shoved next to the bed but it ended up just being dry heaves. When he was done, Grimmjow rolled onto his back, eyes watering and head spinning. "What the Fuck happened?"

"You passed out during your check up for your arm. _Yesterday_."

"I was asleep all day?" He sat up. "And he released me?"

"I didn't give him much choice." Grimmjow looked up at Ichigo. He was standing over the bed, hands in pocket, a scowl on his face.

"What?"

"Says if you keep it up you'll kill yourself."

"Fuck him." Grimmjow rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom. "I'm fine." But he found the counter empty and spun on Ichigo. "Where the hell are they?"

"Don't look at me. You took them all yesterday." Grimmjow frowned. Had he? He didn't remember. "Do you even know what you've taken?"

"What difference does it make to you?"

"Well you're no good to me dead."

"Fuck you and all." Grimmjow made to shove past him but his wrist was caught and he was spun into the wall. The impact stunned him. He blinked several times. Ichigo held his wrists and leaned in.

"You are slowly committing suicide and I don't appreciate that. It makes me think you want out of our deal."

"I ain't going back on the deal."

"Then prove it. Sober the fuck up!"

"Just let me go."

"Not until you agree."

"Shit, Ichigo." He tried to jerk away. "I feel horrible."

"You feel sober," he corrected. "You've just forgotten what it feels like to see the world clearly."

"I don't want to see it clearly!" He managed to shoved off the wall but was shoved back twice as hard. The wind rushed from his lungs. He inhaled sharply and flinched away when Ichigo pulled back his fist. "Ichigo don't!"

Grimmjow waited for the strike, but it didn't come. Instead the teen shook out his hand and let Grimmjow go.

Grimmjow panted against the wall for a moment before getting up the will to cross the few feet to the bed. He collapsed on it.

Ichigo joined him.

"Not now," he groaned into the pillow. But a persistent hand ran over his back. "Ichigo I feel sick."

"I thought this is what you wanted."

"Just not now."

Ichigo didn't stop. Grimmjow shoved his hand away. "Ichigo quit it."

His wrist was caught. Grimmjow stilled where he was feeling the pressure around the delicate joint. He rolled onto his side so he could face Ichigo who continued to hold him.

"I need something. To take the edge off. Then I'll feel better."

"No more pills. I want you off them."

"What? Just 'cause Szayel says—"

"Not because of that asshole. Because of you are fucking mess. Look at you. You're a disgrace of your former self."

"And who's fault is that?"

Ichigo's eyes narrowed. He sat on the bed next to Grimmjow and leaned in.

"What do you mean?"

Grimmjow shook his head. "Nevermind."

"No, what does that mean?" He yanked on Grimmjow's wrist and pulled him close. "You told me you wouldn't regret it. You told me this is what you wanted."

"Ichigo I just need something."

"No."

Ichigo pressed him down. Grimmjow shook his head.

"Ichigo, seriously, I need it."

"You're addicted."

"Yeah, no arguments here, that's why I need it!"

"This first."

"ICHIGO!"

Hot breath washed over him. Ichigo watched him a moment before pulling back.

"Shit. No fucking pills. Just the vodka." He backed off, went to a desk and unlocked the drawer and pulled out a bottle. "And take it easy, or your ticker might really quit."

Grimmjow took the bottle to the bathroom. He shut the door and leaned back against the sink while drinking deep, straight from the bottle. His hands shook. Fuck. He set the bottle down before he dropped it. He turned on the tap and wet his face. He just needed a second to compose himself—or decompose himself. He knocked it back, took in as much as he could before taking a breath. The first swigs had already taken effect. He let it run through his tense muscles, his overworking brain.

He dried his face and met his eyes in the mirror. His motions slowed. He dropped the towel and let the last rivulets of water run down his face—the face of a stranger.

Since when would someone like him let himself be in an abusive relationship? Since when did he just roll over and take it?

Since it cost him the use of one arm.

Since he couldn't defend himself.

Since he became so weak.

Ichigo turned up music beyond the door. The pounding beat made Grimmjow choke. It vibrated into his body, electrifying his frayed nerves. And out there the monster waited Ichigo—the boy he'd wanted to save so badly. The creature who'd reduced him to this.

"Grimmjow." The door swung open. Ichigo waited for him. Grimmjow didn't move. "Come on."

When Grimmjow still didn't move, he stepped inside. He took his shoulders and turned him around, away from the mirror. He held the side of his face, leaned in for a vodka flavoured kiss. But he withdrew and tasted something else along his lips, salty. Twin tears streaked Grimmjow's face.

"What now?"

But Grimmjow couldn't' speak. He was shattering from his very core, he was something he hated, something he didn't recognize. Ichigo was still holding his face when the tears came in earnest, when he broke into pieces and lost every ounce of resilience.

"Shit." Ichigo lowered his hands, but when Grimmjow began to fall he caught him.

Grimmjow's head bowed into his chest, a tentative hand came up to hold onto his shirt.

"Damn." Ichigo swore again, but his arms closed around Grimmjow's shaking frame and held him until his legs gave and he passed out.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Bit short, sorry. Try to make it longer next time.<em>**

**_Riza_**


	27. Chapter 27

"You look like shit."

Grimmjow looked up from where he sat on the frozen ground of the courtyard. Eyes still red from last night, there was no hiding the newest well of tears in him.

"Geeze."

"Shut up, Halibel." He sucked back hard on his cigarette, burning it up in one last go. He was still puffing out that breath when he pulled out the next.

"You're chain smoking now? You really are addicted to everything."

"Fuck off."

"I was sent to bring you inside."

"Why?"

"Because you've been out here for four hours and haven't moved. You'll freeze to fucking death in your condition."

"My condition? You mean the _human_ condition?"

"Yes, I do."

He let out another puff of smoke. "Halibel, is it possible to feel on Hogyoku?"

"Of course I feel."

"I mean emotions. When I was on it the first time, I felt nothing. I cared about nothing."

"Why? You think Ichigo gives a shit about you?"

"I cried all night last night. He was so angry, but he just...let me sleep," he admitted without hesitation. Nothing could really get worse from this point. "Do you think there's a chance he's more human?"

"Not really." He shut his eyes, warm streaks running down his face. He heard her sigh.

"Grimmjow look at me." He did. "You were on Hogyoku for a few months. I've been on it for years. It's not the same as the first. We are not what you think."

"Please...tell me there is something left in you, something human."

She watched him carefully, then held out her hand.

All his childhood she had held out that hand, to pull him up when she knocked him down. Because she still cared, because she was still his older sister. But never, since the day she'd been injected, had she helped him up.

Until today.

She pulled him to his feet and held his frozen form by both shoulders. "I will never be who I was before, but I'm not empty like you think I am. Stark and I...we've been on it longest. I don't know if it's a difference of time or personality, but right around the time we lost you, I started realizing there were some things I still cared about. But just a little bit, Grimmjow, just a whisper of what I know I should feel."

"But it's something." His voice shook.

She nodded. "Let's just get inside."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow washed the last tears from his face and looked himself over in the mirror.<p>

"Better?" Halibel handed him a towel.

"No." He ran the towel over his face. "But thank you." They moved back into the rest of her room and sat on her couch. "I have to ask you something."

"What?"

"Do you remember your mother?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about her."

"Father says I could be her. We look just alike. She was strong, intelligent. She was a lawyer, independent, fearless."

"She's dead isn't she?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Her car went off the road. No evidence of why."

"You know it was Aizen right?"

"I had my suspicions."

"What about Stark. He's knows, doesn't he?"

"It's different with him. He was the first."

Grimmjow considered this. "Did Aizen stay with them?"

"Yes. If had any really affection for someone, it was Stark's mother. They were a family, even when I was born. But when Stark turned five, and Aizen began implementing his plans..."

"He killed her."

"Or sent her away, I'm not sure which. We've never spoken of it."

"It's true for all of us. He killed our mothers and took us."

"I don't think the others know."

"How could they not?"

"We never discussed it, did we? I only know about your mother's death because you sobbed about it all the time when you first came here."

"I did?"

"Yes. Until Aizen took you away again."

"He made me forget?"

"I guess. You said nothing about it when you returned."

He swept a hand through his hair. "Halibel, this has to end."

"What are you talking about?"

"We should kill Aizen."

She went rigid. "Grimmjow!"

"I mean it. There's enough of us. Ichigo would help, I'm sure of it. Then I'm sure Szayel could replicate the doses."

"You idiot." He fell off the couch from her strike. "How could you say such things?" She dragged him up by the front of his shirt.

"Halibel!"

But she leaned in close. "It's one thing to talk about our mothers," she whispered lower than anyone else could hear, "but what do you think would happen if Aizen overheard us plotting his demise?"

He understood, but it still hurt when he was hurled from the room and rebounded into the wall. He collapsed back on the carpet before she even slammed the door all the way shut.

"Shit." He sat slowly, his arm had struck and throbbed. But he got back to his feet and moved down the hall toward the training room. He'd fucked up with Halibel, but maybe he would do better with Stark.

Unfortunately, it was Yammy he ran into. The other hadn't spoken to him in weeks. He had given him a helping hand that day in the common room, but now his older brother was in a seething rage. Grimmjow tried to side step him but Yammy moved right into his path.

"What?" Grimmjow asked, knowing this couldn't end well. Yammy was covered in injuries, chest still heaving in combined exhaustion and rage.

"You're fucking boyfriend."

Grimmjow attempted to remain cool. "I take it he beat you in training."

"He's a fucking prick!" Yammy grabbed Grimmjow by the front of the shirt. His voice growled out low. "I can't imagine what it's like to sleep with him."

"FUCK OFF!" Grimmjow ripped from his hold but was back handed hard. "Yammy stop!" he hollered when he was hit again and fell into the wall.

"You got no protection now, asshole!"

"I'm still your fucking brother."

"Really?" He was hauled from behind and back toward the gym. "Then prove it." Yammy shoved him face first through the door and he rolled over the floor. "Because my real brother could face me in a fight, despite the difference in our sizes." He was yanked up again, Yammy looked in his face. "Have you been fucking crying?"

Grimmjow's face burned with anger and shame. He narrowed his eyes, staring his brother down. "Is it really that version of me you miss?"

"Yes."

He fell back from the blow, completely stunned and spat blood. "Fuck."

"Stand the fuck up and face me."

He got to hands and knees. Then the rest of the way, rubbing out his jaw as he stood. He saw there was no reasoning with his brother. He had shown his feelings to Halibel, but he had to be steel with Yammy. Even though he had no hope of winning this fight, he raised his fists—one still in a cast.

"Fine. If that's what you really want, I'll fight you."

* * *

><p>Ichigo sauntered out of the kitchen, his victory over Yammy still pumping in his veins. He munched on the apple he'd snagged and on his way to his victory prize who was hopefully already in the room and ready for an early night.<p>

He grinned at the prospect.

And then he heard the scream.

He was used to Grimmjow's screams, to some extent, but this told of pain far worse than Ichigo had ever inflicted.

He ran.

"Shit! I'll take you to fucking Szayel." Yammy was saying where he stood over someone. Ichigo felt his breath quicken as he heard a noise of utter agony, edging on disbelief in Grimmjow. He still couldn't see him, past the hulking form.

"What did you do?" The words came out with absolute rage, and Yammy turned, just seeing him now.

Then Ichigo saw the damage.

He'd beaten the shit out of Grimmjow, but that wasn't why he was on the floor gasping in agony: his cast was split open and blood poured out past the fractured plaster.

"You bastard!" Ichigo dropped to his knees next to Grimmjow, trying to inspect the damage, but it was clear he'd be stuck hard in his broken arm, the cast had spilt along with his bone. Either the plaster had cut into his skin or the bone was cutting out. In either case, Grimmjow needed help fast. "Ichigo..." he got out between strained teeth. The hollow teen put a hand on his forehead.

"Don't move, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow nodded. He swallowed hard, trying to hold himself together. For a moment Ichigo's hand slid from his forehead, down the side of his face, and he thought the teen was himself again. He saw those brown eyes from long ago, staring down on him when he'd been hurt, or depressed. He wanted that again—after so long of being pissed off at how it made him feel weak—he just wanted to have that kid back, to have him bend down and hold him tight.

But he wasn't that kid, and even though he whispered to Grimmjow to lie still, to hold on, what dominated those eyes was rage. And when he turned, Grimmjow knew he what he was going to do.

"Wait, Ichigo—" Grimmjow wasn't heard. Nothing penetrated his rage.

"BASTARD!" Yammy was strong, but he had nothing on Ichigo. Grimmjow could only lay on his back and watch as Ichigo broke his brother's nose, his jaw.

"Stop!" Grimmjow screamed when Yammy went down. when Ichigo sat on his chest and kept pounding. "ICHIGO!" He was in agony, but he was watching him kill his brother. Yammy wasn't moving, Ichigo was still hitting. "STOP!"  
>Finally, Ichigo did. He stood, shaking blood from his fist and breathing hard. His face was specked with blood, his bloodied fist was undoubtedly broken. He was an animal, he was terrifying, but he turned away from the man he'd destroyed and moved back over to Grimmjow.<p>

"Come here."

He bent down and got Grimmjow's arm laying across his chest before pulling him up and taking him to the medical ward.

* * *

><p>"Give him something for the fucking pain!"<p>

"I have," Szayel answered the maddened teen. "Just back off so I can do my job."

Grimmjow was shaking where he sat in the bed, his arm on a table as Szayel removed the pieces of plaster and revealed the damage. Mercifully, the bone wasn't out of the skin. It had been the plaster that had cut him, but the swelling was bad and the pain of the second fracture was enough to leave Grimmjow near faint.

"I thought I warned you about being rough on him," Szayel commented.

"What? I didn't do this to him."

The scientist stopped and looked him over. "You're covered in blood and those knuckles look broken."

"Yeah, that's cause I beat the fucker who did this."

"Who?"

But they were interrupted as the double doors banged open and Yammy was pushed in on a stretcher by Ulquiorra and Stark. Halibel came behind them but immediately went to a sink to begin washing up, knowing one would not be enough in the surgery today.

"We found him in the training room," Ulquiorra said. "He is unresponsive."

"Shit." Szayel left Grimmjow for his newest patient and half recoiled at the damage. He turned back to Ichigo. "You did this?"

The others looked up at this.

"You're a fucking animal," Halibel breathed when she got closer.

"We have to take care of this now," Szayel urged.

"What about Grimmjow?" Ichigo protested.

"This is your fucking fault. Grimmjow will have to wait."

"Screw Yammy! He—"

"ENOUGH!" The doors clanked open again. Everyone stopped, seeing Aizen. He marched in and scanned them all, as if he was putting the story together just by what he saw. Eventually, his gaze settled on Ichigo.

"You tried to murder my son."

"He fucked up your other one."

"You have taken a soldier out of operating order. You have weakened my operation. You have betrayed me." He stepped closer with every word.

"Yeah, well, Fuck you, Aizen."

The blow came faster than anyone could see. Ichigo fell back into a metal table, half stunned. He pulled himself up but another blow came just as fast and hard.

Strike after strike—Aizen's speed beath Ichigo every time. The teen kept rising until he couldn't anymore.

"You're killing him!" Grimmjow cried, forgetting every blow he'd taken from Ichigo and seeing only the teen being destroyed before him. "Aizen stop, please!"

"Don't move," Szayel warned him. "You're hand."

"He's going to kill him!"

"Halibel." Grimmjow was fighting Szayel's restraining arm, but on his other side a sharp pain brought his attention to her. He just caught sight of the syringe and knew what happened. He felt the weight of the sedative at once.

"Stop..."

He went unheard, and Aizen didn't end it until Ichigo was face down on the ground, barely breathing. Then he withdrew, wiped his knuckles on a cloth and looked to Szayel. "You have a busy night ahead of you."

"Indeed." Szayel let go of Grimmjow who sagged back on the bed but before he fell unconscious Halibel leaned into him.

"_That _is why we will never be able to kill our father."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Yes, I know I'm being so mean to our boys...please stick with it!<em> **

_**Thanks**_,

**_Riza_**


	28. Chapter 28

"Don't move." A hand fell against his chest. Sedative heavy eyes slowly parted.

"Szayel?"

"Seriously, don't move." Grimmjow obeyed but his eyes wandered down his body to where his brother's hands were busy.

"Shit what are you doing?"

"Making sure I don't have to cut your arm off." His arm was fixed to a table before him. There was no cast around it, instead thick steel needles protruded from his arm. Szayel must have numbed the limb because he felt nothing.

"What the Hell?"

"You had a terrible break, Grimmjow, nerve damage, everything. I did what I could to put it back together but you won't be able to move it at all for a while. These pins are holding everything in place. There." He finished and withdrew. "Like I said, don't move. It needs to remain stable."

"Shit." Grimmjow swallowed, looking around the ward. Ichigo was nowhere to be seen. Yammy was on a ventilator next to him.

"Brain hemorrhage. About fifty percent chance of recovery," Szayel answered the unspoken question.

"Damn. Where's Ichigo?"

"With Aizen. I wouldn't expect to see him any time soon."

"Damn." He just swore again.

"I thought you'd be happy."

"Yeah," Grimmjow sighed. "Me too. But I don't want to think what he's doing to the kid."

"That's how we all feel about you, Grimmjow, when Ichigo's got you in your room." This brought Grimmjow's attention back around.

"And yet, you all let it happen."

"Yes. Our feelings on the matter are irrelevant if Father orders it."

"Fuck him."

"Don't say that too loudly."

"What? What do I really have left to lose, Szayel?" He shut his eyes. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"I'm frankly surprised you've lasted this long." His brother moved to his IV.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you through the next few days."

"You're putting me under?"

"Might as well, otherwise you'll probably move around and fuck up all my work."

* * *

><p>"Wake up beautiful."<p>

This time it was ten times harder to escape the bonds of sleep. He opened his eyes to a bruised and swollen face but Ichigo smiled down on him.

"There you are."

"Shit, how long was I out?"

"A couple days."

"Dammit." He sat with Ichigo's help. He felt the dead weight at his side and saw his arm had been moved to a cast. His face tightened at the sight of his swollen, discoloured fingers.

"It'll get better," Ichigo read his thoughts.

"I hope so."

"Come on, we're going back."

"What?" He looked Ichigo over. He was beat to shit, one hand wrapped tight, cuts and bruises everywhere. "I can't leave and you look like you should be in a bed too."

"Nah, no rest for the wicked. Aizen's been running me ragged since my disobedience as punishment. But he's out for a few days now, so let's go back."

"But Szayel said—"

"I won't move your arm, I know. Szayel gave me a run down."  
>"Oh, okay then."<p>

Ichigo carefully put his arm in a sling and got him in a wheel chair, and took him to their room. Grimmjow was a bit uneasy but let Ichigo set him up in bed where he propped up pillows to rest Grimmjow's arm. He was supposed to keep it elevated whenever possible.

Grimmjow was still sore from the beating he'd taken, and Ichigo looked like his own wounds were fresh, Aizen must still have been punishing him.

"You okay?" Ichigo asked.

"Yeah. Well, I mean, Ichigo I can't—"

"Relax, I didn't bring you here to fuck you, not today anyway." He sat on the bed and pulled his shirt off. The abuse covered every inch of his skin. Grimmjow winced at seeing the deep discolouration along his ribs, some places the skin cut open as if he'd been kicked. The teen let out a long breath that betrayed his true discomfort. Ichigo smiled. "As you can see, I'm not really up to it either." He lay down next to Grimmjow. "Night."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow woke early. He'd been awake for much of the night and only caught a few hours before dawn. Just before the sun came up, he woke with a start, not sure what nightmare had just assaulted him, but his heart beat calmed, and he turned to the side to regard the sleeping form next to him.<p>

Ichigo. He looked himself when asleep. Features relaxed, that innocence returned to them, that youthful face he had come to expect every time he needed help. What a fool he'd been, to think it had all been chance—to believe he could ever get out from under the thumb of his father.

"I'm sorry, kid," he whispered. Ichigo slept on. Grimmjow watched him until he drifted again.

* * *

><p>"You're up early."<p>

"No, it's past noon," Grimmjow answered, never looking up from his task. He had figured out where Aizen kept stores of hogyoku. The problem was he needed a combination to the room. His best bet was constructing the small camera he worked on now, in order to see someone punch in the combo.

"You got up by yourself?"

"I'm not completely useless," he replied, ignoring the fact that it had been a struggle for him to get himself up and to his desk where he now worked. Ichigo watched him use tweezers to line up two electrodes. When he succeeded, he leaned back and took a drink of clear liquid from a glass.

"Just noon and you're drinking already?"

"You took me from the ward without the pain meds I was on, sue me."

"Oh, I'll get some for you."

"Thanks."

"Nice look," Ichigo commented, seeing Grimmjow's open, unbuttoned shit.

Grimmjow looked down at his shirt and sighed. He tried to push the buttons back in one handed with little success. This earned a laugh from Ichigo.

"Shut up." Grimmjow shot but Ichigo moved across the room and took over, buttoning him up. When he got to his collar, he smoothed it down and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. Grimmjow watched him carefully, waiting for more, a rough hungry kiss like he usually received before Ichigo left for the day, but he saw something different in his features. Was it pity? Could it possibly be guilt? Or was it something else?

But Ichigo withdrew and turned away and the brief moment was gone.

"I'll get your pills, and some food."

"Okay."

He left.

Ichigo did not come back.

* * *

><p>It was Szayel who opened the door. Grimmjow had assumed Ichigo meant he'd be back soon but when hours passed he guessed he was going to have to wait all day for his medication and something to eat. But around dinner time the door opened.<p>

"Szayel." He covered the materials on his desk with a magazine. "What is it?"

"I want to take a look at your arm."

"Oh."

Szayel got him in the wheel chair and took him to the ward.

"You shouldn't have been released."

"I had as much choice as you in the matter."

"Yeah...well, we might have a little more control soon."

"What's that mean?"

"Nothing."

"No, really Szayel."

"Grimmjow, be more concerned about yourself." Szayel took his arm and stretched it out over a table. This mere movement sent shivering pain through Grimmjow.

"FUCK!"

"You also could have had painkillers here."

"Screw you."

"Don't move." Szayel began his tests, poking Grimmjow's fingers, looking for reaction and frowning when Grimmjow gave none at certain times. He felt his stomach knot.

"Is it bad? Will it heal?"

"It's too early to tell. The swelling is probably still too bad for you to feel much."

But Grimmjow didn't feel reassured.

When he was done, Szayel adjusted Grimmjow's sling, holding his arm up against his chest and shoulder to give it more support.

"There. You _really_ can't move it around much, okay?"

"I know. Pills?"

Szayel handed him a limited amount of pain meds but a new bottle of anxiety pills. "You can't fuck them up this time," he warned. "It's very hard to get the proper dose figured out the first time, let alone a second. Try taking one a day and we'll take it from there."

"Okay. Hey, Szayel."

"Yeah?"

"Is Yammy going to live?"  
>"There is still too much swelling on his brain. If that doesn't stop, he'll die."<p>

"Oh."

He left with a cold pit in his stomach. He was slow making his way back, shaken by both his and his brother's dismal prospects of healing. He was just passing the gym when he noticed blood on the door, as if someone had had blood on their hands when pulling it open.

He knew it wasn't uncommon, but it still caught his attention for some reason and he pushed inside.

"Shit..." the room was a wreck, wracks of training equipment spilled all over the place, wooden swords were broken. Weights had rolled from their cart. "What the Hell happened in here?"  
>"Revenge." The voice startled him, he turned on the spot. "For Yammy."<p>

Ichigo was propped on the floor at the back wall. One of the broken swords lay next to him and a large amount of blood seeped from his side where one hand was pressed. The rest of him was utterly beaten, he'd already been in terrible shape but this was something else again.

"Ichigo, no." Grimmjow moved to him, seeing not the man who'd controlled him for the last few weeks but the boy who's stood to defend him in that alley, or stitched him back together in the clinic. "Dammit, it's bad."

"I'll live."

"Will you? Shit, there's alot of blood. Who did this?"

"All of them."

"What?"

"They knew I was weak, ganged up on me 'cause of what I did to Yammy."

"I'll take you to Szayel."

"He'll probably finish the job. Just get me back to the room."

"Okay."

It was a hell of a struggle, Grimmjow was hardly in any shape to support Ichigo but they managed it. Ichigo stifled a cry when Grimmjow dropped him on the bed. He got a pair of scissors and began cutting Ichigo's shirt off. The wound was awful. Someone had broken the sword to create a jagged point and left a rough and deep cut full of splinters in his side.

"Is this the worst wound?"

Ichigo nodded.

"Alright. I'm going to get these splinters out first." He set to work, washing the wound first, revealing deep bruising under the blood. Then he got his tweezers from the desk, moved the lamp so it better illuminated the slivers and began the tedious task of pulling out each one.

Ichigo was shaking. It was the first time since his transformation that Grimmjow had seen any sign of real pain in him, even after Aizen beat him. He gave him a pain pill. It encouraged sleep and his patient passed out while he was stitching him up. He had some first-aid materials in the bathroom, enough to stitch and bandage the worst cuts. There was another long one down Ichigo's back, a scrape from the wooden blade, he patched this as well once he managed to get Ichigo onto his stomach. He needed to wrap his ribs but Ichigo would have to help him with that. He felt exhausted in the aftermath, everything he did was difficult with only one arm. He hadn't eaten all day so when he sat back at his desk and took a swig, it hit hard.

"Shit." But he stood. He had a short window to act on this. He was careful to lock the door behind him, in case someone went for Ichigo when he was down. Then he found them, where he expected, in Halibel's room.

"So, revenge for Yammy," he said shutting the door behind him. "You only need revenge if you give a damn."

"Yammy is one of us," Halibel answered for them all. "Ichigo is not."

"We thought you would be relieved," Szayel said.

"Relieved? He's a high school kid who's been beaten to Hell!"

"He's the man who—"

"Don't!" Grimmjow turned on Ulquiorra. "I know exactly who he is. This version of him is not the real Ichigo. This is temporary."

"Temporary? You realize in a few more weeks he'll have heart failure and be just like us. He'll never be able to go back."

"I know."

Halibel narrowed her eyes. "You mean to escape with him?"

"Of course I fucking want to. But that doesn't mean I can."

"Why did you come here, Grimmjow?"

"If you really want Ichigo out of the picture, you'll help me."

"Help you escape?"

"Yes."

"Never."

"Then screw up his dose while Aizen is away. Help me take him off Hogyoku."

This met silence. "It would be risking his life," Stark warned.

"I'll risk it."

"He could become unbalanced like you," Szayel said.

"I'll risk that too."

"It's still a betrayal to father," Ulquiorra intervened. "We won't do it."

Grimmjow scanned all their faces, but saw they too, would inevitably back down from any treasonous thoughts.

"Fine. But answer one last question. If there was a way to kill Aizen for sure, with no risk, and you'd have your freedom, would you take it?"

"ENOUGH!" He was back handed by Ulquiorra and got no help from the others when the next hit was a full punch and he fell against the door. The pain that shot through his arm made him see black and he slid to the floor.

"Get out," Ulquiorra warned him. Grimmjow worked his eyes up to him and when the crippling pain lessened, he stood and opened the door.

"Ulquiorra. You and I are closest in age. I loved you."

"Get out."

"It was only me that you told about your nightmares, about the woman in white staining red. You know that was your mother, right?"

"I said—"

"You know Aizen killed her, probably in front of you. And then he made you forget, just like my mother, just like all of your mothers."

Ulquiorra put a hand on his chest.

"Do not speak of this again." He was shoved into the hall and the door slammed shut. Grimmjow let out a long breath, knowing he could have come out of this a lot worse than a bloody nose.

* * *

><p>"You never stop playing your games," Ichigo whispered when Grimmjow sat down on the bed next to him. "You're a manipulator, Grimmjow."<p>

"I'll take that as a compliment," he sighed and lay back. "We need to bandage your ribs."

"In the morning."

"Okay."

"I'm surprised."

"What?"

"That you didn't finish me off. That you helped me."

"I'm trying save you, Ichigo. If you died, that would kind of ruin my plans."

"I know you'll try to get me off Hogyoku once we're alone."

"Of course I will."

"I also know, it will never happen, so I'm okay with letting you believe it."

"How generous of you."

"But you should accept it, Grimmjow. You'd be happier."

"And here I didn't think you cared," he jibed.

"I would rather not have to listen to you bitch for the rest of our lives."

"The rest of our lives? You really don't think you'll move on at some point?"

"Never." The word chilled Grimmjow. "It's you and only you Grimmjow. My sole desire since waking up."

"That's not creepy at all."

"I'm just being honest. What was it for you? What was the one thing you wanted when you were on Hogyoku?"

"Freedom. I loved my father, and devotion should have been it, the one thing I felt, but I wanted to be free. I didn't understand that though, so I was just angry."

"I'll give you freedom, Grimmjow. I'll take you far away."

"But I can never leave you. So I won't really be free."

"Would you? If we escaped and were far away and I gave you the choice, what would you do? If you knew it was the last time you'd see me, and you'd never have another chance to save me, would you go?"

Grimmjow was struck by the question, by the answer that came to him so quickly he couldn't pretend to hesitate. And when he didn't answer, he felt the smile he couldn't see in the dark.

"That's what I thought. We're together forever, Grimmjow, so get used to it."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow got up early and finished his camera before day break. As soon as it was done he slipped from the room and down dark halls to the locked room where supplies of Hogyoku were kept. This was easy enough, he'd made a magnetic key card to override the door and got inside without a sound. Then it was just a matter of positioning the micro-sized camera where it would see the combination but also remain hidden. He did his best to mask it and left just at the sun was lighting the high windows in the corridor.<p>

"Where were you?" Ichigo was just sitting up in the bed.

"Putting our plan in motion."

"Oh."

"Your ribs." Grimmjow picked up the cloth strips he'd cut the night before. They worked in silence, Ichigo having to do most of it himself. Then he lay back.

"Shit."

"You're beat to Hell, just rest."

"And show them I'm weak?"

"What does it matter now? We'll be gone soon."

"And when the Hogyoku runs out?"

"What?"

"Well, what then? I know you aren't planning for the long term, but I am."

"Then that's your problem."

"Then I won't leave."

"Fuck off, why didn't you bring this up sooner? You really want to be Aizen's bitch forever?"

"No."

"Then we'll figure something out."

"No we won't because you don't want to. If I wait until my heart fails, you'll have to help me."

Grimmjow watched him carefully. "No. Ichigo, it's too risky. Look what's already happened to us in the time we've been here. In another few weeks, I'd probably lose my arm completely and they might even kill you."

Ichigo considered this. There was a bit of a risk involved. "Then we get Hogyoku replicated once we're gone."

Grimmjow tensed. "Urahara?"

"No. My father."

"What?"

"We go to my father and make him replicate it."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Interpol tampered with his memories."

"He'll figure it out, he did once before."

"What if...you hurt him? I mean, would you hurt him?"

"Not if he did what I want."

"He's your father. Ichigo, do you have any feelings for your family anymore?"

"Not that I'm aware of," he said nonchalantly. "Now come join me in bed and we'll celebrate our impending freedom."

Grimmjow just shook his head. "I'm getting something to eat."

Ichigo made a frustrated noise, unable to control Grimmjow in his current state, but Grimmjow didn't hear. His mind was on the future now, and what might happen to Ichigo's family when he showed up demanding a drug that would make him a monster forever.

* * *

><p><em><strong>As always, thanks for the reviews! Super happy to have hit 200! <strong>_

_***Please note: I was made aware of an error in Chapter 3/4. I totally forgot a scene which was actually pretty important: it is the first time Ichigo witnesses Grimmjow's depression. I feel very silly for having missed it when I uploaded those chapters and so I have gone back and included it at the beginning of chapter 4. Sorry for any confusion! Thanks to Cici000 for bringing this to my attention.**_

_**Also, if anyone is current on the manga or just loves zombies, I posted another chapter in "Beginnings" about a Soul Society Zombie Apocalypse.**_

**_Riza_**


	29. Chapter 29

Grimmjow got the combination three days later. Ichigo was much more mobile, Hogyoku had worked amazingly to heal him even faster that Grimmjow had thought possible. He was back in the position of weakness, especially since his arm was out of commission. He tried to keep focussed on escape, but he couldn't stop worrying about what would happen after they got away and how he would stop Ichigo from harming his own family.

He started getting chest pains. He popped back pills. He washed them down with vodka. When Ichigo noticed, took his pills again. So Grimmjow turned to cigarettes. Ichigo took those too.

"I need you sober today," Ichigo said when he found Grimmjow fighting with the locked desk drawer to which only Ichigo had a key. Ichigo slid a hand over his bare shoulders still warm from the shower Grimmjow had just left. Grimmjow stopped what he was doing and faced the teen.

"I hope you're ready," Ichgio whispered, "We're doing this today. We're making our break. You get the Hogyoku. I get the guns."

"You got the combo for the gun locker?"

"Yup. You're not the only one who's been busy. Come on." He helped Grimmjow get his arm through through a t-shirt and fixed his sling. "We'll take Gin's car, it's the closest to the doors. And then we don't stop."

"They'll track us to Karakura."

"We'll give them the run around. We won't go there directly."

"Fine. So where do we meet?"

"Kitchen, it's the closest common area to the doors. You good to go?"

Grimmjow glanced around the room, checking for anything he might need. "Can I have my pills?"

"I'll keep them. Let's go."

They went their separate ways. Grimmjow's heart was racing. He knew he might be signing himself over to a life with Ichigo's dark side, but he couldn't stay here, he had to risk it all if he wanted even a fraction of a chance of saving either of them

It was surprisingly easy to get the drugs. He used his a magnetic strip to trip the lock to the door, then input the combo on the safe inside. He pulled out a case of vials and syringes and one device like his own in his arm. That was what Ichigo would want first, then Isshin would have to start replicating it. But hopefully they could get him off Hogyoku before it got to that point.

Ichigo met him in the kitchen. It went smoothly right up to the main doors.

That was where Gin Ichimaru was waiting for them, gun in hand.

"Boys. Did you think it would be so easy?"

"No." Ichigo raised his own gun.

"Now, Ichigo, if you leave, you'll just have to turn back around and come back in a day when you need your next dose."  
>So he didn't know they'd stolen the doses. This was good.<p>

"Out my way." Ichigo shoved Grimmjow sideways and out the line of fire while he himself went straight at Gin. A bullet ripped through Ichigo's ear, but he never slowed and Gin staggered with a return shot to the shoulder. He wasn't out of this fight, however. He was enhanced too, after all, but he was outnumbered.

Both Ichigo and Gin fired again, and both missed, but in that time, Grimmjw came at Gin from the side and kicked out the side of his knee. He crashed to the ground and next thing the butt of Ichigo's gun struck him square in the side of the head. He collapsed limp and unmoving.

Icghio raised his gun, apparently intending to put a permanent end to Gin Ichimaru. Grimmjow didn't really mind, but before the trigger was pulled, Ichigo's gun went flying. He drew his hand back sharply and Grimmjow could see a weeping wound through his palm. He traced the shot backwards, looking for the shooter.

"SHIT!"

Stark stood at the top of the main stair case, gun raised for the next shot.

"Don't shoot!" Grimmjow moved before Ichigo. "Stark please."

"Grimmjow." Ichigo tried to shove him aside but he held fast. "Ichigo he'll kill you."

"I'll just cripple him, so he can't run," Stark corrected.

"Think this through," Grimmjow urged. "Let us go. Ichigo misses his dose and you're top spot again."

"It's a betrayal."

"No one but us will know."

He watched his brother think it through, the temptation strong. But that deeply ingrained loyalty won out.

"Sorry Grimmjow."

"No!" The shot went off, Ichigo's hands were on him, but not in time. The bullet cut like a knife through Grimmjow's hip. He collapsed to the floor, trying to cover he wound with one hand.

"Mother fucker!" Grimmjow looked up to see Ichigo roll for his gun again. He caught the absolute rage in his eyes, the same feral power that had nearly killed Yammy.

And now that fury driven speed and accuracy put a bullet in his oldest brother's skull.

"STARK!" Grimmjow watched him drop behind the rail. "Stark!" Ichigo had an arm under his waist hauling him up. Grimmjow tried in vain to shove away. "You fucking killed him!"

"Shut up." Ichigo snapped and pulled him out the main doors. He had a last glimpse of blood dripping from the top floor landing before they shut behind him again. His back hit a car. Ichigo was fumbling with keys between blood slicked fingers. He unlocked the car and took hold of Grimmjow again, shoving him in the back seat. He lay on his back, trying to staunch the wound while Ichigo got in the front.

"How bad is it?" Ichigo called back.

Blood gushed hot from beneath his hand, it was deep, but he knew he wasn't in serious danger: there were no arteries there, he'd be fine once it was stitched. But right now he wasn't feeling that pain, he was seeing Stark's head snap back, his body go rigid before disappearing behind the banister.

"Grimmjow?"

"I'm fine," he managed out eventually. "Just drive."

He couldn't save his brother, but if they got away, he might be able to save the teen from Karakura.

"Hold on."

Grimmjow couldn't see out the window from where he lay but his mind caught on to the danger when he remembered the iron gate that stood between them and freedom.

And he realized too late Ichigo intended to drive straight through it.

Glass shattered, metal screeched and Grimmjow pitched forward into the front seats with force enough to knock him out.

* * *

><p>It was dark. The car rumbled beneath him.<p>

"Grimmjow? Grimmjow are you awake?"

"Hmm?" His head dragged up from the seat. Everything hurt. He squinted to see the winshield intact. Confusion struck him.

"We switched vehicles a while back, and now it's time to switch again."

They slowed and Grimmjow sat when they came to a stop.

"Shit." His hip throbbed but the wound was covered.

"Temporary solution." Ichigo opened his door and hauled him out. Duct tape was patched over his wound and when the world righted itself Grimmjow noted some on Ichigo's hand as well. "Come on." Grimmjow was still trying to get steady but Ichigo kept and arm around him and got him leaned against the car he chose.

"Idiots." He muttered when he saw the key in the ignition and smashed the window.

"Where are we?" Grimmjow was squinting to make the neon sign of a nightclub clear.

"Far from Karakura. We'll find a motel or something soon, and patch ourselves up." He opened Grimmjow's door and he slid into the passenger seat, wincing. Ichigo got in and started them up again.

"Yo, Grimm, you with me?" He was sagged against the window.

"I think so."

"You hurt yourself when we hit the gate?"

"Just my head I think."

He turned to face Ichigo. One side of his face was cut from the crash, his ear had a hole through the top of it where Gin shot him. Despite the blood down his wrist he still gripped the steering wheel with his shot hand.

"How long have we been driving?"

"Ten hours or so."

"And no sign of Aizen?"

"No."

"I'm surprised."

"They didn't know we had hogyoku with us. They probably expected us back. Plus Aizen was out. I think we're clear."

Grimmjow nodded but swallowed hard and bent forward. "I'm gonna be sick."

Ichigo pulled over but not fast enough. Grimmjow heaved out the open door but the mess was already in the car.

"Shit, must be the concussion," Ichigo said. "There should be somewhere close, we'll just keep the windows down."

They drove a few more miles and pulled into a large hotel. "What do you think, Grimmjow?" Icing was the stronger, but it was Grimmjow who knew how to get by with no cash in the outside world.

"I got this." He pulled out the magnetic card still in his pocket. "It's how I got in the room with Hogyoku."

"Will it work in a hotel door?"

"We can try."

Ichigo parked the car a block down and they hobbled back to the hotel. It was big and fancy, but it was also late and they got into an elevator unseen. Ichigo hit the top floor, Grimmjow didn't question, but he did protest when they came to the suite.

"We should just take a regular room."

"No one will rent the big suite late at night, it's safer."

Grimmjow couldn't argue, he gave his card a try, the light flicked red then turned green.

"Bingo." Ichigo smiled and pushed inside.

It was an enormous room. One wall was entirely glass, looking down on the city below. There were couches and a t.v, a fireplace, what looked like a full bar with kitchenette and two silk sheeted king size beds. Grimmjow limped to the window and looked out on the lights below. He didn't even know where they were, but his eyes landed on a hospital that nearly matched the height of the hotel, it was just a block away and he squinted to read the name for a clue to where he was.

"Come here." Ichigo flicked on all the lights and leaned in to check out the bathroom. "Let's clean up."

Grimmjow found his eyes shutting where he sat on the toilet lid, listening to water fill the sink. He only opened them again when Ichigo lifted his arm from his sling and pulled his t-shirt off.

"That from the crash?" He pointed to a dark bruise on Grimmjow's sternum. He shrugged and Ichigo checked him for worse wounds. When he saw Grimmjow near sleep he gathered up what he needed.

"Maybe you should lay down for the hip."

Grimmjow sank onto soft sheets, utterly exhausted, from the pressure, the pain and injury, and the coil of dread building in him, thinking of their return to Karakura, what might happen to Ichigo's family when they went there. And worse, if Ichigo succeeded, and got himself on a long term supply of Hogyoku.

Then it would all be over, and he would have suffered this all for nothing.

He jerked when he felt hands on his pants.

"Easy, I need to get at the cut."

His jeans were pulled off, he still flinched when his boxers were lowered. Ichigo chuckled. "It's not like I haven't seen any of this before."  
>"Don't remind me." His voice was low, he lay on his side staring out at the lights as Ichigo worked the needle through his flesh. How many times had they been in the position? And yet how different it was now. A splash of cold stung against his skin and he flinched in pain but realized Ichigo was using vodka from the bar to sterilize the wound.<p>

"Here." He gave him a pill and let him swallow it back with vodka. When Grimmjow set the bottle on the bedside table and turned back, he found Ichigo leaning in close.

"We did it, Grimmjow. We're free."

"Ichigo..."

"It's our victory celebration." Their mouths met, Ichigo held Grimmjow tight with his wounded hand and as his kisses became harsher and more frantic his weight settled on Grimmjow, pushing him back down into the bed.

"No." Grimmjow gasped out, but he was already naked, he was already under him, and he had no escape. He'd let his guard down. "FUCK, Ichigo stop! I'm hurt!"

"You can handle it."

"Not tonight."

"Yes, tonight."

But Grimmjow brought both hand up to stop their lips connecting.

"STOP!"

"WHY?"

"Because you killed my fucking brother today!"

Ichigo froze above him. "Your brother refused to help you. Your brother betrayed you."

"He wasn't going to kill us. He couldn't!"

"You're stupider than I thought."

Grimmjow shoved Ichigo and the enhanced teen let sat back on the bed, allowing Grimmjow to roll free.

"You can't possibly give a shit about any of those assholes," he continued as Grimmjod struggled to stay on two feet with the wound in his hips. He made it to the center of the room, where there was a couch aimed at a big screen television. He collapsed against the back of it, holding himself there, back to Ichigo.

"Grimmjow," Ichigo got out of the bed now. "This is your reality now. You and me. It's time to forget anyone else."

"Just back off." Grimmjow's breath was short. His body rigid where he stood. When Ichigo's hand closed over his shoulder, he jerked away. "Don't touch me!"

"Grimmjow!"

"I said don't touch me!" Ichigo stopped. Grimmjow fell as he pushed away, still half holding the couch. Ichigo's eyes roamed over him, shaking, almost hyperventilating.

"You're afraid of me, then?"

Grimmjow said nothing.

"You don't have to be, Grimmjow. I'll never kill you."

"But you killed Stark."

"Do you really care about that?"

"Yes."

"Then you're a fucking idiot." He took a step closer. Grimmjow sat painfully, knees up to his chest, back to couch.

"I was, for ever thinking I could save you."

"I told you."

"For ever thinking you were getting any better. For thinking you actually started to care about what I wanted."

Ichigo knelt before him. Reached out a hand but Grimmjow flinched away.

"Don't touch me."

Ichigo took hold of his face regardless.

"GET OFF!"  
>He lurched forward, Ichigo used the move against him, spun him back and pinned him to the floor. "Let me go!"<p>

"I do care about you Grimmjow. Just not the way you want me to. I've tried. I've tried restraining myself for you, because you're so fragile—your fucked up heart and your head! And sometimes you look at me and I see it in you! I see what I want from you!"  
>One hand slid from shoulder to neck, a slow pressure building with his anger. "You want <em>him. <em>You want the part of me I hate. And if it was him you were kissing and fucking, you'd be okay with it!"

"But you're not him!" Grimmjow brought his elbow up sharply, catching Ichigo in the temple. His knee came up in the same instant and forced Ichigo off of him. But he couldn't get far in his condition. Ichigo came at him again, this time shoving him face first into the ground. Fingers wrapped in his hair. Ichigo's other hand closed over his uninjured hip.

"I can't make you love me like you loved him, but I can still make you do other things."

No response came from Grimmjow. Instead, his breath had become short and fast, his chest rising and falling far too rapidly.

Ichigo relaxed his hold but Grimmjow caught his wrist, fingers biting in desperately,

"I c-can't breathe…"

"Fuck." He rolled Grimmjow onto his back. Tears sparked in the corner of blue eyes, panic painted his face. His body shuddered, desperate for the oxygen he was consuming far too fast.

"Where are your pills?"

He got no answer so he started to move away to look for them but Grimmjow didn't release his wrist. He turned back.

"Ichigo…" Tears blossomed at the corners of his eyes. He shut them against the flow but it came any way, streaking over his face. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "This wasn't supposed to ha-happen. I shoulda stopped them. I shoulda saved you."

"Hey, shut up about that and just calm down." Ichigo now spotted Grimmjow's pants and yanked his hand away. The pills were in the pocket. He grabbed them and the bottle of vodka before returning to Grimmjow and pulling him up, leaning him against the couch back.

He pressed a few pills into Grimmjow's hand. Grimmjow watched him a moment, then swallowed them and chugged back on vodka hard. Even still, his breathing remained erratic, his body beyond his control. He sank against Ichigo whether he wanted to or not. The other held him against his chest while the medication took effect. Sobs shook him until he simply couldn't muster them anymore. When his breathing steadied, Ichigo sat him up again.

Calm returned to his features, even as a few stray tears continued over his cheeks. Slowly his eyes lost their lustre to the pills and alcohol. He reached up and got hold of the couch to pull himself up.

Ichigo stood with him. "Are you done?"

Grimmjow swayed where he was. Ichigo took hold of the small of his back, their faces inches apart.

"No. I need something."

"What?"

"Close your eyes."

"No games, Grimmjow."

"Just do it."

"Fine."

Grimmjow watched him, the light of Hogyoku hidden behind his lids, he could be the teen again. "I need you to listen to me, Ichigo. I need you to know. You were right, when you said it wasn't my fault. When I was on Hogyoku, the things I did were beyond my control. So I need you to know that, always. I need you to know that I don't blame you for any of this. That what you did to me wasn't your fault, it wasn't you."

"Grimmjow—"

"Shut up. I need to say it. I need you to know. Because if you ever wake up, I want you to have your life back. I don't want this to ruin it. I forgive you, Ichigo." He took his face between his hands and Ichigo opened his eyes. "It's not your fault."

"Do you love me—_him_?" Ichigo breathed.

"I don't know."

"Pretend it's him."

"I'm not high enough for that."

Ichigo let him go and turned back to the bottles on the floor. "Which then?"

"Both." Grimmjow moved and took the bottles, shook out pills, downed back liquor and stood while they settled in his gut, in his blood.

Ichigo moved back, reached out his hand.

Grimmjow took it and leaned in to meet the kiss.

* * *

><p>Grimmjow woke to the dawn and the heat of Ichigo's naked body wrapped around his. He pulled from him and sat, sore and sick on the bedside.<p>

"Where are you going?" Ichigo's hand ran up his back and he sat behind him.

"I need to shower."

"Do you even remember last night?"

Grimmjow looked back at him. "Enough." He rose, staggered but remained on his feet. "Shit." His breath came out shaky.

"You may have over done it on the pills." But Grimmjow's hands was on his hip, and his limp clear. "Or maybe I over did it. Here." He rolled out of bed and made to help him but Grimmjow raised his hand.

"I just need a shower."

Ichigo watched him, but backed off. "Fine."

Grimmjow bent to collect his clothes, the movement difficult, but he righted himself and stopped only to grab a bottle from the bar. Then the door shut to the bathroom and Ichigo heard the shower come on.

Grimmjow stood before the mirror, steam began to fog it up. The shower rumbled beside him, but he made no move to get in it. Instead he dragged his boxers back on, at least some coverage before what he was about to do.

He had made a decision.

He uncapped the bottle of rum and slammed it back. It burned, it soothed, it brought the light-headedness he desired.

And it thinned his blood.

When he was satisfied, he cracked the bottle against the shower, hoping the running water would mask the noise. Then he sat against the porcelain tub, and did his best to hold the neck of the broken bottle with his casted hand.

And he dragged his right wrist over the shard.

The warm red spill came out even faster than he thought. The white tiles were imprinted with the hotel's name, his blood filled around the embellished ceramic before overtaking it completely.

He wanted to die. He didn't want to face the next days let alone the nights. But he didn't want to abandon Ichigo, the kid trapped in his own body by the monster created by Hogyoku. So he'd taken the gamble. He'd seen it last night: the hospital. He'd seen his last salvation. Ichigo could not patch this up. If he got here in time, he would not be able to save his life, unless he took him to the hospital, unless he got a blood transfusion and questions were asked, their faces seen, police involved—and _maybe_ Interpol would come. _Maybe_ someone would save them before Aizen got there.

If he didn't do this, he risked Ichigo's family. Twin sisters and a father who probably had no idea where Ichigo had gone. If he didn't do this, he risked Ichigo getting Hogyoku long enough his heart would stop and he'd be on it forever.

And if he didn't do this, he risked having to live through more pain, more hopelessness.

Either way, he was done.

By the time the warm tide he'd started touched his feet, he was cold, he was empty and he shut his eyes.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I know this story has many dark themes and scenes but I did worry when working on this chapter about all the sensitive issues contained in it: drug abuse, relationship abuse and self harm. In particular I hope the final scene did not upset anyone. I don't mean to glorify or make light of suicide or any of the themes in this story. I just wanted to say that. Also, this is not the end, still several chapters to go. Believe it or not, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Rather than seeing this as the lowest point in the plot, as just one more time where Grimmjow gets hurt, for me, it the moment he finally takes control away from hoygoku Ichigo. Hope to hear from you and that you will all continue reading!<em>**

**_Thanks_**,

**_Riza_**


	30. Chapter 30

"Why Grimmjow? Why did you have to go and do something so stupid?"

Angry eyes met a face pale as death. Heavy lids parted and Grimmjow found himself facing Ichigo's unadulterated rage. Grogginess prevented him from speaking for several moments. Ichigo leaned over him, noticing he was in fact coming too.

"Grimmjow! Wake up!" The violent scream coupled with the vice grip on his shoulder pulled him fully into consciousness.

"I..chi...Ichigo..." he finally got his tongue working, his brain sluggish and eyes fogged. "Wha..."

"You tried to fucking off yourself again!" he screamed. "And now things are complicated."

"W-what do you mean?"

He felt a weight in his limbs, like they were five times heavier than they were meant to be. Even as he began to take in the details of his surrounding—patterned curtains, rough sheets, beeping machines—he couldn't get his body to respond properly. He tried to straighten and Ichigo yanked him into a sitting position. The violent change of orientation had him swallowing back bile. His eyes landed on his thickly bandaged wrist but then they worked their way over the sheets to where Ichigo hovered at the bedside, eyes darting back to the curtains every few seconds. In one hand, he held the gun with which he'd shot Stark.

"I-Ichigo, what are you doing?"

"I told the nurse if she reported this I'd start firing."

"You _what_?"

"She's skittish but she hasn't blown our cover yet." He glanced back at Grimmjow. "Was this your plan?"

"What?"

"WAS THIS YOUR PLAN?!" His grip suddenly became a stranglehold and he slammed Grimmjow back down on the sheets.

"No…" he lied through his clenched trachea. "Ichigo no..."

The other let him go, anger still in him. "Then what? Why did you do it?"

"I don't know. The same reason I did it before I guess..."

"I should have fucking known! The way you lost it last night! Shit! You are never leaving my sight again."

He spun back to the curtain parting. Grimmjow struggled up again. He was shaking, blood still fed into his veins from a bag that was near empty.

"Eight units, by the way," Ichigo growled looking back at him.

"What?"

"They've given you eight friggin' bags of blood. You were nearly dead when I got you here." Grimmjow noted the blood all down Ichigo's clothes. "Fucking lucky we were so close, they said." He seemed to think on this for a second. "You _sure_ you didn't plan this?"

"You don't really plan depression, Ichigo." Grimmjow dropped his eyes to the sheets. This morning had been motivated by many things, but he couldn't lie to himself and pretend some part of him hadn't been thinking it would be best to never wake up again.

"Hey." Ichigo snapped his fingers. "Stay with me, we're leaving."

"We are?" This was not good.

"Yeah, she's coming back, I'm getting her to release you."

"Ichigo I—"

"Shut it." Ichigo moved right back to him and closed a hand around the back of his head. "I don't trust a single word you say. Just do as I tell you."

"S-sir." A nervous young woman stepped into the curtained room with them. "May I check the patient?"

"Yeah, we're going, get him ready."

"But he's—"

"We're going!"

"Y-yes sir." She glanced guiltily to Grimmjow, not knowing what his position was in this situation, but if she'd done any close examination of him there would hints as to what was going on between them.

"Sorry," she whispered low when she pulled out his i.v. and put a bandage over the spot.

He said nothing, his voice lost to the prospect they might actually escape, his description might not had flagged Interpol's system.

"Get up," Ichigo ordered him when she was finished. She lowered the safety rail on the bed and he stood. He immediately fell down. Yes, he was far from recovered, but he was also doing everything he could to slow Ichigo and their escape. "Dammit." Ichigo pulled him up by his arm. He was shaking in his johnny shirt.

"Just give me a minute," Grimmjow argued.

"No minute, no nothing, we're going."

He shoved the gun under his belt and turned to the nurse. "Get me a fucking wheel chair and some clothes now."

She hurried to obey, returning within moments with the chair and a set of thin white cotton pants and t-shirt for Grimmjow. Ichigo shrugged out of his long sleeve, discarding it and the evidence of blood. His black undershirt and pants hid the stains enough, and he wrestled Grimmjow into his clothes, ignoring his discomfort. When they were done, they stood polar opposite: black and white. Ichigo dropped Grimmjow into the chair.

"Please just let me go," the nurse begged.

"Not until we're through the front doors. You can push."

"Okay," she answered shakily. They left the cubicle and headed for the elevators.

"Take us through a staff entrance," Ichigo ordered.

"There's staff parking in back." She pressed a button. The doors closed.

"Good." He paused. "Do you have a car?"

She relinquished her keys and Ichigo pocketed them with a smile. "We're almost out of here."

But when their reflections on metal doors yielded to a busy lobby, Ichigo frowned. He whirled on the young woman.

"I said _staff_ entrance."

"You have to take a side hall from this floor," she quavered. "Sorry."

His eyes narrowed but he accepted her story. "Just get us out of here."

He nodded for her to get out. They were instantly in the busy traffic of visitors and staff, a sea of people pushed past them to get onto the elevator they just left. Ichigo was focussed on his destination, but Grimmjow scanned the crowd for any sign of help, of an escape. At his level, it was difficult to see past the bodies, but in his search a few people moved, the crowd parted, and there she was, nearly eye level with him since she was so small. Dark intelligent eyes widened in recognition, and he knew his hope had not been in vain.

Rukia Kuchki opened fire in the middle of the hospital lobby.

The warning shot that sent civilians fleeing would have seemed extreme to anyone who did not know of the collateral damage that would ensue from a fight with Ichigo in his enhanced state. To Grimmjow, however, it was the echoing cry of his salvation.

Fifteen agents backed her up. Grimmjow determined their number and location in seconds. He also determined his likelihood of reaching one of them before Ichigo could intercept, and the chances the nurse would survive seeing as Ichigo was already reaching for his gun and would likely use her as a human shield.

He could calculate all this because he had been trained as a soldier since he was six years old. Hogyoku or not, he had a mind for battle.

Ichigo, on the other hand, was no soldier. Despite his enhancements, he was out gunned, outnumbered, and out manoeuvred.

Grimmjow stood the moment he heard the nurse gasp. He knew it would be enough to get Ichigo to make a grab for him, pull the gun sideways in the distraction

And enough for a sniper to take his shot.

Ichigo hit the floor less than fifteen seconds after Grimmjow made eye contact with Rukia.

But he wasn't out of this fight.

Someone was moving on them, but Ichigo was already getting a grip on his gun again. Blood gushed from underneath his collar but he showed no sign of the pain. Only anger painted his face when Grimmjow made a kick at his gun. Ichigo was faster, struck his ankle and floored him. So it was with ease that when Ichigo stood a second time, he had Grimmjow as his hostage, gun against his neck.

An agent had been fast enough to get the nurse but not close the distance on the pair. Ichigo took a step back, dragging Grimmjow with him.

"You can't stop me," he warned them.

"He won't shoot me, Rukia." Grimmjow shouted to her as she edged her way past her other men to get to the fore.

"Shut up!" Ichigo hauled them back another foot.

"Stop moving," Rukia warned. "You're surrounded."

"We've covered your exits." Renji's voice came from behind but Ichigo didn't turn. "I can shoot you right now."

"Then why haven't you?"

"I'm giving you a chance."

"Wrong," Ichigo shot back. "You care about the teenage boy you let get captured six weeks ago! You don't want to hurt me anymore than you already have."

Rukia's eyes betrayed her. Ichigo gained another step.

"Don't you fucking let him take me Rukia!" Grimmjow screamed at her. "You shoot through me if you have to!"  
>"Shut the fuck up!" Ichigo's arm tightened over his neck. "I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get out of here. And then I'm going to fuck—"<p>

"GHA!" Grimmjwo stamped down on Ichigo's foot, threw his head back and brought up his cast. There was only a fractions of a chance Ichigo wouldn't kill him in a reactive shot.

He didn't really give a shit if he survived.

The gun went off right next to his ear. The deafening bang shot through his very core, he felt numb for a long second, then he felt hot, very hot, as the litres of blood that had just fed into him escaped again.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo's face washed white, even as he held fixed his grip on the gun.

Slowly Grimmjow raised his hand to his head, touching blood matted hair. His heart beat calmed despite the pain when he felt the depth, knowing it was no more than a flesh wound. But something else was bleeding from him now, perhaps loosed by the stress, the fear the pain—it was all he had now—it was pure, primal anger.

His voice came out lower and colder than it had even been when he'd been Aizen's hogyoku enhanced super soldier, "You shot me in the head."

With absolutely no fear or hesitation, he brought up one hand and took a grip on Ichigo's gun. "Yesterday you shot my brother in the head." In one motion he pulled the shaft of the gun free, metal pieces snapped apart, rendering the weapon useless. "Yesterday you destroyed me!" He pounded his bandaged hand into Ichigo's face. The other's head snapped back but he came back hard and fast and Grimmjow didn't avoid the head butt. Interpol scrambled to get a position but Ichigo had Grimmjow against the wall, their bodies too close for a shot.

"You're a fucking drugged up junkie!"

"So are you!" He got Ichigo in the throat with his cast, manoeuvered away and came back with another punch that hit Ichigo's jaw square. "That's all Hogyoku is! You have no idea who you really are!"

"And you do?" Ichigo's left brought Grimmjow to his knees. His right put him on the ground. Someone got close, tried to tackle Ichigo, they were felled instantly.

"Stop!" Rukia warned when Ichigo sat on Grimmjow's stomach. But he was oblivious, both of them were, they were in their own war.

"You were high for a month straight because you can't face reality! And yet you pretend to be some badass punk."

"I never pretended, that was just how some pathetic high school kid saw me." Grimmjow made to punch, Ichigo caught his wrists and slammed them down. His grip tightened over his bandaged wrist.

"_Pathetic_ Grimmjow? I'm not the one who tried to kill myself this morning!"  
>"I hate you," Grimmjow whispered. "I hate you with everything I have Ichigo."<p>

"You're lying, because you loved the kid."

But Grimmjow shook his head. "But you're not him. And you've destroyed him from the inside out. And you did the same to me. So yes, Ichigo, I fucking hate you to my very core."

Ichigo stared down at him, the look on his face said he wanted to kill Grimmjow, but in reality, he would do worse if given the chance.

Fortunately, he did not get the chance. He lurched, his grip on Grimmjow slackened. Grimmjow watched brown eyes fog even as they widened in shock, and then he fell forward onto Grimmjow.

"He's down!" someone yelled. Hands removed him from Grimmjow, pulled the victim back a safer distance.

"What did you do?" he breathed when Rukia knelt next to him.

"Tranquilizer."

"Well why didn't you do that first?" he reeled on her but felt his stomach bottoming out and rolled sideways. He pressed his forehead against cool tile and tried to breathe but it wasn't enough. Rukia's hands were around his shoulders and he breathed out a curse before going limp in her hold.

"Renji get a doctor," Rukia cried next to Grimmjow, checking his head wound. "And someone strap Ichigo down before he wakes up. We don't have much time before Aizen gets here, get the chopper."

"Yes ma'am."

Rukia stood and watched as men surrounded the still pair, prepping them for evac. Renji moved to her side and braced her shoulders.

"We got them."

She nodded. "Now let's see if we can still save them."

* * *

><p><em><strong>30 chapters, oh my! And still more to come!<strong>_

**_Thank you so much for staying with me,_**

**_Riza_**


	31. Chapter 31

Urahara stepped into the private medical room, in the secure section of the American Embassy. He stopped abruptly seeing the sole bed empty. He checked the number on the door, but it was clear this room in fact housed a patient from the dishevelled sheets and disordered medical equipment.

"Grimmjow?" He did a quick sweep of the room and washroom, but saw no sign of him. He returned to the hallway where an agent stood guard. "Where is he?"

"He's gone?" he asked in alarm. Urahara just sighed and left him in his panic. It wouldn't take too much guess work to find him. He left the secure section, to the main lobby and looked up the stairs at the silhouette standing there.

"I wasn't sure you would replace the window," Grimmjow said when he heard the creak of the top step. He looked through perfect plate glass, not a stain on the surface.

"You mean after it was destroyed by sniper fire and revealed as an obvious risk?"

"Yeah."

"I put in a request. I rather like it."

"So do I."

"I know." Urahara moved to his side. "How's the head?"

"Messed up my hair." Grimmjow lowered his head to show the patch balded by the bullet, several stiches holding the skin together.

"Good thing it wasn't any closer."

"Yeah, I guess." Grimmjow watched Urahara's eyes drop to his bandaged wrist. He pushed his hand into the pocket of his sweats.

"I heard you came close."

Grimmjow clenched his molars. "Yeah."

"You're going to have to talk to someone eventually."

"And you think that someone is you?"

"It could be."

"There's no words, Urahara," he bowed his head. "For any of it."

He heard a sigh. "It's honestly not my area of expertise, knowing what the right thing to say is. But Ichigo's going through Hell coming off Hogyoku, and he's saying some things...some pretty dark things, and some things we need more intel on. I don't know the right way to ask but—"

"You're guilt-tripping me into telling you what happened the last six weeks," Grimmjow concluded without anger, just acceptance. "I get it, you need to know some stuff. I'll tell you about Aizen, and all that shit."

"And the rest of the shit that Ichigo's been saying?"

"Exactly that, just shit."

"Except I spoke to that nurse at the hospital. And you were examined when you came in here—"

"Shut up!" Grimmjow turned away from his reflection, his back to the moon and the city night. "Fuck you and fuck Ichigo."

"I don't think you mean that. I think you went through Hell I can't imagine to save that boy. I think you tried to kill yourself because you knew you'd show up in the system and we'd come."

"Do you? And what else do you think?"

"I think you're nineteen years old and trying to cope with the fact you were kidnapped by you father, beaten by your siblings, and repeatedly abused by your only friend, Grimmjow."

Urahara couldn't see his face, but he didn't need to, to see his reaction. It was etched in every line of his body, in the breaking of his voice, and shaking of his shoulders.

"I'm going to help you, Grimmjow." He slowly took the teen by the shoulder. "I promise."

And the blue haired super soldier broke into sobs that contained all his pain, all his rage and fear and all the confusion that came with it. He held back to Urahara with his bandaged hands and arms- the one he'd broken in self defence, the other he'd wounded trying to take his own life. He felt every scar, every wound and he gripped him all the tighter, because he was drowning and unless Urahara could help him, he would never surface again.

* * *

><p>"He wants to see you," Urahara set a steaming cup of tea on the low coffee table in his office. The figure on his couch didn't stir, just continued to lay on his side, staring at nothing.<p>

"Grimmjow, did you hear me?"

"...yeah."

Urahara sighed and squatted before the couch. "Are you planning on staying there forever?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to have to take you to the medical ward if you don't eat something."  
>"You said you wouldn't." It was true. After breaking down in Urahara's arms, Grimmjow had been sick to his stomach and taken to the medical ward. They'd struggled to find the right anti-anxiety medications and dosage after he'd abused them so badly at Aizen's. So they'd said it would take time and put him on suicide watch. Grimmjow had become angry and more upset until Urahara had said he would watch him. That was three days ago, and in that time, Grimmjow had barely moved from his current position on the couch of Kisuke's office.<p>

"Well I have to check on Ichigo, I thought you might want to come with me."

"I don't."

"Then someone has to watch you."

"Rukia will." She'd stopped in a few times.

"Grimmjow." Urahara put a hand on his head, careful of the still healing wound. "He's himself again. It will still take some time to get him off completely, but he is the Ichigo you wanted to save. I thought it would be good for you to see he's better."

"Is he though? Is he better? How can he be, really?"

"He's stable. There's no sign the same imbalance occurred when we took you off cold turkey. He should make a full recovery."

"You're not listening to me."

"I am, Grimmjow. It will take alot of healing for Ichigo to get past what he did while on Hogyoku."

"And me? How am I even supposed to look at him?"

"I don't know, Grimmjow. But I thought you could try."

But he shook his head under Urahara's hand.

"I can't. I won't."

"Okay. Then at least eat something while I'm out."

He got no answer. Urahara left one patient behind for another, calming his nerves before he stepped into a room that had been a nightmare scene for days. Ichigo's enhanced self had been truly awful: a dark soul masked behind pale skin, the eyes of the devil hidden under those of a teen. He'd be crazed, screaming every curse he knew at them; threatening to do disgusting things. And when they began to dial him back, he'd gone over the edge completely, caught in the same up and down emotional roller coaster Grimmjow had endured.

But then it ended, and it was Ichigo who came out the other side, a shaking sobbing mess, but the teen they had wanted to rescue.

He sat now in his bed, restraints still on him but loose, so he could be a bit more comfortable. Rukia was with him, her hand in his, fresh tears on his face. Urahara paused at the door but they noticed him.

"I can come back later."

"It's okay," Ichigo breathed, Rukia took a tissue from the bedside table and ran it over his face. "Thanks."

"I'll be outside," she whispered.

"Okay."

"Thank you, Rukia." She shut the door behind her, Urahara came over and checked all his vitals and charts. "You are doing remarkably well, Ichigo. Aizen had you on an extremely high dose of Hogyoku but your heart seems just fine."

"Great," he said without emotion. Urahara sighed.

"If depression is contagious then I'm sure I'm next."

"So he's depressed again."

"Yes. But it will pass as it did before."

"Will it? I mean, after what I did—"

"Ichigo, I'm not a therapist, but I think it's best if we draw a line under this right now: you are a teenage boy who was struggling with math in high school a couple of months ago. The person who hurt Grimmjow was Aizen's creation. He was not you. Neither myself or Grimmjow blame you for what happened."

"I do."

He sighed again. "Didn't you have this same argument with Grimmjow?"

He lowered his eyes. "I understand what he meant now."

"He was wrong, and so are you."

"But he won't come see me."

"Like I said, he's in depression right now. He doesn't want to see anyone."

"I don't even know what to say, when I see him."

"You always knew what to say to him before. You were his friend, Ichigo, his _only_ friend. Remember all that you did for him, when your positions were reversed. Remember that, when you see him again."

"And forget the rest?"

"I don't know. That's what the psychologist can help you with."

"I don't see how. I don't know how I can ever pick up my life again, with those memories inside me, with this guilt, this shame."

Urahara put a hand over his. "I carry that every day, Ichigo, for the work I did with Aizen on the Hogyoku. Trust me, it is a heavy burden, a terrible truth to wake up to every day. But I deserve to, because I did all that with a clear mind, with no excuses. It is _not_ a burden _you_ deserve."

Ichigo said nothing but Urahara smiled. "You are remarkably similar."

"Who?"

"You and Grimmjow. You both feel guilt much deeper than you feel what actually happened to you. Ichigo, you must have suffered greatly when Aizen turned you. And your wounds from Aizen were terrible on top of the bullet Starrk put through your hand, and the one Interpol put through your collar bone."

"But I'm okay."

"Yeah. And Grimmjow's recovering too. I think maybe Grimmjow was right not to come here today. I wonder if it might be best for you each to heal a bit more, before you see each other again."

"But there are things I need to say."

"And I'm sure he needs to hear them. But not yet. Not until you can both separate yourselves from what Hogyoku made you into."

Ichigo nodded. "Alright, if you think that's best."

"I do. Now get some rest."

* * *

><p>"You shouldn't be smoking." Urahara closed the door to his office. "And that's not an ashtray." He eyed the decorative plate gifted from another country into which Grimmjow now tapped his cigarette. He was on his back, only half sitting and staring at the ceiling, eyes far away. Urahara sniffed and frowned. "Where did you get that?"<p>

"From your stash."

"It's not a _stash_, Grimmjow, I confiscated that from one of the other agents."

"Sure you did." He sucked back on the joint. "Good news is, I'm hungry."

Urahara moved to windows and opened them, cold air flooding the room but taking some of the sour scent of marijuana from the room. "Okay, so it's mine. But I don't have a bad heart."

"Neither do I. Doc said it's nearly good as new."

"Nearly."

Grimmjow shrugged. "I survived alot worse at Aizen's."

"I know. And now you're on carefully regulated medication because of it. Medication that should not be mixed with weed." Grimmjow took the last drag and dropped the end of the joint on the plate.

"It's not good enough."

"You've been better since they got the right dose."

"I've been fucking sober. Sober is not better." Grimmjow had suffered from the effects of abuse of pills. He was addicted and in many ways seemed to have suffered withdrawal but lumped in with everything else it was really hard to tell. What was clear, was that rather than being addicted to one thing: alcohol, pain or anxiety meds, Grimmjow was addicted to escaping reality.

"Sober is real, Grimmjow."

"Fuck reality."

"That's what I thought." He sat on the other end of the couch. "I take it therapy isn't doing much for you?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "It's not really her fault, I doubt she's ever had a patient like me. So many layers of shit to wade through I'm never coming out the other side clean."

"You're a poet, you know, Grimmjow."

"Thanks." He sat up a bit more, but his body still hugged the couch, like he was part of it. The cold was settling on him now and he crossed his arms over his stomach, cast weighing heavily against him. "What's going to happen to me? Are you going to move me to long term care?"

"No. I'll make sure of that."

"Then what? You gonna let me live on your couch forever?"

"Not if you keep stinking up my office and stealing from my stash."

Grimmjow smiled and shut his eyes. "Sorry about that."

"Hey, I thought you were hungry."

"Mm."

"You just slept for twelve hours."

"Mmm."  
>Urahara sighed. "I'll check on you later." He shut the windows and then went to a drawer and pulled out the bag of illegal drugs. "And I'm hiding this." But Grimmjow was already out.<p>

* * *

><p>Grimmjow woke up already sitting and his knuckles stinging. Renji was bent over next to the couch, holding his nose, blood seeping between his fingers.<p>

"You asshole," he swore at Grimmjow, who's heart was racing, memories still haunting behind his eyes. Renji calmed, lowering his hand from his bloody nose. "Yo Grimmjow, you're alright?"

He caught the look on Renji's face before he felt the trickle on his cheek.

"Shit." He wiped away the tear and stood up. "I'm fucking fine." He turned his back trying to calm himself down.

"Then why did you punch me in the face when I woke you up?"

"You friggin' startled me."

"You were having a nightmare when I came in."

"Shut up."

"I'm not making fun of you, Grimmjow. I don't expect you to be okay after—"

"I said shut up!" He spun. "Don't you dare talk about that."

"Sorry."

Grimmjow let out a shaky breath, "what do you want?"

"I just came to check on you for Urahara and like I said, you were having a nightmare."

"Is he with Ichigo?"

"Yeah."

"Do you see Ichigo much?"

"Yeah. I try to go in whenever I can. Why?"

Grimmjow sat down again. Renji picked up a box of tissues and began cleaning himself up but sat as well.

"How is he doing?"

"Physically he's doing very well."

"And the rest?"

"Not so great, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"Yeah."

"Listen, Grimmjow, I actually needed to talk to you about something."

"What?"

"We're worried about Aizen's next move."

"Oh."

"What do you think?"

"I think he's had time to regroup. He was two men down, but now he'll have a plan."

"You think he wants you back?"

"I'm not sure, Ichigo will be damaged now too. But we stole Hogyoku from him. And worse, we defied him. He won't let us get away with that."

"Great."

"So what's the plan?"

"America."

Grimmjow absorbed this. "Okay."

"You don't mind?"

"I don't know. I wanted to stop him, to help my siblings, but I just can't see it right now. I'm not all here, and don't think I can do anything."

"Good. I mean, well, it's best if we leave."

"So when?"

"It will take a few days to get all the paper work sorted."

"Okay."

"It will just be a few of us, on a private jet..."

"What are you getting at?"

"You may want to talk to Ichigo, before we're all cozy on a plane together."

"Oh."

"It's up to you."

"No, you're probably right. Does he want to see me?"

"Yes, but he's scared."

Grimmjow nodded. "Alright."

"I'll arrange it."

"No." Grimmjow stood. "Where is he? I'll go now."

"He was going for a walk. I'm not sure where he is."

"I'll find him."

* * *

><p>It was just as easy for Grimmjow to find him as it had been for Urahara. He just waited by the window, knowing he would end up here.<p>

Ichigo froze when he saw him. His voice tightened in his throat, and Grimmjow actually thought he saw his eyes begin to water.

"I'll go," he said eventually.

"I was waiting for you." Grimmjow stopped him. "Renji told me about America."

"Oh, yeah..."

"How do you feel about leaving Japan behind?"

"I don't know. My family was moved a while ago to keep them safe."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

Silence filled the air between them, thick as blood. Neither were looking the other in the eye.

"Grimmjow—"

"Don't." He turned back to the window. "I'm sorry, I just can't hear it."

"I understand."

Grimmjow sighed. "You always did. I think you understood me from the first time you saw me."

"I wanted to."

"I appreciate it, all you did for me."

"And how do you feel about everything else?"

Grimmjow ground his molars. "It wasn't you," he said to the cityscape.

"You're right Grimmjow, I do understand you. That's why I know you're lying."

"I'm not."

"Then look at me."

"I'm not lying," he insisted.

"Then look at me." He reached out to draw his face up but Grimmjow flinched back into the window. The pane rattle with a hollow echo. Ichigo lowered his hand. "Yeah, that's what I thought. I disgust you."

Grimmjow steadied himself and straightened. The first tear spilled over Ichigo's lashes.

"I see it all the time, feel it, hear it. I feel dirty. I feel disgusting. I feel evil." His whole frame shook, but he held on, tears falling one after the other but the full sobs holding back. "I want to say I'm sorry but how can I with the same voice that screamed at you then? How can I look at you with the same eyes that looked at you then? How can I touch you with the hands that broke your arm and hurt you? I hate myself more than I've ever hated anything. And then I think about you, and how everything I feel must be a hundred times worse in you: your hate and disgust for me."

"Kid—"

"I loved you. I was confused, but I knew, I had fallen in love with you. I wanted to save you and this is what I did! That's what Hogyoku enhanced in me!"

"Ichigo—"

"And so even now, after everything, I still feel it. I still feel like you're the only person I've ever connected with so deeply, and then I'm disgusted with myself all over again, for even going there after what I di—"

"KID!" Grimmjow screamed. "Shut the fuck up!"

He lunged on him. Ichigo expected to hit the floor or maybe even be thrown into glass, but he was still standing, and Grimmjow hand his face between his hands, and his breath was coming short and fast, and his own blue eyes were sparkling.

"It wasn't you." And this time, when he spoke, when they stared into each other's eyes, there was no lie, no mask. And he pressed him into his shoulder. "Do you remember what I said in the hotel?"

Ichigo nodded, tears stealing his voice.

"I needed to tell you. I needed you know. Because I knew you'd come back. I know it's all true. But it's too fresh."

"To look at me?"

"I'm sorry." But he didn't relax his hold. He kept Ichigo's face pressed in his shoulder. "Kid?"

"Yeah?"

"It was your first time, wasn't it?"

He felt his hold tighten.

"Then I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for everything that happened, and everything you have to live with now."

"I don't know if I can live with it."

"Don't say that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay Kid." He shifted his hand to smooth down the back of his hair and everything in Ichigo crumbled. Grimmjow held tight and whispered in his ear. "It's not your fault."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hope this didn't read to "choppily." The next chapter or two are kind of like this: like snippets of Ichigo and Grimmjow and their thoughts and conversations in the Embassy. I really want to show how they and the other characters deal with what happened before getting to the end. For those who think this story is too dark, you're probably right, and when I started writing it, I didn't know we'd end up here, but that's what happened. I am glad some of you know it's not about those darkest moments, but about the resilience of our boys and like one reviewer aptly said, about deciding what's worth fighting for, and living for.<em>**

**_Thanks for reading and reviewing,_**

_**Riza **_


	32. Chapter 32

Huffing breaths heralded panic or tears but Grimmjow bent forward and put his hands on his knees, lowering his head like someone about to faint.

"Kid?" A large hand caught his shoulder, he didn't know who it was but right now he was focused on breathing and not passing out so he gripped the hand that steadied him and held back desperately.

"I'm okay," he said it like a mantra, convincing himself of the fact.

He swallowed, and his lungs slowed, chest calmed and he was able to stand.

"Geeze, kid, you okay?"

"Zaraki?" Grimmjow looked up at the large American. "You're alive?"

"Oh thanks, you've been here for days and you didn't even ask if I survived."

"Sorry. Things on my mind." He was still panting from the barely avoided panic attack. Kenpachi didn't smile but clapped him on his shoulder.

"Yeah I heard. Sorry about it—everything. I shoulda done more."

"I recall you bleeding out."

"Yeah well, I still feel bad about it."

"Guilt is all anyone seems to feel around here." Grimmjow sighed and ran a hand through his hair. They were in the hall just outside the medical ward.

"Were you with the doctors?"

"No. I just dropped off Ichigo."

"Oh."

"He was upset."

"And you?"

"I managed."

"Until this right here?"

"Yeah."

"Come on."

"What?"

"I've got some beer in my room."

It was all he needed to say. Grimmjow accepted the cold can gratefully, sitting on the futon in Zaraki's quarters. The other relaxed in an armchair and put his feet up on the coffee table. But beyond furniture, Grimmjow saw little in the room, until he noted the luggage.

"You leaving?"

"Yup."

"Reassigned?"

"Nope. Early retirement."

"What?" Zaraki looked no more than thirty five. "Why?"

"After the attack, I came out of surgery a lung short and with a dodgy ticker. They offered me a job pushing papers. I politely turned them down."

"Wow. What will you do?"

He took a long drink. "I inherited a small businesses a few years back: a bar. I think I'll try my hand at expanding that."

Grimmjow thought on this. "So, you're flying back to America at the same time as us?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Take me with you." It came out fast and unexpected but Grimmjow locked eyes with the man who'd once tortured him. "I've got nothing waiting for me in America except another cage. Maybe Interpol would let me go, if I was with one of their agents."

"Former Agent."

"I could work for you."

"Kid—"

"You don't want me." He stood and set the beer down. "Of course you don't."

Zaraki stood too, with a grunt and strain.

"I'll take you."

Grimmjow stopped. "You will?"

"But not right away. You have to admit you're a little messed up. I can't help you with that shit."

"But after?"

"Yeah. Why not? There's rooms above the bar, little classier than your last joint but a similar set-up. We'll say your 21, you could work the bar."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, I'll have to get clearance."

"Okay."

"But I have to ask, are you doing this to get away from Ichigo?"

"What? No."

"Then what was that back there?"

Grimmjow sat again and took up the can slowly. He didn't face the American when he spoke. "Ichigo is having a hard time with all this. I tried to tell him it wasn't his fault."

"And?"

"And I wasn't lying."

"I didn't say you were."

"But..." He dropped his face into his hand. "I can't forget it."

"No one expects you to."

"But I want to. I need to."

"And working at a bar in Texas is going to help that?"

"Yes. It is. Because I'll never have to see him again. I'll never have to think about Japan or my father and what happened here."

"I don't think that's the healthiest solution."

"Most of my solutions aren't considered healthy." He knocked back the rest of the beer. "But I have to do this. I'll do what I can, to help Ichigo in the next few days. I want to leave things right with him, but just now...I couldn't breathe after seeing him."  
>"You need to take it slow."<p>

"I guess so. But I also need to know I have something, a life waiting for me. If Interpol okays it, then I might just be alright." He rose again but came to Kenpachi and stuck out a hand "Thank you."

He shook back. "I'll go sort things out and let you know."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow decided to take Zaraki's advice and take things slow. He intended to stop in and say hi to Ichigo, see how he was doing but also test his own feelings in the process. When he got to the medical ward where Ichigo was still staying under observation, he saw he was on the bed and a nurse was just pulling a syringe from his arm: he'd been sedated.<p>

"What's wrong with him?" Grimmjow moved next to Rukia who hovered at the bedside.

"He has night terrors. He can't seem to snap out of it and he becomes violent."

"Oh. I didn't know that."  
>She turned to him. "Grimmjow, I'm sorry I haven't come to see you."<p>

"You've been with him?"  
>"Yes."<p>

"That's good. He needs you."

"He needs to forgive himself."

"Yeah."  
>"How about you? I didn't think I'd see you anywhere near him."<p>

"We talked. It was difficult." She took his hand, drew him to sit down in a pair of chairs next to the bed. "I tried, Rukia."

"I'm sure it was painful for you." She squeezed his hand a bit tighter. "I can't believe this is what happened, how deeply I failed you both."

"Please don't Rukia. If one more person tries to take the blame for what happened, I swear I'll lose it."

"Sorry."

"It happened, no one needs to blame themselves we just need to get the fuck over it."

"The question is how."

"Don't I know it." He sighed and let go of her hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I missed him, Rukia, in that place. I could see him, I mean, physically he was still there—but I missed this kid. This stupid, reckless teen who cared way too much for a stranger who broke into his father's clinic."

"But somewhere along the line you started to care back."

He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "I started to rely on it, on him showing up when I was bleeding, or having an episode. I knew he'd always help me."

"You trusted him."

"The only person ever, Rukia. I mean, you helped me, but it was different."

"I know."

"He was unbelievably naive and honest and I mocked him for it. But I liked it."

"He had a crush on you."

"I wish he'd just told me."

"What would you have done?"

"I have no idea." He rose and moved to the bedside. "But at least I would have had the chance to consider, the chance to figure things out. But every time we turned around, the world was imploding, one of us was hurt, or someone was after me. He fell in love with an action movie, Rukia, where the danger and adrenaline transforms into something you mistake for love. In another situation, another life time, we wouldn't even look at each other if we passed one another in the street."

He sighed, forgetting he was even talking to her, now. He moved his hand toward Ichigo, hair askew in sleep, breathing slow and deep. It was like those nights he'd watched him, willing for those eyes to open and be the boy again. Not the animal. But his fingers hovered over his hair, and he shuddered and pulled his hand back.

"I wish I could wash it away."

"So does he." She moved to his side. "But he knows what he did to you, and he expects nothing from you."

"What should I do, Rukia?"

"I don't know. Nobody does." She withdrew. "I have a meeting with Urahara. You going to be alright?"

"Yeah. How long is he going to sleep?"

"Hours. Come back and see him later if you want."

"Yeah, I might." But he watched her leave and turned back to the seats. Ichigo was sleeping. Grimmjow could face him, for as long as he needed, without risk or consequences. So he sat and he stared and he tried to replace the monster with the boy he remembered, and missed.

* * *

><p>"Grimmjow?" The blue haired man jerked awake in his seat at the call.<p>

"Shit," he swore, looking around the ward. "I didn't mean to fall asleep here."

"You were sitting with me?"

Grimmjow didn't want to admit what he'd been doing, so he just shrugged. "I thought we should talk. I guess I passed out."

Ichigo sat, body stiff and still tired. His features showed his exhaustion from memories and nightmares.

"Thank you Grimmjow, for last night."

"Don't worry about it."

"But I am worried. I'm worried you're suffering through for me."

Fuck this kid was perceptive.

"You are, aren't you?"

"It's complicated shit, kid. I don't really know what to do."

"I know."

He stood. "I gotta go."

He left before Ichigo could say anything more. What the hell was he doing? He had sat there for hours while Ichigo slept and convinced himself he was fine, that he could see Ichigo for the kid he was again.

But as soon as he woke it was different, it was all still too near. He hurried down the halls back to Urahara's office and landed on the couch without even acknowledging the man at his desk.

"Are you alright?" Kisuke called from where he sat.

"Fine," Grimmjow muttered into the cushions. "Unless you got a joint handy."

"No."

"Shit."

"Kenpachi asked me about taking you on."

Grimmjow pulled his head back up at this. "And?"

"And I think it would be a good idea for you both. Kenpachi is not ready to call it quits, despite his condition. This way he could remain an active agent, simply on a long term surveillance assignment."

"So...what do you mean by that?"

"I mean you would be his assignment, making sure you're alright, essentially."

"Oh. Okay good."

"Good. I'll put the paper work through."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Grimmjow lay back down. "Will you come back here, when things settle down?"

"I doubt it. I'm too much of a target here, sort of like you and Ichigo. I've made arrangements to set up my office in Washington."

"What's America like?"

"Very different, from Japan but even from itself. It's so big it encompasses many cultures, many regions. Kenpachi is from Texas, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's hot there. Dry. But interesting. I spent some time there in my youth, it's a good place to be, when you're young."

"Good."

"I think you've made a wise decision, Grimmjow."

"Yeah? And what about the kid? What's his out in all of this?"

"We help him through this, then we get him back in school, with his family. Let him start his life again."

"Good. That's the way it should be."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow remained in the safety of the couch for the rest of the night, but the next morning he had to go to the medical ward for an exam and he knew he would see Ichigo there.<p>

When his cast was removed, Ichigo drew closer to see what was revealed.

"Whoa..." The teen moved cautiously over to him but as soon as Grimmjow looked up at him he drew back again, "Sorry, I'll go."

"It's okay," Grimmjow breathed. Ichigo took the invitation and moved closer to his arm stretched out on the table. The doctor had stepped out to get something.

"Shit, Grimmjow." The limb was shrunken from weeks in the cast, but also terribly scarred. Two thick scars crisscrossed in an X on his forearm, one from the door, the other from Yammy. And below were further scars from Szayel's surgery and the pins. "What did they say?"  
>"He just wanted to examine it, I still need a cast."<p>

"Oh. Can you move your fingers at all?"

"A little."

"I'm so sorry."

Grimmjow was too tired of telling people to stop apologizing to remind Ichigo it wasn't his fault. The doctor returned, x-rays in hand. He studied them and Grimmjow's bare arm, then tried to do some tests. He applied only a tiny amount of pressure near the break but it caused Grimmjow to scream.

"Dammit!" He shuddered, forgetting any concerns about Ichigo when the teen steadied him and he gripped him right back. "What the Hell?"

"I'm sorry Grimmjow, please bear with me," the doctor said, continuing his exam. Grimmjow tried to grit his teeth but twice more he let out a yell and held Ichigo tighter with his other hand.

"Alright, I know it's painful, but I want you to try to grip my hand." the doctor slid his hand under Grimmjow's. Ichigo watched his face strain with the effort, and the pain. His fingers barely closed over his hand, the hold weak. The doctor didn't react but Grimmjow did.

"Is it going to be like that forever?" He was panting from the strain but an edge of panic was creeping into him now. "I thought it would be better than that."  
>"It will take time."<p>

"What kind of time?"

"Maybe operations. I will have to study the x-rays."

"Fuck," Grimmjow swore.

"It's early days, Grimmjow, please calm down. I'm going to cast it again." He left once more for materials, Grimmjow dropped his hand from Ichigo's arm.

"Are you okay?"

"Fucking fine," he muttered. "Don't worry about it kid," he said with no doubt of the dismissal. Grimmjow watched him go, needing a moment to himself to take this in. He knew he had lost some movement but he hadn't realized it was quite so bad. He'd thought it was the cast preventing him, not his nerves and muscles. His arm was put back into a cast. He left the ward, but spotted the teen down the hall, half hidden by a decorative plant in an alcove made for visitors to sit.

Ichigo had his knees up, head against them, a stain on the knees told of tears now drying.

Grimmjow stared at him for several long moments then took the first hallways he found away from the teen, the ward, and anyone who'd catch sight of spill running over his own cheek.

* * *

><p>It was Kenpachi again who found him. He was fighting with himself, in the bathroom mirror, using his palm to whisk away tears that he could not keep back. He was in a public washroom, where he must have hoped to avoid the agents he knew, but luck was not on his side and when he saw Kenpachi behind him, he bowed his head, gripping the sink.<p>

"Fuck." He swore when he failed to keep it back in from of the agent. He sniffed hard as he ran a hand over his eyes again.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"It was sort of a stupid question." Kenpachi leaned back on the counter but Grimmjow refused to face him. "I don't care if you're crying."

"Well I fucking do!" His knuckled went white on the sink. "I'm level now, this shouldn't happen."

"You know, you don't have to be suffering from major depression to cry."

"Fuck off."

"I'm just saying if anyone has anything to cry about—"

"FUCK OFF!" Grimmjow's head shot up at this along with his good hand which knotted in Zaraki's shirt, nothing less than threatening. "Don't you dare pity me, you bastard."

"I wasn't pitying you kid. I was trying to say I understand."

"You don't understand, the fucking psychologist doesn't even understand!"

"You know what, screw you kid, I was only trying to help." He wrench out of Grimmjow's grip and made for the door. But he stopped at the threshold, and watched Grimmjow's back, his shoulders rigid in tension, head bowed and now he seemed to be using the sink to help him stand up.

And then he heard it: the sound of being utterly lost, confused, broken. He heard the tears win out against anger and hostility, and drown the teen with them.

And when he moved back and put his arms around shaking shoulders, it took little to turn the teen into him, press his face against his chest and be an anchor in rough waters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>_

_**Was informed this story and Reeducation have been nominated in a contest TigerDemonOwnz is running, very cool, thanks!**_

_**Riza.**_


	33. Chapter 33

"Do you still have some of my clothes?" Grimmjow leaned in Rukia's office. She looked up.

"What?"

"A while back you took some of my things from my apartment. Do you still have them?"

"Oh." She went around to a closet. "It's not much." She pulled out the duffle. "Do you need some things?"

He unzipped the bag and pulled out a long sleeve flannel. "No...well, I want to get new stuff, but by myself."

She sighed. A lower level agent had gotten some basics for both Grimmjow and Ichigo, but by guess work and nothing fit them great. He gave the shirt a sniff and deemed it okay to wear.

He left, hit the shower, plastic protector over his cast, but the bandages had to be taken from the other wrist and he stared down at the gruesome scar, one in the centre and two lesser cuts, uneven from the jagged bottle. He still had stiches and it was still pretty raw despite it being several days ago.

He towelled down and returned to Urahara's office. He didn't have a room assigned, he guessed they still considered him on suicide watch though Urahara had slacked on his surveillance. He lay on the couch, letting his arm dry off and unable to bandage it back up on his own anyway. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pants—ones he wasn't supposed to have purchased from the vending machine downstairs. He wasn't worried about the scolding he'd get, he just sucked in the burning chemicals and let their poison sooth him. He was on the second when Urahara opened the door to find him half vacant, the cigarette dropping between his lips.

"You're going to burn yourself." Kisuke warned and pulled the cigarette from his mouth before the ash could fall down on his bare chest.

"Hm?" Grimmjow looked up to him slowly, near sleep. "I was waiting for you."

Kisuke looked down his bare arm. "Oh." He stubbed out the cigarette and took Grimmjow's arm. He had been bandaging it up for him after every shower—they never addressed it but it was clear Grimmjow didn't want anyone else to see those terrible marks.

"Done." He lowered his arm and Grimmjow sat slowly to pull on his old shirt. He was pretty good at doing the buttons with just one hand now. Urahara watched him, actions stiff like a robot, and sat next to him.

"What is it?"

"What do I do if my hand never gets better?"

"I thought it was too early to tell."

"That's what the doctor said but I saw it in his face, he doesn't think my chances are good."

"Here, let me see it." Grimmjow held up his right arm. Kisuke took one finger and squeezed it tight between his fingernails.

"Fuck off!" Grimmjow yanked his hand back in pain and anger but Kisuke smiled.

"You're feeling is fine. You'll be alright."

"You can't know that, the fucking doctor did x-rays and he doesn't know!"  
>"I know that if you had no feeling, then you could start feeling sorry for yourself. But so long as those nerves still work, it means they're getting past these nerves." He pointed to his arm, "and there are surgeries and physiotherapy that can help you."<p>

"Oh." Grimmjow lowered his arm, gripping cold fingers in his other hand. "Thanks, Kiskue."

"No problem." But when he rose he saw Grimmjow drop his head. "There's something else bothering you, isn't there?" When Grimmjow said nothing, he sat back down next to him. "Talk to me."

"It's Ichigo."

"In what way?"

"Every way."

"The memories?"

He nodded.

"Have you talked to the Psychiatrist about this?"

"I can't."

Urahara waited, knowing the unspoken part. Grimmjow had spoken little of what had happened but when he did, it was to Urahara. He trusted him most of all the agents here. So he held the silence, knowing he could never ask the right questions, but maybe Grimmjow could still give some answers.

"Can you imagine it?" He finally spoke, face ever turned to the floor. "_Do_ you imagine it? I think everyone does, every time they see me. I think they imagine what happened to me. I think they can't separate that image from either of us now."

"From you or Ichigo?"

He nodded. "Neither of us will ever escape it so long as we're with people who know."

"Or each other."

Another nod.

"Everyone pities me, but not you. And not Kenpachi. But everyone else can't hide it."

"And that's what's bothering you now?"

"Maybe."

"Is it because you want to spend time with Ichigo, and you're worried what they'll think?"

"Maybe," he repeated.

"They think you are very brave, Grimmjow, to face Ichigo again, to be as kind as you have been. But don't worry about that, or them. Tell me what you feel about Ichigo now."

"That's the thing." He brought his freshly bandaged hand up to cradle his forehead. "I see how much all this has hurt him. I want to help him. But then I'm back there, and I can't breathe, and I don't know why I'm putting myself through this."

"I guess that's the question, _why_? Because to me, it mean you care about him so deeply that you would suffer those memories for him."

At this, Grimmjow looked up. "And what does that say about me? That I could even think about being friends with the person who broke my arm, killed my brother, controlled me for weeks."

Kisuke swallowed. He had been upfront at the beginning, comfort, was not his expertise, but reading people was. And so he read Grimmjow now and he saw a need to be open, to be honest, to address just exactly what happened.

"When Ichigo was going through detox, he said a lot of things. He said you got high, a lot." "I did. So I wouldn't feel."

"He said your relationship was very intense."

Grimmjow nodded. "The others helped me, for a bit. And then Aizen gave them the order."

This seemed to startle Urahara. "Wait, this was Aizen's doing?"

"Ichigo wanted it, but he couldn't do it until Aizen gave the go ahead." Now he turned away from Kisuke again, unable to see his reaction as he recounted his conversation with Aizen the morning after the first time.

"He used you to keep Ichigo under control," Kisuke concluded. Grimmjow just nodded, to the opposite wall where his eyes were fixed.

"But I made a choice too…"

He stopped for a moment, forgetting why he had even started down this path. Because discussing it brought to light what really bothered him.

"You understand what I'm saying, don't you?" he turned back to Kisuke. "That I stopped saying no. I let him."

"Grimmjow don't do that to yourself."

"But it's true, I just gave up and let him do whatever the fuck he wanted!"

"Grimmjow—"

"And it's not the first time. Back then, when I first ran from Aizen, when you lot got me off Hogyoku, I had nothing. I did shit, Kisuke, for money. I slept around, ripped people off. "He stood and paced a few feet, back toward Kisuke's desk. He stared down at paper and files but his eyes were unseeing. "And then I turned around and did it again, with the Kid of all people. What's that make me?"

"He forced you, Grimmjow."

"But he didn't, in the end. That's what you don't understand. I drank. And I took pills. And I let him do what he wanted. I let myself forget, I let myself pass out. I let myself become nothing. And I let him become an insatiable monster."

"Grimmjow—"

"Until I got hurt, and then he did, and we went for a while without sleeping together, and he was careful with me, and protected me, and somehow, in my sick head, I let myself think it was over, he wasn't such a monster after all."

He held up his arm that Kisuke had just wrapped. "And then we escaped. We broke into the hotel. And I realized I was wrong. I realized there was only one way out."

"You cut yourself that night." Kisuke had risen, he put a hand over Grimmjow' wrist and turned him just enough that the young man had to face him.

"I did. I had a panic attack, he got me my pills, I took so many...but I decided to end it, one way or the other."

Kisuke nodded, not having known for sure what Grimmjow had intended to happen that night.

"I would either die, or we'd be caught. And I slept with him again, because one way or the other, it would be over in the morning."

Kisuke closed his hand over his. "Thank you for telling me."

"I told you because I need to know what you think now. If you still think I'm being brave in facing Ichigo, or if you think I'm sick, I'm out of my mind."

"I think you are the person who can understand best that what Ichigo did, was not him, that it was the Hogyoku. I think that's the only reason you can stand to be around him, even if the distinction is still blurred some times. I think you endured incredible suffering to save him, and now, if you walk away, you are afraid it would be for nothing, because you'll be walking away from a friendship you desperately tried to save."

"I still see the monster, but when he talks, it's Ichigo, it's a messed up kid who saved me over and over. And even when I was on Hogyoku, I chose to save him. So I can't seem to walk away now, even when I want to, when I want to run and forget everything."

"Then don't be afraid, Grimmjow." Kisuke reached up to catch the one tear that fell down Grimmjow's face. "You've already had too much fear and suffering in your young life. Go find Ichigo. Go find out what you want. And be brave enough to try. Because if there is even a chance the two of you can find happiness after everything, you can't give that up."

Grimmjow nodded and sniffed back more tears. "Fuck, I thought you said you weren't good at this hand holding shit." He rubbed his eyes and stepped back, taking a shaky breath.

"I am a highly intelligent man," Kisuke smiled, "I guess it wasn't that hard to figure out."

"Shut up." Grimmjow shook out his arms and let tension escape. "Okay then, I guess I know what I have to do." He headed for the door but paused before leaving. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

><p>"Damn it's cold." Grimmjow said by way of greeting when he met Ichigo on moonlit steps. At night they weren't supposed to walk the grounds but two armed guards watched the front doors at all times and so they were allowed out this far under their supervision. Ichigo turned, surprised to have company.<p>

"But it's beautiful out," he whispered, as if the full moonlit landscape warranted such quiet. Grimmjow sat on the first step, next to Ichigo. He pulled out a cigarette.

"How is your medication?" Ichigo asked, remembering how much Grimmjow had abused his pills at Aizen's.

"Regulated." He smiled around his smoke. "They're keeping me pretty clean these days."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?"

"I guess. Doc says I just have an addictive personality."

"That all the doctor says?"

"Doesn't matter."

"It does to me. I want to know how you're doing."

"Better." But he took an extra long drag and lowered his voice. "Actually…I think we need to talk about some things."

Ichigo nodded, but Grimmjow could see his features change, knowing what Grimmjow meant.

"I just…" Grimmjow began but he couldn't think how to start.

"We can't ignore what I did to you," Ichigo said eventually. "I know that."

"I just don't know what to say. I'm not good at this shit, you know."

"I know. I want to help you, Grimmjow, any way that I can. If you ask me anything, I'll tell you."

"Well, maybe I do have some questions. I want to ask you what it was like, being on Hogyoku. I know it's stupid, because I was on it too, but I just want to hear it."

Ichigo complied. He described his feelings without hiding anything—not that he felt obsessed with Grimmjow, or that he'd felt what could only be described as blood lust when he hurt Yammy that day.

"I don't even know where all that came from. Does it mean I'm really like that, deep inside?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "Aren't we all, if you strip us down to what we are?"

"Don't think like that Grimmjow. You did something good when you were on Hogyoku. You saved me. But when it was me, I nearly destroyed you."

"I guess.|

"Grimmjow, we're not talking about the real issue here."

"I know."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know. I am too."

"Don't, please don't."

"Well I am, kid. I knew how bad it was going to hurt you when you got better. I should have found another way. I should never have thought Aizen would take you off Hogyoku if we slept together."

Ichigo balked at this, and Grimmjow realized he had never told the teen that was why he'd agreed that first night.

"What?" Ichigo stood. "What did you just say?"

"Ichigo...what does it matter now?"

"It matters, Grimmjow."

"No, it really doesn't."

"I thought...I thought you gave in because you knew it was going to happen anyway..."

"Well, yeah I—"

"But you're telling me, that first time, you let me...you thought if we slept together—"

"Just drop it."

"Grimmjow! You did that thinking Aizen would see it as betrayal, and take me off Hogyoku? You did that to save me?"

He was screaming now, the guards behind them long forgotten in the intensity of their conversation.

"Sit down, Ichigo."

The teen did, slowly, watching him. "You always said I was too good, but it's you Grimmjow. You've sacrificed everything for me since you dove in that lake."

"I had to."

"Why?"

"Because you were my only friend Ichigo, my first friend. And even when I was on Hogyoku I knew that, I wanted that. I _needed_ that."

"And now?"

"And now I look at you, and I see a kid who wants me back, who needs me back. I see the kid who saved my life, and I want to hold onto you, I want to protect you and I want to make all this shit better for you. And then I see him. The guy who took a kid's crush and turned it into raw desire—and turned that on me. But I see him less, every time. And even though I know it's crazy, after all this shit that happened—I see a chance that we might have that again."

Ichigo held a breathless silence.

"But I don't know what I want from that friendship," Grimmjow warned. "I don't know that I'll ever want what you want. But, Ichigo, I don't want to be all alone again."

Ichigo started to nod, but then he stopped, turning away. His shoulders hunched and he tried to hold it back but he couldn't. Grimmjow reached over and squeezed his shoulder, holding him as the stream started. Tears like glass in the moonlight slid over Ichigo's pale cheeks and he cried softly when Grimmjow pressed him into his shoulder and held him.

"Are you okay?" Grimmjow asked when it was over.

Ichigo stilled, and whispered up, "I feel like I've just been saved."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Not much left now, intense chapter coming up next.<em>**

**_Riza_**


	34. Chapter 34

"So what now?" Ichigo asked, washing his face off in the med ward bathroom. Grimmjow was leaning against the sink, another cigarette on the go.

"I dunno, I guess we just get used to being friends again?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Ichigo straightened.

"You okay with this, kid?"

"I just...didn't dare hope you'd ever want to look at me again."

"Okay, step two, work on the guilt thing," Grimmjow sighed. "It's getting tiresome."

"Sorry."

"And apologizing."

Ichigo smiled. "Okay."

"Good." They left, it was late, Ichigo said goodnight at the doors. Grimmjow walked the halls back to the office, dousing his stub in a fountain and leaving it for the cleaners. He was surprised to find Kisuke actually still in the office.

"Oh there you are." He rose, stacking papers together. "Everything is set. We're heading out in the morning."

"Oh. Good."

"You sure you're oaky with that?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Well then good. I guess you don't have anything to pack, I'll get you in the morning." He shut of his lamp and tucked his folders under his arm. "Night."

Grimmjow rolled onto the couch, mind racing for so many reasons, but he sighed and shut his eyes. He was going to get free, of this country and those memories.

* * *

><p>"Yo, Kenpachi." It was early, but Grimmjow caught the American before he left his room. "Have a minute?"<br>"Yeah."

"About Texas."

"I got you cleared."

"Oh, that's good."

Zaraki stopped. "What?"

"I'm not sure...Ichigo and I are sort of friends again."

"You starting to change your mind about leaving Washington?"

"I don't know."

"Listen, you're going to have to stay there for a while anyway. Just let me know, nothing's set in stone."

"Okay, thanks." He saw Kenpachi wince when he picked up his last bag. "Here."

"I'm not an invalid." Zaraki argued but Grimmjow took it anyway. They headed downstairs where the others were gathering.

"Okay, we're almost all here." Urahara looked around like a school teacher trying to get students ready for a field trip. Rukia and Ichigo came down the hall with some bags and they were all there. "Good, now, there isn't much to know. We're going to the airport but we're all cleared to go upon arrival. Ikkaku and Renji are driving so everyone pick a car and let's go."

He led the way out the main doors.

"Goodbye America," Grimmjow joked when Ichigo fell in line beside him.

"You do know where we're going right?" Ichigo grinned but also gave a last glance back at the Embassy and that clear glass he and Grimmjow had looked through so many times.

And then he heard the gunshot.

"Get down!" Rukia gave Ichigo a shove, but Grimmjow was the one to pull him down. A wall of legs protected them. It was very temporary cover.

"Back inside!" Renji was calling. Grimmjow stood but looked around.

"Who was hit?" There had been a shot but no one seemed injured.

"Grimmjow move!" Rukia had his arm.

"Who was hit?"

"No one. Just move."

But he yanked free and spun back the way they'd come. "They want us to go back that way."

"What?"

"STOP!" He ran, elbowing past all the others. Ikkaku had been in back, was the closest to the stairs. "Get back!"

White marble steps turned to shrapnel. A wave of heat turned into a ball of orange flame and Grimmjow was lifted off his feet, a moment of weightless terror before time resumed and he crashed back into cracked asphalt. The ground continued to vibrate and shake. He was on his back. He felt blood beneath his skull, and a haze overtook the upside down world, but he saw the two cars explode, throwing shards of metal. They rose up in the air, flames fanning out beneath them, before crashing back, crumpling on impact. The rumbling and roaring were distant, his body was heavy, but then a hand fell over his chest and a voice was calling his name and he blinked and strained and saw the orange halo of hair above.

"Grimmjow!"

"Kid." He stuck out his hand and he pulled him up. Things wobbled but he shook it off, surveying the damage, all exits were cut off, they were caught in the open. Ikkaku was motionless a few feet away. Renji had Urahara in his arms. Kenpachi and Rukia were scanning the yard, guns raised.

"Put them down."

And Grimmjow's heart turned cold, his chest went tight, even though he'd known at the first shot who was behind this.

"You will not survive this if you resist," Aizen warned.

Rukia and Kenpachi fixed their guns on him, but all around his children emerged. Grimmjow's eyes widened when he saw Stark, sniper rifle propped against one shoulder. He has assumed the shot to the head had killed him, but now, seeing a patch of hair shaved close, he realized he must have just been grazed, just like himself at the hospital.

He wished he could feel relief. But in this moment, only horror gripped him.

"Put your guns down!"  
>"No," Rukia spoke boldly. "No you've already done too much to these boys."<p>

Grimmjow saw the grin, watched Aizen reach for his gun himself. He was going shoot her in the head.

"No!" he reacted. He saw Ikkaku's gun, thrown just next to him in the explosion. It was in his hands in seconds.

"Now, Grimmjow, what good do you think that will do?"

Aizen's forsaken son stood, Ichigo with him. He pointed the gun at his father, but Aizen was unfazed.

"You've outlived your use, son. You cannot threaten me."

"Then it's only Ichigo you want?"

"Yes."

"Fine." He swung his arm to the right, to where Ichigo stood at the end of the barrel. "Then I'll kill him."

Aizen frowned. "You would not. You care for him."

"I would, because I care for him. Because I won't let you take him, even if it means killing him!"

His whole body trembled, his eyes too convincing, Aizen's frown deepened but he took a few steps forward.

"If you kill him, you have no more leverage."

"I don't want to live anymore. Not if you control one ounce of my life, or his."

"So suicidal, just like your mother."

"SHUT UP!" Ichigo flinched back from the barrel when it pressed tighter to his temple. He didn't know if Grimmjow was bluffing or not.

"What about the rest of the agents? I will kill them all."

"Fine."

"Really?"

"I'd rather we all die, then you win."

"Oh Grimmjow, how childish of you." He stepped back to Rukia and put the gun to her head. "Let's test your conviction."

Aizen slowly pulled back on the trigger.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo watched the smallest agent stare death in the face. Grimmjow couldn't let this happen, could he?

"GRIMMJOW!"

"STOP!" Grimmjow dropped the gun from Ichigo. "Stop." His father lowered his gun as well. Grimmjow stood in utter defeat, anger and fear mixing in his eyes, shaking his body.

"Come to me," Aizen ordered, "Both of you."

"Grimmjow—"

"It's okay." Grimmjow turned to Ichigo, looped his broken arm around his shoulder and pulled him close, pressing his lips to his forehead. "Maybe, in another life time, kid."

And then he stepped back, raised the gun to his left arm, and shot through his bicep.

"GRIMMJOW"! Ichigo dropped with him. He didn't understand what he'd done, but the moment the bullet passed through his arm, Grimmjow seized, his body went rigid, eyes wide and he fell with a strained gasp. "What did you do?!"  
>Grimmjow went motionless, eyes shut. "Grimmjow...?" Ichigo was holding the wound, it was bleeding, but not enough to kill. But the young man before him was not breathing. "Please no..." He moved his other fingers to his neck.<p>

He had no pulse.

"GRIMMJOW!"

"He killed himself." Ichigo looked up the clean crisp suit of the man who towered over them. Aizen knelt to check for himself. "He stopped his heart." He pushed Ichigo's hand away to inspect the wound. Wiping a hand over it, a piece of clear plastic came away with the blood on his fingers. "He shot through the device I implanted in his arm and flooded his system with a massive dose of Hogyoku," He stood up, taking a hold of Ichigo as he rose. "He was a fool."

"No…why would he—"

"To save you of course." Aizen pulled him away from Grimmjow's body. Chigo was too stunned for the moment to resist. "He must have thought he could survive and have the strength of Hogyoku and maybe do something to stop me. Like I said. A fool."

"Don't say that!" Now Ichigo tried to shove away from him but it was useless. "He was a greater man than you'll ever be."

"Then why is he dead, and I'm alive?" Aizen pushed Ichigo into Yammy's waiting arms. The giant's hold was inescapable. Then he turned to his other children. "Get them on their knees."

"What are you doing?" Ichigo struggled in the vice grip when Ulquiorra kicked the back of Kenpachi's knee to bring him down. Halibel shoved Rukia and Gin and Szayel got Renji and Urahara to their knees.

Aizen watched them with unmasked pleasure. "You have all caused me too much trouble. Urahara, I thank you for your contributions to science, but I am afraid this is the end for you."

Aizen's children unanimously pulled out their guns.

"Don't! You can't do this!" Ichigo screamed.

"On three. One,"

"Ichigo." Rukia met his eyes from where she knelt.

"Two."

"I'm so sorry."

"Rukia, no!"

"Thre—"

A violent inhalation made them all turn. Guns remained fixed to skulls but no one fired at the sound of air being sucked in as if for the first time.

Grimmojw spasmed on the ground, sputtering, coughing, as if he'd been under water and had just breached the surface.

"He...survived?" Stark muttered. Ichigo glanced at him, the look on his face far from the dead eyes of Hogyoku. But he turned back to Grimmjow who sat up slowly. Ichigo couldn't breathe, afraid it wasn't real, he'd just lost his mind.

"Fuck." the blue haired soldier swore, checking his wound. "I didn't really think that would work," he said to himself as he stood. Everyone watched him—watched him flick the blood from his fingers like the wound was a scratch—watched him pick up the gun and scan all their faces with over large pupils.

His eyes and the gun settled on his father.

"KILL HIM!" Aizen ordered.

Shots opened up. Yammy kept Ichigo back but he watched every second. Stark made no move to follow order. Halibel shot low, for Grimmjow's legs. Only Gin, Ulquiorra and Szayel tried in earnest to bring him down.

But he was something else, something unseen.

He was a new animal. And he hit Aizen faster than anyone could see.

They collided so hard they both fell. Ichigo knew first-hand the strength of Aizen. He'd strengthened himself with Hogyoku all these years, so much so that he soulless children were afraid to face him even united.

But Grimmjow had just opened up a flow of the drug in his system meant to last months. He was flooded with a power that would likely kill him, but a power greater than even his father could control. And so it ended in seconds. They rolled over the ground locked together, stumbled up still entangled. Aizen head butted his son and they broke apart, but as he stumbled back, Grimmjow's arm came up with the gun in hand.

And he shot his father in the skull at point blank range.

They both just stood there. Grimmjow dropped the weapon, almost alarmed, as if he hadn't even really thought about what he was doing. Thick, dark blood snaked down the scientist's forehead. Blood seeped into his eyes from behind, from his brain. His forehead was dented from the impact, his skull fractured from the point blank range and it distorted his features.

But Grimmjow still read shock, and betrayal. And then he fell, a dead heap on American soil.

"What did you do?" Ulquiorra raised his gun but Halibel caught his arm.

"He freed us." Stark stepped over to the body. "Goodbye father."

"What do we do?" Szayel joined them.

"Leave." He turned back to Gin. "And you might want to run."

The snake-eyed traitor took a step back. He had not earned their loyalty and despite his own enhancements, would stand no chance against them. He ran.

"Let me go." Ichigo was released from Yammy's hold. He glanced at his Interpol friends but moved to those gathered around Aizen.

"Grimmjow?" The other still hadn't moved. "Grimm—"

Stark caught the movement and pushed Ichigo back but it wasn't quite enough, he still took some of the impact of the blow and fell hard to pavement, spitting blood.

"YOU BASTARD!" Grimmjow lunged for him. His siblings held him back.

"Grimmjow, stop it!" Halibel cried. "You've taken too much Hogyoku!"

"Just kill him," Ulquiorra suggested but was caught by a wild kick.

Yammy threw Grimmjow down, Stark and Halibel assisting to restrain him but he'd gone wild, writhing in their hold.

"I'll kill you all motherfuckers for what you did to me!"

"Grimmjow stop it!" Stark strained to hold him.

"You scum," Grimmjow spat. "What you did to me—"

"I did nothing."

"Exactly! You all let some teenage brat fuck around with me for weeks!" The declaration ran out in the courtyard of the embassy. Ichigo froze where he was, Rukia's arms now around his shoulders.

"Oh no..."

"You left me alone!" Grimmjow's words were difficult to comprehend past the rage that accompanied them. "Even when you knew what happening!"

"Someone put him out!" Yammy's arms were shaking where they held him.

Grimmjow's glare turned to him. "And you—you broke my fucking arm so bad I can't even use it anymore." He heaved, they all struggled to keep hold. "I'll kill each and every one of you!"

"I've got this." Szayel stepped in, a syringe in hand, no doubt prepared for Ichigo's return trip.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" But the needle plunged in, Grimmjow's back arched and when he stilled his eyes were shut.

"Shit." His siblings backed off. "Is he dead?" Yammy asked.

"He will be shortly." Szayel pulled the needle back out. "Unless someone can help him."

"Can you?" Stark asked.

"No. No time, no facilities." But he glanced back at Urahara. "Unless they take him."

"Well what the hell are we doing?" Yammy demanded. "Are we killing him or saving him?"

"Neither." Stark stood up. "He chose these people over us—for good reason. Let them help him."

"He betrayed us," Ulquiorra countered.

"And we betrayed him," Halibel said. "He got justice for all of our mothers, our families. And he gave us freedom."

"Let's go," Stark ordered. They were far from united, judging by the looks on their faces, but they were also in enemy territory, leaderless, and trigger happy soldiers were emerging from the back of the embassy.

They backed away from their brother but Ichigo didn't follow their movements. He and Rukia moved at once to Grimmjow's side.

"Rukia we have to save him."

"I'll get Urahara."

She ran. Ichigo pressed his fingers into Grimmjow's neck. He was barely breathing, but the pulse that struck his fingers was pounding hard and fast—it alarmed him more than if he'd barely felt a beat.

"Urahara hurry!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Two chapters left! Thanks for your continued feedback and support.<strong> _

_**Riza**_

_***Junichi: Ichigo was crying in relief because he didn't think Grimmjow would ever be able to get past what happened and even give them a chance at friendship again but I can see how it could be read both ways.**_


	35. Chapter 35

Alarms rang out in the medical ward. The lines on the heart monitor were so close together it looked like on solid jagged line. And when blue eyes shot open, everyone knew to get back.

"Grimmjow don't!" Urahara warned the patient whose arms snapped taught in restraints. "Stop moving!" But he ignored the instructions, writhing against the leather. The bed groaning under the strain. There was actually a chance he might escape.

"He shouldn't have been able to wake up!" Someone yelled.

"He's too strong!"

But the bonds held despite his thrashing. "Bastards, let me go!"

"Grimmjow, stop—your arm." Clamps still parted the flesh where the surgeon had been operating on his bicep.

"What are you doing to me?"

"We have to bring you back down, Grimmjow, your body can't handle this much Hogyoku."

"It's already in my fucking system!"

"And it's going to run its course hard and fast and you'll die when that happens _unless_ I can get this new automatic dose in you."

"You what?" Grimmjow looked down at the device that matched the one he'd shot out of his other arm. "You're giving me more?"

"So the shock doesn't kill you."

He set his jaw. "Do it then."

"Lay back."

He obeyed, never twitching when Kisuke cut into him and put the devise in place. It took no more than ten minutes, he pulled out the clamps and sewed him up.

"Done."

"Good. Now let me the fuck go."

"No, Grimmjow. You're in no condition to move. You stopped your own heart and the only thing keeping it beating is Hogyoku now."

"I know that," he growled. "I knew that when I fucking shot myself in the arm."

"You did?"

"Yes, you explained it to me, remember?"

Urahara nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Okay then, let me go."

"And then what? You'll die once this runs out. Your siblings left you here. I'm the only one who can make more doses for you."

Grimmjow glared at him. "So I'm your prisoner?"

"You're our friend, Grimmjow, and I pray that when the higher dose eases off, you'll remember that."

"Not fucking likely." He slammed his head back into the pillows and looked away from Kisuke but the scientist saw the tremor go through him.

"It's already happening, it's wearing off."

Grimmjow said nothing but jerked in his restraints as his body spasmed. Other doctors were rushing around him, but his eyes landed on those pressed close by the door.

"They're loving this," he hissed as his muscles clenched again, a cry escaping him.

"Grimmjow." Urahara moved to his other side. "You can get through this."

"I don't want to fucking get through this! What the Hell do I have left?" He heaved again and there was a snap. Kisuke got hit with the foot that had broken free. Renji and Rukia bolted from where they hovered in the doorway to restrain him once more. It took all their strength but he was rapidly getting worse. His eyes shut; his jaw clenched in the pain of withdrawal.

"Grimmjow..." Blue eyes parted to that face, so full of pain and worry. "Hold on."

"Ichigo..." but even underneath the agony anger still fought its way to the surface. "For what? HOLD ON FOR WHAT?" His cry broke into a long scream and left him gasping, monitors going wild.

"You know for what," Ichigo half begged as he watched him, possibly dying.

"For you? The kid who I gave everything for?" He bit out as he writhed. "Haven't I given you enough? Haven't you _taken_ enough?"

"Grimmjow—"

"SHUT UP! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Grimmjow snap out of it!"

"I HAVE! Don't you understand Ichigo? I have woken up. And if I ever get out of this bed, I'll find you, and I'll make you wish you'd never met me." Ichigo recoiled a step but he remained at the bedside. "Go," Grimmjow encouraged him. "Get the Hell away from me."

Another cry ripped from him, he let out a sob of agony, hot tears streaked his face.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo was next to him again.

"Kid..." he gasped and swallowed. "Ichigo."

"Yeah."

"Listen."

"What?"

"I never, _ever_ want to see you again. And if I do, I'll kill you."

He convulsed again, Kenpachi had come up behind Ichigo to pull him back so the doctors could move in.

"Grimmjow!" But he was seizing, and Kenpachi hauled him back through double doors, and the scene was blocked save the shriek of heart monitors and the charge of a defibrillator.

* * *

><p>"He's stable." Urahara announced twelve hours later to those assembled in the meeting room. "He should be evening out on his dose soon."<p>

"Are you going to dial him back down?" Rukia asked but Urahara shook his head.

"Grimmjow's heart failed out in the court yard. He will never be able to come off Hogyoku again."

She covered her mouth. Ichigo stood. "No..."

"He knew what he was doing," Urahara consoled.

"Yeah, he was doing it for me." Ichigo choked on the tears. "He made himself into what he hated for me."

No one argued it. Ichigo sank back next to Rukia.

"He's worse than I remember," she said finally.

"Because the dose was so extreme. I hate to bring it up, but Ichigo, this would also explain why you too seemed to have been stronger and more volatile when on Hogyoku: Aizen had you on an extremely high dose. I don't think personality comes into play at all. It just makes you—"

"Into a monster," Ichigo concluded.

"It was not your fault."

"And this is not Grimmjow's." He rose again. "I want to see him."

"That's a bad idea," Kisuke said. "Even though he's still on Hogyoku, coming off that extreme high is going to be just as bad as before, and he's targeting you for his anger. You shouldn't go near him while he's like this. In fact none of you should. He'll survive, like he did before. I'll watch him."

"You're hurt," Renji reminded. Kisuke's arm was wrapped in bandages, a burn concealed beneath.

"I'll manage. You need to work on clearing up this mess." He meant the embassy, once again in need of repair.

"And what about America?" Rukia asked.

"We're not going," Kisuke answered. "Aizen was the reason we were leaving, and now he's dead. Our main objective now is to track his other children. Kenpachi, you're rescheduled to return to Texas in three days."

He just nodded.

"The rest of us have alot of work to do. How's Ikkaku?" Kisuke had been too busy with Grimmjow to know his status.

"Conscious," Renji answered. "Bad burns on one arm but he should make a full recovery."  
>"Good."<p>

Silence filled the room. "Well." Kisuke stood. "Try to see the good. Aizen is gone. We are safe. Everyone get some rest and then get to work." He left. No one else moved. They just sat together, trying to grip what they'd been dealt in the last twenty four hours.

* * *

><p>Kenpachi dropped his bags into the trunk of the car.<p>

"Well, it's been fun," he said to Renji who put the rest of his luggage in for him.

"That's one word for it. You going to say goodbye to the others?"

"Nah, just got to hand in my last files," he said, following Renji back up the steps to the entrance under construction.

"So retirement, huh? How's that sounding to you after everything that happened?"

"Funny thing is," he said as they crossed the threshold, "that made me hate it even more that I'm leaving."

"The constant danger and threat of death?"

"Yeah, that."

"You're insane."

"I've been called worse." They parted ways at the steps but neither made it more than a few feet before familiar alarms sounded and the warning went out of a patient escape.

"Fuck," they said in unison.

"Guess I've got one fight left in me," Zaraki smiled and he and Renji swept down the halls. They met unconscious guards and swore. They found the medical ward in shambles, though no one was hurt too badly. The whole building was swept and cleared in minutes—the security had been much improved since the past incidents. But no one found him. Grimmjow was just gone.

"He wanted out, no matter how many times I told him he needed our help," Urahara said when they all gathered. We'll have to go through surveillance, try to track where he went. But I'm afraid we may never find him again."

Ichigo gripped his arm. "I thought you said he was improving."

"He was. He was much more stable, rational, I thought I was getting through to him."

"Renji and I will organize a sweep of the surrounding area," Rukia said.

"Good. Go."

"I want to help," Ichigo said.

"Then wait around your old hang outs. There's a chance he'll come back."

"Okay." He left. Kenpachi stood alone with Kisuke.

"What do you want me to do chief?"

"You've got a plane to catch."

"It's alright if I go?"

"Yes. Thank you Kenpachi. I am afraid he's gone. There's nothing you can do."

"Okay, then later."

"Good luck in Texas."

"Thanks."

He walked out the doors, pulled out his keys and dropped into the driver's seat with a long sigh. It wasn't until he put the key in the ignition that he noticed his passenger seat was occupied.

"Geeze kid!" he exclaimed when he saw Grimmjow. The other didn't react. He was just sitting with his head against the window, seat belt on.

"Take me with you," he breathed against the glass.

"Kid..."

"Please."

Kenpachi watched him, could see the faintest reflection on the window. His face was set, no anger. He let out a long breath.

"Okay."

This did get Grimmjow to turn. "Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm sure Interpol won't be stoked when I arrive with you on the other side, but we'll make it work."

"Good."

"Just one thing."

"What?"

"Do you remember the last thing you said to Ichigo?"

Grimmjow turned back to the window at this.

"I take that as a yes. So you don't want to put things right?"

"They can't be put right."

"Okay then, if you're sure."

"I'm sure. Please take me away from the damn country."

"You got it kid, next stop, my own little slice of paradise." Grimmjow didn't laugh, didn't smile, he just remained with his head against the glass, as they pulled out of the embassy, and left it, and all the people still searching for him behind.

* * *

><p><strong><em>One more to wrap things up! Thanks for the reviews!<em>**

**_Riza_**


	36. Chapter 36

**One year later.**

The sun burned hot through high windows. Even in the morning the room was cooking by eight. A young man stumbled down the stairs to the empty bar, glasses rowed the counter still needing to be cleaned.

"Shit," Grimmjow swore, shrugging into a sleeveless shirt and resetting the air conditioning. Machines clicked to life and he let out a breath as cooler air washed over him. "That's better."

"Still not used to it?" Kenpachi laughed coming through the front door.

"I don't think I'll ever be. Hey Yachiru," he greeted the little girl who came in after her uncle. "Want to help me clean up?"

"No way." She hopped up on a stool. "I want breakfast!"

"Well I hope Ken's cooking," he said. "Cause I have work to do."

"Yeah, I promised her," the large man answered. "And I thought I'd check on you while I was at it."

"I'm fine. My first solo night went smooth."

"Then you think you got a handle on this management shit?"

"Hey, I am a supersoldier after all."

"Yeah, and I still get paid to make sure you remain a law abiding citizen." Kenpachi grabbed Grimmjow's chin and looked him in the eyes. "You doing okay?"

"You mean have I gone psycho lately?" he said yanking back from the hold. "No, Kenpachi, not since that first month."

"Hey, I have to ask." He turned on the stove and dug around the fridge for supplies. "That was no picnic."

"Yeah, I was there, I remember."

Grimmjow began loading up a tray of half-drunk beer to take to the sink, trying to forget the highs and lows of that first month. Nothing about that time had been easy: namely being detained by Interpol the moment he stepped off the plane and the days of arguing and convincing it had taken to get him released into Kenpachi's care. But worse, he hadn't been quite balanced after the mass dose. The instability in his brain chemistry had caused him to do and say a lot of things that tested Kenpachi's limits as his handler. But he was balanced now and he had been for nearly a year. And what they'd discovered as time went on, was that he wasn't hollow—not the same way as before anyway. After the first interruption in his doses, he'd gotten back much of his emotions. So this second time, he felt even more human.

No, he would never be the Grimmjow he killed in that court yard. He would never feel things the same way again.

But he was learning.

"Bacon!" Yachiru cried happily as Kenpachi lay out strips on the fryer.

"Want some Grimm?"

"When do I not?" he shouted back and picked up the tray.

Fire and ice lanced through his arm. The tray clattered back to the table, glasses shattering. He tried not to scream but he did, stumbling back into a chair and he would have fallen but for Zaraki's quick catch.

"Careful kid," Grimmjow swallowed hard, pain tightening his throat. "Where's you're brace?" He hauled him up onto a bar stool, careful to lay his arm out straight on the counter.

"I'm trying not to wear it."

"You need it."

"For how long? They keep saying a few more weeks."

"Well they're doing what they can." Kenpachi yanked back on a plunger and poured Grimmjow a fizzy beer to help him with the pain. He drank it back as he was scolded. "Do you want to throw away four surgeries?"

Grimmjow sighed.

"_Do you?"_

"No." He rolled his eyes. "It's under the cash."

Kenpachi retrieved the heavy black brace and hooked it back around Grimmjow's scarred and thin forearm. Then he took hold of Grimmjow's other hand and held it up. "And what's with this, some sort of fashion statement?"

He meant the bandage that was always wrapped around his arm.

"No. I'm just tired of questions about my fucking suicide scars."

"What's a fucking suicide scar?" Yachiru chirped beside him.

"Watch your friggin' mouth," Kenpachi admonished. "Here." He distracted her with bacon and eggs. "She's sensitive."

"She's overly aware for a friggin' four year old and she likes you way too much. Next thing she's going to start smoking and drinking with us at night!"  
>"I want to smoke and drink!" she said between mouthfuls of meat.<p>

"See."

"Hey, she's not your problem. These are your problem." Kenpachi pointed to his wrists.

"Well there's nothing I can do about this one." He indicated the scars. "And I'm tired as hell of having to baby this one." He meant his braced wrist. "What's it been, a year of therapy?"

"Just about. Actually, today is exactly one year since my retirement."

"It is?" Grimmjow thought this over. "So I've been here for a year."

"Yup. Time flies when you're melting in the heat."

Grimmjow smirked. "Yeah, or not getting shot at every friggin' minute."

"So you haven't thought about it?"

"About what?"

"Don't pretend you don't know. Urahara's offer, to join Rukia's team."

"Me work for Interpol, it's a joke, right?"

"He wasn't laughing."

"Yeah well, I don't know."

"Listen kid." Kenpachi dropped a plate before him and poured himself a breakfast beer. "You're doing a good job here, your Spanish has even improved though that Japanese accent ain't helping." He swallowed an egg practically whole. "But you _are _a soldier, whether you want to be or not. You've got something powerful in you that you should be putting to use."

"Yeah, a drug created by my lunatic father that I shot in the head."

"That's not what I mean."

Grimmjow eyed him. "Since when did you get so touchy feely?"

"Since I've been seeing you running marathons every day just to keep level, to get rid of that energy. Since I've seen you read a book a day in your second or third language because you're way too smart to be serving beer to drunks all night. Come on kid, you must want more."

"Trust me, I don't." He stood up. "I'll clean up later."

"Someone is grumpy," Yachiru commented when Grimmjow stomped up the stairs.

"Yeah well, someone's having trouble moving on. Come on Yachiru, let's go."

* * *

><p>Grimmjow returned later to finish cleaning. He stared hatefully at his brace as he dried mugs and put them away. But the door handle rattling made him drop the task and reach under the counter for what he kept hidden there. It wouldn't be the first time someone thought to break in while they thought the place was empty. He held it at his side and waited for the door to be forced in, then he realized Kenpachi hadn't locked up when he left.<p>

He kept the gun in one hand and waited to see who opened the door.

The moment he saw who it was, the gun came up. The sights came to rest over the heart of the young man before him and his finger clenched over the trigger.

"What the Hell are you doing here?"

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo breathed, stepping into the air conditioned room despite the threat.

"Get. Out."

He stood firm. "No."

"I said get out!" He cocked the gun meaningfully and saw the ghost of doubt in Ichigo's features. "Do you not remember what I said to you a year ago?"

"Of course I do! I remember it every day. I hear it in my head all the time."

"Then why did you come here?!"

"Because I don't believe it. Because I need to know if you really do hate me."

"Trust me, I do. Get out."

"I came all this way and you're going to kick me out?"

"Yes. How did you even find me? Rukia swore she'd never say."

"It wasn't her."

"Urahara?"

"No."

He thought about it for a moment. "Fucking Kenpachi."

"He said you needed to see me."

"He fucking lied!"

"So what? You still feel hollow? That's not what he said."

"That fucker doesn't know what he's talking about."

Grimmjow dropped the gun on the counter and marched forward, taking a grip on Ichigo. "I never wanted to see you again, so get the Hell out of Texas." He dragged him to the door.

"Grimmjow stop!"

"Get out!" He shoved him over the threshold but Ichigo spun and caught the door. He couldn't win the battle of strength but he caught Grimmjow's eyes and the other waited before shutting him out.

"I dropped everything when Kenpachi called. Because for three hundred and sixty five days I've been thinking about this moment. I searched for you, even when Interpol told me you were gone. I thought about you every day, every night. Because you gave up everything for me, so how could I not do the same? Even if this is how it ended up, even if you slammed the door in my face, I would give anything, pay anything, do anything, to find you, to see you again. To know for myself you're alright, after everything, that you have a life."

"Well I do. I'm fine. So you can go back to Japan."

Ichigo lifted his hand from the door. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

"Fine. Then good bye, Grimmjow." He backed up. Hard blue eyes watched him for a long moment before the door slammed and Ichigo heard the lock clank in place.

Grimmjow stormed through the pub and swiped the gun off the bar, putting it back where it belonged. He took a bottle of vodka and choked back a long swig.

"FUCK!" He threw the bottle against the far wall. "Bastard!" He slammed his brace into the counter then reeled in pain.

"Why? I let him go! I let him have his fucking life, so why did he come back?"

His chest heaved, his mind raced.

And then it stopped: the panic, the confusion evaporated. Because it was clear. Because he knew why the kid had come, and he knew why he couldn't let him walk away.

"Shit." He ran back across the bar, undid the lock and threw open the door.

Ichigo smiled. He was standing right before him, as if he'd known. Grimmjow lost his breath, and just stood there before him.

"I'm not the same," he finally said.

"I know."

"I don't feel things like I should."

"I know."

"I'll never be able to stop Hogyoku."

"I know."

"I hated you."

"Because of what I did to you."

He nodded. "And because I killed my father for you."

"And you regret that?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I feel, but it hurt, for a long time."

"And now?"

"I left it behind. I started over."

"So you want me gone?"

"I did. I never wanted to see you again."

"And now?"

Grimmjow took a step forward, seized him by the shoulders with hands still bound by past pains, by what he'd done to save the boy he held. They watched each other in the sweltering heat, the escaping air-conditioning made a weak wind at Grimmjow's back, teasing wild blue hair, ghosting over Ichigo's face, and the tension held, neither spoke beneath the Texan sun.

Then Grimmjow let him go, took a step backward toward the cold. "I left you behind for a reason."

"To save me one last time."

"To save us both."

"And that's why I'm here now, Grimmjow. That's what I flew half way around the world to do."

"To save us?"

"Yes."

"You're an idiot."

"Then walk away."

Grimmjow stood still.

"No." He grabbed Ichigo again, and held his face between his palms. "No," he repeated more firmly. "Not again."

"Good," Ichigo breathed, closing his hands over Grimmjow's and drawing them down from his face, holding them against his chest instead.

"I don't know what to do," Grimmjow said. "I don't know what I feel."

"That's okay."

"But you can't put your life on hold, while I figure out my fucking feelings—or lack thereof."

"I won't be," Ichigo smiled. "I just got accepted into Texas State."

"Here in San Marcos?"

"Yeah."

"You little bastard. What if I'd stuck to never seeing you again?"

"I knew you wouldn't."

"It was still a gamble."

"It wasn't."

Grimmjow shook his head and smiled. "Hey, if it doesn't work out you can always get yourself a cowboy."

"Shut up." Ichig pulled his hands back but then added seriously, "I won't. I'll wait for you, as long as you need."

"How long is that degree?"

"Well, I hope you don't take four years, but if you do, that's okay."

"Man you are determined."

"Yes, I am."

"Okay then." He stepped back inside but held the door open for Ichigo. "Then let's see where this goes. You can start by helping me clean up before the customers get here."

And though many decisions lay ahead of them, more uncertainties awaited, they found peace in clinking dishes and running water, and the simple task of clean-up.

Because they were together.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

**Epilogue.**

Ichigo wiped the sweat from his forehead despite the air conditioner after mopping up. He caught Grimmjow watching him as he rolled the bucket over the floor. Water sloshed and it was too much for him to lift to the basin by himself.

"Can you give me a hand?"

But Grimmjow pulled the mop from him and pushed him back against the wall.

"Fuck it."

He gripped his face and hook his other arm around his back while his dove into a full, unrestrained kiss, so intense Ichigo was glad for the wall supporting him. Grimmjow pulled back panting, but keeping their foreheads together.

"Well," he breathed with a smile, "I guess you don't have to wait four years, kid."

* * *

><p><strong><em>There you have it! Grimmjow made his decision, I had always ended it this way but then I started to wonder if I should leave the ending open (without the "epilogue"), but I decided to give the conclusion I had originally intended. Thanks so much for staying with this story, I didn't intend for it to take such dark turns when I started writing it and I it was hard to publish at first but as I got support it made it easier to take certain risks and keep going, so thank you very much.<em> **

**_As for where I'm going now with writing, I have more Apocalypse to revise and write and I have been working on Redemption (I posted the first chapter in "beginnings"). I had also started a sequel to this story but it's incomplete and I'm not sure whether I want to tamper with our boys anymore after they finally found happiness. We'll see._ **

**_Thank you so much for reading and reviewing,_**

**_Riza_**


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